Do any fem. nurses here have Stay at Home husbands/SOs ? - page 3

I know, i ask tons of questions - but i can't help it. I want to know. Do any of you have husbands who are staying at home looking after children and u are the breadwinner? I'm 27, my son is... Read More

  1. by   Rustyhammer
    When my kids were at the age of "before school" I opted to stay at home and be the primary caregiver while my wife became the primary breadwinner. I started a small web design business that I did at home and it brought in some "bread and egg money".
    Let me tell you that during those 2 1/2 years I never worked so hard in my life. I changed diapers, potty trained my kids, planned and cooked meals, did housecleaning, balanced the checkbook, did the laundry, made holloween costumes and still managed to make fantastic love to the wife at least twice a week (she can be quite demanding at times).
    This was done despite my parents little quips about "Well when are you going to go back to work?"
    I volunteered at school and baked some great pies and always had dinner on the table when Robin got home.
    I am proud of the time I got to spend with my kids during those years and they have great memories of learning how to fish and cook and "remember when we used to play poker?"
    I layed on the floor and played with my kids. I saw them take their first steps. I was there when they were sick and I loved every minute of it.
    When the last kid was in school full time I went back to "work" and even now I get off in time to see them when they get off the bus and I'm the one who helps them with their homework. I still cook the dinners at night and teach them how to cook and I'm there to tuck them in at night.
    My wife of 18 years is there for them also and the kids know that they can do anything they want regardless of gender.
    No reason that a Dad can't be the one to raise the kids in my opinion.
    As long as there is love in the house and in the heart...you can't fail.
    -Russell
  2. by   Anagray
    Hello again everyone!!
    THANK YOU SOOO MUCH for all the good points you bring up, for all the personal experiences u share and for the debate-like conversations.

    I'm going to think about this situation for a while - I have plenty of time. I guess what I understand is that my husband and I really need to make sure that we are on the same page concerning the issue of stay home parenting.
    If we don't have any more children, of course, hubby will be working hard . it was my idea to ask him to take care of the new baby, should we decide to have one.
    I have to agree that a mother plays a very important role in a child's upbringing. I need to think about that some more.

    There is something else i wanted to share - in my culture women emancipated at the end of 19th century. In my family particulary,
    all women worked and all women received higher education, starting with my great-grandmother (born 1898) who had phd in political science and was a professor in a major University.
    I don't know exactly how the women in my family did it, but growing up, the line between "woman's job" and "man's job" was very vague in most areas. I guess, this is why I see nothing wrong with a man staying home and taking care of children.

    There are definitely pros and cons about dad being at home.
    I'm very luck to say that my husband is really great with children, they love him. Every time my son has a party, my husband is surrounded by kids.

    Since I have a boy, I keep thinking how nice it would be if his dad was at all his sports practices etc. My husband's job requires him to work every single weekend.
    When my son is a teenager, i think it would be really great if dad was home more.
    However, I can only imagine how much pressure i will be under making every payment for all of our bills.

    anyway, it is so good of you to write. Thanks again for posting everyone! I'll keep coming back to read more!!

  3. by   nursegoodguy
    Wow... I better choose my words carefully on this one or I might have to change my name to nursebadguy!
    I think what I am reading is that there are people with years of experience to draw from, trying to look out for your best interest and that is great! You really do need to read everones replies carefully as there are valid points to be considered...
    For my two cents I would first point out that the world is a much different place today then it was yesterday... come on folks we don't all live by the standards that we saw on Leave it to Beaver... How many of us really grew up in this sort of environment anyways...
    Okay so maybe in some families there is a mom and a dad and the dad works and the mom stays home and takes care of the kids and everyone is happy:kiss
    There are also lots of other types of families that function just fine and are productive units in societ... Perhaps it's a stay at home grandma or grandpa
    Why I don't care if it's your husband, mother, brother or lover just as long as your particular family unit gives your child, (and each other) a stable home life, lots of love and try to instill a sense of right and wrong then shouldn't matter who is at home and who is the bread winner
    As far as the issue of changing roles in your particular situation goes, no matter what you decide just keep your head up high in the face of society!
  4. by   nursegoodguy
    Well said Rustyhammer!
  5. by   VickyRN
    I was forced into the breadwinner role, quite unexpectedly, I might add. My husband had a complete nervous breakdown (about 4 years ago) and was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. He had to quit his job and go on disability. The disability insurance I found (through experience) to be utterly worthless and soon they "turned him out" when he really wasn't ready at all to go back to work. He is middle-aged and virtually unmarketable due to his depression history. Economics are very bad in this area, with very few good job opportunities. My husband is not in shape enough to take a fastfood restaurant or WalMart job, so he stays at home, helps take care of our children (who are virtually grown), cleans, cooks, takes care of the lawn, balances the checkbook, plans the budget, takes care of the cars, etc., etc. My husband has a very poor self-image now that I am the breadwinner and not living up to society's "expectations." He is taking some courses and hopes to eventually become Microsoft certified and work from home. I am an RN and make a very good salary for this impoverished area of the South and for this I am very grateful. My husband is doing SO MUCH BETTER and for this I thank God, also. Still, it is a heavy weight on me. I work two jobs--this week, for instance, I worked 24 hours at one hospital, and I'm working 36 hours this week at my "main" hospital in an ICU. I'm not young, either, I'm 47. Still, we love each other very much and we both are very committed to each other and to our marriage, "...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health..." I guess what I'm saying is--it's not easy, but it is workable.
  6. by   live4today
    these balloons are for you! you sound like the kind of father i wish i had the opportunity to have as a child. hats off to you and your wife robin for the successful upbringing of your children who are the ones who are blessed to have such neat sounding parents. may god continue to bless and enrich your lives always. :angel2:
  7. by   micro


    so micro inputs here.....

    ---well husband staying home to take care of the little people.......why not......just because someone is xy and someone is xx.....duh.....

    ---well one thing+++i have found in my life....my other.....has not a problem if i make more than they do......or if they make more than i do.....as long as both work it out together......like duh.......

    ---and not to make anybody's opinions my own....so will go from my own......
    I so value and am glad for all of you that have the "blessing of children" and "___", but you know there are others that also live just fine........
    and our lives and values and opinions value and matter also.....
    sometimes i think that this is forgotten in mainstream ________.

    i do not care if i work or don't have to work.....i can, so i do........

    hey, RustyHammer......
    good for you and being brave enough to be a man and do what you needed to do.......regardless of what the "world" said.....

    hi, indeed and happeewendy..........keep on postin...............

    micro and out
  8. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Mcruss! HI! I like nights just fine. I am not sure what type of nursing you are looking for....to be sure, there is PLENTY of work in the Tacoma area.....check with St. Clare, St. Josephs, Tacoma General, or St. Francis....all have numerous jobs available...esp at night!!!! I just do perdiem weekend nursing myself, in labor and delivery and LOVE IT! Til my dh retires, it will likely be that way since my kids are still young and I want to be home w/them as long as possible. PM me if you are interested in my email addy and I will chat w/ya more.....I also have MSN messenger, AIM, and Yahoo messenger if you ever want to chat. PM me and I will give you my online names.

    To the rest of you, your opinions are very interesting and valuable. I never meant to devalue anyone's point of view w/anything I said. If it is perceived that way, I do apolgize here and now. I think the parent and/or significant other who desires to stay home and is able to, should. Father, mother, grandparent, who cares? As long as the person with the child during their growing up years is caring and loving, I am behind them 1000%!!!! But anyone who does stay home "works" trust me! Meantime, Rock on, nurses!!!!!! ;-)
    Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Jun 1, '02
  9. by   Furball
    Interesting thread.
    When my hubby and I first got married he made twice as much as I did. I dropped down to part-time and returned to college with his encouragement. After school, hubby severely broke his leg (skiing)knocking him out of commission for a year. Thank God I was working as an RN at this point in time, rather than a grocery store and managed to keep our family afloat. He felt terrible but really did enjoy spending time with our then 4 year old son. We would have drowned in debt if he hadn't encouraged me to return to school years previously.

    Today, we both work full-time, making almost exactly the same salary. He vacuums, I mow the lawn. We both shop. He coaches my sons little league team, I handle field trips ect. It's a busy, happy life. I don't know how fulltime working moms/dads stand it when their spouses don't pitch in.

    Each family is different. Whatever works for you is the "right" way.

    Love and respect for each other will help pave the route.


    PS My football player son wants to be an RN.
    Last edit by Furball on Jun 1, '02
  10. by   Huganurse
    I agree that all of you have a right to your opinions on raising kids. I missworded my last post.
    Last edit by Huganurse on Jun 30, '02
  11. by   mario_ragucci
    Stay in Jail Mom

    Marriage never seeped into my life, so I have no kids. Admittedly, I love to be a father because I was raised by two exceptional people, and I'd love to pass that on. It's up to you whether your a "stay at home" or "do things with" kind of Dad. I openly pity the kids I see who have wishy-washy Dads that teach or display positive human traits.
    I'd bring my kids to work, but never as todders, or below the age of 5-7.
    Happy Wendy - you are cool. Many women have kids just because they want to prove their ability to do something. I stayed away from "all that" and focused on me.

    Again, I would love to have kids, be a dad, but you have to find the bestest parner for yourself first, and that is the hard part. I'm sorry :-(
  12. by   indeed
    I understand where you are coming from with this, Huganurse, and it makes sense on a certain level. But it is, in my mind, insulting to men to assume they cannot give the care and love a child needs in those formative years. And it is dangerous to women and our opportunities as women to say that this is a valid reason to expect SAH from a mother much more than a father. Nothing will ever change my opinion of that. I have had to fight tooth and nail for the opportunities my brother was handed at birth. To live your life being told "this is what you should do because of your set of dangly bits," with very few taking into account POTENTIAL, is a sad and sometimes damaging thing (for men AND women), and that kind of position can only contribute to that damage. If staying at home worked for you, and you really do feel better about the whole thing that way and feel you can do more as a PERSON that way, than I wholeheartedly support your decision, as long as it was your choice.

    "It really does affect the children when Mom is too busy b/c she works too much, the child feels slighted in many cases. I know b/c they tell me thier deep heart feelings and secrets."
    Then let me tell you a not so big secret. Both my mother and father worked when I was a child. My father specifically worked the craziest hours and jobs after he retired from the USAF because it was his "duty as a man" to be working for his family. I didn't know my father then as I know him now, and I directly blame his work life for this...now that we have all left home, he gets to do what he always wanted and needed to do in his career and had the time to get to know his children, something we would have benefitted from long before we ever left. I have always known my mother, and I love her dearly. But finding out now, twenty one years after the fact, that my dad is one of THE most incredible people I have ever met is wonderful...and sad. And I wouldn't deny that opportunity to other children to know their fathers as people, as most of us have always known our mothers. It is not worth the emotional distance that assumption (that mothers raise the children and fathers support them) creates.

    Indeed.
  13. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Originally posted by indeed
    As for the "mother being the most important role" bit, tell me then...do you all secretly feel "sorry" for those of us who don't have children (and don't plan on it....ever) because we will never achieve anything "important" in life?
    Nope. In fact, sometimes I secretly envy you for being able to do things I can't. But I wouldn't give it up for the world. My day will come.

    No one, EVER, in this thread said that poeple without children were inferior or less important. Anyone that thinks that is what is being said must have personal issues regarding their life choices that they are sensitive about.

    Heather

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