Bitterness At Work

[Kooky Korky, BSN, RN]

I just realized the other day how bitter many coworkers are. One boss has a hard situation, in that she must care for her young children after working all night. She gets maybe 3 hours sleep per day, and even that is broken up. She could get daycare happening, but chooses not to. All empathy for other workers having hard times is dealt with by saying "I manage, so can she." or something similar. Of course, she is not the only one with that attitude. It's pretty prevalent. And this person has both a spouse and parents who can and do help, also has friends nearby who help. Still, it must be pretty rough and responsibility is primarily on her.

I also came to realize that another coworker, this one a manager, really does abuse her position. She plays favorites with regard to assignments, she writes up 1 person for an offense that another person can commit without writeup. She plays dumb and won't help or advise when asked if she doesn't like the one asking for help. And this is a boss.

Her influence has been very negative upon me and I'm almost ready to either do a writeup on her or split for "greener" pastures. Of course, I won't let her drive me off. I'll go when I'm ready to go. But it is discouraging and makes me angry. I just feel like this - if I saw her lying on the ground, gasping for air, hemorrhaging, I wouldn't help her. And that's not a good way to feel. i would help anyway, just that I FEEL like I would not want to. You know? Well, "Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord. I will repay."

[dudette10, MSN, RN]

I have noticed that there is less and less support for someone's problems in today's society. I grew up in a rural area, and my mom died when I was four, in 1974, after a long illness. My brothers were 12, 15, and 16 when she died. In her stuff that my dad gave me about 20 years ago, I found one of her little notebooks. In that notebook was a list of people that I knew, being a small town and all, food and services provided next to each name, and a little check mark next to it. I suppose my mom had sent thank yous or something to thank all of these people.

Her best friend babysat us when my mom was going for treatments, although her own husband was disabled. I am very close to her best friend to this day, and I spent much of my growing years at her house. I remember her best friend making plates of food for people, than calling me and saying, "Walk this over to so-and-so's house. Stay a little while, too, and chat. She's lonely." I remember her phone ringing off the hook with calls from friends. I remember the constant stream of people visiting.

That just doesn't happen anymore.

What does happen today is that everyone's problems are "kept to themselves," and they fester. They manifest as a lack of support to other people because one's own problems are overwhelming without support. People are afraid to ask for help, and they don't have the energy to help others because of it.

We, as a society, have created a vicious cycle. Help is delivered by organizations, not individuals. When I was active in my church, there was something called a "sunshine committee." When a person was going through hard times, the group would organize making food for another person and drop it off. While effective to keep allow people to eat without the burden of grocery shopping and making dinner every night, it seemed so....impersonal. Within a few days, the "good deed" would be considered completed, and that was it.

We are no longer truly connected. We concentrate on those things that are wrong with people without understanding their reasons for acting "wrong." This is done mostly because we also have overwhelming responsibilities that use up all our energy, because we don't have support either.

We are in a sad state today, I fear.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

That's a shame.

I have found bitterness to be an utterly useless and self-perpetuating emotion. It causes harm only to the person who harbors it, and the resulting attitude makes that person quite unpleasant to be around. Few people find such a prickly exterior attractive, so they reject the bitter person, subtly and not-so-subtly; the rejection reinforces her conviction that "nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat a worm" and makes her project an even more off-putting aura. Thus it becomes a vicious, never-ending circle of negative energy.

Everyone has a cross to bear---we go through experiences that confuse, anger, sadden, and hurt us. We also suffer losses, and undergo changes in our lives' direction that can't be 'fixed'. Being bitter and angry about these things doesn't make them go away; eventually we must learn to accept what IS and make our peace with it so we can move on to the other aspects of our lives that we do have some control over.

[dthfytr, ADN, LPN, RN, EMT-B, EMT-I]

It really sucks when there's negativity at work. I call it the malignant attitude because it spreads and makes everybody miserable. You've got a boss overwhelmed by a personal situation, and a boss who uses her position to abuse the staff. I admire you're stick-to-it'iveness, but suggest you move on. The time you spend being unhappy at a job isn't given back to you at the end of your life span. Why waste precious minutes being in a crummy job? IMHO. May all your orders be legible, and all your physicians pleasant.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

I'm with dthfytr.......life is far too short for bad jobs. :)

[VickyRN, MSN, DNP, RN]

Some work environments are very, very negative. They will suck the life right out of you. I have heard of one person making a difference in poisonous and bitter environments, but the person must be extraordinarily strong, resilient, and confident. It almost requires a super-human effort. Most often, remaining is truly futile and just not a battle worth fighting. Might be best to leave that negative place for a much more fulfilling and positive work environment. Best wishes to you.

[biblepoet]

I work in a prison and the sad thing is that my coworkers are worse than the inmates they serve give me a break. We have the day shift thinking we have nothing to do so they are trying to shove the work on us rather than work as a team. Tired of the us versus them mentality. I am currently looking for a better job too caustic. So I know what you mean.

I would look for a better working environment.

[imenid37]

I grew up in the suburbs. Things were not much different than Dudette decscribes. People met at the back fence to talk. When your neighbour was sick, you know it and dropped by and sent over a dessert or covered dish.

I think we all fear one another now. There are many odd people and odd happenings. The default is to be unfriendly or even hostile. When I was a kid, we usually assumed the best about others until proven otherwise.

It was normal for kids to make friends with one another by walking up to another kids' door or starting up a conversation at the ball field. We didn't have play groups to formally introduce us to kids our parents chose as friends for us. We lack social skills, because we lack meaningful, spontaneous interaction with each other from an early age. Everything is staged or planned and occurs on specific terms, rather than just happening.

We are insulated and isolated in many senses. Because we have become so isolated, we lack the skills and patience it takes to get along with others. It is all about me for many people. They have not learned any manners, so they are not able to use them. A lot of people are rude and selfish on a personal level and in their jobs. They always put themselves first and have trouble even recognizing others' needs or wishes and if they do, they do not care much anyway.

The first hospital I worked in, amny of the staff had been there for their entire working lives. If you think you may have to get along with someone for life, you will perhaps, make more of an effort to learn how "tolerate" or even enjoy them. Now we all move around a lot. If I do not like this person or this job, I will just get another.

I enjoy things like Facebook and I earned my MSN online. but I do think that the balance has swung too far from face to face interpersonal interaction. I see this with new orientees and students a lot. They often lack social skill so vital to suceeding with patient care and relating to co-workers. Management types are some of the biggest offenders.

It is a stressful world right now. The economy is bad. The work environment is often awful. The worst of times bring out the worst in the worst of people. Sometimes, all you can do is to leave a bad situation, just be very careful you do not find an even worse one.

[indigonurse]

I am afraid that this stuff is more common than I would like to think. You have got to have an ability to tune all that negative energy out and focus on your work. If your boss is harassing you then you can get out the employee hand book, and follow the chain of command with a complaint. The people who receive the complaint are pretty far removed from the situation and will usually say there must be something wrong with you. Maybe it is time to look for better working conditions.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

you have learned quick! If your manager is not supporting you, move on. You will find something ... where you are appreciated. Run fast my little;) dear!

[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

I find this negativity & bittnerness has also spilled over into my professional and personl life. I work agency and some work places can blame agency staff for things that the permanent workers get away with. However I'm stronger now to deal with it, but some others aren't.

I myself moved from one state to another down under to get work, and I have found it to be the most isolating experience I've ever had. I miss my family even though we aren't close at all, & old friends. My sister lives here but has a young family of her own, & a disturbed, clingy husband so I don't see her - I even gave up talking to her on the phone cos her kids would scream (and I mean scream their heads off) when she even took her attention away from them for a few minutes. Her husband doesn't help out with the kids or do housework etc which makes her feel like she has to also work, and do everything around the house. I don't have kids but other people who have, have told me u can train ur kids not to scream, etc & not be so needy.

I tried to start up a monthly coffee club, just to meet and have a whinge etc but no-one was interested. I know people have young families, partners and other committments (I myself was intensively studying etc), but getting out of the house and away from everyone is very therapeutic for ur health.

No-one seems interested in going out (and I don't meant to go out just to party), even to the theatre or to the odd concert, which I used to do quite often. I know it is hard doing shiftwork, but having that time out, even when ur tired can make all the difference to ur life.

I split up with a guy I'd known for almost 19 years not long ago (it wasn't a bad break up), but if this had happened when I was younger to a friend, I would have been round there like a shot. Probably would have gone out & got drunk maybe, spent time with that person, made sure they weren't too depressed. Now not one person even phoned me to see if I was OK (some emailed or chatted, but they can't stay on line cos their kids bug them).

Yes, I think our society is more isolated and bitter. I don't know my neighbours, & frankly don't trust a lot of people now. People at work are nice enough but don't really want to get involved with anyone.

It's a very sad situation I agree.

[diane227, LPN, RN]

It sounds like you do not work in a very supportive environment. It has been my experience that management sets the tone for the unit. If management is unfair and struggling with their own issues, that cannot be good for the morale of the unit. It is imperative that a manager be fair, up front, available, and able to make sound decisions. When this does not occur, the entire unit will fall apart.