If You've Ever Given Birth...

Mary Dover · Apr 2, 2002

2 pregnancies - 2 totally different experiences!

First son was born in 1978 - I was 17 yrs old. Had classic morning sickness, gained about 40#. Went into labor, 3 weeks past due date, on a hot August Sunday morning. Pain was worse than I had imagined it would be and my son wasn't born until about 5:30 Monday morning. The pain felt like I had to have a bowel movement, only much worse and my whole lower pelvic area was involved. That was the old days, and they knocked me out at last - don't know what with, coulda been with a hammer - I wouldn't have cared.

Move forward to 1988, I'm 27 and just finishing prereqs for nursing school. This son born ON his due date in May. I had gained normal amount of weight and had experience no sickness or other problems. As I got ready to go to a scheduled weekly prenatal check that day, I started experiencing what felt like menstrual cramps. "This can't be labor" I thought, didn't hurt enough. Saw the MD right after lunch time. He did his exam and informed me I was dilated about 6 cm. Stupid me, I took time to go all the way home, get some things done, then went to the hospital and just popped him right out at about 5:30pm. Still had my makeup on. Hardly broke a sweat. NO DRUGS whatsoever. A wonderful nurse friend who worked with my mother on the skilled nursing unit of the same hospital, (didn't even work L&D) for some reason out of the goodness of her heart - stayed right with me during the labor AND delivery. I will never forget her. She helped me so much with the breathing and relaxation techniques. (I hadn't even taken Lamaze classes).

I love BOTH my sons dearly, the completely different experiences had no bearing on anything to do with that. But I can honestly say that my 2nd pregancy and delivery was one of the most awesome experiences of my entire life. There was such a feeling of natural euphoria, that is almost impossible to accurately describe. Thank God I didn't let the first scenario tamper with my expectations of the second one.

Now for a totally different experience is when I became a grandmother this past December. But that's another story and you didn't ask about that, YET.

Mary

ageless · Apr 3, 2002

close your eyes and picture a buick driving through your abdomen

shay · Apr 3, 2002

Originally posted by blitz
Hey, Shay -
Have you thought about a nurse midwife?

Oh, yes. I absolutely want a midwife. No question about that. The burning question for me is do I suck it up and deliver at a hospital or do I go to the free-standing birthing center 5 min. away from the hospital?

It's the whole 'DRUGS' question for me. BTW....just wanna reiterate, I AM NOT CURRENTLY NOR TRYING TO BECOME PREGNANT.... in case any of you were thinking that was the case. Just, uh, thinking about it.

Being a labor and delivery nurse, I'm naturally neurotic about this whole thing, but I just want to make my decision BEFORE I get pregnant, so I can have an established relationship with a practitioner that I trust and am comforable with. I decided to pick everyone's brains here about what labor actually FEELS like and to see how y'all handled it.

Keep it up. And keep those graphic descriptions coming.

CountrifiedRN · Apr 3, 2002

Hi Shay

I've browsed through some of the posts here, and probably can't tell you in any better detail what labor feels like. But I've had three kids, and all three were so different. First one in 86, two weeks late, fast hard labor (4 hours), with back pain, and demerol. I remember telling everyone before my labor started that I was going to have him "naturally", with no drugs. I quickly came to the conclusion that drugs are GOOD! Child birth is a natural process in itself, going drug free doesn't make it any less natural. But amazingly, I can't really remember the pain, just the amazement and wonder of holding that precious new life in my arms.

The second one, my girl, was in 89. She was also 2 weeks late, and lying transverse. They admitted me with the intention of doing a CS in the am, but lo and behold, the little sneak had turned during the night (to my great relief), and they induced with pit. Took a long time, about 14 hours. But I got an epidural before my labor became too bad, and I slept through most of it. The short amount of time that I did feel my labor, it was not too bad, because I had taken the breathing class, and it really does work. Woke up because the little monitor wire thingy that they put on the babys head had fallen off , and the alarms were sounding, and when the nurse came in she discovered that the baby was crowning! She almost delivered her, the doc came just in the nick of time!

The third one was in 2000, and I was induced early due to an irregularity in the babys heartbeat. 12 hours of back labor, with no meds. I wasn't feeling extreme pain as long as I was sitting in a chair. But I wasn't dilating, and the babys heartrate was decelerating with contractions, so the doc did a CS.

I think I've pretty much had every labor experience that a woman could have! Thankfully they all came out just fine in the end! If you're really worried about the pain, an epidural is the way to go. But I felt a little weird after the birth of my daughter, like I hadn't worked to achieve the end result. It's hard to explain, most people would be happy about that, but I felt like I had missed out. The CS was by far the worst, because of the recovery time afterwards, but when I look into my baby boys little angel face, it was worth every bit of pain I went through.

The hardest thing to cope with is the fear of something going wrong. Even though most people have an uneventful birth, the bad ones are the ones that stick out in our minds. When I had my third baby, I was working in a hospital on a med/surg floor (CNA/Unit secretary), and we often took the fetal demise patients from the L&D floor. I saw lots of devastated moms and even took some of their babies to them so that they could say goodbye. It was especially hard while I was pregnant. (Once I started showing, I asked not to take those patients, because I thought it would be hard for them to see me with my pregnant belly after all that they had been through.) Being a L&D nurse, you've probably seen the worst that can happen, and it's scary. But when you decide the time is right for you, you have to try to focus on all the positives you see every day. The pain will come and go, and you will most likely not even remember it vividly in the years that follow.

I definately agree that having a baby in a hospital, or near one, with a NICU is the best choice. It is comforting to know that if anything should happen, there are experts right there to intervene. But it is a personal choice, and once you find a doc/midwife that you are comfortable with, you can both make that decision together. Don't worry, when you feel the time is right, everything will fall into place!

Charisse · Apr 17, 2002

Labor....hmm...good question. My first was 28 yrs. ago in a country hospital. I wasn't a nurse then, so don't yell at me when I tell you how it went, because there will be some gasps out there. I was mildly pre-eclamptic and the condition got better with bed rest at home and a change of diet, but when I was 5 days postdates the doc decided to AROM me.....in his office. He told me to go to the hospital..he didn't say when, so I went home, did my hair...all the female things and then got to the hospital at 5 PM--1.5 hrs later. (Thank God I was a sweet, young, ignorant thing back then!) I walked in with a set of orders knowing that I was to get IM meds at one point and a saddle block at another. I had no IV, prep, enema. I had only intermittent monitoring. I walked almost all the time during labor. I felt nothing till about 9 PM or so. It felt like I had an elephant tied to each pelvic bone having a tug of war. I had groin and upper thigh labor (it does happen!). If someone had amputated me at the thigh joint, I would have been happy. My daughter was posterior, I found afterwards. Very, very deep aching menstrual-like cramps. Very DEEP. At that point, I went so fast (had a 3.5 hr labor total) that I truly almost delivered her on the commode! My perineum was hard, round, numb and bloody! Even dummy me knew that the baby was coming. I told my husband to get the nurse now or I was going to have the baby in the bed with the next contraction..I didn't care if I had anyone else there or not! He ran, the nurses ran in, did the Oh, my God! thing and ran out!

Telling me not to push was the most assinine thing I have ever heard, but I tried not too. The doc got there in the nick of time. It was a very tumultuous labor.

Three years later, I did it again. No pre-eclampsia this time..Wonderful pregnancy! I SROM'd at home, called the doc, he told me to come in the office to be checked at 3:30 PM (I must like that time of day!)..I came in, he confirmed the SROM and told me to go to the hospital. Again, I was still ignorant...so I went to McDonald's, ate and then went to the hospital. Again, the doc (a different one) said, "Where were you?" angrily. I didn't know he meant right then and there that I was supposed to go to the hospital. I had no contractions at all when I got to the hospital at 5:30 PM (again...:) ). This time I had the prep, enema, IV..I was told that if I didn't have good contractions after the SSE, that I would have to have Pit. The doc forgot to tell the nurse this, so she did what he routinely ordered, which was Pit everyone. She barely got the IV when I felt my first contractions..and I told her that the Pit worked very fast! She told me she didn't even get it started yet! Here, as with all of my labors, my contractions first started out at 3 mins apart and within moments I had contractions 1-1.5 mins apart! My first labor was so hard, rough, tumultuous, that nothing could compare to it! Not even this 45 minute long labor. I don't remember how hard the contractions were at all. It was so fast. Add to that the heat I felt as I was getting Mag..that is ALL I felt during this labor. The heat of the Mag. Contractions were nothing. I wasn't pre-eclamptic, but my BP suddenly, immediately before birth went to 220/170 (!) for some still unknown reason. I wasn't pre-eclamptic. I didn't have HELLP. I had all sorts of tests done afterwards...it was decided that either I got Pitressin by mistake or got some out of date Pitocin! Lovely, huh? I, to this day, wonder which it was. Anyway, as soon as my IV was ripped out of my hand transferring from the delivery table to the stretcher, my BP snapped back to normal!

So, I went from having elephants pulling at my pelvis to not feeling the contractions......one end of the spectrum to the next. :)

Char...

live4today, RN · Apr 17, 2002

Originally posted by shay
Okay, ladies...I have some questions here...

I'm an OB nurse. I deliver babies for a living. I have never personally given birth or ever been pregnant. So here's my question....in all honesty, what does labor really and truly FEEL like....other than painful?

I mean, is it crushing, stabbing, ripping, aching, WHAT? I can't exactly ask my labor patients these kinds of questions...so I want to hear from you.

Because I'm approaching 30, and although I want children very much, to be quite frank, labor scares the bejesus out of me...all of my friends, with the exception of ONE, had totally drug-free childbirth. I just want the lowdown....what does labor FEEL like???

Hello Shay, :)

What does labor feel like? Labor is different for every woman, and even if a woman has several children, each labor may be different. I gave birth three times, and each time the labor was different. With my firstborn child, the labor was excrutiatingly painful...like giving birth to a hippo through a hole the size of a matchhead. OUCH, is right!!! :eek: I swore to NEVER get pregnant again, and to keep that promise, as she outgrew things, I immediately gave the baby things away right down to her crib. Well, four years later, I longed for another baby, so guess what? Yep! I did the very thing I swore to never do again. With the second child, labor started out great, then four hours into it - after losing the amniotic fluid no doubt -- the labor stopped. 24 hours later, pitocin was started. They first tried the pitocin pill, but because my mouth was so darn dry, the pill wouldn't even dissolve! :chuckle Okay, so the IV Pitocin was started, and four hours later, my second baby was born. The labor was bearable, and no where near as painful as my first pregnancy. On to baby three... Almost three years later, I was in labor for the third time. The third time, the labor wasn't bad until the Transition Phase, then Ohhhhhhhhh, my poor bottom! Whew! The labor was short, but made its' point loud and clear! Thank God! :chuckle

Now, the big question: I'd do it all over again because once you hold your own flesh and blood in your arms, and smell it's odor for the first time, peek into its eyes, have the baby grasp his/her tiny fist around your little pinkie, and if you breastfeed your baby, when that baby latches on for the first time and gains its first satisfaction in the world of being fed, your heart will simply melt all that labor pain away. You won't be able to take your eyes off that precious little bundle of joy that came from your body....and THAT is an experience I feel so blessed to have experienced not just once, not twice, but THREE separate times!

Don't be afraid to have a baby! If you and your husband are prepared to become parents, then the only thing to fear is fear itself. Nurture yourself during your pregnancy. Talk to your baby the entire nine months. Eat sensibly and nutritiously before, during, and after you give birth. Exercise moderately to stay in shape before you even think about getting pregnant, especially those tummy muscles that will come back to haunt you in a serious and ugly way if you don't. :chuckle Most of all, make sure you let your husband feel as much of that baby growing within you the entire time. Make sure he witnesses your baby's birth. Keep in mind that your pregnancy is not just yours, but your husband's too. Drink plenty of water during your pregnancy, and lay off the junky type drinks. If you prepare yourself for the labor and delivery of a lifetime, you'll enjoy every minute of it, even when the going gets rough. :) And, as Ken says, "that's my $.02!" :kiss

Charisse · Apr 18, 2002

Just like cheerfuldoer, I would do it all over again..and again...if I could. Eight years ago, at the age of 40, 17 years after the birth of my last one, I was pregnant again. I come from a family where the women have babies near or in their 40's, so I wasn't that shocked. I lost her mid-pregnancy due to fibroids and never could repeat it again, but I would give anything do repeat it. With this one and another pregnancy I lost, I was a childbirth instructor and/or an OB nurse, so I was better informed and trained. With both, I woke up breathing automatically in response to the contractions.....good old Pavlovian theory..haha.

Anyways, with both of my deliveries, while I was on the delivery table, I looked at the docs and said, "Boy! That was neat. I want to do that all over again!" No..I am not into pain and no, I have never had an epidural/spinal/saddle block/etc. But I do get into every aspect of labor. And there is nothing like the release and relief of feeling the baby come out. Of course, my thoughts are colored by short labors. If I had an 8 or 10 or more hour labor, I might be saying otherwise.

Someone here mentioned something about birth being in the mind mostly (I am using my words here). I used to teach that childbirth is 95% psychological, meaning our social conditioning and how we face pain has a heck of a lot to do with how we deal with labor. If everyone around us said they screamed during labor, then you might scream. If they said they passed out, you might do that too. I used to teach that women are stronger than they give themselves credit for. But, most of all, in labor and birth, I would tell them to play everything by ear. See how it goes. You might have been a wuss all your life when it comes to pain and injury (like me), but when it comes to labor pain, you might be able to tolerate it (like me...surprised the heck out of my mom!). Labor is no picnic, but it is tolerable....barely...it hurts like heck...but you can cope...It is no picnic...but think of the reward you will have at the end of it all..and thank God that He indeed makes us forget the exact strength of the contractions and how the pain actually was...or we would all be only children!

Char......

Grace Oz · Apr 18, 2002

Dear Shay, Some advice from an "old bird" ( I'm now 51) :-) Just FORGET that you are a nurse! Go in, relish & "enjoy"(?!) the experience. Trust ( WEEELLL, to a degree) those looking after you

& remember, we're ALL different! Each & everyone of us is unique & our experiences will be / are unique to US. I attended ALL the classes, thought I knew it all...went into spontaneous labour, ruptured membranes at 37 weeks. Ended up with an epidural & Keelins(?Sp) forceps were used on a baby that was TRANSVERSE ARREST!?!!... I ended up with an episiotomy from "a***h*** to breakfast! Baby was in respiritory distress, head a total mess & straight off to NICU for him! I ended up having a vag repair & now have scarring on the cervix ( makes doing pap smears VERY difficult! :-() spent 10 days in hospital. So, what the hell did I know??!! Whatever I DID know, counted for NOTHING!...Things can happen that are totally out of our control. Still, we both recovered. He's now 23 yrs old & a drop dead gorgeous naval officer ( PROUD Mum here! :-) ) I'm still upright & breathing & pounding the corridors healing the sick & injured!! LOL...BTW, I gave birth 14 months later to a beautiful 8lb 10oz daughter. Needed the vontuse that time! :-) No epidural & it was HELL!! Cervix wouldn't dilate & they had to artifically rupture the membranes. Never went back for a third!! NO NO NO !!.. LOL So, you see, we all have differing experiences. I was 28 1/2 & almost 30 both times. I've known some girls to go in, huff 'n' puff a few times & bingo!! A baby!! NO probs!!...

GOOD LUCK, whatever you decide. Cheers.

Grace.

mamabear · Apr 18, 2002

Shay:

How does it really feel? If anyone told you that it feels like you are (defecating) a watermelon, they're right on target. :eek:

Charisse · Apr 18, 2002

That reminds me of the time I was "labor sitting" a client of mine when I was just a childbirth instructor. I was assisting this woman who was on her 3rd child and the first child that she was going to be awake to deliver (this was in the early 1980's in rural Texas). I was there with both the mom and the dad, along with her doctor. She was pushing and yelled out:"This feels like pushing out a giant turd!" I told her,"Yep! it sure does!" and laughed. The MALE doctor was offended and told me that it surely does NOT feel that way. I kept my mouth shut, but my immediate thought was, "...And when was the last time you had a baby?" What audacity! To tell us what WE are experiencing when he didn't have a clue!

Char........

mattsmom81 · Apr 18, 2002

Char, I've always wondered why men docs would gravitate to OB/gynecology in the first place....audacious sounds about right... add a little 'lady parts envy' too maybe? A God/creator complex?

My own pregant FPP delivered mine....if she had backed out I would have chosen a female midwife. Sorry, guys, but the last thing I want to see in hard labor is a MAN...LOL! (said in my best Exorcist demon imitation.) My DH ran for the hills about transition time...hehehe.

Girlfriends of mine told me how their male OB/gynecologists would joke about the 'husband stitch'...I was totally disgusted....does this kind of stuff still go on! (I hope not)

Charisse · Apr 18, 2002

Yes, the husband stitch is still being talked about as the doc repairs his/her handiwork. I think the God complex is around as much as ever, even among some of the female docs (which totally astounded me!). I think, though, now the God complex is more subtle. A few words here and there under the breath, instead of the strutting that was done in the past. I have heard docs take credit for the birth, when it was the mom who deserved all the credit.

You got me thinking about the "lady parts envy" bit. I never thought about it, but I wonder if that is what is going on nowadays. I have seen an increase in gay men becoming OB's. I often wondered what inspired them to become OB's.

Needless to say, I now have a female doc, after dealing with the aforementioned incident. I kind of am somewhat gunshy about male docs.

Char....