Letting Go and Moving On

Letting Go and Moving On Welcome to installment #12 of the A to Z for a Rocking Retirement. L = LETTING GO. How many times have you had to let go of something you didn’t want to? It happens all the time and yet we disregard the impact it truly has on you. I remember three key times when letting go was difficult and yet somehow I made it through. Nurses Announcements Archive Article

Letting Go and Moving On

After 3 years as a Navy Nurse stationed on a military base, I had to let go and rejoin civilian life in Colorado (because that is where all young people seemed to migrate at that time). Believe me that was not easy. I wanted to re-enlist right after I got out because I felt lost in this non-structured, non-authoritarian and free lifestyle. Plus if you know anyone who has been in the military, it is a life-long club and the bonds are very strong. Even when I don't know a new person I am meeting, if she has been in the military we are immediately bonded. So leaving the military environment led to difficulty "letting go" but over time I moved on.

Six years after moving to Colorado, we decided to move to Minnesota and had to "let go" of the close bonds we had with our friends there. It was difficult again, and I remember calling them from my new home to check in and then over time feeling like the bond had been broken and the calls stopped coming and going. Again there was sadness as our life there was no longer and we were losing close friends once more. But over time, we moved on.

And then the big one happened when I left my last job and went into the so-called "retirement zone". This was the most profound change for me because not only was I "letting go" of my nursing and health education career which I had committed to for over 40 years, was leaving my work mates whom I had been with for over 20 years and also lost my safety net of a paycheck and benefits. This is the triple threat of retirement. I definitely felt the loss and emptiness and loneliness that comes, but once again I had to go thru the process of letting go. And because I had past experiences that reminded me how it felt and how you can still survive, I was able to move thru the pain and came out on the other side whole and healthy and eager to create my next new life.

Yes - this is how life works. And if you are facing retirement or just thinking about it, prepare yourself before it sneaks up on you and slaps you in the face. Borrowing from Psychology Today as an inspiration, here are 6 steps customized to what you can do to make "letting go" a meaningful and healthy process.

Anchor yourself in the future

  • List 3 positive things about looking ahead and imagine they are happening right now.
  • Make yourself a vision board of what your future might look like.

Discard

  • Get rid of the things that might be holding you back.
  • Make a list of what you don't need to carry with you as you move forward, and then burn it as a symbolic message that you have let go
  • Purge your work environment and start thinning out the "stuff" you have accumulated that has no meaning in your future.

Repair

Make a list of "broken relationships" from the past and make amends so they don't keep popping up and sabotaging your new emerging bright future. I know this can be challenging. A wise person told me once if you can't meet them face to face, then pray for their well-being and that old stuff will resolve. I've done this and it works!

Transform Your Narrative

What is the story you are telling yourself about what lies ahead? Can you re-tell your story?

  • From: I have no life ahead, I'll be lost without my work and my friends, I won't be valuable anymore.
  • To: I've had a great career and helped a lot of people and now I am moving on to a new and exciting future.

Forgive

What resentments are you storing that can hold you back? That your career wasn't what you thought it would be? That you felt you weren't treated well? That you didn't get that promotion you thought you deserved? Whatever it might be, it's time to forgive and change your feelings to one of gratitude for all the experiences and personal growth you gained from your career.

Learn to Be Present

When your thoughts are in the NOW - called "present moment thinking" - all is right with the world. It's also called mindfulness and is a practice that keeps us aware, centered, grounded, relaxed and empowered. And in that state you are much more able to create a future that is the best it can be for YOU. Now let us know your thoughts!

In closing, here are some words of wisdom from the movie Frozen.

It's funny how some distance

Makes everything seem small

And the fears that once controlled me

Can't get to me at all

Let it go!

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Carol Ebert

About Carol Ebert, MSN, RN

Carol Ebert RN, BSN, MA, CHES, Certified Wellness Practitioner, Certified Mindful Coach, Sanoviv Nutrition Advisor

36 Articles   207 Posts

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Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

Thanks for another great article

Transitions are hard for me too - when I left the ER 10+ years ago, I had no idea how much I would miss it. I have adjusted and moved on but still miss the chaos!

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Thank you so much for this article. I am looking forward to retirement in a few years and these tips help a lot. Wishing you the Best!

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Both an informative + upbeat article regarding retirement...I left a 45 year RN career, with multiple experience, ending with occupational health management nursing and was surprised that "angels in the sky" didn't come out and toot their horns when I retired! Having a different perspective on retirement in the first 2 years, I had imagined all great things, but it didn't happen, without effort and a plan. Retirement is a process, in which you grow and realize that you leave your work to the young, but you carry on, doing all the things that matter to you, at last. My BP reading is what is was when I was in nursing school, and while I am in good health now, I'd rather retire and enjoy, than to take the extra money and buy more stuff. You really do find out just who you are in retirement ! And I'm enjoying the process.

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Retired in 2014 after 43 years, retired my licenses this year. I miss it terribly, the patients, the families, the problems, the solutions or lack there of. It is your life if you do it right, it is hands down your breath and life. Everything I do I use the Nursing Process it's like printed on my soul. I can look at some one in the line at the grocery store and tell you their medical problems, COPD, heart problems, liver issues. It can drive you crazy.There are times when someone I do not know stops me to ask me a question and I can read their problem list by just talking to them. But being an RN gives you an approach to people that no one else can equal. I would not give up a minute of all those years even though I was ready to pull my hair out at some points. I was a single mom and raised 2 kids on my salary and they came out good, better than many. I will have to get this book and read it maybe it will get me to stop practicing in my head and just be glad for the experiences.

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Specializes in OR 35 years; crosstrained ER/ICU/PACU.

Your comments are spot-on. I trained in the army, at Fort Hood, then left & headed back home to Ithaca, NY. After wor king for 23 years in the medical center there, my husband transferred to Albany, NY (he's a Neurophysiologist). It broke my heart to leave my OR family I had worked with for so many years! But I got a new job in a surgery center OR, a simpler day surgery, no call, nights, or weekends. Great: less stres, & again, became very close with my colleagues - we did everything together! A place I wanted to stay at till retirement time! However, hubby got transferred again to Charlotte, NC. It broke my heart to move yet again! Leaving friends, & my potential 2nd pension fund, was so upsetting. So here I am in The Carolinas Healthcare System, again as an OR RN. Well, I finally turned 65 & didn't wait 1 minute to start my retirementor paperwork. No more waking at 5AM to be in the OR by 6:30AM! No more working through lunch, fighting for needed equipment, rushing to turn over an OR within 10 minutes! No more staying well past my shift due to staffing issues, no more call, holidays, or weekends! Vacation whenever I want to! At first I was so sad, missing my colleagues, & the surgery I enjoyed doing for 39 yrs!

But I suddenly sleep well - no sitting up worrying about a big upcoming case, planning what I'll need for equipment & supplies. Will I have enough help? Wait: NO WORRY ANYMORE! No trying to schedule personal appointments around my work schedule; no missing weekend kids' parties! Hey, this is great!! So much stress has melted away! And with Facebook, I've kept in close touch with my colleagues from over the years - back 39 years ago! Don't fear upcoming retirement; rather, embrace it! Use the time to unwind & de-stress! Find new activities to learn, get together with other retirerees, & keep current, just in cas you need to fall back on Nursing for any problem; you never know if more financial security will be needed in future. Keep networks & contacts viable! If nothing else, it'll keep your brain functioning & help with prioritizing & problem-solving skills. Don't be afraid: you earned it, go find a place to relax & make some conscious decisions about you future!

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Specializes in Travel, Home Health, Med-Surg.

Thank-you for the great info. I plan to retire in (hopefully) a few years and this info will really help! Enjoy yours!!

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