I Remember What It Was Like To Be A Terrified Nursing Student

I've learned a bit in nearly four decades at the bedside -- and I still remember what it was like to be brand new. Here's some wisdom -- and an invitation for my fellow senior nurses to add their own. Nurses Announcements Archive Article

I Remember What It Was Like To Be A Terrified Nursing Student

I can assure you that despite my 38 years of experience, I remember vividly what it was like to be a terrified student or new graduate nurse on the nursing unit for the first time. Most of us old nurses haven't forgotten what it's like to be new; we've just accumulated a whole lot more experience and quite a bit of wisdom as well -- and we can tell you that sometimes things aren't precisely the way you think they are.

Sometimes your work colleagues really don't like you -- and sometimes the reason is that you're unlikable.

I can say this with some surety because I remember vividly what it was like to be a terrified new grad on the nursing unit for the first year. I was so scared -- of the patients, of my co-workers, of the doctors, of my boss and of making a horrible mistake -- that I was tense, humorless and generally unlikable. Once I accumulated some experience and some knowledge and was able to relax just a bit, people started liking me.

It wasn't that they were horrible people intent on devouring new grads. It's just that some new grads aren't very likable.

I know that you're loaded down with compassion and empathy and all that, but the patient who is throwing his food trays at you because he doesn't like his diagnosis really doesn't have an excuse for his behavior. Sure he's upset and scared -- I get that -- better than most of you do, because I've been there. But being upset and scared doesn't give you a license for physical (or verbal) aggression directed at others.

"Customer Service" is a trend that will eventually die. No matter how many patients have to die because of customer service first. It makes no sense to base health care reimbursement or raises or anything, really, on the "customer service" model.

A happy customer is someone who has everything his way.

Patients don't get to have everything their way.

A nurse who gives them cupcakes when their blood sugar is 699 or a big glass of water when they're on a fluid restriction or anything when they're NPO is likely to get a great survey but an unhealthy patient. And aren't we in the business of promoting health?

Families who insist that it's "their right" to be at the bedside usually aren't there to be supportive of the patient. And they usually aren't supportive of the patient. If I have to wake you up because your mother is calling your name and wants you to hold her hand, you're not being supportive.

If you're there to translate for your father who doesn't speak English, you'll need to get out of your comfortable nest and translate when we need to give your father directions.

If you want to sleep, go elsewhere.

And before anyone snaps at me that I clearly don't get it, that of course families have a right . . . understand that I've spent more time as a patient than as a nurse in the past two years. I get it.

The family member who wants to be at the bedside to support the patient will tell you that, not insist upon "their rights." Family members who TELL you that they're there to support the patient may not always have that clear and unselfish an agenda, but those who insist upon their "rights" are unlikely in the extreme to be anything approaching supportive.

Nurses wouldn't mind family being at the bedside if the family knew how to behave in public. But that's a whole another thread -- one that I've already started and one that I may start again, just for fun.

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Ruby Vee

About Ruby Vee, BSN

Ruby Vee BSN

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I'm quite excited to see when customer service becomes second to patient care. It totally annoys me when a patient gets on the call light for cookies (that he can get himself) and when met with resistance automatically reverts to "your here to be my waiter/waitress" mentality.

I can also assure you that things are not as you seem as well. Being a nurse with a lot of experience simply means that you have managed to not lose you licence, be employed and haven't died off. Years of experience may mean you you have a lot of wisdom but it may also mean you are out of date with your knowledge and so jaded that you are worth less than a new grad. I will pay attention to how the individual performs-not how many years they have or haven't worked.

As a new grad they should not care how nice you are or aren't they should care about if you create a professional work environment. If you are an experienced nurse who gossips at the nurses station or and eats new grads alive you are part of the problem not the solution. If you have one new grad you find unlikable it is probably them if you find most or all new grads unlikable the problem is probably you.

Different people experience things differently and have different reactions. The simple fact you have been a patient makes no difference in whether or not you "get it". That said if someone throws a food tray it is more than appropriate to walk into the room and say "I realize this is a hard time but the behavior you just exhibited is unacceptable in the hospital is there anything I can do to help?"

Customer service as now defined will change in the future but good customer service is not exclusive from providing good care. I have a patient who was upset he couldn't have a glass of water until it was explained to him why it would make his surgery risky. Now every time he comes in the clinic I grab a couple glasses of water before I go into his room and we laugh about it while we do his follow up. You can't please everyone all of the time but you can take the. time to give reason a chance.

And I actually will take the opportunity to snap at you. The fact you stereotype families who assert their right to be at the bedside is completely unprofessional and a disgrace. If the hospital has chosen to allow visiting during that time it is their right to be there.

Maybe the reason I feel it is necessary to tell you it is my right to be there is because the night nurse was about to violate my Dad's healthcare directive and then tried to get me kicked out of the hospital afterwards. I have been around nursing long enough to know that when report was given I was mentioned as a difficult family member. I am sorry that your coworker put me on the defensive but that is life.

Maybe the person who asserts their right to be there is the person's life partner who has been kicked out of the hospital before by the family previously so they feel they need to be clear they know they have the right to be there. But you have already decided that person is "unlikely in the extreme to be anything approaching supportive." The bias is sickening.

And you dare to tell me if I am going to sleep to go somewhere else. I would love to be home in bed after staying awake the past 72 hours since my Dad's emergency surgery but frankly the care at the hospital has been a joke. In addition to the nurse who tried to ignore his advanced directive I have prevented 3 medication errors and had to come and get a nurse several times to titrate drips since they were too busy chatting at the desk to take care of their 1:1 patient appropriately.

Maybe the work I have seen from you has finally convinced me that my Dad is in good hands so I can sleep a few minutes. But at the same time you and I both know he is going to die-probably during your shift so forgive me if I want to stay close so he isn't alone when he dies. He asked me that before he slipped into a coma.

The fact you have been a patient has no effect on how I want to be treated if I am your patient. I have grown tired of nurses who say they treat patients the way they want to be treated or how they want their part treated. how about asking the patient how they want to be treated?

Specializes in Geriatrics, Dialysis.

Gosh Ruby I so hope that you are right about the "customer is always right" mentality going away...hopefully sooner rather than later! I don't work in a hospital, and have no desire to...for many reasons, not the least of which is the ridiculous reliance on "customer" satisfaction surveys! Since when are patients requiring medical care customers? Even if somebody cares to make the argument that since the patient is paying for said medical care they are indeed a customer, since when do customer satisfaction surveys impact pay? Just because I got crappy service at McDonald's one day and filled out a negative survey sure doesn't mean they got any less of my money, nor does it mean that the lousy drive through worker that totally messed up my order got paid less or missed out on her raise because of that.

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I can also assure you that things are not as you seem as well. Being a nurse with a lot of experience simply means that you have managed to not lose you licence, be employed and haven't died off. Years of experience may mean you you have a lot of wisdom but it may also mean you are out of date with your knowledge and so jaded that you are worth less than a new grad. I will pay attention to how the individual performs-not how many years they have or haven't worked.

As a new grad they should not care how nice you are or aren't they should care about if you create a professional work environment. If you are an experienced nurse who gossips at the nurses station or and eats new grads alive you are part of the problem not the solution. If you have one new grad you find unlikable it is probably them if you find most or all new grads unlikable the problem is probably you.

Different people experience things differently and have different reactions. The simple fact you have been a patient makes no difference in whether or not you "get it". That said if someone throws a food tray it is more than appropriate to walk into the room and say "I realize this is a hard time but the behavior you just exhibited is unacceptable in the hospital is there anything I can do to help?"

Customer service as now defined will change in the future but good customer service is not exclusive from providing good care. I have a patient who was upset he couldn't have a glass of water until it was explained to him why it would make his surgery risky. Now every time he comes in the clinic I grab a couple glasses of water before I go into his room and we laugh about it while we do his follow up. You can't please everyone all of the time but you can take the. time to give reason a chance.

And I actually will take the opportunity to snap at you. The fact you stereotype families who assert their right to be at the bedside is completely unprofessional and a disgrace. If the hospital has chosen to allow visiting during that time it is their right to be there.

Maybe the reason I feel it is necessary to tell you it is my right to be there is because the night nurse was about to violate my Dad's healthcare directive and then tried to get me kicked out of the hospital afterwards. I have been around nursing long enough to know that when report was given I was mentioned as a difficult family member. I am sorry that your coworker put me on the defensive but that is life.

Maybe the person who asserts their right to be there is the person's life partner who has been kicked out of the hospital before by the family previously so they feel they need to be clear they know they have the right to be there. But you have already decided that person is "unlikely in the extreme to be anything approaching supportive." The bias is sickening.

And you dare to tell me if I am going to sleep to go somewhere else. I would love to be home in bed after staying awake the past 72 hours since my Dad's emergency surgery but frankly the care at the hospital has been a joke. In addition to the nurse who tried to ignore his advanced directive I have prevented 3 medication errors and had to come and get a nurse several times to titrate drips since they were too busy chatting at the desk to take care of their 1:1 patient appropriately.

Maybe the work I have seen from you has finally convinced me that my Dad is in good hands so I can sleep a few minutes. But at the same time you and I both know he is going to die-probably during your shift so forgive me if I want to stay close so he isn't alone when he dies. He asked me that before he slipped into a coma.

The fact you have been a patient has no effect on how I want to be treated if I am your patient. I have grown tired of nurses who say they treat patients the way they want to be treated or how they want their part treated. how about asking the patient how they want to be treated?

I'm sorry your nurse was mean to you, but that wasn't me. Nor am I the one who was too busy taking care of updating my gossip quotient to take care of my patients. You seem a little tetchy. Hope you feel better soon.

I can also assure you that things are not as you seem as well. Being a nurse with a lot of experience simply means that you have managed to not lose you licence, be employed and haven't died off. Years of experience may mean you you have a lot of wisdom but it may also mean you are out of date with your knowledge and so jaded that you are worth less than a new grad. I will pay attention to how the individual performs-not how many years they have or haven't worked.

As a new grad they should not care how nice you are or aren't they should care about if you create a professional work environment. If you are an experienced nurse who gossips at the nurses station or and eats new grads alive you are part of the problem not the solution. If you have one new grad you find unlikable it is probably them if you find most or all new grads unlikable the problem is probably you.

Different people experience things differently and have different reactions. The simple fact you have been a patient makes no difference in whether or not you "get it". That said if someone throws a food tray it is more than appropriate to walk into the room and say "I realize this is a hard time but the behavior you just exhibited is unacceptable in the hospital is there anything I can do to help?"

Customer service as now defined will change in the future but good customer service is not exclusive from providing good care. I have a patient who was upset he couldn't have a glass of water until it was explained to him why it would make his surgery risky. Now every time he comes in the clinic I grab a couple glasses of water before I go into his room and we laugh about it while we do his follow up. You can't please everyone all of the time but you can take the. time to give reason a chance.

And I actually will take the opportunity to snap at you. The fact you stereotype families who assert their right to be at the bedside is completely unprofessional and a disgrace. If the hospital has chosen to allow visiting during that time it is their right to be there.

Maybe the reason I feel it is necessary to tell you it is my right to be there is because the night nurse was about to violate my Dad's healthcare directive and then tried to get me kicked out of the hospital afterwards. I have been around nursing long enough to know that when report was given I was mentioned as a difficult family member. I am sorry that your coworker put me on the defensive but that is life.

Maybe the person who asserts their right to be there is the person's life partner who has been kicked out of the hospital before by the family previously so they feel they need to be clear they know they have the right to be there. But you have already decided that person is "unlikely in the extreme to be anything approaching supportive." The bias is sickening.

And you dare to tell me if I am going to sleep to go somewhere else. I would love to be home in bed after staying awake the past 72 hours since my Dad's emergency surgery but frankly the care at the hospital has been a joke. In addition to the nurse who tried to ignore his advanced directive I have prevented 3 medication errors and had to come and get a nurse several times to titrate drips since they were too busy chatting at the desk to take care of their 1:1 patient appropriately.

Maybe the work I have seen from you has finally convinced me that my Dad is in good hands so I can sleep a few minutes. But at the same time you and I both know he is going to die-probably during your shift so forgive me if I want to stay close so he isn't alone when he dies. He asked me that before he slipped into a coma.

The fact you have been a patient has no effect on how I want to be treated if I am your patient. I have grown tired of nurses who say they treat patients the way they want to be treated or how they want their part treated. how about asking the patient how they want to be treated?

I'm actually quite pleased you wrote this. I believe there is a multitude of viewpoints that can and should be discussed . Sharing different perspectives makes a more well rounded individual.

scottaprn,

WHOA Satan, slow down! So angry....I think RubyVee writes with a desire to humor readers. Text can be confusing, no tone or expression to help us interpret content. Albeit she is a bit abrasive but you see she's in the Crusty Old Bat Society, don't you?

You've heard the expression, "nurses make the worst patients," right? Well, they also make the worst family members of the patients. I've been the crazy family member, in retrospect I know I was a pain in the butt. Who can see clearly when they are losing one of the few people on the planet that love them unconditionally?

I absolutely agree on the "customer service mentality" being ridiculous. I can't critically think to the best of my ability when I constantly have to verbally reassure you that I'm not here for 12 hours to shirk my responsibility. So many family members, especially the educated ones, come off so accusatory. Let me comb through this chart so I can find anything that's been missed before you start barking at me that your loved one hasn't been turned in an hour and 55 minutes or needs a fresh cup of ice chips because the old one is half melted.

Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.

Another good one Ruby...

I am assured that the customer service model that has ravaged this business for over 20-plus years is dying...we're going through the struggle now, but I know it will be over soon. Oh yes. :yes:

Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
I can also assure you that things are not as you seem as well. Being a nurse with a lot of experience simply means that you have managed to not lose you licence, be employed and haven't died off. Years of experience may mean you you have a lot of wisdom but it may also mean you are out of date with your knowledge and so jaded that you are worth less than a new grad. I will pay attention to how the individual performs-not how many years they have or haven't worked.

As a new grad they should not care how nice you are or aren't they should care about if you create a professional work environment. If you are an experienced nurse who gossips at the nurses station or and eats new grads alive you are part of the problem not the solution. If you have one new grad you find unlikable it is probably them if you find most or all new grads unlikable the problem is probably you.

Different people experience things differently and have different reactions. The simple fact you have been a patient makes no difference in whether or not you "get it". That said if someone throws a food tray it is more than appropriate to walk into the room and say "I realize this is a hard time but the behavior you just exhibited is unacceptable in the hospital is there anything I can do to help?"

Customer service as now defined will change in the future but good customer service is not exclusive from providing good care. I have a patient who was upset he couldn't have a glass of water until it was explained to him why it would make his surgery risky. Now every time he comes in the clinic I grab a couple glasses of water before I go into his room and we laugh about it while we do his follow up. You can't please everyone all of the time but you can take the. time to give reason a chance.

And I actually will take the opportunity to snap at you. The fact you stereotype families who assert their right to be at the bedside is completely unprofessional and a disgrace. If the hospital has chosen to allow visiting during that time it is their right to be there.

Maybe the reason I feel it is necessary to tell you it is my right to be there is because the night nurse was about to violate my Dad's healthcare directive and then tried to get me kicked out of the hospital afterwards. I have been around nursing long enough to know that when report was given I was mentioned as a difficult family member. I am sorry that your coworker put me on the defensive but that is life.

Maybe the person who asserts their right to be there is the person's life partner who has been kicked out of the hospital before by the family previously so they feel they need to be clear they know they have the right to be there. But you have already decided that person is "unlikely in the extreme to be anything approaching supportive." The bias is sickening.

And you dare to tell me if I am going to sleep to go somewhere else. I would love to be home in bed after staying awake the past 72 hours since my Dad's emergency surgery but frankly the care at the hospital has been a joke. In addition to the nurse who tried to ignore his advanced directive I have prevented 3 medication errors and had to come and get a nurse several times to titrate drips since they were too busy chatting at the desk to take care of their 1:1 patient appropriately.

Maybe the work I have seen from you has finally convinced me that my Dad is in good hands so I can sleep a few minutes. But at the same time you and I both know he is going to die-probably during your shift so forgive me if I want to stay close so he isn't alone when he dies. He asked me that before he slipped into a coma.

The fact you have been a patient has no effect on how I want to be treated if I am your patient. I have grown tired of nurses who say they treat patients the way they want to be treated or how they want their part treated. how about asking the patient how they want to be treated?

​When I read this article, I wondered how long it would take for someone to bring the knives out. Second post! That may be a record!

Being old and crusty does not give you a pass to stereotype entire groups of people. My post was written to offer viewpoints that you have thrown away without consideration.

And to the snide comment about me being touchy and that you hope I feel better soon? Do you think there is anything more arrogant and condescending that you could say? Do you treat your patient's the same way by belittling their feelings? What a sign of poor self confidence to have to act that way.

You speak of improving health but you ignore the evidence that shows removal of visiting hour restrictions improve patient outcomes.

Yes, I can see how what rubyvee wrote initially and her subsequent responses are condescending and insensitive and it is inexcusable to treat people that way. She sounds burned out and I think she's retired so thankfully she isn't projecting all that at work. I think she acts overly callous to be funny too. That's a coping mechanism we nurses have, cracking jokes during a code and whatnot.

I also know that in my experience with difficult family members (and being a difficult family member myself) it appears as if the pain they're enduring turns into anger, blame, and the need to point out fault in the health care workers caring for their loved one. Perhaps they need to feel like they're actively engaged in treating their loved one, they need to feel of use, and pointing out fault in the care offers proof that they are needed. In regards to your father you said, "you and i both know he's going to die-probably during your shift" and you may have mentally said those words but it sounds as if your behavior did not reflect any sort of acceptance of the situation. Maybe some more time and distance from such a painful ordeal will give you the ability to see that.

As a nurse I would like you to know we expect you to be at the bedside when your loved one is near death, its disgusting and heartless when family leaves them alone, on a vent, in a coma, doesn't matter, hold their hand.

Specializes in ninja nursing.

I'm going through my orientation and absolutely abhor going to work. My preceptor didn't even want to precept me (constantly tells me) and this last week told me "I hate coming to work because i have to be with you". She's an experienced nurse of 17 years. I just started this career and am already thinking of leaving. How long should I deal with this? Should I put in my two week notice? I told the nurse educator and she doesn't seem to really care. I hate hate hate going to work. Any advice would be helpful. If I finish my orientation and then turn in my two week notice would that look better than just putting in my notice now? What would I tell my next employer?