A few years ago I decided to go to a nursing college because the program was cheap compared to the university program that I initially wanted to go to. I had no idea of what nursing was like so I had no idea of what I was getting myself into. I thought nursing was just giving needles to people and checking their temperature. Yeah, there's a lot that I didn't know... I took it for a year and it was during a bad time in my life so I felt very depressed. I started to hate nursing, I thought seeing wounds, cleaning people up and surgeries were just disgusting. Also, I was a teenager, so getting up for a 7am shift seemed too crazy to me. I had a placement in geriatrics and the elderly were not what I thought they'd be. They would yell at me for no reason, they would be completely different people during an evening shift and I hated having to change their adult diapers. I really felt that I wasn't confident enough to become a nurse, I was scared that I wouldn't be able to save someone's life. I remember learning all about needles and how to inject them. I was taught that you shouldn't have any air in the needle or it would kill the patient,.. that freaked me out. I got stressed out and thought what if I accidentally kill someone??? That would never leave my concious. I absolutely love kids and knew that if I'm going to be a nurse I'd be in the pediatric ward for sure, but then I thought, what if I give a child the wrong dose?? What if I don't notice a symptom and fail to report on it and the child dies?? I also felt that maybe I wasn't mature enough for it. Maybe being a big girl in this new world was a scary thought so then I decided to drop out.. I remember my dad kept pushing me to stay and when I told him that I dropped out, it broke his heart. I thought nursing wasn't for me and that I could help people in another way. That was three years ago and everyday I think about my decision. Every time I see a nurse I get very envious and think wow.. that could be me right now... I could be saving someone's life right now... It's a very strange feeling because I remember being so upset in my program but once I dropped out I still felt upset. I went to get my BA in another field of study and it taught me that I really do want to help people out. I spent a lot of time and money on it and I just don't think I could ever go back into nursing due to expenses and if I'm actually REALLY ready for it. I don't want to go into and drop out again. I don't know what it is about nursing, but I just feel upset every time I think about it. I feel like maybe writing this story will help me feel better about not completing my nursing program. Maybe someone out there will let me know that it was okay that I dropped out and did something else... I'll be doing another program in the fall (which relates to helping people) so maybe that will help me feel better and maybe I'll get a great job when I finish... I just need some reassurance that maybe I will find happiness in a different career and that this guilt will go away... '