Bathing a 7 y/o

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Dear All,

I have a 7 y/o daughter who sees her dad once every two to three months. He picks her up on Saturday and drops her back off on Sunday. She has a shower the morning of the day she goes to visit him; but he insists that she needs a shower the next morning too. Not only does she have dry skin, she expresses that she doesn't like to take a shower while she's with him. I typically give her a shower every 2 to 3 days. Am I showering my daughter too infrequently? Just curious how often you all bathe your kiddos. I've asked him to please not give her a shower while she's with him - and he's insisting that he'll need a doctor's note to that effect if that's what I want to happen. :rolleyes:

Anyhow - thanks in advance for any input.

Emily

Emily, I hope you are correct in believing that this has been resolved. However, I'm still concerned about your daughter's situation.

Two things struck me as odd, still. Maybe I see them as odd because of my own experience, and no one else will see any reason for suspicion from these things , but...

First, in your original post, you indicated that her father insisted on a doctor's note if she was not to get a shower while visiting him. Then as soon as you get the doctor's note, he 'changes the rules', by saying that she gets dirty and sweaty when she's with him. If that is the case, why did he not tell you that to begin with instead of requiring a note from the doctor?

And second, if she gets that dirty and sweaty with him, why doesn't she shower before she goes to bed? Why would he let her go to bed dirty and then shower in the morning? Doesn't make sense to me.

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Emily, I hope you are correct in believing that this has been resolved. However, I'm still concerned about your daughter's situation.

Two things struck me as odd, still. Maybe I see them as odd because of my own experience, and no one else will see any reason for susicion from these things , but...

First, in your original post, you indicated that her father insisted on a doctor's note if she was not to get a shower while visiting him. Then as soon as you get the doctor's note, he 'changes the rules', by saying that she gets dirty and sweaty when she's with him. If that is the case, why did he not tell you that to begin with instead of requiring a note from the doctor?

And second, if she gets that dirty and sweaty with him, why doesn't she shower before she goes to bed? Why would he let her go to bed dirty and then shower in the morning? Doesn't make sense to me.

Excellent Points, I must admit this situation is definitely not sitting comfortably with me.

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Specializes in NICU, PICU, PCVICU and peds oncology.

There have been numerous studies indicating that our North American obsession with "cleanliness" is at the root of the upsurge in allergies, atopic skin disorders and drug-resistant organisms. It is possible to be "too clean".

http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2003/october15/research.html

http://www.bris.ac.uk/news/2002/clean.htm

http://www.deanesmay.com/archives/007020.html

My son, who is handicapped and unable to bathe himself, (and who, incidentally, is a transplant recipient and has eczema) is put in the tub, where he is showered and not soaked, every three days. At other times he has his axillae and groin sponged at bedtime. He does not smell, unless he has been incontinent... then he gets a good scrubbing with Sproam. I prefer not to use steroid ointments more than once in awhile on his eczema, because in the long term, frequent use makes things worse by thinning the epidermis. My $.02.

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Specializes in Endocrinology.
Dear All,

she expresses that she doesn't like to take a shower while she's with him.

What concerns me is she doesn't like to shower while she's with him. Why?

Sorry, I didn't read all the threads. This question was already answered.

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I'm sorry I don't mean to rag on you, but to me it seems that you may have some OCD issues.

Children, like elderly people, don't have a much moisture in their skins like adults. Overly bathing actually dries out the skin. And lotions don't penetrate the dermis, no matter how good or expensive it is.

Yes bathing is important, but skin intergity is also. Yes, we all wash our hands before leaving the bathroom. If you don't give your child a bath everyday, it does not make you a bad mom.

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I almost hate to say this but I showered with my kids til they were past 7. It wasn't all the time but it was sometimes. We had a good ole time in the shower, singing and laughing and getting clean.

When I hear of some Dads not cleaning their kids unless mom is in the room I can't help but wonder why?

It wasn't until they got to be around age 10 that they became modest.

I don't know where all this modesty comes from. Does it happen naturally?

Why do we teach that the body is something to be ashamed of (if that is what we are doing)?

Don't you miss seeing their little naked bodies running around?

I say this as a parent, not a pervert.

-R

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I almost hate to say this but I showered with my kids til they were past 7. It wasn't all the time but it was sometimes. We had a good ole time in the shower, singing and laughing and getting clean.

When I hear of some Dads not cleaning their kids unless mom is in the room I can't help but wonder why?

It wasn't until they got to be around age 10 that they became modest.

I don't know where all this modesty comes from. Does it happen naturally?

Why do we teach that the body is something to be ashamed of (if that is what we are doing)?

Don't you miss seeing their little naked bodies running around?

I say this as a parent, not a pervert.

-R

My husband still washes my children but not very often. He tends to leave it to me. I don't know if we are more careful in our house because of my past abuse or not, but we are very open about our sexuality and the human body. None of us hide from each other when getting dressed and even my two year old daughter knows that "girls have beginas" (as she calls it) and "boys have peepers". She also knows who is allowed to touch her there and who to tell if anyone else tries to. There is no modesty here, just protection.

I think if you are a close family, as we are, and very open about everything that nakedness and sexuality shouldn't be a problem. I do have to say though that if anyone ever told me that my husband touched any of my kids, I would kick him to the curb faster than you can say "sexual abuse".

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Oh I should say, also that my son knows who can and can't touch him too. It's not just limited to my daughter.

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We went over the whole "good touch, bad touch" thing when they were very small. We still talk about sexual matters now, even with (especially with?) our 16 year old girl. Yes, it is a good idea to be safe and take precautions. You hear so much these days about pedophiles.

There is also something to be said about being comfortable with your body and sometimes I think that kids might be under (media) pressure to NOT be comfy with who or what they are.

-R

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I almost hate to say this but I showered with my kids til they were past 7. It wasn't all the time but it was sometimes. We had a good ole time in the shower, singing and laughing and getting clean.

When I hear of some Dads not cleaning their kids unless mom is in the room I can't help but wonder why?

It wasn't until they got to be around age 10 that they became modest.

I don't know where all this modesty comes from. Does it happen naturally?

Why do we teach that the body is something to be ashamed of (if that is what we are doing)?

Don't you miss seeing their little naked bodies running around?

I say this as a parent, not a pervert.

-R

My wife was abused by her father up until the age of 12, The reason I have my wife present while I bath my daughters, is soley for her peace of mind.

And as she is unable to bathe them herself, having her in there allows for some interaction which she would otherwise miss out on.

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Something got my attention during this one......remarried wife doesnt bath her he still does.....

as a step mother my step girls dont let me bath them or help the get their close together cause i am not mom! they are 7 and 9 too...thats only a job for their mom and dad....in their eyes

so that i can see....

thats my only imput and i bet no one see's where that came from.....lol

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Dear All,

I appreciate everyone's input. I have gotten a letter from my doctor, and if the showers do not cease at this next visitation, then we will be going back to court.

Thanks everyone, I appreciate you all.

Sincerely,

Emily

I am relieved to hear that. I've been reading all the replies before making mine, but this makes me feel much better. Thank you and bless you for being a proactive parent.

:balloons:

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