Bathing a 7 y/o - page 6

Dear All, I have a 7 y/o daughter who sees her dad once every two to three months. He picks her up on Saturday and drops her back off on Sunday. She has a shower the morning of the day she goes... Read More

  1. by   Rustyhammer
    I almost hate to say this but I showered with my kids til they were past 7. It wasn't all the time but it was sometimes. We had a good ole time in the shower, singing and laughing and getting clean.
    When I hear of some Dads not cleaning their kids unless mom is in the room I can't help but wonder why?
    It wasn't until they got to be around age 10 that they became modest.
    I don't know where all this modesty comes from. Does it happen naturally?
    Why do we teach that the body is something to be ashamed of (if that is what we are doing)?
    Don't you miss seeing their little naked bodies running around?
    I say this as a parent, not a pervert.
    -R
  2. by   Energizer Bunny
    Quote from Rustyhammer
    I almost hate to say this but I showered with my kids til they were past 7. It wasn't all the time but it was sometimes. We had a good ole time in the shower, singing and laughing and getting clean.
    When I hear of some Dads not cleaning their kids unless mom is in the room I can't help but wonder why?
    It wasn't until they got to be around age 10 that they became modest.
    I don't know where all this modesty comes from. Does it happen naturally?
    Why do we teach that the body is something to be ashamed of (if that is what we are doing)?
    Don't you miss seeing their little naked bodies running around?
    I say this as a parent, not a pervert.
    -R
    My husband still washes my children but not very often. He tends to leave it to me. I don't know if we are more careful in our house because of my past abuse or not, but we are very open about our sexuality and the human body. None of us hide from each other when getting dressed and even my two year old daughter knows that "girls have beginas" (as she calls it) and "boys have peepers". She also knows who is allowed to touch her there and who to tell if anyone else tries to. There is no modesty here, just protection.

    I think if you are a close family, as we are, and very open about everything that nakedness and sexuality shouldn't be a problem. I do have to say though that if anyone ever told me that my husband touched any of my kids, I would kick him to the curb faster than you can say "sexual abuse".
  3. by   Energizer Bunny
    Oh I should say, also that my son knows who can and can't touch him too. It's not just limited to my daughter.
  4. by   Rustyhammer
    We went over the whole "good touch, bad touch" thing when they were very small. We still talk about sexual matters now, even with (especially with?) our 16 year old girl. Yes, it is a good idea to be safe and take precautions. You hear so much these days about pedophiles.
    There is also something to be said about being comfortable with your body and sometimes I think that kids might be under (media) pressure to NOT be comfy with who or what they are.
    -R
  5. by   scrubs70
    Quote from Rustyhammer
    I almost hate to say this but I showered with my kids til they were past 7. It wasn't all the time but it was sometimes. We had a good ole time in the shower, singing and laughing and getting clean.
    When I hear of some Dads not cleaning their kids unless mom is in the room I can't help but wonder why?
    It wasn't until they got to be around age 10 that they became modest.
    I don't know where all this modesty comes from. Does it happen naturally?
    Why do we teach that the body is something to be ashamed of (if that is what we are doing)?
    Don't you miss seeing their little naked bodies running around?
    I say this as a parent, not a pervert.
    -R
    My wife was abused by her father up until the age of 12, The reason I have my wife present while I bath my daughters, is soley for her peace of mind.
    And as she is unable to bathe them herself, having her in there allows for some interaction which she would otherwise miss out on.
  6. by   BayMae10
    Something got my attention during this one......remarried wife doesnt bath her he still does.....
    as a step mother my step girls dont let me bath them or help the get their close together cause i am not mom! they are 7 and 9 too...thats only a job for their mom and dad....in their eyes
    so that i can see....

    thats my only imput and i bet no one see's where that came from.....lol
  7. by   tinnekke
    Quote from Nurse2be
    Dear All,

    I appreciate everyone's input. I have gotten a letter from my doctor, and if the showers do not cease at this next visitation, then we will be going back to court.

    Thanks everyone, I appreciate you all.

    Sincerely,

    Emily
    I am relieved to hear that. I've been reading all the replies before making mine, but this makes me feel much better. Thank you and bless you for being a proactive parent.

  8. by   Energizer Bunny
    Quote from Rustyhammer
    We went over the whole "good touch, bad touch" thing when they were very small. We still talk about sexual matters now, even with (especially with?) our 16 year old girl. Yes, it is a good idea to be safe and take precautions. You hear so much these days about pedophiles.
    There is also something to be said about being comfortable with your body and sometimes I think that kids might be under (media) pressure to NOT be comfy with who or what they are.
    -R
    We started with Trey when he was two and also with Piper this year. We talk about it almost every day during a diaper change or when being bathed so that they do not forget. I don't want them to run scared, but I do want them to be aware. I think many parents (including my own mother) do not think about these things or at least not until they are much older. For myself, my abuse started at age four, so if I had been taught young, there is a chance it could have been avoided or at least stopped.

    I agree with you about the media. Look at all the skinny supermodels. I'm not saying that they themselves think everyone should look that way, but when that is generally the size you see on television and in movies, then kids pick that up. So, if a child is a little larger, they feel ashamed of their body? I know I did. But, some of mine was teasing at school to, to be fair. It wasn't all media....there are just soo many factors to consider.
  9. by   bungy
    Quote from military girl
    ...to me it seems that you may have some OCD issues.
    I get the feeling it's not just nurse2be's ex who has OCD issues. Come on, people, even a little amount of nursing education lets you know that over-bathing is BAD FOR YOU. Clean face, armpits and crotch is as much as is needed most of the time, and a (not too hot) shower every 2-3 days is heaps if you have dry skin.

    As to the more important issue, if Nurse2be wasn't aware of the possibility of abuse she wouldn't have brought it up on the forum, but being uncomfortable - at 7 - to shower in front of a male parent does not necessarily mean that she has been abused. More likely - as has been suggested - he is almost a stranger to her, and he doesn't understand the issues involved. It is possible that there's more to it, but by being open to hear what is happening, and ensuring your daughter knows that you'll hear her, you're doing as much as any mother can, and more than many.
  10. by   CCU NRS
    Quote from bungy
    I get the feeling it's not just nurse2be's ex who has OCD issues. Come on, people, even a little amount of nursing education lets you know that over-bathing is BAD FOR YOU. Clean face, armpits and crotch is as much as is needed most of the time, and a (not too hot) shower every 2-3 days is heaps if you have dry skin.

    As to the more important issue, if Nurse2be wasn't aware of the possibility of abuse she wouldn't have brought it up on the forum, but being uncomfortable - at 7 - to shower in front of a male parent does not necessarily mean that she has been abused. More likely - as has been suggested - he is almost a stranger to her, and he doesn't understand the issues involved. It is possible that there's more to it, but by being open to hear what is happening, and ensuring your daughter knows that you'll hear her, you're doing as much as any mother can, and more than many.
    OK I agree whole heartedly that it may be nothing and dad may just be a dork! But sometimes abusers use things that make children very scared, Like telling her that if she ever tells she will be taken away from her Mommy!! I just think besides letting her know you are listening you have to go that extra mile to make sure she understands that if something bad is happening it is not her fault and she will not be punished and she will not be taken away or any threat that daddy might have made to make you keep a secret!!! Better safe than sorry
  11. by   sashibeak
    Quote from Nurse2be
    Dear All,

    I have a 7 y/o daughter who sees her dad once every two to three months. He picks her up on Saturday and drops her back off on Sunday. She has a shower the morning of the day she goes to visit him; but he insists that she needs a shower the next morning too. Not only does she have dry skin, she expresses that she doesn't like to take a shower while she's with him. I typically give her a shower every 2 to 3 days. Am I showering my daughter too infrequently? Just curious how often you all bathe your kiddos. I've asked him to please not give her a shower while she's with him - and he's insisting that he'll need a doctor's note to that effect if that's what I want to happen.

    Anyhow - thanks in advance for any input.

    Emily

    Wow! You know this just goes to prove how differently we are all raised. I was always taught to shower/wash EVERY day....... full body wash in the morning and at least face and hands at night. Now I'm "grown-up" I am a clean-freak and need to shower/bathe twice a day!
  12. by   terri0318rn
    I am responding to you not only as a nurse but as a woman and mother of a 7 yr old, although my child is a male. Girl or boy, if the child feels uncomfortable they feels uncomfortable, plain and simple. Also, if they don't want to talk about it it may be that simple because 7 yr olds are beginning to express themselves and make decisions for themselves. It could be because they are intuitive and are tired of hearing about the issue and don't want to "go there" anymore. But there has to be a time to discuss it. My son says that and I insist that it is time to talk about it....because I say so and I am the mother. I think it is easier when you get down on a 7 yr olds level and think like a 7 yr old for a while. You don't have to make the child feel uncomfortable, bring up the topic casually and make it sound like it has nothing to do with her..You might start off by saying "you are getting to be such a big girl. you know, when I was your age...." and use examples of how you were so indepentdent and never needed help with certain things. Maybe this is the time to talk about how a girls body changes as she starts to mature and how important modesty and privacy is. Talk about how noone but you or the doctor should never see her with her clothes off as she grows up. At 7 she should probably be able to bathe herself as I am sure you have tried to instill independence. My son likes to lock the bathroom door now (although I advocate against it). I have told my son that it is HIS body and no one but him has the "right" to see him without reason (and as a mother I always have a reason because if he turns up with bruises or scratches I want to know where they came from.....maybe he has had an altercation at school and I look stupid if his dad should ask what happened and I cannot provide an adequate explanation) I too was abused as a child, physically, emothionally and sexually and my first thought was ofcourse molestation on the fathers part (because I have been there and victims of abuse always see that first) I would like to give the father the benefit of the doubt here and think that he just has fatherly concern for cleanliness, however a 7 yr old should certainly be able to wash themselves. She should have been taught by now how to adjust the water for a bath on her own, however not all showers or bathtubs are universal in the temperature of water and I wouldn't want a child to get burned while doing it. I turn on the water for my son before he gets into the tub or shower and then have him call on me when he is done. I will help him dry off, but I don't touch his private parts (I have told him noone but the doctor and himself should be touching him there now unless he has indicated a problem and then I might pay more attention) We observe and promote modesty in our home, but we do not shun nudity as if it were tabu. Certainly the insistance of the father to assist in bathing raises a red flag, however it may be innocent and he may not have considered that you may suspect abuse.
    As for bathing as an issue......I have discussed the reason why my son needs a bath daily with him and he tries to argue that he doesn't feel like it every day (exibiting independence). I have told him that a shower helps wake me up in the morning, as well as rid pillow head hair. I personnally shower daily as a personal preference. (some nationalities have different types and don't partake in this and that is all well and good) I have told my son that as long as there is a shower available he should take advantage of it because there are others who are not forturnate enough to have that luxury and then we discuss the homeless. The arguing stops there and he then complies with my wishes.
    I hope that I have conveyed the non biased response I intended without being condesending to you. You have the right as a mother if nothing else to express your view to the father about bathing. I do not think you should have had to resort to a physicians letter uness there is truly a medical issue and concern for her skin care. Certainly if abuse was in question I would have gone to the authorities and had an investigation launched. The letter sounds to me though like a deterant from the bathing issue instead of going with your instincts. The letter was an easier way out than the accusation. I was in law enforcement before nursing and also have a degree in psychology so I would like to think I have examined all the angles.
    Please respond by private email if you like, I would like to hear if the issue has actually been resolved and what you did (after the intervene from the physician with the letter)
    [Nurse2be]Dear All,


    I appreciate everyone's input. I have gotten a letter from my doctor, and if the showers do not cease at this next visitation, then we will be going back to court.

    Thanks everyone, I appreciate you all.

    Sincerely,

    Emily[/QUOTE]
  13. by   EarthAngel
    Eh.. as far as Im concerned, every other day is fine, but "top and tailing" done morning and before bed time. (washing faces, hands and in the summer barefeet etc) In my experiences, any time Ive met a person that made such a big deal about daily baths and how *clean* they were, were always the ones with the messiest houses and habits. To each their own I guess...

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