Adoption - page 2
by fergus51 2,724 Views | 29 Comments
After reading another post I saw someone write they only wanted to have their "own" child. I am NOT trying to jump on this person, but as an adoptee and a LD nurse it got me thinking. I have seen fourteen year old drug... Read More
- 0May 31, '04 by Sheri257Wow. I'm surprized there is still a stigma about this. That certainly was the case when I put a baby girl up for adoption several years ago but, I was hoping it would have changed by now.
I was in a terrible family situation and did NOT want the child growing up in that environment. I had no money, no support and no means to adequately support the child either. Everyone I knew, from the father to my own family behaved horribly and I was ostracized. (And, BTW, I was trying to be careful. I was using birth control until the father lied about having a vasectomy although, obviously, I wish I hadn't believed him.)
The couple who adopted my baby waited five years for a child. I know she had to be better off because the last thing she would need was that poisonous environment.
Genetics and biology mean nothing to me. I wouldn't wish my family on anybody. I guess people have delusions of immortality or something like that.
Last edit by Sheri257 on May 31, '04
- 0May 31, '04 by traumaRUs AdminI too am adopted - one of those kids born to unwed moms in th 50's. I was extremely fortunate to be adopted into a wonderful family and two years later, they adopted another daughter. My sister and I are incredibly close. I found myself pregnant at 21 and unmarried but did not consider adoption at that time because I was in the military and there were no issues where I was. However, ll my husband and I did get married and still are for that matter. Our two sons are quite close. The one thing I find interesting, whcih many adoptees can identify with is the fact that my boys look so much like their father - its scary! I love that. I too have found my birthmother but it wasn't a good experience, so we aren't in contact anymore.
- 0May 31, '04 by jkaeeI just had to reply to this, too. I gave a baby girl up for adoption 12 years ago this July. It was the right choice for me and more importantly for the baby, who deserved a better life than what I could give her. I could have stayed with my parents, I probably could have gone to college at some point, but that's not what I wanted for my baby. I wanted a 2 parent home, with a mom that could stay home with her, and a place where she was wanted more than anything else in the world. That's what I gave her when I gave her up for adoption. When I met her parents a few weeks after her birth, they were crying and told me, "We love her so much already, thank you so much." I never regretted my decision, even though it was the hardest thing in the world to do.
What bugs me is when people ask me how I could give away 'my" baby...I calmly explain to these misguided people that just because I pushed a baby out of my body does NOT make me a mother. Yes, I gave birth to her, and she is a part of me, but I am NOT her mother, and I never will be. She has a mom and a dad and a family, but that does not include me. If she wants to find me, she can....my file will be open to her when she turns 18. I will not go and look for her. If she feels the need to find me, she can, and I will leave that decision up to her. If she feels that she does not need or want to find me, that's fine too. I would never force myself and my family on her.
Problem is that too many people think that just because you have a baby, you are automatically a mom/dad. Unfortunately, a cat is a better mom than some people I have seen.
- 0Jun 13, '04 by Rustyhammer3 years ago we took in a scared, neglected 8 year old boy who had been in 3 different foster homes in 3 years. I was terrified to meet my new son. I had only heard his story and seen some pictures. We drove around the block several times, each time slowing as we past the house. Robin put her hand on my arm and said, "We are going to have to stop one of these times you know."
I stopped the truck and we met. 2 weeks later he was living with us permanently.
The next 6 months were difficult. That little boy was stubborn, bad and generally tried about everything he could think of to make us not want him. But we just loved him all the same. We enforced the house rules, and let him know he was wanted and loved.
Today my son doesn't test us this way (although there are other tests). Our other children have survived the early times as well.
I can barely remember not having him with us. Many people have told me what a wonderful thing we've done, giving this boy a home and all but I never think about that. I look at him and see how much he's given to me. How much richer our lives are and how whole our family is.
- 0Jun 13, '04 by z's playaI'm adopted and I highly recommend it. I consider my mom, my mom, and had no desire to ever search for my biological mother. EVER. My life would have been c**p if I grew up where I heard I was going to grow up and I thank my lucky stars it never happened. If I were to ever meet my "mother", it would be to thank her for my life.
- 0Jun 14, '04 by chris_at_lucas_RNI am an adoptive parent, as well as a biological parent. I raised both my children from newborn-ness (my daughter came to us at age 3 days).
I can tell you that I do not feel any differently toward my children--being a parent feels like being a parent! Certainly I don't remember being pregnant with my adopted child, but unless I make the effort, memories of my pregnancy and son's birth don't come flooding in either.
My daughter does not look like me, but we have many of the same mannerisms, expressions and ways of thinking. And she and I fought through adolescence just like her brother and I did.
I thank God daily that Lizzie's first mom had the strength to complete the pregnancy and loved her enough to give her up. Because it was a closed adoption and First Mom wanted no contact, we have made no effort to connect with her.
But if I could, I'd want her to know just how wonderful everything has worked out.
My hat's off to all the parents who gave their children a good life through adoption. People like me are lucky there are people like them.
- 0Jun 14, '04 by hock1The adoption option is such a personal decision for everybody involved. It has come a long way, but still has a long way to go. I have a grandmother, mother, younger brother and cousin who were adopted, Not all experiences for the adoptees and adoptive parents were positive, not all were negative either. It's not the 'dreamy' experience it's cracked up to be. It's expensive and full of beuracracy (sp?). However, once a family has been through the legal and psy part of it they become just like any biological family with ups and downs. I don't believe in forced adoption, nor do I believe in one type of family as adoptees. A family is a family.