Divorce And Affairs????

Sleepyeyes · Apr 2, 2002

Second hubby supported me completely through the emotional tumult of fulltime nursing school and fulltime job-- I got tuition reimbursement if I worked 32 hours a week. :eek:

He stayed home, cooked, cleaned, laundered, faxed papers to me, kept the computer up, the weeds down, and the kid in school. And where was I? Studying or working doubles. :zzzzz

First year out of school, I started asking myself if it wasn't time to stop a minute and enjoy my family.....

(oh all right, I do hafta give him credit for that one :kiss)

So we took a vacation and had a blast, and took days off together and... :blushkiss

*sigh*

I just don't know what I'd do without 'im.

:kiss :kiss :kiss

mario_ragucci · Apr 2, 2002

This is for all the self-motivated, self-reliant, doer and shaker, nurses here who felt the power from within to complete nursing school without an "old man" or "old lady" in the picture.

And to all the folks who found love in all the right places during nursing school...I hope it happens to me too :-)

Either way, it's okay, you wake up with yourself :-)

teeituptom, BSN, RN · Apr 3, 2002

Howdy Yall

From deep in the heart of texass

Well, nursing hasnt ruined my marriage and Ive been married a quarter of a century or so. My one and only wife are here for the long haul. Thats the only way to look at it. We keep things simple out here. Like "one life,one wife".

Couldnt find a better one so why bother looking for one. Besides Im too old to get retrained into another relationship.

Basically Im very happy, My wife and I have been together for a long time we have almost raised 7 kids. Only one left. nursing has only impacted us in that we have had a very stable and fullfilling life due to it. No complaints here.

keep it in the short grass yall

Teeituptom

By the way Mario you need to change that sweat stained shirt its getting ripe. And get a real tie too.

bestblondRN · Apr 3, 2002

After reading all these posts about nursing being a difficult profession on a marriage or relationship, I reflect on the relationships several of my friends are in, which involve spouses who must travel for a living. I can't imagine anything more difficult than trying to be a spouse and parent when you may only be home 1 or 2 days every week, yet I see it working for a couple of my friends. I think it has little to do with one's profession, and everything to do with the people in the relationship, their maturity, and commitment to each other and their partnership.

Nursing is an emotionally charged profession, and can be exhilirating and draining at the same time. I think one of keys to success in a personal relationship is to leave work at work, and to look at home as the sanctuary. I know not all of us have a great home life, but if you can't think of home as the safe haven, then there is probably something wrong with that scenario that needs to change. My second marriage has been quintessential to fostering that belief, and I consider myself very fortunate to have a place to retreat to after being on the treadmill at work all day. Maybe it's a reflection of having been in healthcare for 24 years, but I don't see myself as a function of my job any longer. I go to work, put in 12 hours being the best nurse I know how to be, then come home, take off the nursing cap, and become mom, wife, and multi-faceted person. My husband isn't crazy about my hours or the physical toll that the job sometimes takes on me, but he has made an effort to understand the significance of what we do everyday. He is also well aware of the fact that I can function without him--that this profession gives me the financial autonomy to be on my own (which I was for many years, raising kids, etc.). That is something he is thankful for, since his job is less than stable at present.

Marriage is difficult under the best of circumstances, and is something that has to be worked at constantly, regardless of one's profession. Partners in any successful relationship generally share a vision and communicate openly with each other, so I don't think it's reasonable to say that marital success (or lack thereof) is occupation-dependent.

Sorry......I guess I really got on my soapbox that time.....

:rolleyes:

czahm · Apr 6, 2002

Rachaelm4, in regards to nursing. It is stressful, but rewarding. One must look at the reason for going into it though. Alot of nurses go into the career because all they know is how to care for other people. They've done it since they were a child. This isn't so much the problem, as the fact that they have never cared for themselves. They also tend to marry or date people that want to be cared for and have them met all their needs.

Going into nursing, or anything that takes you away from this type of person, will cause them to possible backlash you in someway. Sometimes, it will include other family members or friends unfortunately because they to want all your attention. Thus, the problem is not nursing itself. It is an unhealthy relationships in general.

It is not a bad idea to make sure you are healthy yourself. That you know how to set boundaries on your time and givingness in your family or in a career that can exhaust you in this area. You can hope and pray that other people you care about may see the light , but you can only work on yourself to keep yourself healthy and know when to detach to keep sane.

I see you have children. They to can be mentally draining no matter how much you love them. As you have written, you have alot of stress factors now involving human realations in your life. Nursing will always be here. Take care of yourself first, even if it includes counseling. Make sure your comfortable with yourself, set loving boundaries for you and your other relationships, and take it slow. These will hopefully protect you from 'burnout' on life and in nursing.

Good luck in your decision making and I hope someday you do become a happy, healthy nurse. We need them!

Also my prayers go with you regarding your family and marriage. I remember watching a movie with Steve Martin. It had something to do with parenting. There was an older lady whose husband had passed away. She was asked what she thought of her marriage. Her response was that it was like a roller coaster with lots of ups and downs, but she wouldn't have taken any of it away because then she wouldn't have been able to enjoy the fantastic ride she was able to have with her husband.

Cathy Z

:) :)

rachaelm4 · Apr 6, 2002

cathy z,

Thanks so much for your reply. I'm going to take what you said with me. The stress never seems to lighten up, so I'm learning to detach a bit from what causes it. I appeciate your comments.

LasVegasRN · Apr 6, 2002

I cannot say nursing had anything to do with my divorce. I just looked at him and decided I was tired of hitting the ball and dragging him around the bases.

Someone did hit on a good point, though, about why we became nurses and how that may impact our personal lives and choices. I know I have that HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

mentality that I slip into every now and then and I know it's because of that underlying desire to HEAL folks.

But now, being a single Mom and LOVING it, I feel I can make better choices.

I have also noticed a high divorce rate with my peers, but, that could be in any other profession too. In addition, I've seen bad marriages between two nurses also.

Yes, seems that once you tell someone you are a nurse a big 'WELCOME IN' sign starts flashing behind you (unbeknownst to you) and you have to fend off a lot of freeloaders.

Then again, some say you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the prince...

mattsmom81 · Apr 6, 2002

You said it Las Vegas...nurses do tend to be overly kind hearted and we wear it like a 'sign'....unfortunately so many get taken in easily by the users...

This is something I HAVE noticed in nurse relationships...we tend to be caregivers in our marriages/relationships if we aren't careful....

Healthy boundaries --one of my favorite subjects, as the child of an alcoholic/ chemically dependent household. (and lots of nurses are have ya'll noticed?) :)

felltoddman · Apr 8, 2002

:cool:

Reading all of these posts has brought on some reflection on my part. The man I was living with during Nursing School wasn't very supportive at all. I admire those who made the decision to get out of their relationships, instead of sticking it out, even when it was obvious that it was time to leave, like I did. That was many years ago and looking back, I know he was threatened by what I was doing. I did find it interesting, though, that on the night of graduation, at the party we had, I found out that he was bragging how he had it made because of the money I would be making and all of the things he could buy for the house.

The man I ended up marrying was supportive of my career, he never complained about my hours. And because I had worked at the same place for so long, I was able to take off a lot of time when he was dying of cancer.

The man I am with now seemed to like my night shift hours better than he does my day shift hours, even though he expressed how glad he was when I found out I was going to days. He's more of a night person, although he doesn't admit to it.

I truly believe it isn't the external forces that make or break a relationship (married or not), it's how we deal with life, our beliefs and value systems and how similar they are. And, more than that. I miss my husband, he was truly a wonderful man, and he was more interested in us than him.

Bradley · Apr 8, 2002

Wife and me have been married 19 yrs. 2-kids 10 & 15. My wife started nursing school when daughter was 2 yrs old. It was alot of work, going to work all day,taking care of kid & house while she studied. It WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT, our love for each other and the kid was the priority for eveything we had to do. Scrifice yes, it made us so much stronger. Now I am going to nursing school and she helps me so much. I believe that both of us being nurses will make us even stronger,it sure has a positive effect on our children. The LORD has truley blessed us.

JMP · Apr 20, 2002

Originally posted by mario_ragucci
Hey Rachael, I dated a woman, three years ago, who was taking nursing prereq's (chem). She wanted to "zip" and "unzip" our dates like they were a computer file. She had kids too, a single mom. Boy, I didn't like it one bit. She was extremely tense, almost manic. But I really fell for her, because she was attractive. Her interest in me didn't go far beyond Mario.zip, and her "double-clicks" insulted me after awhile.

I have been going non-stop with nursing prereq's for 18 months. I've been single the whole time, and have enjoyed gaining knowledge. I have been taking 12-16 credit quarters (fin aid...loans), but now I am in the RN program (starting in Fall), and cast my own shadow now! The nursing classes will be easy, I believe, because they are only 9 credits worth. I all ready learned all the algebra I might ever need. If I don't get a full time job at the hospital with my brand new CNA license for Spring, I'll go ahead with the upper level chem and psyh classes....for fun. By Summer, I hope to have that great big CNA hospital job in the sky, and keep it part time when RN classes start :-)

So Mario, in this quote, you talk about being single ......... but in another quote, you know, under general nursing discusions, you refer to being married and your wife. You have to tell us..........which is it available guy on the loose.......or married guy with a wife that wants a new computer?

I couldn't have done this if it wasn't for the constant support and dedication of Mario :-) Honestly.

Divorce...I hear about it all the time. Some may say I got no business offering advice to you as a dude who has never been married. But I tell you, YOU CAN DO THIS IF YOU WANT. Yule hafta come up with more love than you might imagine yourself having. Love is infinate, so reach, and keep on reaching. Translate love into what you need to complete YOUR ambitions. Try to filter out information that is useless, and plug in stuff that is useful. Lucky you, you have other bodies to practice vitals on! Your all ready at work caring for loving people; I have to wait to be hired first. Your ahead of the game!

Renee Williams hit everything pertaining to marriage on the head, with a sledgehammer :-)

JMP · Apr 20, 2002

In reference to above quote......Mario.......please........tell us........ are you the single guy looking for a date........or are you the married guy with a wifey who wants a new computer, as you posted under the general nursing discussion list? You gotta clear this up Mario! Many of us are now very curious.................