New nurse feeling hopeless

Katastrophe · May 30, 2017

Comparing to the stress I'm feeling now, nursing school felt like a breath of wind to me. No actual patient responsibilities or job security to worry about. And I'm better at being a test taker than actually working as a nurse anyway. There are a million other things to keep up and keep in mind while actually working. I don't have to talk to patients, coworkers, or doctors and be professional. Trying to find other opporunities on Indeed.com is just depressing, every potential change I look at requires at least one year acute experience. No new grads will be considered. Even as someone with a long history of depression, I never thought I would hit this low as far as my mood about life would go. I do indeed feel incredibly stuck. My friend suggested I work as medical assistant or pharmacy tech, yet she doesn't understand when I explained it doesn't make sense to go back to school for 10 months just so I can earn a third of what I earn now, and how much of a dumbass (excuse my language) I'd seem to other people. However, nutella (love the name btw, you're making me hungry), thanks a million for saying that it is acceptable, I know many experienced nurses would not like the idea of a new grad quitter.

EmRN4kids, BSN · May 31, 2017

Hi Katastrophe,

I just want you to know: You are not alone. I am a new graduate nurse myself, on a busy night shift floor, and it has been a steep learning curve and huge adjustment. The stress is absolutely going to be there as you're adjusting to everything. My hospital system set up a new grad residency program to try and help ease in the new graduates because many of them were getting burnt out and leaving. I think my best advice to you at this time is to remind you that you aren't alone in questioning your decision to become a nurse - I think it is absolutely normal and all a part of the process of starting out this crazy new career. All the hard work put into nursing school will not go to waste, nursing is so broad you can transfer to low-stress environments fairly easily. I understand having less than 1 year experience makes it difficult - if I were in your shoes I would discuss your thoughts and feelings with your nurse manager in private, and express how stressed you are feeling (could it be the patient assignments? night shift? your fellow coworkers?) and I would also suggest seeing someone you could talk to, a counselor of some sort, most healthcare systems will offer that for free for their employees. Another suggestion is to perhaps look into doctor office jobs, or telehealth jobs that will take 6 months of experience - while most places require 1 year, you may be able to find a place that accepts 6 months. I hope you are able to find a good outlet for your stress (journaling, exercise, crafting, talking with a friend, etc.) and I hope things start to look up soon! Hang in there, it is tough to be new but I believe you can push through!

Katastrophe · May 31, 2017

I might be one of those burnt out nurses and leave very soon. The patients and night shift could contribute to the stress, but I think the core problem is not enjoying the job at all. I am very grateful for your advice though. I don't think my hospital has any programs like that, as they are quite stingy. But your words are very encouraging thank you :) however, this is just in case of worst case scenario, would you guys be just as encouraging if I really did decide to quit nursing? I know I should push through at least 6 months, but I honestly feel like going to death row every shift, considering my already existing mental health issues, I am VERY doubtful how many more shifts I can tolerate. I apologize for being so pessimistic, I still have so much respect for nurses and nursing in general, but I'm thinking it's destroying me more and more.

missmollie, ADN, BSN, RN · May 31, 2017

That first year is rough. You're just recently finished with your preceptor, you are on your own for the first time, and nothing is like what you were taught in nursing school. I'm so happy I'll never have a "first" year again because I was you, and the vast majority of nurses here were you at some point.

It gets easier. After a year, you'll realize that this patient you have today is exactly like patient X you had 4 months ago. You'll have a better handle on what to do, how to do it, and what to watch for. Right now you might be overwhelmed by the sheer responsibility you now possess. It will get better.

When I first started, I was looking for other jobs, believing it would be greener on the other side. I was offered jobs, but decided to stick with what I was doing. I am so thankful I did that because now I know what I'm doing. People ask me questions, and it's more of a collaboration of care rather than me being dependent on others' knowledge. You will also get there.

It does take time, but have heart. We've all been in your shoes.

missmollie, ADN, BSN, RN · May 31, 2017

And also talk to a doctor about your issues. Medication may be needed, and you should stay safe. If you start having suicidal thoughts, then it's better to quit.

Columnist · May 31, 2017

Thank you for replying. It's both I think, but more of the latter. I hate going into work not knowing what to expect, and on my way home in the morning I'm so sleepy I either have to nap in the parking lot in my car or risk getting into an accident. I feel like I have no life. I spend all my off time trying to get my rest back, only to be unable to sleep on the day of and the cycle continues. I'm stuck in an endless loop of misery and honestly regret choosing this career, as I cannot handle too much stress well, I guess money isn't everything if I hate my life. I would love more input from you and other nurses about future steps I can take, specialities I mentioned earlier or other opporunities more suited for me. Or even change career altogether though it's too late for that.

I am sorry to read that you are struggling. Being a newer nurse and working nights is indeed hard. I have been a nurse for 30+ years and I can tell you that it gets so much better! Hang in there. But every time you start a new job, the first 6 months are tough: the learning curve is always there, no matter how much experience you have. I started in the field of hospice about 5 years ago, and as a newbie, I had a lot to learn. I can remember waking up at night and thinking about cases and stressing over decisions. But eventually it eased up. Things will get better. And it will get to be a lot more fun once you feel more competent. Just persevere through this time and reach out to seasoned nurses that can offer you support and encouragement. Joy

Katastrophe · May 31, 2017

It makes me sad thinking I have to go back to medication again just because of how much this job is killing me. In fact just thinking how much longer I have to pull through to reach the year mark makes me feel sick and I'm crying as I type this. Reading all your comments are encouraging, but at the same time can't help but think I will not make it, I can't even make it to the next shift. I don't think I'm having full blown suicidal thoughts, no actual plans. But I do wished I'd get into car accidents all the time. I see no light at the end of the tunnel and all I do now is cry all day at how bleak my situation is. And how all of you very lovely and encouraging people who wants me to pull through one year will be disappointed when I don't. It's a no win situation. Everyday closer to my workday, I get more and more depressed and cry more, then the cycle begins again. I know many of you will hate me for saying this, but to me all of this is very real, not made up, not exaggerated, and again not disrespectful towards nursing as a profession in any way.