any comment? - page 2

Hello, I have finally decided to join this forum for maybe somebody somewhere is in the same situation I am in right now, and maybe that very person could advise me on what I can possibly do. I have... Read More

  1. by   GardenDove
    Quote from Tweety
    I imagine finding a sitter that comes in and takes the kids to school. Then takes the day off until they are ready to be picked up and baby sits them until mom or dad gets home isn't an easy task, perfect solution though it might be.
    There are sitters where you can drop them off and they get them to school, then they go there after school.

    To the OP, first of all you definately have a marriage problem, secondly you have a childcare problem. Perhaps your husband is too stressed with this new business and doesn't want to be distracted in the morning? Men don't multitask too well. Maybe a counselor can help you sort it out. Meanwhile, try exploring different childcare options.
  2. by   caliotter3
    I sympathize w/your problem. It appears like your husband is being unreasonable. You have been given the options to find a solution in the posts thus far. You (and your husband) need to think about the long term effects of you not entering the work force to at least train for awhile. You just may find yourself in the position of a single parent. Single parents who do not have family support systems in place have no choice if they want to survive while keeping their children. You should discuss this with your husband in or out of counseling. He is wrong to assume that nothing could happen to him to put you directly in the position of breadwinner. Good luck.
  3. by   jannrn
    I have had to do similar things. I had to get a job to buy a house so the husband knew it was important or we wouldn't get the house. When I had to orient on day shift, my husband hired a young girl to help him get kids ready and off to school (2 different schools starting at same time so the sitter took one) plus we were in temporary housing with 2 dogs and no yard, so we had to take the 2 dogs to doggie daycare! it was pretty tough for a while but now I got my night shift and the kids are in the same school with same destination and start time. things don't always go smoothly, I don't always get the sleep I need, the house is not always clean or clothes washed and put away.... sigh........but nothing is forever!!

    For a year I had to get up to get my son at 1130 am, so I only got a couple hours sleep! now he is in school all day, and I am loving having ALL day to sleep, what a luxury!! It never worked to have the babysitter come, they would make noise or he would want to see me.. they also did not have child care for kids that were not every day. they had to be every day or they would not take them. I could have found something but it is hard in a new town when you don't know anyone. we toughed it out and now things are better.
  4. by   gr8rnpjt
    Most day care facilities have before and after school programs not very expensive and they have bus service to and from school.

    My other suggestion would be to hire a nanny for the kids and stick your husband with the bill.
  5. by   climberrn
    Lots of good advice here. The majority seems to be saying that the problem isn't with the hospital. They won't be changing their policies anytime soon so if this is important to you than you are going to have to think outside the box.
    I agree that your husband should be doing his fair share; if he won't than explain to him that you are going to be paying someone else both of your hard earned money to do some "chores" so you can get your internship accomplished. If he's okay with that then great. If not, then he can step up. If this is really something you want to do, make it work. It's about both of you, not just him.
  6. by   ann945n
    Sounds to me like this is more of a problem with the husband then the hospitals. I would sit down with your husband and tell him how important this is to you and how you can work this out. Maybe he can take the kids half of the days and a sitter the other half. If he wont budge I would ask nicely again at another time and then if he still wont I would tell him help me out or hit the road. I would re-evaluate if i wanted to be with someone who wouldnt help me reach my dreams. Compromise is what marriage is all about, if he aint playing the game, why stay around.
  7. by   UM Review RN
    Don't flame me here, but I have to ask a couple of questions:

    1. Do you have to go to work at all?

    It looks like your husband doesn't think so, otherwise he'd be right in there with you trying to figure this out.

    2. Do you have to work in a hospital?

    Why not get an office or clinic position till the children are a little older? Regular, family-oriented hours. If you still want to work the hospital in a couple of years, there are ways to accomplish that.

    Best wishes to you.
    Last edit by UM Review RN on Feb 16, '07
  8. by   unwanted RN
    I wanted to thank everybody who didn't mind reading such a long story, I was overwhelmed. I did talk to my husband about hiring somebody to drive our kids to school, but he categorically rejected because of the horrific traffic in the morning here in Houston, and also lots of construction and closures along the way. The school is about 12 miles from our house, but to get there takes quite a skill. I wish I had some relatives here or friends to depend on, but neither I nor my husband do. So, we depend on each other. It doesn't look like I will be able to work as a nurse until my children grow up and are more independent. I came to this country 11 years ago and have been married for 10 years. My husband is 52 and I am 35, during those 10 years it has been nothing but a struggle to make him realize that I am a valuable member of this family just to awarded with nasty words and sometimes rough physical treatment in return. I still don't have the freedom to decide what I want for my self and many times even for my children. I had to learn english on my own and pass a battery of tests to get to the university. My husband was not supportive at all and made it an absolute nightmare for me and the kids. I would never drop school because that was the only way toward my independence. Now I have my degree, but can't work because I cannot get help. I miss being a nurse because I always wanted to be a nurse ever since I took care of my ill grandma as child. In school I planned on working part time nights, but had no idea the training would be such an arduous task , nobody ever mentioned it. I think the only thing I can do right now is to find a teaching position in my kid's school, and return to nursing after my kids become independent. Hopefully, my husband will not sabotage it as he has done many times in the past when I tried to make some income or even new friends. With no income, no savings, no skills, and no person to depend on it is hard for me to leave him. He makes very good money from his business and my children, who mean the world to me, can get everything they need for success. I just have to weather the storm and hope for the best.
  9. by   caliotter3
    Your second post says a lot. To use the phrase that one of the advice columnists used: "Ask yourself the question, am I better off with him or without him?" However, you mention lower level abuse. Not a good sign. I hope you find resources in case the situation becomes unbearable. Find out where the nearest battered women's/children's shelter is and counseling programs, in case you need them. And start making plans just in case. I knew a lady from an African nation whose husband dominated her every move. She got her young son to teach her how to drive a car, and obtained a driver's license without her controlling husband even finding out. She had all the drive of a survivor. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers. (P.S. Your children are witnessing this treatment and know there is something not quite right. I hope he never brings it directly to them.)
    Last edit by caliotter3 on Feb 16, '07
  10. by   unwanted RN
    I wanted to thank everybody who didn't mind reading such a long story, I was overwhelmed. I did talk to my husband about hiring somebody to drive our kids to school, but he categorically rejected because of the horrific traffic in the morning here in Houston, and also lots of construction and closures along the way. The school is about 12 miles from our house, but to get there takes quite a skill. I wish I had some relatives here or friends to depend on, but neither I nor my husband do. So, we depend on each other. It doesn't look like I will be able to work as a nurse until my children grow up and are more independent. I came to this country 11 years ago and have been married for 10 years. My husband is 52 and I am 35, during those 10 years it has been nothing but a struggle to make him realize that I am a valuable member of this family just to awarded with nasty words and sometimes rough physical treatment in return. I still don't have the freedom to decide what I want for my self and many times even for my children. I had to learn english on my own and pass a battery of tests to get to the university. My husband was not supportive at all and made it an absolute nightmare for me and the kids. I would never drop school because that was the only way toward my independence. Now I have my degree, but can't work because I cannot get help. I miss being a nurse because I always wanted to be a nurse ever since I took care of my ill grandma as child. In school I planned on working part time nights, but had no idea the training would be such an arduous task , nobody ever mentioned it. I think the only thing I can do right now is to find a teaching position in my kid's school, and return to nursing after my kids become independent. Hopefully, my husband will not sabotage it as he has done many times in the past when I tried to make some income or even new friends. With no income, no savings, no skills, and no person to depend on it is hard for me to leave him. He makes very good money from his business and my children, who mean the world to me, can get everything they need for success. I just have to weather the storm and hope for the best.
  11. by   GardenDove
    It sounds like your marriage problems are severe. Wow, I'm sorry about that.
  12. by   withasmilelpn
    Call the school and find out whether there are people that live in your area that you can carpool with. Somehow you made it through school, without his support, you can do this as well. Get to know your neighbors with children. Having kids can make this easier, you have that in common and it is in their best interest to have friends and playmates where they live. You need to develope a network of friends you can count on. I suspect that you lack confidence because of his treatment of you and might be finding reasons to stay at home. Trust me I've been there! Anyone who can make it through nursing school can make it through anything! I also think that an office position may work well for you. Then you ll have more options as you make your own salary. Open an account in your name only that he has no access to. You can do direct deposit if available. Then he can't outright reject hiring somebody if you pay for it! Definitely talk to a counselor and find out about your local shelter. You owe it to yourself and your children!
  13. by   unwanted RN
    Hello Caliotter , believe me I looked for opportunities outside of hospital, but everywhere I went they asked for experience, at least one year in hospital. I am really absolutely terrified of leaving my husband because then I would be on my own, and if something happens to me there will be NOBODY to take care of my kids. My husband is selfish and doesn't have the time, desire, and even the skill to take care of them. He has never done it before so, he would probably hire a live- in babysitter to care for them. It would never occur to me how limited my options would be as a new nurse. Once a nurse has a few years of experience life is good, but to get there? My grandma always taught me not to complain unless I really had to, and I don't think it is the time for me to complain yet. My children are my highest priority no matter how much I miss nursing, and my responsibility as a parent is way too high. Hopefully, one day things will change for the better.

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