How does it make you feel?

Nurses General Nursing

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How does it make you feel when you find out your patient is a nurse? I feel deceived... Trust me this is one of my favorite patients and I'm just curious as to why she didn't tell me. She still doesn't know that I know and she has been a nurse since before I was born. It just saddens me that she is not concerned about her wellbeing. I know she has other issues and maybe she felt if she told me I wouldnt treat her like my other patients??? All my other patients let me know up front that they are a nurse or have nurses in the family. Am I wrong for feeling deceived??

Specializes in ICU, MS, BHU, Flight RN, Admin.

I would not feel decieved. I have had this happen, and I react with "Cool! That makes explaining your plan of care a whole lot easier".

Specializes in ICU, MS, BHU, Flight RN, Admin.

I kind of get the feeling that maybe you cared for this patient thinking that she was a layman and maybe didn't give 'perfect' care and now you are wondering how much she caught you on.

If my patient is a medical professional, and it makes any difference whether I do my job the way that I was taught to in school, that makes me a sub-par nurse. I doesn't matter whether my patient is a nurse or not, I do my job right so that I don't have to look over my shoulder when I find out that one of my patients knew that I was breaking sterility or protocal.

Specializes in hospice, HH, LTC, ER,OR.

She is only has minimal treatment and no she get the same care as all my other patients I could never go to work and give subpar care and if I thought I would.. I would take the day off.

Hi, I can tell you why I never spoke about being a nurse when I went through a severe health crisis and several surgeries..Often times as a student nurse and working nurse I saw that when the nurse became the patient and the staff knew,,, anytime questions were raised she was perceived as a "know it all"..if a mistake was made and she pointed it out (and face it, mistakes happen at some point every day) she was a problem not a patient.. also, other times I saw nurse patients who had self diagnosed anything or used medical lingo were seen as hypochondriacs..and still another reason is that as a nurse I know that it can be intimdating to work on another nurse or doctor.(my first ever IV placement was on a doc having a heart attack in the ER, I think I almost had one along with him).it really can create anxiety for your caregiver. I felt it was in my own best interest to just let people do their jobs, monitor things quietly and keep a low profile :)

it just saddens me that she is not concerned about her wellbeing

maybe thats why she didnt disclose thats shes a nurse...is there a higher standard for her? should she be more concerned about her health than the layperson just b/c she happens to be a nurse? just trying to understand it from her perspective...

Specializes in LTC.

I remember my 1st qtr of nursing school I was hospitalized. I didn't divulge I was a nursing student bc it wasn't imperative for my care. However one of my classmates told my nurse that I was a nursing student. She asked me about it and I said I was. I felt an attitude shift at that point. Well then my next nurse came in and ?? me if I was a nursing student.

Also I don't divulge that I'm a nurse in care situations. Though ppl often guess I am in the healthcare field bc of my understanding of what is going on and bc of the medical lingo I will sometimes use (out of habit). If ?? I answer honestly but it's not something I come out and say.

I would not feel decieved. I have had this happen, and I react with "Cool! That makes explaining your plan of care a whole lot easier".

It shouldn't make it easier.

Healthcare providers as patients are entitled to the same education (and care) that a lay person is.

I agree I think I have become emotionally bonded and yes I do wonder I she has been evaluating me at every visit. Also it is her right to tell or not to tell me I am not denying that fact and I always give my patients the best care to my ability regardless of the profession. I will state that she did say something this past week once that puzzled me and my curiosity wanted to ask her last occupation. But without question I just think I feel this way because of all the personal things she shares that I don't ask and the personal things that she has asked of me... It just puzzled me that she would skip that subject, and she has all rights too.. I have no intentions of telling her that I know, if she wants to tell me I'm sure she will.. I just feel indifferent..

Feeling indifferent or deceived? They are not the same thing.

I don't know why anyone would feel deceived if certain personal information is not shared with them by another except perhaps in close interpersonal relationships but even then some skeletons need not be shared neccesarily.

Specializes in hospice, HH, LTC, ER,OR.
Feeling indifferent or deceived? They are not the same thing.

I don't know why anyone would feel deceived if certain personal information is not shared with them by another except perhaps in close interpersonal relationships but even then some skeletons need not be shared neccesarily.

never said they were the same.. but I have a right to feel more than one emotion at the same time :). love your reply so far one of the best!

"Deceived" is a loaded word that implies wrongdoing. Maybe that's why some of us are saying you may have crossed a line. The reaction might have been different had you said you felt confused or puzzled.

Patients are free to tell us as much or as little as they choose to about themselves and their lives. If they get to the point where their confidences or their invitations/expectations get to be too personal or too much, it's up to us to say that the subject matter is making us feel a little uncomfortable. Not in a judgmental way, of course, but we, as the professionals, are the ones who need to be aware of the boundaries.

We also have to remember that therapeutic relationships are, by their very nature, unequal. The patients are not our peers. Technically, they are not primarily our friends, although there can be friendly behavior. Why is this the case? Because true friendship involves give and take, reciprocity, and taking turns meeting each other's needs. This should not be happening in a therapeutic relationship.

Should we remain cold and distant in the name of being professional? No. That's just silly. But there needs to be an understanding that, while there can be mutual affection, there can't be the kind of obligation that friendship entails. We can't ever expect our patients to take care of us or our feelings. We can set boundaries in areas where there is inappropriate behavior, but that should be done on the basis of healthy limit setting, not because of hurt feelings.

Previous posters have mentioned a number of reasons why your patient may not have mentioned that she was a nurse--she may be ashamed of her health problems, especially if she hasn't take good care of herself; she may not want you to feel nervous or like she's watching and evaluating your every move; she may be concerned that you won't explain things in detail because you'll think she already understands everything about her care; or some combination of the above.

I'd encourage you to just accept her as she is and maybe monitor your thoughts to see if perhaps you are either a little over-attached or looking at her as a friend (who kind of disappointed you by not revealing her former profession) rather than as a friendly patient.

never said they were the same.. but I have a right to feel more than one emotion at the same time :). love your reply so far one of the best!

Feeling indifferent and decieved is contradictory.

Specializes in hospice, HH, LTC, ER,OR.

Once again.. the question was how would you feel..not decipher my posts .. and it can be very well contradictory.. is that wrong of me?

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