I Should Be in Jail

[allnurses]

This article was written by a member of allnurses. Due to the delicate and emotionally charged nature of the article as well as details, the member wanted the topic posted anonymously. If other readers have articles they would like published anonymously, please contact allnurses.com.

My First Encounter As A Paramedic: Shaken Baby Syndrome

Let's start out with my first encounter with a parent. I was a paramedic (a newbie..a rookie..an innocent) called to a home of a 4 month old that rolled off of a couch. The baby is seizing and the father is talking about how he was making the baby a bottle. He was alone with the kid and the mom was at work. He claimed to put the baby on the couch and the baby rolled off the couch. A short couch...onto carpet. The story didn't add up. The baby seized the entire 30 minutes it took us to get to the nearest hospital, and then later died from massive head trauma. Shaken baby syndrome. That was some fall.

This was my induction into real life. I was out of my protective cocoon and my rose colored glasses cracked in the truth of real life. I have scraped children off of the highway who were unrestrained; I have whisked children out of homes that were besieged with fighting under the protection of cops; and I have taken children to the ED scared to be touched by anyone.

The pressure of being a paramedic became too much, so I chose a new profession...pediatric nursing! (insert snarkiness here).

My Many Encounters As A Pediatric Nurse

Mom Brought 13 Year Old to ED Both Afraid Of Dad

Mom did not have custody, and the dad was not happy the kid was in the ED. Dad, I am sure after meeting him, is in a gang. The cops were brought in, the mom asked to leave, the dad was cursing up a storm and I confronted him. "We will absolutely not tolerate that type of behavior in the hospital, in a CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL. If you don't sit down and be quiet, you will be escorted out." Nicer than a punch, and I kept my job.

I myself was escorted by security to my car after work....fearing what may await me.

15 Year Old On Life Support OD'd To See If Mom Loved Her

She did not want to die, she wrote me in a note when she was intubated, she just wanted to see if her mom cared. The child took a turn for the worst with multi-system organ failure. As we strived to make her comfortable and keep her body in a hypothermic state, the mom was mad at ME because the room was too cold. She tried to fire me from being her daughters nurse. This after she so nonchalantly said, "pull the plug". I stayed at the bedside and held her hand as she passed away, mom went to go eat.

13 Year Old Dying From HIV/AIDS

The dad wanting to be at her side, the step-mom wanting to go do stuff. The dad confided in me once, when he was irritated with his wife, that his daughter was never treated fairly by his wife. He wanted to bring his daughter home to hospice and wanted to redo her room - a makeover - just how she would have loved it. The wife would not hear of it, since the girl was 'gonna die anyway'. And she did, in the hospital room with nursing staff at her side.

18 Month Old Beaten By Mom's Boyfriend

The mother of an 18 month old who was beaten by the mom's boyfriend. The grandmother had unofficial custody since the day the child was born. She had unofficial custody of 3 of the children because the mom was always partying and never had time for the kids. When the family decided to remove the child from life support after the baby was declared to have brain death, the mother banned the grandmother from the room. That was the only time I did not let a parent help me bathe a patient after the patient died....and I gave them a time limit for grieving as well. The fact that the mother was holding her dead child and talking about going to Chili's and a movie later in the day sort of made up my mind, along with her acting like this was a party and yelling at her brother to "go get me a coke, hey, my baby just died and you need to be nice to me", and "hey, you know that **** was going to go get a new car today?" Absolutely no feeling at all about the loss of a child, but enough bitterness in her to block the one true person who cared for the baby from being at his side.

4 Year Old Who Was NPO For Surgery

As usual, the patient did not go to OR before lunch and she became fussy and..hungry...I walked past her room to hear her father yell at her to "Shut up!" as she was crying. I went in right away and she was reaching for his lunch. His McDonald's fries and burger he was munching down on. I absolutely kicked him out of the room (sans roundhouse kick to the face).

Absence Of Grief

I know that people deal with grief in unusual ways. I have seen grief, I have seen the absolute absence of grief, and I have seen those who pretend to have grief. For me, the people who have not one ounce of compassion for the child who most needs their love are the ones who I cannot and will not ever understand. I know that people don't think beyond their own needs, even when a child is crying and does not understand what is happening.

But it doesn't mean I agree with it, or have to like it.

As a nurse, the hardest part of my job is to not say and do what I really think and feel. Or I would have been in jail a LONG time ago.

What have you seen that makes you want to commit an assault?

[Sensibility, BSN, RN]

The saddest part of these stories is that we can offer love and support to the children but we are not the "ones" who the child wants to be giving it. At the end of the day, strangers do not satisfy that need for a real mom or dad. I have witnessed that in life. I have seen some children receive so much love and concern and grow into bitter teenagers only to throw it back in the face of those offering it because it isn't mom. The question keeps churning around in their brain, "Why did my mom leave me? Why didn't she love me more than ______?" My own children are stable because they did receive love from me and continue to receive it.

People today are self centered and selfish. Being a parent means laying down your life. It requires loss of sleep, sacrifices where you deny your own creature comforts for theirs, patience galore, and an understanding heart. God's grace gave me the strength and ability. How many parents today look to Jesus, prayer or grace? Me thinks not very many. This very comment is going to offend a whole lot of people. I rest my case.

[Idaho_nurse]

Early in my career (almost 15 years ago), prior to being a nurse, I was an ED tech in a level 1 trauma center. I worked Noc's and we always had a rash of children who's injuries were "questionable", but there was a period during the summer when we had multiple trauma's relating to children that had me packing my bags and going to the OR. One in particular I remember clearly. At this time, I had one child who was young (around 2), and a child was brought in by a family member with bite marks all over his body.. yes, you heard that right, BITE MARKS. The story came out that the father was trying to teach the boy a lesson that biting was wrong. This child was aprox 18 months old and you could clearly see every tooth mark all over his body. He was probably bit about 20 times. I was lucky enough to work with the most excellent trauma doc. The father showed up about an hour after he was brought in and DEMANDED to see his son. OMG, really? I lost it and was the first time I lost my cool while working. I spoke to the ER doc about this, who immediately called the police and had him banned from the hospital premises due to the abuse.

Another... around the same time, we had a rash of MVC's and a family was brought in. husband, wife and their 4 children. They had hit a deer and the vehicle flipped. The wife and one of the kids was DOA at the scene and the others were brought via lifeflight as well as the husband. By the end of the night, one of the other kids had passed, so now this poor father had lost his wife and 2 of his kids. Close to the end of my shift the grandparents showed up, and instead of grieving for their daughter and 2 grandkids, they proceeded to scream at the father for crashing the car and blamed him for the deaths. It broke my heart, because you could see that he was already in a very bad state emotionally due to the loss, but now, he was being blamed. It was the saddest thing I saw and I remember crying all the way home for his loss.

There were many more, and many more times when children have passed right in front of me and all were the saddest thing I have ever witnessed. Probably because of my young son, I couldnt keep my emotions in check, which prompted my decision to go to the OR instead. I could never be a ped's nurse, and I am so thankful that there are those out there who can do the job.

Such sad stories in this posting and makes me relive my bad experiences. I feel for all of you out there who have witnessed these things and again, thank you for your emotional fortitude to make it your calling to help.

[pedseraprn]

Thank you... Been there and done that. We are with you. 18 month old child who was burned in a ring formation around her peri area with who knows what and whip marks all across her body. The doc was ready to vomit and I'm transferring her to the children's hospital for a sane exam. Welcome back to peds in the ED for me!

[Keokeagirl]

I worked the EMS system on an ambulance for 20 years as an EMT and now 15 years in the ER as an RN. Nothing is more frustrating than trying to help or give care to families that just don't want it! On more than one occasion they have complained that I or my co-workers have interfered and our management has actually disciplined us by putting these complaints in our personnel file. I was even admonished once by the police department when I tried to report a family to CPS. The pt was a 3 yo boy who over the last 2 years had broken both arms, (one of them twice) broken a leg and had now come to the ER with a scull fracture. Every one believed the family when they said "he's clumsy", falls down all the time. What would you think?

[2010_nurse]

This is exactly why I knew I could not work in pediatrics.

[Bking74]

I work in assited living with elderly residents. Most family members don't ever visit but want to complain on the rare occasion when they do show up. Or the family members who say when we call to say we are sending to the hospital because they are hurt that they do not want them to be sent out. On those occasions I usually say if you can beat ems here to refuse care.

[mbcampbell]

When I was working in peds, in a Texas hospital , I too , saw some pretty sad cases. One that came to mind was of a mother who was so annoyed with her new baby's crying because it was interfering with her own meal. I walked in to find her shaking the baby, saying "stop crying. It's your fault. I'm trying to eat...!" I told her to put the baby down and she did. Then she chased me up the hallway with a (butter) knife stating "I'm gonna kill you!!". Kinda scary for a young nurse. I too, was escorted to the parking lot by hospital security ( for a while!!). I came across a really interesting case of Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome . The mom (would parade around in hospital scrubs) she smeared feces all over the child's crib. She said the baby had bad diarrhea and he had made a mess. Except she forgot to smear it on his hands ..... Busted.

[Terlyn55]

I agree, some parents suck! But I work for Child Protection and know that these parents are damaged goods. They often have a long history of abuse and neglect as a child. Unfortunately, all those reports are often closed due to lack of proof or parent promise to change. Some are parented wrong and given everything they want without getting what they really crave which is attention and relationship. Some of them were molested and so the person essentially shuts down their emotional growth at a young age. The grandparents clean up their act and take care of the grandchildren but the parent resents them because they themselves was never given that same care. All part of an unfortunate cycle. The

saddest part is the damaged person often chooses to give birth to many children. Trying to fix the past but it doesn't work.....

[Terlyn55]

textbook child abuse, the police are untrained on this, but where was Child Protection? They need training obviously

[A&Ox6, MSN, RN]

I am a foster care nurse, and unfortunately some of these stories are an everyday occurrence in my line of work. I think that one of the hardest things for me was a kinship foster mom who cared for 6 of her grandchildren, all removed from their parents for shaken baby.

[nydoll911]

And thay is why I know myself well enough to know that I couldn't do pediatrics.....I would be in jail

[jodikbrown]

I've always been a peds RN and part of the time I worked residential psych. and I have to say that some/a lot of those children would never have been there except for the way they were treated by "loved ones".