Let me first say thank you for not ignoring this article and for letting this little art piece of mine reach your mind. Today, I spent 3o minutes of my time trying to join the contest "Write a Nursing Article and Win a Cash". I have put so much effort clicking the join the contest button but regardless of the efforts I made, I failed. Nevertheless, the contest didn't stop me from letting this article be read by so many nurses around the world. I feel that I have the responsibility to let them know the story of my nursing career. My name is Marie, I graduated BS in nursing in one of the most reputable school in the Philippines. I came from a middle class family and we are a family of lawyers. My father, two sisters, uncles, and cousins, all of them are lawyers. Yes, I grew up from a home where everything is all about law and order. And even if I grow up from a family with lots of discussions and debates to talk about, I grew up valuing peace and quiet above everything else. So probably you're wondering why I chose nursing? The answer isn't too hard.. I had no choice.. My dad persuaded me to become a nurse and work abroad. He even tricked me of the idea that I can go to law after finishing nursing. I hate nursing... I really do... After I graduated from nursing and passed my board exam, I got pretty lucky if you can call it that way and was offered a job to one of the most prestigious hospitable in our country. I was one of the firsts to get a real job in our batch. Friends would often call me lucky, I wasn't sure about that. And to make things worst, I was assigned to one of the most irritating ward in the hospital, the oncology ward. In an oncology ward, I get to see a lot of dying and in pain patients. To think that the only satisfying feeling that I can get from nursing is when my patients are happily discharge and well. With cancer patients, most of them they go back for another chemotherapeutic treatment and when they go back they are weaker, helpless, hopeless and unhappy.The worst feeling is when you assist a patient in signing a document that tells if everything comes to worst: DNR, do not resuscitate me.. Just let me go... or something like that. At the end of the shift, you're physically, emotionally and spiritually tired.The next duty is another story to tell. After years of battling emotions, I resigned from my job. I took the NCLEX exam and IELTS and had it visa screen. While waiting for my petition, I decided to take relevant health courses online in preparation for my job abroad. I was managing a family business at the same time. After a year of waiting I got denied. Yes I got denied. 4 days ago I got denied. I spent 1 day of my life crying, I wanted to stop crying as it is already crushing my heart literally and figuratively. I even heard my pop saying: all wasted time and efforts.. Nursing is a complete failure. No comforting words could ever comfort me. I was torned at the fact that I might start all over again.. Where do I go from here? Looking for a nursing job here in my country is as good as nothing. Nothing.. I'am mad because my parents let me rule my life.. and my life now.. all empty.. I'am not alone and there are so many passionate nurses out their whose only wish was to be given a chance to practice their profession, something that I had been given for. For so many years I have been refusing the idea that nursing has given me a sense of fullfillment. The emotions that has gotten on me the past few days has been a wake up call for me, probably I'am upset because I love my nursing career and there is nothing that I want to do but nurse a patient. Sometimes blessings comes in a very surprising way. The emotional torment I have felt the past few days have given me enough time to assess what really is important to me. I realized I haven't been observing myself all this time. I feel my patients more than anything else in the world. I feel their pain and anguish.. and yet I've tried avoiding that kind of feeling because I feel sadness for them. I have lost all hopes that I could think of yet i know.. and you know.. there is really no such thing as giving up hope... This rough course I'm now going through made me realized that I've got two passions. I will never give up my career as a nurse.. and I will never give up the hope of becoming a lawyer someday.. I'm heartbroken and yet I know something new was born inside of me.. I gained a lot of lessons, wisdom and strenght from all of this things... Probably not the best happy ending you've read, that wasn't my goal anyway.. Just a little ray of hope... Cheers to all passionate nurses! "The Flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and Beautiful of all" - Mulan If you're hurt, find a nurse! I'm sure she knows what to do!