Are nurses unsupportive spouse magnets?? - page 6

Hey just taking this to the people. What's your opinion? Are nurturing types like us often attracted to the wrong types? Do you do "everything for everyone" at home as well as at work? How do you... Read More

  1. by   FireStarterRN
    [BANANA][S]So I thought[/S][/BANANA]
    Quote from HazeKomp
    oh, heck YES!!!
    :roll

    Haze
  2. by   confused101
    I have a wonderful husband. Most of my other coworkers are the same way. Not much divorse on our floor. I do know alot of nurses who are on both ends of the spectrum though. Such as the fireman and medics on one end and the other not keeping a job on the other. Possibly this is in all professions and we do not know it. Something to think about I guess!
  3. by   nursejane236
    I got started in my nursing career later in life in my 30's. One of my reasons was to use all of my nuturing energy towards people that would benefit and appreciate it. I have used nuturing energy towards people my whole life (mainly family) and generally there was a lackluster of appreciation or sense of reward. Now that I am a nurse I see that appreciation in the small things. I work in geriatric care and many people consider the elderly to be toss away and when I get a smile from one of my patients it makes my day. My family is still dysfunctional (as is everyone's I believe) but I feel as if I get back what I need which is helping people that for the most part appreciate it. :spin:
  4. by   queenjean
    Quote from sticknurse
    Hey just taking this to the people. What's your opinion? Are nurturing types like us often attracted to the wrong types? Do you do "everything for everyone" at home as well as at work? ?\
    Not here. I'm in school full time and work full time. DH works full time and does all the laundry and cleaning while I'm in school. I cook sometimes, whoever has a chance does the shopping.

    He's always been like that. He's cleaner than I am, so he does most of the cleaning. I'm pickier than he is, so usually I do most of the shopping and cooking. We split laundry and we've always been equal on child care (except he didn't lactate).

    I don't think it has anything to do with the type of person who is a nurse. I think it is more an individual personality thing. I'm appalled at all the women who say they work full time and do all the housework. My dh would never even think to shove it all onto me; not because I am assertive (thought I can be), but because he is thoughtful and respectful, and wouldn't think that was fair. Don't hook up with someone who isn't respectful, I guess.
  5. by   sharona97
    Quote from queenjean
    Not here. I'm in school full time and work full time. DH works full time and does all the laundry and cleaning while I'm in school. I cook sometimes, whoever has a chance does the shopping.

    He's always been like that. He's cleaner than I am, so he does most of the cleaning. I'm pickier than he is, so usually I do most of the shopping and cooking. We split laundry and we've always been equal on child care (except he didn't lactate).

    I don't think it has anything to do with the type of person who is a nurse. I think it is more an individual personality thing. I'm appalled at all the women who say they work full time and do all the housework. My dh would never even think to shove it all onto me; not because I am assertive (thought I can be), but because he is thoughtful and respectful, and wouldn't think that was fair. Don't hook up with someone who isn't respectful, I guess.
    Sounds like you have a keeper! Good for both of you!
  6. by   teeituptom
    My spouse. My wife. She is absolutely wonderfull.
    This winter we are celebrating 30 yrs together.
    And going on a second honeymoon for 3 weeks.
  7. by   HeavensNurse
    Quote from teeituptom
    My spouse. My wife. She is absolutely wonderfull.
    This winter we are celebrating 30 yrs together.
    And going on a second honeymoon for 3 weeks.
    CONGRATUALTIONS! You are she are absolutely wonderful people! God Bless!
  8. by   HeavensNurse
    Quote from jlsRN
    Is that the 'enabler' in you talking? [s][/s]
    We all are, to be caregivers. Hopefully we have learned and grown, and won't repeat our errors.
  9. by   HeavensNurse
    Quote from HazeKomp
    uh, should have included definition:
    fixes computers/builds systems...
    a genius at repairs
    but
    lousy businessman, charges very little, declines to advertise so doesn't bring in much $$ at all.
    therefore, self-employed...
    but doesn't earn much so I say, "theoretically".

    Shouldn't have been so hard on him.
    Haze
    If you need to set boundaries, and that includes INCOME then you are not being hard on him. A partnership is just that, each helping and supporting their way. I hope you get your financial windfall you need and I'm sure hope for. God Bless!
  10. by   linzz
    I have been married for fourteen years. The first five were the hardest, after that, I think both my spouse and I did lots of growing up. My spouse works very hard at his job but he is not home a lot due to this. I do the household stuff as he works far more hours than I and this is fine as he does make time for the kids.
  11. by   SmilingBluEyes
    I have an amazing, supportive spouse of nearly 20 years. We have been through a lot, military career spanning nearly 21 years and my schooling/nursing career. We are there for each other, thank goodness. I know a few nurses who have just as amazing relationships, so I guess this can't be a general statement. But I have heard it said, nurses are often codependent persons drawn to the profession by nature and design. I am not sure if this is true....
  12. by   twotrees2
    Quote from earle58
    really, commuter?
    really, emmanuel?
    hmmm.
    haven't seen either.
    i know plenty of nurses who are married to firefighters and policemen.
    hmmmm, again.

    leslie
    i know plenty married to cops also ( non to firemen though lol) and they can be just as unsupportive as any "regular" man and even more controlling than some. i think the tone here was unecessary - hmmmm, again ? just because you havent seen it doesnt mean it isnt there. you are just very blessed to have missed it i know i wish i had missed it myself and missed seeing it with friends.
  13. by   twotrees2
    Quote from sticknurse
    Thank you for your input. I am inquiring because I feel like I've learned the hard way personally, how to look out for myself. I used to allow my ex to cause me all kinds of problems. I finally let him go. I would have advised a client to get out, but I stayed and put up with it for a long time. I finally took a class about boundaries, where I learned to stand up and protect what was good about myself. I didn't have to be understanding when others abused me at home. I didn't have to make excuses for them ie. well, he's had a rough time, and he's emotionally compromised due to his childhood etc. There's no way I would go down that path again, but I did. Here I thought I was smarter than that!! Met alot of nurses along the way who had similar situations. Just wondered how you all have coped...keep em coming!!
    it hasnt been easy for me - i ahve alos learned the hard way and continue to learn lol - one thing about us that end up in this situation we do seem to bounce back ( and go back for more sometimes lol) pretty good. someone mentioned the book codependent no more. it was an ok book and i also recommend it. but i do forewarn if you cant "do it" like the book says and you slip back into "bad habits "dont let it get you upset - sometimes that is just how we are and someof us will always be lol. hang in there and pray a lot many bloessings.

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