*Sigh* How do I tell my family?

Nurses General Nursing

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Specializes in Pediatrics.

I want to be a Navy nurse. I know there is a Military board here, but this is more a general comment. *Sigh*. I was interested in joining the Navy Reserves as a BSN in a year and a half. It seems like a great opportunity and I can't let it go. I can't stop thinking about it. In fact, now I want to join Active Duty. My cousin has been in the Navy for 9 years and he's talking me into it even further. It just seems like such a great opportunity and I know it would make me a better person. The problem comes in that I have six small children (four biological and two foster) and everyone is making me feel bad about even considering going away for a couple of months to OIC. I am trying to let the dream go, but I can't. I just feel drawn to do it, ya know? DH has said I could hire a live-in nanny; it's something we tossed around for some time even before I started on my military kick, but then he'll say, "It's too bad you'll miss so much of your children's lives". Which is true, too. I don't want to miss their lives but it almost doesn't matter that I'll miss a couple of months because I think we will benefit in the long run. What can I do? How do I tell my family that even though I said I didn't really care if I joined or not, the truth is, I really want to?:(

Specializes in ER, ICU cath lab, remote med.

You might want to post in the military forum to get more replies.

You can't count on OIC being the only time you're separated from your family. Don't forget deployments! Everyone's experience is different but I left the military after 10 years because I was tired of spending time away from my family...and I don't even have children.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

I admire you for your dedication and wish to serve, but you will miss much more than 2 months. The military sends you where they need you, and you won't always be able to take your family. You can't refuse duty stations because you have a family.......my dad (career army) used to say "If the government wanted you to have a wife and family, they would have issued you one."

Specializes in ER/EHR Trainer.

I've read your post several times and understand your frustration. It's hard to want something, but have responsibilities that tie you down. I have sent this link to my daughter because I believe it expresses my fear for her and others when permananet decisions are made about ones life then you realize there are other things you'd like to do.

You had four children, and took on two others....that is a huge responsibility! While I understand you want to do this, can you, or should you, really leave your children? If you join directly, you will be called to duty. I know several nurses that were national guard and have had several mandatory tours in Iraq.....is that what you want? Years away from your young children. Once you are in, it's not easy to get out!

You can never replace lost time with your children....I know. I was a single parent for many years who had no support from my ex. I worked myself to death, leaving all dreams behind. Later, I remarried-went back to school and became a nurse. There is always time for dreams, just not time for your kids.....they grow so quickly, alot can be missed.

Good luck in whatever you decide. Just remember, you can still join the service up to age 45!

JMO

Maisy

Specializes in Peri-op/Sub-Acute ANP.

I think what will make you a "better person" is when you make the decision that is best for your children (whatever that turns out to be) instead of allowing your cousin to have such an enormous influence on what you think (which is how it sounds from your OP).

Specializes in Emergency Room.

i personally would not do it. children deserve to have both their parents available to them and unfortunately sometimes we have to put our needs on hold until they get older or until the time is right. i understand how you feel but i think you should really think this through before you make a final decision. good luck.

Specializes in Pediatrics.

I know what I have to do. Navy is not going to be a reality anytime soon. :( I love my children with all my heart. I've been a stay at home mom for most of their lives and even now I work private duty nights so I can be with the little ones during the day. I know they deserve me and I know leaving them would be the hardest thing in the world. I would miss DH some too. :) I know what I feel is selfish. I feel bad for feeling like I do. My children come first. Plain and simple. Thank you for putting it in perspective.

BTW, my cousin doesn't have a large influence over me. In talking to him it cleared up a lot of misconceptions I had as a civilian about the military which held me back from wanting to join. His experiences just sealed what I thought I wanted. He also has young children and is currently on route to California to catch a plane to Japan for 3 years. He would never encourage me to do something detrimental to my family, and I am not easily swayed by the words or actions of one individual. :)

Specializes in ER, ICU cath lab, remote med.

Kiyasmom,

After reading some of the replies to your post I have something else to say. It seems many people are telling you not to join the military because your higher duty is to your children. I would never tell you what to do, I can only encouarge you to research the reality of military service. Again, I would check out the military forums to try to get an idea of what to expect in terms of time away from your family. Ask a recruiter if you can be put in touch with an active duty Navy RN to get some real info...or even spend a day with one. Also, I would recommend that you dig deep and think about why you're considering serving in the military. Is the Navy your only option? What about other forms of service i.e. the AF or Army, or USPHS, or even working for the VA or civilian personnel on a military installation.

It seems as if some people here think that only unmarried and/or childless people should serve. Believe it or not, there are plenty of perfectly happy, well adjusted families with multiple children and one or both parents serving in the military. It's true that time away from your family is hard for all involved. And it's true that you never get that time back. But there's nothing like a family separation that makes you appreciate what you have. Service members and their families make sacrifices to protect the interests of the U.S. Unfortunately someone has to do it.

...ok. I'm stepping off my soapbox.

Specializes in Home Health.

I think this decision is one that has to be made between your DH and yourself. Speaking as a military brat (my father and step-mother were both career military,) military life has good points and not so good points. My sister is also career military in the Army with 3 children, she just spent a year in Korea where her family could not go, it was not easy for her to be away from her family for that long, but it was a part of her job that she knew she might have to make (her DH fully supports her military career and is willing to take on the added responsibilities it requires when she is gone). My suggestion is to really look into your options and what they would mean to you and your family. Wish you the best. Good luck.

Specializes in Nursing Professional Development.

I am not in the Navy ... but I live and work near a large Naval Base. As others have pointed out, if you are an active member of the Navy, you will be subjected to repeated deployments (who knows where) for a lot longer than a couple of months.

But certainly your desire to serve is an honorable one. Have your fully explored other options that would help you to satisfy your desire to serve? For example, is there a military hospital nearby? ... or a Veteran's hospital? ... Working in such a facility as a civilian employee would give you the opportunity to serve the needs of the military personnel and their dependents without the requirements of overseas deployments.

If working as a nurse in a military facility is not possible, you should be able to find other ways to support the Navy's efforts ... or help meet the needs of our country and/or your community in other ways. There are always many community service organizations who can use nurses who are wanting to serve the public. Sometimes, there are paid positions available: other times, it might involve a donation of your time and expertise.

If the true desire is in your heart, you can find a way to serve that will allow you to meet the needs of the family you chose to have.

If everyone in this country were unwilling to make sacrifices and be away from their family, this country would not exist. Being a military family requires dedication and sacrifice. If you were a man, I doubt that you would be getting this much flack about signing up. You and your husband will have to make the decision that is right for you but do not allow others to guilt you into doing what they want. If you want your children to have a safe place to grow up (compared to other parts of the world) then there will continue to be a need for people to literally fight to keep our country safe. And there will be a need for nurses to care for those fighting for us. Yes, you will miss parts of the kids growing up. But you will also be ensuring that they GET to grow up. It is an honor and a privilege to serve. I know from experience that it isn't easy, but I am so glad that my family's and my husband's family have many generations of military service.

Specializes in Public Health, DEI.

I also think you should seriously consider how realistic it is that you will be able to find a full time nanny willing to take on 6 children. I was a nanny for many years when I was young and I wouldn't have touched a family that size with a 10 foot pole. That doesn't mean other nannies won't, of course, but you'll pay through the nose and the worst thing about is that you never really know what you're getting till you get it. My employers had friends who had horrendous experiences and had to borrow me or one of my friends on extreme occasions when they just had to be somewhere and their nanny fell through. As for me, I still keep in touch with my old "family"- their youngest is going to graduate from Princeton next year.

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