My mother is embarassed that I'm going to be a nurse...

[iriska_meller]

Imagine that... For her that is a sign of underachievement, that her beloved daughter is going to be carrying out someone else's orders and emptying bedpans.

She is actually very supportive of my learning, helping me with childcare and such, but she wants me to immediately go on to become at least an NP. Anything less would be a shame and a waste of my talents. I told her - why don't you tell others that I am a brain surgeon if it makes you feel better? But apparently, its her inner shame that's bothering her. Even if she only means it as a way to stimulate me to continue my education, it still hurts a great deal...

Thanks for listening........ reading, that is :)

[Dalzac, LPN, LVN, RN]

For some people you can never please them. When I told mine I was going to nursing school she laughed long and hard. Told me I would never finish and I couldn't hack it.

When I did finished she told me that I would quit within a year. One day I had to watch monitors and ask her if she wanted to sit in the monitor room and talk since I had to work on her visit.

While she was talking to me she asked "Do they know you have no idea what you're doing?" I said What??? She then told me that she knew I was too stupid to learn what all the rhythms were, because she raised me and I was dumb!!!

By this time I had been a cardiac nurse for 5 yrs and watched monitors for 4 yrs before and during school. I told her to go back to her home and leave me alone. She was abusive most of my life and never missed a chance to say mean and hurtful things.

I pray that she gets over herself about the being ashamed. In here, we know how hard nursing is, And I know that being a nurse is more fulfilling than any thing I have ever done, In my life I am very, very proud to be called a nurse and beside my kids, it was one of the best accomplishments I have ever done. Regardless of what anyone says.

[diapason05]

Imagine that... For her that is a sign of underachievement, that her beloved daughter is going to be carrying out someone else's orders and emptying bedpans.

She is actually very supportive of my learning, helping me with childcare and such, but she wants me to immediately go on to become at least an NP. Anything less would be a shame and a waste of my talents. I told her - why don't you tell others that I am a brain surgeon if it makes you feel better? But apparently, its her inner shame that's bothering her. Even if she only means it as a way to stimulate me to continue my education, it still hurts a great deal...

Thanks for listening........ reading, that is :)

Don't worry, my mom was kind of like that ,too. My parents always thought I would be a doctor or a lawyer. My dad always supported me in whatever I wanted (he still does). I was pursuing a singing career from when I grad high school (2003) until 2007. My mom never was proud of me or believed in my singing ability until I beat out a couple thousand girls and worked in L.A. Then, when singing didn't work out, but mom started just pushing me to go back to school. She really wanted my sister an I to get good college degrees and marry guys who had a lot of potential. she bothered us a lot about this. I started school and enjoyed it and she is at the point now where her main concern is that I just graduate with a bachelors degree. She often puts my sister and I down and is quite negative about us maybe not finishing college (we have been taking forever to get a degree,, sis is in 3rd year of community college)-- she also put down my husband being in the military because she thought we wouldnt have enough money.... but i know why she is like that. She was extremelypoor when she was younger and she never finished college. AFter my dad and her divorced she had a hard time financially. All she wants is for us to do better. I know she willbe proud of my sister and I both when we finally graduate. My momis terrified I'll end up pregnant now that I'm married.

For MYSELF, I want that NP eventually. I just want to have a lot of education.. its just something I really value and I dream of being in that FNP position. (I want to diagnose). Your mom is just being a mom I think.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

It's hard to let go of needing parental approval. It's hard for parents to realize their kids don't need their approval and we're going to do what we feel is best for our own lives anyway.

Good luck!

[diapason05]

For some people you can never please them. When I told mine I was going to nursing school she laughed long and hard. Told me I would never finish and I couldn't hack it.

When I did finished she told me that I would quit within a year. One day I had to watch monitors and ask her if she wanted to sit in the monitor room and talk since I had to work on her visit.

While she was talking to me she asked "Do they know you have no idea what you're doing?" I said What??? She then told me that she knew I was too stupid to learn what all the rhythms were, because she raised me and I was dumb!!!

By this time I had been a cardiac nurse for 5 yrs and watched monitors for 4 yrs before and during school. I told her to go back to her home and leave me alone. She was abusive most of my life and never missed a chance to say mean and hurtful things.

I pray that she gets over herself about the being ashamed. In here, we know how hard nursing is, And I know that being a nurse is more fulfilling than any thing I have ever done, In my life I am very, very proud to be called a nurse and beside my kids, it was one of the best accomplishments I have ever done. Regardless of what anyone says.

Wow. My mom has been negative like that most my life to. She doesnt think I can handle nursing either because I can be prissy at times. My mom met a guy that loves her and only puts up with her BS to a certain extent. Ever since this happened she doesnt say nearly so many hurtful things. shes mellowedout a lot I think.

[Sabby_NC]

Awww hon you follow your heart and your dreams.

You are making a career and a life for yourself. Hold your head up high and go forth to conquer the world of nursing. :)

[diapason05]

I know a woman who has a P.hD in astrophysics, working at NASA's Jet Propulsion Lab. Her husband is an MD.

Anytime her mother introduces her to someone she always makes a point of saying, "Oh, she's a PhD, but her husband is the REAL doctor."

She's a ROCKET SCIENTIST and her mother is still not impressed.

I echo everyone else here: it's your Mom's issue, not yours!

LOL!!!! hahaha I dont know if that is actually funny or not.. but I find it quite humourous., iT'S the ultimate way to show that a parents approval or opinion of their childrens careers is not really that important at the end of the day

[nyapa, RN]

I'm so sorry about your situation with your mom.

My situation was so similar . . . I remember my mom's advice to me about careers "You can do anything. But don't learn to type or that's all you'll ever do. And don't be a nurse or you'll spend your life making beds."

So, I was a paralegal for a long time and now I'll graduate with a BSN in just a few months.

Not that I wanted to aggravate her. It's just the way things worked out.

Hoo boy, that is exactly what my mother said to me! She wanted all her children to go to uni. But what I found later was that she wan not embarrassed, but more like she was concerned how I would be treated by employers and customers in admin type duties, and patients and doctors in nursing. Yet when I threatened to stop the nursing course, she became upset and told me I'd regret it. Which I didn't: I just had to get my problems sorted and then I came back.

The long and the short of it is; do what you think is right. It is not her decision. You don't want to be in a job where you know you will not be satisfied, confident or unhappy. Be strong in your resolve, and you may even find that your mother may change her mind, as mine did!

[ZootRN]

I have had a similar problem.

My grandmother was a nurse, and my mother never truly appreciated her, although she worked so hard and brought her up as a single mother. When I told my mother I am going to be a nurse, she said how stupid my decision was and this is a dirty job and nobody will respect me. I never discussed it since then, even when she tries to ask me now how the work is going, I am simply changing a subject. This was not her decision to make, and she is not in a position to judge me.

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

My mother viewed nursing like waitressing or being a maid- being "in service," and it was unacceptable. Besides, it wasn't something SHE wanted to do so therefore I didn't.

[Karen_tn_37211]

My parents wanted my sister and me to be lawyers. I refused to be a lawyer because I wanted to be a nurse. We had many fights (fusses) over the issue. Anyway, my sister became the lawyer and made my parents very happy. I became the nurse I wanted to be. Now, years later....my sister the lawyer has become "too good for us" and doesn't speak to any of us. I'm still down here on earth and try to be close to everybody in the family. My parents say over and over again how proud they are of me and regret ever "pushing" us to be lawyers. I think they wish they had pushed both of us into being nurses LOL....The reality is....it's your life, and it's short. You have to make yourself happy. Do what it is you want to do......and things will work out.

[SmilingBluEyes]

My parents were so embarrassed at my being in the military they actually lied to neighbors and church members that I was away at school. Imagine my surprise when they asked me how college was going when I came home!

I was so sad, and ashamed, myself. But I somehow realized, the issues were not mine, but theirs, as said above. It was not an overnight process, developing the chutzpah and drive to do what worked for me and quit worrying about what other people thought, but I did. I no longer care what they say or think as I know my path is a good one.

I guess all I am saying is I empathize, having been there myself---- but you will only be free when you free yourself of the backbreaking concern you have over what others have to say or think about how you choose to live your life. It's a process and takes time, but in the end, you will feel so liberated when you are able to move past these worries and live the life you feel you are destined to. Whether that would be to be a nurse, doctor, lawyer, at-home parent or a lifelong student, who cares? You will go to your death, either knowing you did what worked and lived a good life, or full of regrets. Choose the former.

To thine own self, be true, is not a cliche, for NOTHING you know!

I wish you the best, really I do.

[santhony44, MSN, RN, NP]

I think I will quit complaining about having "my-daughter-the-nurse" parents. The things some of you have had said to you is awful. It hurts me to read them.

To the OP: this is your mother's issue, not yours. You can't help or change her feelings and you can't live your life for her. If this is what you believe you are supposed to do, go for it!

Nursing is an honorable profession, and as someone else mentioned, nurses are among the most trusted occupational groups.

If your mother can't accept your decision, then refuse to discuss it with her.