LPN with Battery Charge on Criminal Record-Help

[14yearLPN]

I need some advice, but first let me give you some background information......... I've been married for almost 14 years, in the process of getting a divorce. My daughter (15) has -never- gotten along with her step-father, which has caused innummerable problems, especially in the last few years since she has been a teen (and developing a mind of her own!) I have always felt trapped between them, like walking on eggshells, not wanting to seem unfair to her in my decisions -regarding- her, but not wanting to make mu husband angry either, because he always thought I was too easy on her.

At any rate, this has all come to a head in the last year, and we are now separated and getting a divorce. My daughter and I got into a horrible fight last November, and I slapped her twice. This is the only time I have ever completely lost my temper with her and physically struck her, although I've been tempted other times in the past. (Please, no flames; unless you've lived for the last 3 years with a drug-using, foul-mouthed teen who gets in your face and screams filthy names at you, and you can keep from slapping them) She called the police, and I was charged with battery. It didn't dawn on me that this would show up on my criminal record, as I've never had -anything- on my record before so never worried about it. I was hired for a new job in long term care a couple of weeks ago, and they did a background check, and the battery charge came up. They asked me about it, and I was informed that it was their company policy not to hire anyone with a battery charge on their record. I've worked in long term care for 14 years, have never done anything else, and now apparently this battery charge is going to keep me from working in this field!

I am on a "deferred prosecution" program, meaning I haven't been found guilty, and where the charge will be dismissed and off my record after a year as long as I don't get into any more "trouble". My question is, do all nursing fields do a background check and is this going to keep me from nursing at -any- job until it's removed from my record?? I was told I could apply for a "waiver", but have no idea what that is or how to get one...... can anyone give me any advice? I can't believe that losing my temper with my daughter one time is going to cost me my career for a year, and I can't go that long without working! Any ideas or advice??

[Zee_RN, BSN, RN]

The way I'm reading this, there is no CONVICTION of battery, right? You were charged but not CONVICTED? That's potentially a big difference. I'd take all the papers with you to any job interview and explain it RIGHT UP FRONT. A court document explaining the waiver would help too.

When I was in HR 2 years ago, I had offered a job to an applicant; he accepted. We ran our criminal background check, as we always do. A very old conviction came up (from like 15 years ago) from when he was in college and he served an underage drinker who had shown him false ID. He was convicted--no time, just a fine years and years ago. I had to fight to hire this man. My bosses told me if he had DISCLOSED this on his application to begin with, or explained it during the interview, it would not have been an issue. But because he didn't disclose it, it was considered falsification of the application. He, of course, thought it was all a dead issue being so long ago. We finally resolved it by having him write us a letter explaining in detail what had happened and attached it to his file. So, yes, it does get complicated. Just be up front about it in any interviews.

[mother/babyRN, RN]

James, you perhaps have never been there. I don't condone it either, but things happen. You cannot ever convince me that every caring, empathetic intelligent care giver has never once "slapped" someone. I am not one to give so strong an opinion and hope I am not ever in such a situation, but the question was not posed to discuss the rights and wrongs of what happened; merely to garner advice as to what to do now...Verbally "slapping" someone when they are down, as it seemed to me your post suggested, seems at least and often, much more "abusive". I understand the strength and passion of your opinion and argument, but it does not seem appropriate here....That would simply be MY opinion...Good that both viewpoints are represented....

[JnJTyson]

Hi folks..haven't posted much anywhere in quite a while...but this sort of thread is of much interest to me.

I do not have kids of my own yet. But I am getting married to a man that has a 2 year old and a 5 year old. We have custody of his 5 year old. She was raised in a home with NO boundries. She was the perfect little child that could do no wrong no matter what. I'm 23, and in an odd position of parenting. But she loves it here, loves her daddy, and loves me. When she first came to this house a few months ago...she was horrible. Nothing in this house was "out of bounds" in her mind. Now? She's a pretty darn good kid! Keeps her room and play areas clean, respects me and her father, and frankly a wonderful child to be around. How did we do it? Good dicipline. We went down the ranks of punishments with her. She did wrong, we told her so. She does it again, she gets time out...after that...oh yea...she got a spanking.

Yet again..the age issue...I understand. But guess what. That little girl was smart enough the first time I spanked her...she told me she was calling the cops...I said "go ahead...call the cops..I'll have them take you to jail along with me and your father...I'm sure you'd love a foster home"....no problems since.

I have gotten dirty glares, whispers, and those "huffs" at the grocery store from slapping her hand when she is grabbing things to put in the carts. Its not hard...but lordy people!! Since when is it a crime to dicipline your child?? As a child, I had to go get the belt for my father to paddle me with....yet now I am a law-abiding, outstanding citizen, and one heck of a nurse (ok..so it didn't help me ego...lol)

Yes, my mom slapped me in the face when I was 14...heck, she's done it when I was 18! I slapped her back!

I'm truly sorry that your daughter did what she did. Many years down the road she will realize what she has done to you. There is a VERY thin line between dicipline and abuse/assault. and unfortunately, its has become more and more fuzzy. Back in the day, (even for a youngin like me) spanking, or whatever forms of dicipline were fine. And dicipline is a wonderful thing. The forms of dicipline I have learned over the years (rules, punishments, the whole lot of em) have molded me into the person I am today....kids, even 14 need to know what is right and what is wrong. You may have disrespected her by slapping her, but she turned right around and may have ruined your career. Is that fair? Not really.....

This kind of situation will get people talking..its been a topic of debate for quite a few years....so please don't flame me or others for having a difference of opinion! =0)

[itsme]

I agree. It is very hard to discipline a child nowadays without them saying "im calling the cops" I think that is a big part of the problem in todays society- not enough disipline. No I dont mean baeting a kid, but discipline. Rules and boundaries are what kids need. they need to know they are the child and you are the parent. they need to respect authority (teachers, paarents, all elderly) etc..

[katscan]

many kids today are out of control!

[Liddle Noodnik]

Originally posted by 3rdShiftGuy

But you are not a child abuser, and don't need counseling for abuse.

I feel for this nurse, truly. How close I have come to whapping my kid or even feeling like I just want to choke the life out of him! Even when he was a baby (shudder). He is lucky he is alive. I bet most of us can say that we were "this close." So how can we judge her? We were (most of us) THERE!

Speaking from experience, that "slap" is a red flag that our friend's relationship with her child has been out of control for some time. Prior to the slap I am sure there were many verbal exchanges that were not too pretty. This SHOULD be the moment when SOMEone says, "Ho-Kay. That's FAR ENOUGH." I guess circumstances (the job thing, the legal things) are saying it now, loud and clear.

The counseling would help our nurse to be in touch with her feelings (again based on my experience, that feeling that one should be able to control "my own CHILD!! for God's sake ... ) and how to deal with them, AS WELL as how best to guide her child without having to resort to violence.

A slap is not just a hit; it is a total disrespect for a person. It is personAL! A spank or a slap on the hand for a little kid, still is pushing it IMHO. But a slap is what you use when a big brute is trying to force themselves on you; it is self defense. This is a KID we're talking about and it is NOT self defense.

My son is 16 and will NOT go to school, NOT pick up his room, NOT take his pills (he's bipolar). Other than that he is a wonderful kid. But when he acts out I just want to RIP HIS FACE OFF! THAT is what a slap is about. We are both in counseling, and guess what, it is not changing him in the least. He just does not care, he says, he feels there is no problem.

But what the counseling has done for me is allow me to have my life and be reasonably happy in it, and also to love my kid even though he is a big pain in my A**!

Peace, at all costs.

Definitely, a wake up call.

Funny thing is, people who slap or hit are often people who WERE slapped or hit or even violently abused, even sexually, as children, or they might be experiencing abuse now by a loved one. The legacy continues. This woman's child will probably pass it on to his/her children too if it continues. Cuz if abuse is not dealt with, it ALWAYS gets worse. That's why a woman who's being abused in a relationship had better get out -- cuz it ALWAYS gets worse. Til someone gets help to stop the pattern of abuse. I would recommend finding a paper called "the wheel of abuse," which demonstrates how this pattern is self-perpetuating.

I repeat. UnLESS -- we get help.

I admire this nurse's courage to share this here. I really do. And remember, many of us are not all that different than she. Don't judge her.

[Liddle Noodnik]

Originally posted by JnJTyson

she turned right around and may have ruined your career.

I agree with most of your post except -- this daughter is NOT in any way, shape, manner or form responsible for her mother hitting her. Her mother DID it, her mother was out of control! I am not trying to SHAME her, but she DOES have to accept responsibility for what she did. The MOTHER is responsible for losing the job.

Except, where there is no convicition yet, she may be lucky.

[Liddle Noodnik]

This is the wheel of abuse I was referring to. It mostly applies to adults who have been physically or emotionally abused, but it also shows the family dynamics.

http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Oaks/6477/wheel_of_abuse.html

[Disablednurse]

I don't think that James said anything out of line. He just stated facts and his opinion. What he said is the norm for LTC facilities. They are not allowed to hire people with assault of any kind in their past. This could lead to lawsuits, because if anything questionable came up regarding her and a resident, the facility would be liable for hiring her knowing her past. I worked in LTC for 23 years and I would not hire her because there is no company that would allow her to be hired. That is just the facts.

[nurse2002]

I dont know what state you live in but where I am from there is something called an 'out of control warrant'. If your minor child is that out of control I would look into something similar to this.

The court does get involved, but will help you get your child under control. Through probation, counseling, curfews and the like. Also random drug tests. If your daughter doesnt want to be held responsible for her behavior at home she will get the consequeces through the court. Its called tough love. You might try it. It could save her from a world of hurt in the long run.

I too will not judge you for slapping her. You made a mistake.

But I can see it happening. I have come close to slapping my teen in the face more than once. (We are now in counseling).

Please make sure there is no conviction on your part. Get a good attorney.

[nurse2002]

Originally posted by James Huffman

I'm sorry, folks, this is not a family dispute we are talking about. If it were just that, there would be nothing to discuss, as the police would not have been involved. This is assault, pure and simple. I'm not trying to make 14year feel worse than she already does (and I suspect she has deep regret that she did it), but this was wrong. Facial slapping is not excusable, and I am not really happy that some nurses publicly defend it.

Jim Huffman, RN

http://www.NetworkforNurses.com

14 year finally got tired of taking a teens abuse. Everyone has a limit and she was at hers. I can guess why the police got involved also. The teen was upset because her mother actually took up for herself and put the teen in her place. Im not saying the slap was right and I am not saying it was wrong. Im torn here. But I also know she is a TEEN. And verbally and mentally abusing your MOTHER is VERY wrong. Counseling is probally warranted here but a CONVICTION is definately NOT.

[H ynnoD]

When I was a Teen I was into drugs and drinking.I would push all the right buttons till my Dad exploded and would hit Me.I believe I pushed my parents over the edge and got what I deserved.It was only a punch or two,He didn't beat the hell out of me.I think we all have a breaking point and I was good at finding it.I think You just hit that point and now need to seek counseling.I use to spank my kids,but have taken some Christian parenting classes that have helped me so much,that I haven't had to in along time.I personally would work on my relationship with daughter more and put the job part to the back burner if you can.Family First in my book,your daughter needs you.Just my 2 cents:o