Need to share my feelings

[KAW1962]

Today while at work I went into one of the patient's rooms to help him with something. He had a roommate who I easily recognized. I will call him GR. GR's wife passed away within the past year and towards the end of her life she was in the hospital almost constantly. The dear woman had had a stroke some years ago and was left bedridden and barely able to communicate. Even in her fragile state you could see that she was once a very beautiful woman. GR had private caregivers at home who took fantastic care of her and GR doted on her. GR would come onto the unit every day with a big smile on his face. He liked joking with the nurses and bragging about how great his wife's caregivers were. Although he used a walker he was still in pretty good shape.

Tonight GR was sitting up in his chair for dinner. He barely touched it. He was hunched forward; he had spit dripping off his lower lip and snot running out of his nose. He was staring at the floor. I felt as though someone had punched me in my heart. He looked so lost, so sad and dejected. I almost started crying right there on the spot. I sat beside him, rubbed his back and asked him how he was doing. In a barely audible whisper he replied "I'm tired. I'm so tired." I asked him how he was doing and he told me how rough it has been for him since his wife died. I sat there with him for a few minutes then helped him into bed.

Every now and then I have a patient or an experience like this that just zings me. The look on his face is burned into my mind. I really don't have any purpose in posting this. I just wanted to share my experience with some anonymous people who won't think I'm being silly or overly emotional.

Nurses are such special people. Thanks for reading.

[GitanoRN, BSN, MSN, RN]

I salute you for reaching out to GR, when he needed it the most :redbeathe. I strongly believe all nurses at one time or another has experienced this situation...thank you for sharing it with us...as I send you hugs from across the miles~

[leslie :-D]

at the risk of getting flamed, perhaps him 'allowing' himself to die, wouldn't be such a bad thing (IF he's elderly and alone.)

for some reason, i always get a feeling of peace, when i hear about a couple who've been married practically their entire lives...

one spouse dies, and usually within months, the other spouse dies.

it just feels so natural to me...

for those types of couple, to be together in life, and death.

first though, i'm hoping that he's been tested on at least, an antidepressant or 2.

if he has intractible grief, then i'm ok with those who just want to be with their spouse.

leslie

[xoemmylouox, ASN, RN]

I am glad you recognized the fact that he needed that human connection with someone. It is so tough with our busy schedules to have those moments. Poor guy.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

when you think about it, most hospitalized people are touch-deprived. they don't have the touch of their own clothes, the wind and sun on their cheeks, or the simple pleasures of handshakes or petting a companion animal. now we put them in those nasty gowns (would you ever buy a nightie made of that material?) on harsh sheets and miserable mattresses and lousy pillows. holding a hand or stroking an upper arm or rubbing a back is not just nice, it's a deliberately therapeutic nursing action.

this poor old man has lost his life's companion, and probably nobody touches him with affection now. he aches. good on you for making the human connection part of your nursing.

[imintrouble, BSN, RN]

I don't want to hijack the OPs thread, but her story made me think of something similar.

I work at a hospital with a LTC facility within steps of us. Sometimes the LTC requests something. We have to return a chart, etc. I was walking down a hallway in the LTC to get to the NX station. It was early AM, dark outside, the hallway lights were dim. I passed a room, double occupancy as LTC rooms usually are, and an old woman was standing in the light from a lamp on a dresser. The room was dark, objects unrecognizabe except those things in the circle of that light. An antique dresser, some photos, and a few knick-knacks. The woman was alone and solitary as her roommate was asleep. She didn't see me.

It struck me as sad and poignant, that a lifetime of memories and belongings were condensed down into half of a 15 x 15 room.

It made me sad. Thinking of it now makes me sad still, and I'm not sure why.

[nursel56]

i still have a memory of a 12 year old girl newly diagnosed with a pretty agressive cancer walking down the hall in her carnation pink robe and matching slippers with her adoring daddy beaming smiles at each other as they both tried to keep her rolling iv pole on track. he squired his little girl like a princess. knowing what was to come and seeing their little circle of love pierced my heart. i think these images are meant to teach us something. bless you for reaching out to that man. we will never think those things are silly. ((kaw)) ♥

[lsphelps1953]

Today while at work I went into one of the patient's rooms to help him with something. He had a roommate who I easily recognized.

I was a hospice nurse for 4 years before I decided I needed a break. The families really tear your heart out. Be proud that you were so compassionate and observant of your patient's pain.