need help for severe depression - page 10

I am an RN that lives for my career. I am now faced with the probability of losing the career I wanted for so long & worked so hard for.Severe depression has officially taken over. This past year has... Read More

  1. by   Liddle Noodnik
    Quote from needs help
    There is no need for you to apologize. ... Anyway I better end this before I get kicked offline again and have to start over yet again. THANKS for your supporting response. Rhonda
    Rhonda HI I am just now reading this. Don't know why but sometimes my notifier doesn't work -

    Anyway - thanks for not minding going over your history a bit - a LOT GOING ON, seemingly insurmountable. I guess you just have to believe me that one day you will look back and say HOW did we get through this!

    I can understand the thoughts of suicide, that with you gone, at least the money would be there - what I've heard said so many times is that suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a temporary problem! I had an attempt in 1985 and afterwards I thought, wow! If I had known I could get HELP with this ... cuz I told NO ONE - so tell someone. Maybe no one knows just how bad it is, a doc or a counselor.

    I agree that the pain meds did NOT cause the depression. I do think though that they make it real hard for you to get OUT of depression - do you know what I mean? they aggravate the problem. But you don't have a lot of choices right now, I agree.

    Do you do support groups or church or anything like that? or have a really really good friend or two that will let you vent and let you be who you are, and where you are? You really need to be heard - I think that getting rid of some of the "garbage" you are feeling inside will make it easier to figure out what you need to do. And the spiritual support - there are many types that you can look into - but for now you can borrow my God if you don't have one. If you ask HE WILL help!

    You DO need to be on disability, hope you will get a lawyer tout suite who will help you - they don't charge anything until you win, usually.

    As to insurance, based on you guys' incomes you should be able to get Medicaid - discount drug card - etc. Don't feel like a failure having to ask for things you need - you have already PAID for them all the time you and your hubby have been working and paying taxes.

    {{{{{{{{{{{{{needs help}}}}}}}}}} I suggest you change your name to "strong survivor" - well I'm half serious! how you talk to yourself can determine your fate in some ways.

    Blah blah blah advice advice advice - no I am not giving advice just for your sake because I too will feel better when things are going your way! I wish I could peer into your baby blues/greens/whatever and just let you know that I know it will get better! Just TRUST that God I am loaning you (unless you have one) - tell Him what you need, yell and holler and cry (I even use dirty words sometimes) - and when you finish you will find He is right there with you, and has been.

    ok enough I know enough LOL - You are in my prayers - God bless you!
    Last edit by Liddle Noodnik on Sep 20, '05
  2. by   Liddle Noodnik
    TO ALL who posted since my last post - wow what a bunch of courageous people - I almost said women but HI HARRY - I enjoyed your post as well!


    I am kind of in "neutral" now - no big crises - lost my insurance but since my mental health is through a hospital, it is covered under their uncompensated care program (I think all hospitals have them). I just found out I will have a discount drug card coming shortly.

    The God thing - I can't stress enough how God accepts me wherever I am coming from - even if I KNOW I am whining, complaining, confused, unreasonable, He just wants to HEAR FROM ME and know I am leaning on Him for all my needs. I don't always feel Him there but just having had my faith tested over and over and seeing the proof that no, I didn't starve, no my kid and I are not on the street, yes our NEEDS are taken care of - and most of all knowing He loves me

    I would recommend this page for anyone who doubts - it is called http://www.fathersloveletter.com
    it is music and video
    It is scriptural but arranged in such a way that it is almost as if He is speaking to you personally (and by His having led me there I feel that He WAS). It's about 20 minutes but it is really worth it and relaxing to hear over and over - and TRUE, IMHO.

    God bless all you guys who visited this thread - you have strengthened me and given me hope.
  3. by   HarryPotter
    zoebobuey: what heart you have!!! your replies are so totally awesome. God definately shines His light upon you, for your trust, for your belief and for sharing His goodness and His reality to all who reads your words. You are a true witness for God! May our everloving God always shine on you, which I know, absolutely will be the case. Really, I can't say enough as to your goodness. Words are not enough... God is smiling on you and, I am sure, is most pleased.
    Harry.
  4. by   gobblers
    The first thing that you need is a good psychiatrist who is willing to work with you.
    I suffer from depression and have gone through a long list of psychiatrists and after years of suffering, I have found a jewel. He is attentive to his patients, answers their questions, and [U][B]returns their calls promptly[/B
    I wish that you lived near me and I would introduce you to him.
    Reading your story does bring tears to my eyes and pain to my heart.
    Good luck with your journey.
  5. by   Liddle Noodnik
    Quote from HarryPotter
    zoebobuey: what heart you have!!! your replies are so totally awesome. God definately shines His light upon you, for your trust, for your belief and for sharing His goodness and His reality to all who reads your words. You are a true witness for God! May our everloving God always shine on you, which I know, absolutely will be the case. Really, I can't say enough as to your goodness. Words are not enough... God is smiling on you and, I am sure, is most pleased.
    Harry.

    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Harry}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

    I just got done writing to a friend, her grandson is very ill and gone to the hospital tonight - and I wrote her a few words, and signed off. Then I was inspired to find lyrics to a Chris Rice song and send them to her. So I was already feeling the touch of God - and then I read your message.

    Thank you for my happy tears Harry - I have been blessed
  6. by   Liddle Noodnik
    Quote from gobblers
    The first thing that you need is a good psychiatrist who is willing to work with you.
    I suffer from depression and have gone through a long list of psychiatrists and after years of suffering, I have found a jewel. He is attentive to his patients, answers their questions, and [U][B]returns their calls promptly[/B
    I wish that you lived near me and I would introduce you to him.
    Reading your story does bring tears to my eyes and pain to my heart.
    Good luck with your journey.

    Hi Gobblers - I was fortunate too to have a doc who doesn't just do "med review" - he cares a lot and asks the right questions and doesn't mind mine. Very personable and REAL - there IS such a thing

    Take care!
  7. by   rnmom3153
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by needs help
    There is no need for you to apologize. ... Anyway I better end this before I get kicked offline again and have to start over yet again. THANKS for your supporting response. Rhonda



    Rhonda HI I am just now reading this. Don't know why but sometimes my notifier doesn't work -

    Anyway - thanks for not minding going over your history a bit - a LOT GOING ON, seemingly insurmountable. I guess you just have to believe me that one day you will look back and say HOW did we get through this!

    I can understand the thoughts of suicide, that with you gone, at least the money would be there - what I've heard said so many times is that suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a temporary problem! I had an attempt in 1985 and afterwards I thought, wow! If I had known I could get HELP with this ... cuz I told NO ONE - so tell someone. Maybe no one knows just how bad it is, a doc or a counselor.

    I agree that the pain meds did NOT cause the depression. I do think though that they make it real hard for you to get OUT of depression - do you know what I mean? they aggravate the problem. But you don't have a lot of choices right now, I agree. ETC.



    Wow, I feel invisible!! A non-entity. Or am I just a defective human being and everyone knows but me! I'm so weary of this struggle. The problems seem insurmountable! And they just keep piling up one on top of another! I pray and ask God for the strength to get through one more day,one hour,one minute if need be. It's not getting any better! But I'm still here.
  8. by   Liddle Noodnik
    Quote from rnmom3153
    Wow, I feel invisible!! A non-entity. Or am I just a defective human being and everyone knows but me! I'm so weary of this struggle. The problems seem insurmountable! And they just keep piling up one on top of another! I pray and ask God for the strength to get through one more day,one hour,one minute if need be. It's not getting any better! But I'm still here.

    Carol - I am a little confused - is just this part (above) from you? Did you just now post it?

    Sorry if I am a day late and a dollar short, I didn't know if that was part of someone else's quote or if it was yours.

    I hope that you are all right!
  9. by   needs help
    Zoeboboey & Rnmom3153
    Thanks for your thoughtful, & inspiring works. I have been praying and asking for help and telling him I can't take it anymore but don't seem to get a response. I know he is there but I want to know what I did to deserve all this. I can't even seem to get motivated enough anymore to so anything. I'm just in a fog right now waiting for it to lift. I am not suicidal right now, which is a miracle after this weekend. First my computer went completely down, wouldn't do nothing. :angryfire Then I finally got my sister-in-law over to fix it (she built it) she came over two days later and finally after changing the CPU then motherboard it was fixed. :hatparty: Then a few hours later my hubby started acting WEIRD! His b/p was a little low (acceptable though), his blood sugar was 162 (fine there), he was spilling cereal and milk all over himself & didn't know it, couldn't get the spoon to his mouth, and was totally confused. He didn't even know my name. My son was out so I had no car. I called 911. They had two hundred questions. I told them I was an RN and needed help I thought my husband was having a stroke. All I wanted to do was get them on the way and call my son and father-in-law. I finally got off the phone with them and made my calls then they(EMS) called back with the same questions I had already asked. The guy didn't even want to let me go when I told him EMS was at the door. MY hubby didn't want to go to the ER even though my father-in-law and I both said he needed to. EMS wasn't going to take him since he answered a couple of questions right. I said oh h--- you are I have full power of attorney take him, now. They insisted on seeing the papers first. Finally got him to the ER and kept trying to get them to start the stroke protocols but they wouldn't. By the time they ran a CT he was back from whatever planet he had gone in his mind. They said he had sinusitis and sent in behavioral health. Needless to say I was not happy. I need to take him to our regular MD in the morning. Part of why I am still up. I just keep getting more and more thrown at me and I can't handle it anymore. I just want to get in my car and run away & never come back. Go to Hawaii (where I used to live) and go live on the beach. That might be fun for a while. Anyway gotta go make suer hubby's breathing, been doing that a lot this weekend. Thanks again for all your support (this seems to be the only place I get that) and prayers maybe yours will reach since mine do not seem to. Thanks Rhonda
  10. by   traumaRUs
    Am unsure who is talking here, but it sounds vaguely suicidal...has this thread come to an end?

    Quote from rnmom3153
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by needs help
    There is no need for you to apologize. ... Anyway I better end this before I get kicked offline again and have to start over yet again. THANKS for your supporting response. Rhonda



    Rhonda HI I am just now reading this. Don't know why but sometimes my notifier doesn't work -

    Anyway - thanks for not minding going over your history a bit - a LOT GOING ON, seemingly insurmountable. I guess you just have to believe me that one day you will look back and say HOW did we get through this!

    I can understand the thoughts of suicide, that with you gone, at least the money would be there - what I've heard said so many times is that suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a temporary problem! I had an attempt in 1985 and afterwards I thought, wow! If I had known I could get HELP with this ... cuz I told NO ONE - so tell someone. Maybe no one knows just how bad it is, a doc or a counselor.

    I agree that the pain meds did NOT cause the depression. I do think though that they make it real hard for you to get OUT of depression - do you know what I mean? they aggravate the problem. But you don't have a lot of choices right now, I agree. ETC.



    Wow, I feel invisible!! A non-entity. Or am I just a defective human being and everyone knows but me! I'm so weary of this struggle. The problems seem insurmountable! And they just keep piling up one on top of another! I pray and ask God for the strength to get through one more day,one hour,one minute if need be. It's not getting any better! But I'm still here.
  11. by   Liddle Noodnik
    Quote from needs help
    Zoeboboey & Rnmom3153
    Thanks for your thoughtful, & inspiring works. I have been praying and asking for help and telling him I can't take it anymore but don't seem to get a response. I know he is there but I want to know what I did to deserve all this. I can't even seem to get motivated enough anymore to so anything. I'm just in a fog right now waiting for it to lift. I am not suicidal right now, which is a miracle after this weekend. First my computer went completely down, wouldn't do nothing. :angryfire Then I finally got my sister-in-law over to fix it (she built it) she came over two days later and finally after changing the CPU then motherboard it was fixed. :hatparty: Then a few hours later my hubby started acting WEIRD! His b/p was a little low (acceptable though), his blood sugar was 162 (fine there), he was spilling cereal and milk all over himself & didn't know it, couldn't get the spoon to his mouth, and was totally confused. He didn't even know my name. My son was out so I had no car. I called 911. They had two hundred questions. I told them I was an RN and needed help I thought my husband was having a stroke. All I wanted to do was get them on the way and call my son and father-in-law. I finally got off the phone with them and made my calls then they(EMS) called back with the same questions I had already asked. The guy didn't even want to let me go when I told him EMS was at the door. MY hubby didn't want to go to the ER even though my father-in-law and I both said he needed to. EMS wasn't going to take him since he answered a couple of questions right. I said oh h--- you are I have full power of attorney take him, now. They insisted on seeing the papers first. Finally got him to the ER and kept trying to get them to start the stroke protocols but they wouldn't. By the time they ran a CT he was back from whatever planet he had gone in his mind. They said he had sinusitis and sent in behavioral health. Needless to say I was not happy. I need to take him to our regular MD in the morning. Part of why I am still up. I just keep getting more and more thrown at me and I can't handle it anymore. I just want to get in my car and run away & never come back. Go to Hawaii (where I used to live) and go live on the beach. That might be fun for a while. Anyway gotta go make suer hubby's breathing, been doing that a lot this weekend. Thanks again for all your support (this seems to be the only place I get that) and prayers maybe yours will reach since mine do not seem to. Thanks Rhonda

    Rhonda - you have to know that you are not being punished or doing something wrong. What you are is profoundly depressed so it makes things distorted, that feeling of impending doom - keep on with the prayers - we will too - meanwhile, that *&^% EMS needs a good writing-up, here the new BLS (never MIND ALS) protocols are aimed at STROKE - how to intervene EARLY -and these bozos screwed it up BIG TIME - you were right to take it so seriously and try to get them to treat it as a stroke! I don't suppose they did any CT scans or any diagnostics, what EXACTLY were they good for!

    As to the computer that alone is to stress me enough to go into a rage - LOL - stupid things. It's funny how dependent I am on them!


    Anyway - you hang in there and you make sure hubby is seen by a QUALIFIED individual - my Lord I would have had a canary - you did GOOD!

    And keep trying to get the right medication mix for yourself, after 2 years it seems I finally do, and it isn't ideal - but at least I am not in panic or half suicidal anymore thank you God (and thank you a good shrink and other practitioners!)

    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Rhonda}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
  12. by   Liddle Noodnik
    Quote from traumaRUs
    Am unsure who is talking here, but it sounds vaguely suicidal...has this thread come to an end?

    I am still confused by that post - part of my quote is there and part of "Needs Help" is in there and it seems a third party - I just hope and pray that whatever it WAS is resolved - Take care
  13. by   Liddle Noodnik
    for more details on my recent struggles, and yet, SUCCESS! see:


    http://allnurses.com/forums/f98/requ...ce-134249.html

close