I want OUT!!!!

barlowjb · Dec 26, 2009

Hi, I am a new medical surgical nurse and I hope to be an ICU nurse at some point in my career

From all your postings I get the feeling that you are a good new nurse with lots of potential. You are being very hard on yourself and I totally understand, because I am a new nurse too. In fact yesterday was my 5th day off orientation.

I strongly believe that a preceptor can mean the difference between a good or a bad start for a new grad. A good preceptor can lead to a new grad having enough confidence to continue a career in nursing. A bad preceptor can lead to a new grad ending up with such a bad experience, that he or she will quit nursing all together and move to a new career within a year or so.

Before I completed my BSN in August of this year, I had heard horror stories about new nursing grad orientations and I vowed to find a comprehensive Nurse Residency Program. I was told by many well wishers: "Oh you went to an excellent nursing school, you can get any job you want with better pay". However I decided not to just go for the highest paying Job I could find, I was more focused on having a good first experience - the money will come later.

I was an excellent nursing student, but I remained true to myself - I had what many would view as "top of the line" exposure to a whole lot of experiences in different areas of nursing during my clinicals, but the fact was that with those experiences I did not do them enough times to remember later on down the line.

With the way that I learn, I needed to do things over and over again to truly get it and be good at it and I wanted to work with a preceptor who would have the patience to work with me.

So I chose a program that was 1 hour away from where I lived, because they automatically put all their new grads in a 2 year nurse residency program. I felt good going in because I felt that they knew before I hit the floor, that I was brand new and would need for- lack of a better description- some "baby sitting"

I was told from the get go that the main preceptor that was assigned to me was the best - Turns out they were right. My preceptor had been a nurse for only 2 and a half years. She basically just got out of the nurse residency program herself, plus she was 12 years younger than I was (she didn't know this at first).

My preceptor and I basically got to know each other throughout our first week. I was very up front with her in the beginning. I told her that I chose to work at this hospital because my first experience was very important to me and would probably lay the foundation for my continued career in nursing.

My preceptor told me that from her experience many times older/more experienced nurses forget what it was like to be a brand new nurse and she was determined to never be like that (No disrespect intended to more experienced nurses).

I asked just about every single thing there was under the sun that I wasn't sure of and she answered them without making me feel bad, because of that I never made any stupid mistakes when I worked under her. She caught every single one of my "almost mistakes". Half way through my orientation they put me with other preceptors, who left me on my on most of the time and who did not catch the mistakes that my main preceptor would have. Anyway I still learned from those experiences, plus these people were super nice

I'm not sure how, but my preceptor had excellent time management skills and kept on top of me with that, she burned into my brain the importance of documenting as you go throughout your shift and some other very important lessons.

Toward the end of my orientation I was paired up with my main preceptor again and this time she was a little harder on me, I had to work and pretend that she wasn't even around and force myself to ask other nurses for help if I needed it rather than just her.

All in all by my last week of orientation I felt ready and my preceptor told me she felt I was ready. I am even more confident now that I am off orientation, because I have to figure a lot of things out by myself and I know when to ask questions on really important matters.

Don't get me wrong, I do have my moments of frustrations and times when I am not sure of what to do in a given situation - but the thing is I look around and see that other more seasoned nurses sometimes feel the same way - then I realize I'm not feeling this way just because I'm new - and that gives me the confidence to just keep on searching for the answers and to at times work with other nurses, pharmacists, social workers and other members of the health care team to figure out a solution

Whats my point? - you should remove the idea that 'you want out' from your thoughts, its only the beginning and unfortunately you just don't have the right preceptor (My friend got fired during her ICU orientation because of this - not to scare you or anything). Unfortunately some preceptors (who may be really good nurses), are just not cut out for teaching/training, so its up to the new grad to make the best of a bad situation.

I hope it eventually works out for you, but if it doesn't don't beat up on yourself too much. Just search for another Job, maybe something that is not as hectic as the ICU to start out with

Like Lacie said: self confidence can make you or break you. Regardless of the outcome of this your first experience as a new nursing grad, don't let this experience break you down to the point where you lose interest in nursing all together - you have come too far and have worked too hard to get to where you are now.

Best Wishes

classicaldreams · Dec 26, 2009

Dear AfrocentricRN,

Of course, by the time I reposted my reply, there were many others, and the thread had taken a different twist.

Don't discredit the older nurses for being sticklers about the details. The devil often lies in the details! Little things can turn into big things, and often that is how I have made mistakes--things get missed because I overlooked the details! Little details built upon themselves and will have meaning in retrospect.

You can't know what you don't know. I know that sounds cliche, but it is true. Assumptions are dangerous, and while you may not know/understand someone else's actions, assuming their meaning isn't helpful. I have come to understand that details about patients, procedures, etc., while have no meaning for me, with my limited experience, can have meaning to a more seasoned nurse. I don't berate the seasoned nurses for being sticklers and assume that are just being arrogant.

Yes, my orientation sucked too. You can read dozens of posts here with experiences like mine and yours. It isn't a great way to start a new job, but when that experience ends, another will start. It is your choice. :twocents:

Classicaldreams

barlowjb · Dec 26, 2009

I would like to make a clarification here. I do believe that some preceptors even though they appear tough and mean may be deliberate in the way they orient, in order to make sure that they toughen you up and get you to be more vigilant, careful and on top of things.

I say this because I just remembered that another one of my friends had a preceptor at a hospital during his last semester in nursing school and at that time he told me his preceptor hated him and was being way too hard on him. As it turned out he could not find a job after graduation and happened to see his preceptor at a mall. She was excited to see him and told him how well she thought he did during his past preceptorship - he was shocked beyond measure because like i said he felt the preceptor was "out to get him" when he worked with her in the past

As it turned out that same preceptor recommended him for an open position on her unit and he was called in for an interview without even filling out an initial application. Guess who is his current preceptor for his orientation? that same old preceptor and her training style has not changed!!! - The only difference now is that he knows that the preceptor is not deliberately trying to make his life miserable - but he wouldn't have known that if he had not worked with her before.

I still stand by my original post about this matter, because personally I probably could not thrive under that type of pressure. However, I just felt that this point of view is something to think about, because things are not always as they appear to be when you are working with people, plus this is the ICU you are talking about, where people can die at a moment's notice.

The bottom line: Vent your heart out and keep on going, you already have a passion for the ICU and I feel you are on the right track despite the ups and downs of your experience so far

Again

Best Wishes

Ruby Vee, BSN · Dec 26, 2009

i see an awful lot of posts here about asking for a new preceptor if things aren't going well; but relatively few bits of advice about sticking to it and working things out. a big part of the problem seems to be that the op didn't click with her preceptor and asked for a new one instead. but there were no more preceptors so that she could have just one main preceptor; so now she's stuck with someone different on every shift. that's not the fault of the various preceptors she's paired with. that's the result of the op not being able to suck it up and deal with the preceptor she was given and make it work for her.

my manager sees working with the preceptor you are given as a valuable part of the orientation process, and orientees who ask for different preceptors find themselves with a black mark against them during their first evaluation. i'm not sure i totally agree with her on this point, but i've seen several orientees come through our unit complaining about the teaching style of each and every preceptor they've been paired with. i have to conclude that the problem resides in them rather than in the preceptors.

the first year or two or even five of nursing are difficult. they're horrible at times. i hated nursing and made plans to get out as quickly as i could. but i was supporting a husband, and the economic times weren't the greatest, and nursing was the best money i could make, so i stuck with it. i'm glad that i did. it's been an interesting career and a stable job for three decades now. but yes, the first year sucked. i cried all the way to work most days, and all the way home sometimes too. i'd throw up before i'd take report. i gained weight rather than lost it, and stopped sleeping for a time. but i learned, and i dealt. i remember vividly what that first year was like, and i wouldn't wish it on anyone. still, most of us seem to go through some variation of that misery. maybe that's what makes us nurses.

shoegalRN, RN · Dec 26, 2009

i see an awful lot of posts here about asking for a new preceptor if things aren't going well; but relatively few bits of advice about sticking to it and working things out. a big part of the problem seems to be that the op didn't click with her preceptor and asked for a new one instead. but there were no more preceptors so that she could have just one main preceptor; so now she's stuck with someone different on every shift. that's not the fault of the various preceptors she's paired with. that's the result of the op not being able to suck it up and deal with the preceptor she was given and make it work for her.
my manager sees working with the preceptor you are given as a valuable part of the orientation process, and orientees who ask for different preceptors find themselves with a black mark against them during their first evaluation. i'm not sure i totally agree with her on this point, but i've seen several orientees come through our unit complaining about the teaching style of each and every preceptor they've been paired with. i have to conclude that the problem resides in them rather than in the preceptors.
the first year or two or even five of nursing are difficult. they're horrible at times. i hated nursing and made plans to get out as quickly as i could. but i was supporting a husband, and the economic times weren't the greatest, and nursing was the best money i could make, so i stuck with it. i'm glad that i did. it's been an interesting career and a stable job for three decades now. but yes, the first year sucked. i cried all the way to work most days, and all the way home sometimes too. i'd throw up before i'd take report. i gained weight rather than lost it, and stopped sleeping for a time. but i learned, and i dealt. i remember vividly what that first year was like, and i wouldn't wish it on anyone. still, most of us seem to go through some variation of that misery. maybe that's what makes us nurses.

i attempted to "work it out" with my original preceptor before going to the educator. i had a sit down with the preceptor and explained in details what my needs were. it fell on deaf ears. my preceptor was a fairly new nurse herself, only 1 year out. i had overheard her talking about me badly in the breakroom to my coworkers claiming i ask too many "stupid questions". trust me, i tried to work it out with her prior to all this. this was my final straw.

i do not like "rocking the boat" or anything like that, so i struggled with asking for a new preceptor after i caught her talking about me to my coworkers. also, she found it necessary to talk down to me in front of my coworkers and they laugh about it in the breakroom. i put up with all that for four weeks until the final straw was her telling my coworkers i asked too many stupid questions. at that point, it was not necessary to go talk to her anymore, but get the educator involved. that is not a really great learning environment when you feel you can't ask questions because they may be deemed as "stupid".

after going to the educator, i felt like me and the preceptor and the educator should have had a meeting to hash things out, but the educator insisted on talking to the preceptor "separately" which i felt didnt help the situation. she also wanted us to work together again for that week, until she found enough time to get me a new preceptor, without really letting my first preceptor know. i found that activity very passive agressive.

anyway, i'm all for constructive criticism, i'm all for being hard and tough, but i'm not for being disrespected. i feel there is a way to get your point across without yelling or being condensending.

PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN · Dec 26, 2009

Here's the thing: I'm NOT a baby or someone in my 20's. I am a 35 year old single mother raising a teenager. I'm not new to "struggles" as I've had them all my life. I'm not new to stress, I've dealt with a great amount of stress in my previous career where I stayed for 14 years prior to becoming a nurse. However, I never cried or vomiting before going to work either.
I've never had to take medication for any type of depression in my life and that includes when I lost my father at the age of 16. However, I started seeing a therapist for the first time in my life during nursing school and I STILL don't take any medication for anxiety.
I feel I do have a tough skin, as I do not get offended easily and I tend to roll with the punches. However, I was not fully prepared for the culture of nursing, and this is something nursing school does NOT teach, while focusing on NCLEX pass rates.
I don't ask for babying from any of my preceptors. I ask for feedback each shift so I can work on it for the next shift. I do take constructive feedback as something that is gonna make me a better nurse in the future. I have also received positive feedback as well, so it's hasnt all been negative. Maybe I focus too much on the constructive feedback, as I want to be the best nurse I can be.
Yes, I feel like I want to give up at times. But I know I can't. I have a mortgage and a child depending on me to succeed.
I came here to vent my frustations as a new grad nurse.

Then you have some life experience.

USE IT.

LIFE IS TOUGH. If you can get past this, YOU WILL BE TOUGH. And you will teach the right way.

Never mind the "haters" TEACH YOUR CHILD THAT YOU CAN DO AND BE ANYTHING.

Show YOUR TEEN what life can be like.

The culture of nursing IN YOUR part of the world can be like that, but not necessarily everywhere.

It's not always like that. Let the ones who are giving you a hard time--FORGET THEM. IT is a time of testing and YOU CAN AND YOU WILL DO IT.

You are a sensitive soul, obviously, and want to do right. FOCUS on the right stuff and forget everything else.

If you are going to let them get to you, then yes you will vomit.

STOP it. Take control of your emotions, and tell yourself

THIS WILL PASS.

Jo, tough as nails, but oh so understanding...been there done that...... :smokin:

shoegalRN, RN · Dec 26, 2009

Then you have some life experience.
USE IT.
LIFE IS TOUGH. If you can get past this, YOU WILL BE TOUGH. And you will teach the right way.
Never mind the "haters" TEACH YOUR CHILD THAT YOU CAN DO AND BE ANYTHING.
Show YOUR TEEN what life can be like.
The culture of nursing IN YOUR part of the world can be like that, but not necessarily everywhere.
It's not always like that. Let the ones who are giving you a hard time--FORGET THEM. IT is a time of testing and YOU CAN AND YOU WILL DO IT.
You are a sensitive soul, obviously, and want to do right. FOCUS on the right stuff and forget everything else.
If you are going to let them get to you, then yes you will vomit.
STOP it. Take control of your emotions, and tell yourself
THIS WILL PASS.
Jo, tough as nails, but oh so understanding...been there done that......

Jo, you don't know how much I pray before going to work. I think I've prayed more during this time that I've ever did during nursing school and in my entire life. I keep telling myself I can do this. As long as my pt is alive when I leave, I've done my job. I try to keep that at the back of my head, as long as I don't kill this pt, I'm doing good.

Maybe I do need to relax more. Just never been under this amount of stress before so I'm having a hard time dealing with it. I keep trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel, just like I did when I was in nursing school.

I just want to look forward to going to work. I just want to be the best nurse I can be and come home. I don't want to be "caught up" with all the politics and playing the game.

soflavorableRN · Dec 26, 2009

Girl I had to sign up for this website just to post something for you. I remember when I graduated (all of 3 1/2 years ago...lol) I cried all the way through orientation. Felt sick and tired and frustrated and dumb as crap. I was a LPN and I worked on a surgical floor. I was very intimidated by all the folks walking around with "RN" on their badge. Then on top of that, I felt like nursing school didn't even touch on half the stuff I thought I needed to feel at least like I could have the right to lay my stethescope on a chest and call myself a nurse for 12 hours.

But... I kept going back. I too, had a family to support. I got better and each day got a little easier. I had a bunch of different preceptors and it made it hard. Some days were good and others felt like I was starting over every time... like every day was my first day on the job. I boo hoo cried girl...all the time. At home and at work. But, I'm still in the game.

I went back and got my RN in 2008 and ended up in a ER. Talk about culture shock! Whoa!!! I hated it and dragged myself through that for a while too. Then we moved and now I'm on a pulmonary stepdown unit that's kicking my butt some shifts. I'm not even sure if I want to be a nurse. Can't honestly see myself doing this for the next 30 years. But I know that I can if I needed to. Not because I'm not smart enough. Hell, just the fact that you knew to ask for the code cart to access atropine and had enough nerve to jump on in and start them chest compressions means you need to be in the game.

It does get better after you aren't answering to a preceptor because it allows you to get in your groove and you get your own way of doing things. You always have help from co-workers. Whether you are social or anti-social. Doesn't matter because girl there are nurses that I call "code-junkie-hero-wannabe's" that need the glamor and praise of being involved in a code situation. So even if they all hate your guts, someone is gonna come running to a code because it's just the nature of it. lol... usually, it's all for the good of the patients but sometimes it's the die hard Florence wannabe type that come running if they think they are gonna be able to shine for something.

As far as that JoPACU person. Forget all that mess... you know who you are and it's cool to vent on here. Hell, I know I be getting ****** off a lot. Besides...PACU is on some different stuff anyway...lmao:jester:

Do you're thing girl! It's gonna be ok.

cargalrn · Dec 26, 2009

Allow your time off to be time off. Block any negative thoughts, except for the present-take a walk, run, yoga, ski, ice skate, anything active. I found that my personal life was a savior to sticking to nursing and controlling stress. Excercise is very important. Take care of yourself. And yes, hang in there. I still can't stomach the unprofessional behavior of others, and I am a target sometimes still. I love the poster that advised to forgive. Let it go and make a personal code to be the best nurse that you can be, and then go home, forget about it until the next day. I still sometimes ruminate on what I could have done better, and I try to correct the problem, but for the most part, I live my life outside of nursing to the fullest and it really helps.

(til I broke my tibia and tore my ACL skiing the Sunday before Christmas). I was hospitalized and at one point my call bell went unanswered for 1/2 hour. I needed ice for my knee. If I wouldn't have been a nurse, my plan of care and pain control would have been a sad portrait of care today.)

PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN · Dec 26, 2009

Jo, you don't know how much I pray before going to work. I think I've prayed more during this time that I've ever did during nursing school and in my entire life. I keep telling myself I can do this. As long as my pt is alive when I leave, I've done my job. I try to keep that at the back of my head, as long as I don't kill this pt, I'm doing good.
Maybe I do need to relax more. Just never been under this amount of stress before so I'm having a hard time dealing with it. I keep trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel, just like I did when I was in nursing school.
I just want to look forward to going to work. I just want to be the best nurse I can be and come home. I don't want to be "caught up" with all the politics and playing the game.

then do this:

When is your next workday? Plan on making it through that shift. Make a list and check it off.

Do the same for the next shift.

ONE DAY/SHIFT AT A TIME.

When you make it through a month. Make a visual of it (calender) and post it on your refrigerator. Do the same for the next month.

Do that for 1, 2, 3,4,5,6 months....do it until you stop throwing up. Then put all of your calendars into a book. Make it a memorabilia and show it to YOUR preceptee.

MAKE YOURSELF NOT THROW UP.

Put on your toughest skin and pray (I pray each day I go to work that I won't hurt someone unintentionally and yes I believe there are Guardian Angels that have saved me from doing so)....

At the end of the day. Cry, Go to Yoga, Go do kickboxing. Scream into a pillow. Show your TEEN How YOU cope. He/She will learn. Do it together.

YOU CAN DO THIS. Many of us Have.

Don't just say you will.....

DO IT. JUST DO IT. I'm not going to baby you (I will give internet hugs)...just know that you are tougher then these people.

Politics? It's everywhere....

I am like a horse, and put on blinders. Do your best, and know that God watches everything you do.

That's all that counts. This is your test. You can pass......

:yeah:

And oh yeah, I've lasted 17 years going on 18...so yeah, I think I've got some experience to back me up.

Reminisce · Dec 26, 2009

what are some positives? Maybe you need to reevaluate why you went into nursing in the first place, what was it that drew you to it? what were your strong points during nursing school? what were your weak points? after you answer these then maybe try to work on your weak skills reather it be by research, or by hands on, you shouldn't quit, you should try to make your skills stronger and in time you will grow.

:twocents:

PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN · Dec 26, 2009

Girl I had to sign up for this website just to post something for you. I remember when I graduated (all of 3 1/2 years ago...lol) I cried all the way through orientation. Felt sick and tired and frustrated and dumb as crap. I was a LPN and I worked on a surgical floor. I was very intimidated by all the folks walking around with "RN" on their badge. Then on top of that, I felt like nursing school didn't even touch on half the stuff I thought I needed to feel at least like I could have the right to lay my stethescope on a chest and call myself a nurse for 12 hours.
But... I kept going back. I too, had a family to support. I got better and each day got a little easier. I had a bunch of different preceptors and it made it hard. Some days were good and others felt like I was starting over every time... like every day was my first day on the job. I boo hoo cried girl...all the time. At home and at work. But, I'm still in the game.
I went back and got my RN in 2008 and ended up in a ER. Talk about culture shock! Whoa!!! I hated it and dragged myself through that for a while too. Then we moved and now I'm on a pulmonary stepdown unit that's kicking my butt some shifts. I'm not even sure if I want to be a nurse. Can't honestly see myself doing this for the next 30 years. But I know that I can if I needed to. Not because I'm not smart enough. Hell, just the fact that you knew to ask for the code cart to access atropine and had enough nerve to jump on in and start them chest compressions means you need to be in the game.
It does get better after you aren't answering to a preceptor because it allows you to get in your groove and you get your own way of doing things. You always have help from co-workers. Whether you are social or anti-social. Doesn't matter because girl there are nurses that I call "code-junkie-hero-wannabe's" that need the glamor and praise of being involved in a code situation. So even if they all hate your guts, someone is gonna come running to a code because it's just the nature of it. lol... usually, it's all for the good of the patients but sometimes it's the die hard Florence wannabe type that come running if they think they are gonna be able to shine for something.
As far as that JoPACU person. Forget all that mess... you know who you are and it's cool to vent on here. Hell, I know I be getting ****** off a lot. Besides...PACU is on some different stuff anyway...lmao:jester:
Do you're thing girl! It's gonna be ok.

Um, excuse me....I worked Trauma, ICU, NICU, SICU, CVICU...ER, in case you missed that...my dear... :smokin: