overdose no accident, says fantasia - 'i wanted out'
two weeks after being hospitalized
for overdosing on aspirin and a sleep aid, singer fantasia barrino says it was no accident. she wanted to die.
"i didn't have any fight in me. i didn't care about anything. i just wanted out," the american idol
winner, 26, tells vh1 in a new behind the music
interview, airing 9 p.m. et/pt tuesday, the same day her new album, back to me
, is released. "at that moment, i wanted out. i wanted it to be over with - all of it, all of that [expletive]."
she continues: "i just sat in the closet and looked at the mirror and took all the pills in the bottle. i wanted to go to sleep and just be at peace. i knew exactly what i was doing. you can't accidentally take a whole bottle of pills."
barrino's manager, brian dickens, recalls finding her lying on the floor in her room. "her emotions were extremely low," he says. "she'd been crying all day. fantasia was just numb. fantasia texted me, saying 'i love you.' i wrote back, 'i love you more.' then it hit me."
"i wrote, 'you better not do anything or think about doing anything stupid.' and i left it at that. about 10 minutes later, fantasia texted me back, and she said, 'already did.' i went into fantasia's room and saw her on the floor, and my heart just dropped."
what made the successful singer, who's preparing to release her third album, want to end her life? "i was tired of people doing me wrong, constantly, over and over again, dealing with my family - my father, dealing with men and their [expletive] - i was tired," she says. "my head was hurting me. i was over it."
to complicate matters even more, barrino is now being threatened with a lawsuit
by paula cook, the wife of antwaun cook, with whom fantasia had been having an affair
"when i met him, he was separated ... wasn't living in his home. he didn't want to be back with his wife - that is what i was told," barrino says. "i remember waking up in the hospital [and thinking], 'it didn't work, i'm still here in this hellhole. still here with all this drama going on.' "
ultimately, the singer says the saving grace was her nurse. "my nurse melanie was a blessing into my life because she didn't tell me what i wanted to hear," she says. "she told me what i needed to hear. and she looked at me and said, 'you gotta get up, and you've gotta get out of here, 'cause you haven't fulfilled your destiny.' "
"i realized how people end up in the grave. because that one moment [snaps her fingers] of just breaking or feeling like i can't, i can't go on, it's too heavy. that was somewhere i don't ever want to go again."
if you can touch just one patient as a nurse, you have done plenty.......
Quote from PurpleLVN
I'm so glad that you are so perfect Fribblet and donster RN!
Despite your personal feelings toward Fantasia, there were and are circumstances that lead up to her decision to "end it all". There were lies that were told, deadlines to meet, family and friends "relying" on her for their needs and wants,etc. The stressors of life-that we everyday people deal with- that can be doubled when one is a celebrity and in the public light as she and many others are. We are all human and make bad decisions throughout life-some known and unknown to others. He who is without sin, cast the first stone!!
So instead of calling her names, how about showing some empathy and compassion, thanking God that she did not succeed and is on the road to therapy and recovery.
I can feel bad for her and still accurately assess her as being an idiot. I do not pity her when it comes to the affair. It was a bad decision, and if it turns out to be true that she is indeed 3 months pregnant (I'm taking that with a grain of salt. I'll believe it when it's proven) she's a selfish idiot.
I've seen her reality show. The girl is a few crayons shy of a full box.
Also, to assess that someone has made a bad decision does not require the assessor to be perfect. Sometimes a spade is a spade. And speaking of spades, I'm glad YOU'RE so perfect that you are able to judge me. Maybe I'm lashing out at Fantasia because I also hurt so deeply inside. /sarcasm
I also think, like someone else suggested, that this was a publicity stunt. I seriously doubt the sincerity of her attempt. One does not attempt suicide and walk out of the hospital to give interviews and tell the world you're okay that quickly. It just doesn't happen if one TRULY wanted to die.
I'm calling BS on this. If it offends your sensibilities, so be it. Hollywood is full of famewhores who will do ANYTHING for a few more dollars, interviews, and attention. It really needs to be investigated as an addiction.
ETA: I don't want it to come off as if I'm minimizing depression or suicide attempts. I think depression is very real and that those who truly suffer with it, suffer greatly. But with this particular situation...something in the milk ain't clean.
Last edit by Fribblet on Aug 31, '10