(word of caution: my laptop keyboard is tiny, and it's easy to mistype, so sorry if I do)
Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful replies. I wonder if it is my ego that is bruised as well, I have to be really humble right now. I like being on top of things and don't like fumbling, ect. I like to know what I am doing. I will do it right if I know. I will feel awful if I dont do it right.
Also, even the simple things are making me freeze: for example, though the nursing math never gave me much of a problem in school, when put on the spot the other day, I froze: what the heck was that formula for desired dose mg/ml, ect? I couldnt remember it for the life of me. And I needed to know right then!
That's how I feel. Today I forgot to unclamp piggyback tubing, and actually later hooked up the wrong line (one we had just disconnected to run something else) I don't know why I am making these incredibly easy but stupid mistakes that I never did in school. Why am I quaking in my boots at even these simple things? It's these small things that are making me feel even worse than I already do.
I hope that I can gather up all my strength and get through this time. I need to buckle down. I keep meaning to go over iv lines, ect at home, but when I am home I dont even want to think about it, and I dread the next day. Someone asked me today at work how it was to be out of school and working, and I said, "right now is the hardest part"...they looked surprised. Perhaps if my unit wasn't as acute I would be enjoying this more...I do find this area interesting...if I was on top of things.
Anyway, thanks for your replies and support. I know I probably should cut myself more slack, but there isnt a whole lot of time. I keep thinking of the deadline of end of orientation. I feel I am barely started and everyone is asking me when I will be on my own
!! I feel like my preceptor knows what an idiot I am and wonders how I passed nursing school. How will I know if I am progressing as I should be?? I dont think I am where I should be at all. I do know charting now, but not at the speed I need to be at, I know only basic stuff. I can do a fair assessment. My biggest weakness is meds, iv's, looking them up, preparing them, checking for drip times and compatibilities, ect.: I take so long with these. Anyway, I am rambling, thanks for listening...