I am a new grad-ish, I have been working the hospital for 6 months on a med floor. I am run ragged on a daily basis and hardly get my breaks. I know this is normal. If I get one break I consider that a success just as the other nurses do on my floor.
I got a written warning a couple months ago because of a documentation error, no patient harm. Just a bad day, so stressed I forgot to document.
I love caring for patients, hey I even had a couple cool moments with patients that made me think "Hey I have something to hold onto that makes this job worth while.'
But sometimes I feel my days are numbered at my job. At weak moments I desperately search and apply for non-hospital jobs looking for a way out. But when potential employers call, I don't respond...because by the time they do i have pepped talked myself back in staying at my job...."Just hold on for one more day..." Wilson Philips <Great song>
Even though I keep my patients safe, I am just not going fast enough for management, I am expected to put up with poor staffing conditions, and abusive patients with a smile...welcome to nursing.
That's cool, I get it...the term "If you can handle the heat, get out of the kitchen!" slaps me in the face every time when I want to complain to myself about my job. Millions of nurses see the BS and they still do it. When I reflect upon my career path...lol...Scrubs some how deceptively guided me, foolish me.Too much day dreaming. Hospital nursing is like scrubs but with out the cool docs like Elliot or Turk. Just Dr.Cox with no charm and humor. Truth be told that is nursing, if you can't handle it you better get out because things are not going to change any time soon. Big fish eat little fish and keep it moving. Things move so fast, no one has time to mourn your untimely termination if it happens...on to the next one. The well of mercy in this world is desolate and barren.
I knew when i went into nursing it was not going to be easy...but I did not think it was going to be this hard and though squeezing a tear out of me is like squeezing blood out of a rock...I have a had moments on the floor in which the lump in my throat threatened to push the tears gates open. But with many deep breaths I have pulled my self together.
I want to be an ICU nurse, I know I am still very new to this game. I was elated when getting this job on the medical floor....my first step towards ICU then CRNA... I wanted to put in my years in med and serve my time but now I just want to get mine and ditch this place now that I have 6 months experience. I was willing to give them 1-2 years....but
The heat in the kitchen is hot and it is not my patients that concern me, it is management. I feel like I am a dime a dozen. If they fire me, there are a 1000 other willing applicants eager and ready to take my place. The world will un-remorsfully keep turning. Just another nurse who could not hack it. Sure they lose a little cash with the money they invested training me but they will be fine...but what about me? Start from the bottom again..?
I don't know if i will be fired but darn...I rather not wait to find out. A written warning...I have a feeling my supervisor has it out for me. She exaggerated everything in our meeting. That's fine, they got me. I take responsibility. But I don't think it needed to goto this extent. I am over medical. Documentation trumps patient care any day.
Sorry for the ramble but I need some answers...should i just start applying for ICU jobs and try and get out ASAP or try and tough it out some more and gamble not to be fired. Jumping to another medical job would be like starting at the bottom. I am okay at medical but i think with the right training I would be great in ICU. Many new grads do residency in ICU and succeed...Can't I as well with my med experience with a good icu training program?
I figure let me use this job as my leaping ground to get to ICU fast. I am not normally this cold. But I don't see why I should give my best years and energy to a place where the rewards are so few. They don't care if they suck me dry...."just work faster...harder...but go home on low census so we don't have to pay you' It does not seem like a good deal. This job is sucking me dry with no mercy. I might as well get what I can and get out with no remorse.
It is a doggy dog world in the hospital I work in.