*Sigh* How do I tell my family?

[HisTreasure]

I want to be a Navy nurse. I know there is a Military board here, but this is more a general comment. *Sigh*. I was interested in joining the Navy Reserves as a BSN in a year and a half. It seems like a great opportunity and I can't let it go. I can't stop thinking about it. In fact, now I want to join Active Duty. My cousin has been in the Navy for 9 years and he's talking me into it even further. It just seems like such a great opportunity and I know it would make me a better person. The problem comes in that I have six small children (four biological and two foster) and everyone is making me feel bad about even considering going away for a couple of months to OIC. I am trying to let the dream go, but I can't. I just feel drawn to do it, ya know? DH has said I could hire a live-in nanny; it's something we tossed around for some time even before I started on my military kick, but then he'll say, "It's too bad you'll miss so much of your children's lives". Which is true, too. I don't want to miss their lives but it almost doesn't matter that I'll miss a couple of months because I think we will benefit in the long run. What can I do? How do I tell my family that even though I said I didn't really care if I joined or not, the truth is, I really want to?

[MoopleRN]

Tough decision and obviously one that will touch many lives. You've gotten some really thought-provoking replies to this thread and hopefully they can help you decide what's best. My two cents?

1. Taking time away from your family now doesn't mean you won't be there later (but yes, the time sacrificed now is gone forever).

2. Doing what makes you happy/going for your dream will make you a better person and an excellent role model for your kids.

Best wishes!

[BlueRidgeHomeRN]

doing what makes you happy/going for your dream will make you a better person ......

quote]

this doesn't corrolate with being a better parent, however. choosing to have children means choosing to put their needs first, at least when they are small, imho.

[Miss Mab]

kiyasmom (Female)

Re: *Sigh* How do I tell my family?

permalink

Originally Posted by lewis102703

This is not fair to your children. You chose them and they did not chose you. You wanted them and when you concieved and agreed to foster that is a a comittment that cannot and should not be broken, under any circumstances. I may get crucified for this comment but you are being selfish.

You won't be crucified by me.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OK, then I'll do it!

I'm not interested in crucifying anybody but let me say I strongly disagree that by electing to serve in the Armed Forces that qualifies as breaking the commitment you have to your children.

IMHO, having a parent who is personally and professionaly fulfilled is about the best gift you can give your child.

I can't advise the OP on what to do as this decision is such a personal one but let me just add this:

Being in the military w/kids is a sacrifice on both sides but this is just one of the important values that they will have the opportunity to learn and, hopefully, appreciate.

Sorry, but in my book there are not many better lessons to impart to a child than those of honor, duty, service and commitment.

[BlueRidgeHomeRN]

imho, having a parent who is personally and professionaly fulfilled is about the best gift you can give your child.

quote]

rubbish...kids care about how fulfilled they are.

this is more of "the world revolves around my happiness "horse-hockey!!

[Miss Mab]

imho, having a parent who is personally and professionaly fulfilled is about the best gift you can give your child.

quote]

rubbish...kids care about how fulfilled they are.

this is more of "the world revolves around my happiness "horse-hockey!!

hmmmm....

and they also care about who gets the bigger half of the donut. or the red colored popsicle. they really seem to care about that stuff a lot.

we'll have to agree to disagree on this point.

however, the example taught to me both by my parents and other working adults in the community was by no means a byproduct of 'horse-hockey' thinking. to impart an inherent selfishness on someone who needs to work, for either personal or monetary reasons, is simply stereotyping at its most basic. this line of thinking brings to mind the excellent 'mommy wars' phenomenon.

i do respect that this is your opinion, more so as obviously this is a real personal peeve based on the icon chosen.

so, again, to each his own!

best:)

[BlueRidgeHomeRN]

this line of thinking brings to mind the excellent 'mommy wars' phenomenon.

not trying to beat that dead horse.

however, as i have been a military officer, sahm, working mom, and now empty-nester, i have some strong, unpleasant opnions about adults who neglect their young child's best interest because they want to be "fulfilled". kids come first, period.

and, the military is much more than a "job"..you cannot quit, refuse an assignment, call in sick, or tell your boss to shove it! (unless you look forward to being behind bars.) so, my strong reaction is not to a working parent, but the idea of subjecting six children to a mother who is unavailable and a father who can't or won't hold down the fort at home...

[MoopleRN]

doing what makes you happy/going for your dream will make you a better person ......

quote]

this doesn't corrolate with being a better parent, however. choosing to have children means choosing to put their needs first, at least when they are small, imho.

i never said doing what makes you happy corrolates with being a better parent. i said it will make you a better person/role model. imo, making yourself into a better person makes you a better parent. perhaps you don't agree with that... and that's ok. choosing to have children does mean you should put their needs first when they are small, i agree with that. that doesn't mean that the parent's wants/needs don't count or that the children will be neglected/can't adapt.

i believe the op needs support in making a decision that works best for her/her family. reading the differing opinions here, hopefully, will help her do that. let's keep in mind that every family/situation is different and what works for one family may not work for another.

[HisTreasure, BSN, RN]

so, my strong reaction is not to a working parent, but the idea of subjecting six children to a mother who is unavailable and a father who can't or won't hold down the fort at home...

what i didn't say was that my husband won't hold his own. i said that i wanted my children to have stability without him sacrificing the life he affords them financially and emotionally. he is off three days per week and spends each day with the children now. he is also with them before he goes to work when he closes or after work when he opens. that is how i am able to work without paying child care. he is very hands on.

he is very active in their schooling and quite frankly, he is the best father i've seen in a long time. he is definitely a better father than my dad ever was and i had a great upbringing. i would never, and i mean never put my children in a position where they were neglected, hurt, or left out in the cold so i or my husband could follow our dreams. the nanny idea stems from the fact that my husband does work, as do i, and i don't want my children to be shuffled back and forth to in child care, become latchkey kids, or start staying home by themselves much too early. it is hardly a matter of my husband not holding the fort. i resent that comment.

my children are used to having a dedicated individual at home at any given time and i would expect that to continue whether i chose to join the armed forces or not. which i chose not. i said that about 7 posts ago.

blueridgehomern, i appreciate your strong moral values and i accept that the decisions that people, myself included, may make may not sit well with you. however, i feel that before you make sweeping generalizations that you indeed read the posts in a thread and then make an informed remark based on all the information you read.

further, while i currently have six children if i enlisted it would not be until i only had my biological children unless i was given the opportunity to adopt the babies, at such a time i said i wouldn't enlist. period.

i normally don't get in debates with people. i am a non-confrontational person and this goes against everything i believe a discussion board should be about. however, i was accepted to a very competitive pa program but opted out because i chose to care for my foster children and i put them before myself. that is the way it should be and that's the way it's going to be. i may not be able to go to that program next year. it was a decision that was very easy to make because my children will always come first.

with that said, blueridgehomern, you and anyone else are free to flame on. i opened this can of words and i can handle whatever it is that is thrown at me. i look forward to hearing the opinions of others even though it is not really relevant since i already said i would explore the usphs commissioned corps.

blessings abound.

[BlueRidgeHomeRN]

it is hardly a matter of my husband not holding the fort. i resent that comment.

i have no control over your reactions, but since you are the one who mentioned a full time nanny, i don't think its a stretch to have infered that your husband had no intention of being a sahd. its great that he is such an involved dad, but should you have chosen the navy, how would he deal with a year or more as a single parent and a six-figure, high pressure job???

my children are used to having a dedicated individual at home at any given time and i would expect that to continue whether i chose to join the armed forces or not.

again, had you opted for the navy, who exactly would this "dedicated individual" be when you were deployed and your husband at work??

however, i feel that before you make sweeping generalizations that you indeed read the posts in a thread and then make an informed remark based on all the information you read.

i read it all verbatim, and all comments were based on the information about your situation that you provided.

my children will always come first. as well they should..

with that said, blueridgehomern, you and anyone else are free to flame on. i opened this can of words and i can handle whatever it is that is thrown at me.

probably really good that you've decided against the military, children aside, if you really think that my posts were "flaming"! you'd need a much thicker skin than that in the navy. i make no apology for firmly believing that the needs of children outway the preferences of their parents. and, if you have read my posts in this thread, you would know that i have been an active member of the military (as were my father, grandfather, husband, and now both sons) so i speak from just a little experience. i also am a grandmother, and know how quickly children become adults, and how short our time is to raise them. you asked for input, and got it. my opinion seems to be the majority one. i'm glad you've found a compromise position that lets you and your family all win. you know how you really can't understand motherhood until you become a mom??? well, you can't really explain the demands of the military unless you have been a soldier, sailore, airman or marine.

[Miss Mab]

however, as i have been a military officer, sahm, working mom, and now empty-nester, i have some strong, unpleasant opnions about adults who neglect their young child's best interest because they want to be "fulfilled". kids come first, period.

...

i hadn't realized we were using our military affiliations for, "thread-cred". lol

so, let me just say as a current military officer, i must continue to agree to disagree with many of your statements.

i do admire your conviction and perhaps in a more perfect world these struggles would be more easily porificed out and much simpler to resolve.

i do wonder though, w/your opinions and experience, if you feel the same regarding single parent military members as well as dual service couples w/kids? this view has piqued my curiosity in so far as a great number of folks in those situations do presently serve and i wonder, without those folks, how our overall force structure would be affected?

ah, another thought for another thread, perhaps.....

hey kiyasmom--any chance you could go back and edit the above post that attributes a quote to me that i'm fairly certain i would never say? no biggie if you can't. probably self-explanatory anyway. good luck w/usphs, btw. we don't have many members doing that i don't think. it would be a great resource for the rest of us(though not too helpful to you right now, unfortunately) keep us updated.

best!

[BlueRidgeHomeRN]

i do wonder though, w/your opinions and experience, if you feel the same regarding single parent military members as well as dual service couples w/kids? this view has piqued my curiosity in so far as a great number of folks in those situations do presently serve and i wonder, without those folks, how our overall force structure would be affected?

![/quote

yes, i extend this opinon to about 85% of single and dual-military parents. the bottom line, for me, is that either one's unit or one's child is getting the short end of the stick in these scenarios. all the time?? of course not. face it, some mos's are more deployable than others, some folks have incredible stability in their assignments. a few service members have great extended family support for the kids--but most do not.

so yeah, i think one set of bdu's per family is enough if there are children. force structure could be solved by a tactic that ain't never gonna happen, and that's the return of the draft, for every 18 year old in the country. but, that is a totally different thread!! :usarm:

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

not trying to beat that dead horse.

however, as i have been a military officer, sahm, working mom, and now empty-nester, i have some strong, unpleasant opnions about adults who neglect their young child's best interest because they want to be "fulfilled". kids come first, period.

and, the military is much more than a "job"..you cannot quit, refuse an assignment, call in sick, or tell your boss to shove it! (unless you look forward to being behind bars.) so, my strong reaction is not to a working parent, but the idea of subjecting six children to a mother who is unavailable and a father who can't or won't hold down the fort at home...

i accidently "thanked" miss mab - i actually disagree with her post. and agree with this. there is something wacky about the quotes too . . . i agree with miss mab on that!~

after you bring children into the world or adopt or take in kids whose parents abandoned them, they come first.

i also don't agree with "following your heart" . . . . using your brain is better advice.

i think the op decided against the military, didn't she?

steph