Bitterness At Work

-nurse- · Nov 28, 2010

While I have experienced a little of this in every kind of work environment, I have observed this happening the most in nursing. It's a shame!

catshowlady · Nov 28, 2010

I hate to say, but I have become one of those bitter people. I don't spew negativity (at least I hope not), but I don't go out of my way to care about anybody else's problems anymore. I'm also done with being other people's doormats.

I used to be more trusting of others, believed that people were good, etc. I have been through hell in my private life this last year, however, and it has changed me very deeply. I no longer believe in the goodness of people. No one is interested in the truth, just their perception of things and how it can benefit them. They will ignore any thing, any fact that doesn't fit into their worldview. Sadly, these are the "better" class of people; some of them at least operate under the illusion that they are doing the right thing. The worse class of people are out to take whatever they can from you, however they can, regardless of the cost to the person they are taking from. Now, I trust no one. You think you have rights in our society; I am here to tell you that you do not. There is no recourse for you to see that the laws of this country are enforced. Enforcement in criminal matters is up to the discretion of the prosecutor, and enforcement in civil matters depends on whether you can find and afford an attorney. Oh, you're middle class because of your income? No Legal Aid for you. Oh, you have no assets because of your student loan burden? Too bad, attorney fees for one hour cost what you make in a day. Sorry about your luck. :oornt:

As a society we have become very self-centered and selfish. I, too, can remember the days when people would call or bring food to friends and neighbors when there was a sickness or tragedy. I suppose a lot of that was church-based (and I don't go to church anymore), but there just isn't any community support. I can really relate to what carolmaccas posted about feeling isolated afer her breakup; I have experienced the same thing. Maybe it's a chicken-and-egg problem. The community support disappeared because the people providing the support got tired of being used by the takers? Or are we as a society just too busy?

Anyhow, now I just go to work, do my thing, and go home and try to avoid getting involved with anybody along the way. At home, the cats are friendly at least. They don't cheat, lie, steal, form cliques, or report me to the boss for petty crap.

:paw:

KaroSnowQueen, RN · Nov 28, 2010

Another poster said life is too short for bad jobs and I whole heartedly agree!! Toxic work environments are miserable and you don't need to suffer for someone else's bad attitudes!

I had a job where they scheduled me (a mom with 5 small kids) to work a double shift 7a to 11p on Christmas Day for no apparent reason. I called in, thinking **** on her (the scheduler), let her come in and work it. Being young and dumb, I stayed there six more months, suffering every day because it was a job close to home, not wanting to commute.

If nothing else, I learned how to stand up for myself and not take so much crap on future jobs. So I say, RUN from bitter and burnt out charge nurses and managers!!!! Run like the wind!!! Live your life AWAY from their bitterness. :twocents: :tree:

NurseBlogger, BSN, RN · Nov 28, 2010

First, don't let any manager, co-worker, patient or family member keep you from enjoying nursing. You worked too hard to not like your profession! However, these people are everywhere. If you can enjoy your work in spite of the "Gremlins" then be that shelter in the storm for everyone. If not, you may need to move on. Remember, though, the greenest pastures often have the most cow pies. Those cows just learned where to feed and where not to step.

Second, You really care about your boss and co-workers! When others smack down on people you can always show your support without going overboard. Simply speak up and without discussing their situation let others know you care. We nurses need to nurse each other as well as patients.

Good luck!!

Poi Dog · Nov 30, 2010

I have noticed that as well. I feel like people have become desensitived to others' plights and have the me, me mentality.

Kooky Korky, BSN, RN · Jan 22, 2011

I have noticed that there is less and less support for someone's problems in today's society. I grew up in a rural area, and my mom died when I was four, in 1974, after a long illness. My brothers were 12, 15, and 16 when she died. In her stuff that my dad gave me about 20 years ago, I found one of her little notebooks. In that notebook was a list of people that I knew, being a small town and all, food and services provided next to each name, and a little check mark next to it. I suppose my mom had sent thank yous or something to thank all of these people.
Her best friend babysat us when my mom was going for treatments, although her own husband was disabled. I am very close to her best friend to this day, and I spent much of my growing years at her house. I remember her best friend making plates of food for people, than calling me and saying, "Walk this over to so-and-so's house. Stay a little while, too, and chat. She's lonely." I remember her phone ringing off the hook with calls from friends. I remember the constant stream of people visiting.
That just doesn't happen anymore.
What does happen today is that everyone's problems are "kept to themselves," and they fester. They manifest as a lack of support to other people because one's own problems are overwhelming without support. People are afraid to ask for help, and they don't have the energy to help others because of it.
We, as a society, have created a vicious cycle. Help is delivered by organizations, not individuals. When I was active in my church, there was something called a "sunshine committee." When a person was going through hard times, the group would organize making food for another person and drop it off. While effective to keep allow people to eat without the burden of grocery shopping and making dinner every night, it seemed so....impersonal. Within a few days, the "good deed" would be considered completed, and that was it.
We are no longer truly connected. We concentrate on those things that are wrong with people without understanding their reasons for acting "wrong." This is done mostly because we also have overwhelming responsibilities that use up all our energy, because we don't have support either.
We are in a sad state today, I fear.

You couldn't be more on target. Thank you.

Kooky Korky, BSN, RN · Jan 22, 2011

Another poster said life is too short for bad jobs and I whole heartedly agree!! Toxic work environments are miserable and you don't need to suffer for someone else's bad attitudes!
I had a job where they scheduled me (a mom with 5 small kids) to work a double shift 7a to 11p on Christmas Day for no apparent reason. I called in, thinking **** on her (the scheduler), let her come in and work it. Being young and dumb, I stayed there six more months, suffering every day because it was a job close to home, not wanting to commute.
If nothing else, I learned how to stand up for myself and not take so much crap on future jobs. So I say, RUN from bitter and burnt out charge nurses and managers!!!! Run like the wind!!! Live your life AWAY from their bitterness.:tree:

The problem with leaving, though, is that you also leave your benefits, your pension, if you're lucky enough to have one, your seniority, your comfort with the familiar, and, often enough, a job you really mostly like in general. Plus, how do we know the next job won't also turn out to have problems - and intolerable ones, at that?

I'm surprised you didn't fired for calling off on Christmas, or be forced to get a doctor's statement. Glad it worked out for you, though.

Kooky Korky, BSN, RN · Jan 22, 2011

It sounds like you do not work in a very supportive environment. It has been my experience that management sets the tone for the unit. If management is unfair and struggling with their own issues, that cannot be good for the morale of the unit. It is imperative that a manager be fair, up front, available, and able to make sound decisions. When this does not occur, the entire unit will fall apart.

You're so right. Fortunately, the person I described is only PRN but she's in charge when she's there. I'm like catshowlady below - I just do my job and go home. Forget friendships at work or trusing much of anybody at work or anywhere else really.

Kooky Korky, BSN, RN · Jan 22, 2011

I find this negativity & bittnerness has also spilled over into my professional and personl life. I work agency and some work places can blame agency staff for things that the permanent workers get away with. However I'm stronger now to deal with it, but some others aren't.
I myself moved from one state to another down under to get work, and I have found it to be the most isolating experience I've ever had. I miss my family even though we aren't close at all, & old friends. My sister lives here but has a young family of her own, & a disturbed, clingy husband so I don't see her - I even gave up talking to her on the phone cos her kids would scream (and I mean scream their heads off) when she even took her attention away from them for a few minutes. Her husband doesn't help out with the kids or do housework etc which makes her feel like she has to also work, and do everything around the house. I don't have kids but other people who have, have told me u can train ur kids not to scream, etc & not be so needy.
I tried to start up a monthly coffee club, just to meet and have a whinge etc but no-one was interested. I know people have young families, partners and other committments (I myself was intensively studying etc), but getting out of the house and away from everyone is very therapeutic for ur health.
No-one seems interested in going out (and I don't meant to go out just to party), even to the theatre or to the odd concert, which I used to do quite often. I know it is hard doing shiftwork, but having that time out, even when ur tired can make all the difference to ur life.
I split up with a guy I'd known for almost 19 years not long ago (it wasn't a bad break up), but if this had happened when I was younger to a friend, I would have been round there like a shot. Probably would have gone out & got drunk maybe, spent time with that person, made sure they weren't too depressed. Now not one person even phoned me to see if I was OK (some emailed or chatted, but they can't stay on line cos their kids bug them).
Yes, I think our society is more isolated and bitter. I don't know my neighbours, & frankly don't trust a lot of people now. People at work are nice enough but don't really want to get involved with anyone.
It's a very sad situation I agree.

Sorry you're having such a lonely time. Just keep going where you can meet other people - Church, the coffee shop, the library, the gym, join a political group or go spelunking. Develop a hobby and meet others who have the same interest. You will have some acquaintances, at least, someone who knows you're alive.

Also, you can try to help your sister. It sounds like she really needs a helping hand and you could get to know and be a positive influence upon your niece and nephew. Often, we must be the change we want to see; give away that which we want given to us. Ironic, not easy, but can be rewarding for you and endear you to others.

canesdukegirl, BSN, RN · Jan 22, 2011

Yes, bitterness exists at work. It can become toxic.

I choose to think and project positive things. When I am chatting with my co-workers and the flow shifts into a griping session, I will try very hard to point out the good things. I have found that people in general like to gripe because it is more interesting...you know, misery loves company and all. At first when I shift the conversation back to positive things, I am met with silence. Then when I add humor to the mix, everyone starts laughing, adding in their own stories and in the process we make new memories of our laugh-fest. Laughter really is the best medicine.

It is sad that your manager takes on the martyr role. I think it is unfair that she seemingly puts herself on a pedestal of despair with the mindset that "if I can cope, your problems surely take a backseat, and I can out-do you with another tragedy." There are no winners with a leader like this one. She will always see herself as the victim and therefore cannot possibly empathize with others. If have a black cloud over your head one day, she will point out that she has a black tornado over hers. It is impossible to grow and blossom with the Eternal Eeyore in your midst.

I am not suggesting that we all break out into song a la Brady Bunch, but I do think that smiles and laughter are contagious. You can set the tone by your positive energy and positive body language. People want to be around those who are happy.

It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how many times I am kicked in the teeth by life and its circumstances, I continue to be optimistic. I hope this never changes.