I feel stupid- just venting out
0I am a very new nurse; two months into a job. I graduated in december 2011, had to take care of some family stuff, then took nclex in may and passed. I started this job around june. I really feel like there are stuff that I forgot in school, and I am learning so many new things everyday. Everybody has been patient and helpful with me, and I am soo soo grateful to them. I am a night shift nurse, and most of the day shift people I have met are also very nice, but the ones that are core staff in the unit where I am, i have a feeling they make fun of me.
Today in the nurse's station, a morning nurse came up to me in front of everybody and asked me about whether the patient has a DVT. I heard from report that she had a DVT history; and I was not able to say the "history" part in report (we tape our reports). Anyways, I was unable to answer him when he told me he couldn't find any DVT on this patient.
I did do a full assessment on the patient and made sure she was fine, but i forgot about how you shouldn't do a homan's sign on a patient with a DVT. I did anyways bec. my mentor advised me to; so I told the morning nurse about this and he said that you are not supposed to do homan's sign anyways on DVT people, and it dawned on me that he is right, and I apologized for that, but he kind of brushed it off, and I saw a nursing assistant kind of smirk when he was asking me this in front of everybody.
I am pretty good at telling how people feel about me, and I do have an idea that they make fun of me when they listen to my report. I shouldn't let this bother me because there are more important things to focus on, like becoming a better nurse and not doing any harm to patients, but i felt really embarrassed this morning. The night supervisor and my coworkers tell me that I am doing great and I appreciate them -- but i also do know that I have so much to brush up on, and I do feel really stupid sometimes and frustrated that I have forgotten stuff.
I really beat myself up on it bec. i feel like to those who haven't worked with me, especially the morning shift crew, i am seeming so dumb, but i was not like this in school; i did study hard, i just forgot things at this point; and i beat myself up for not ever finding enough time to study during whatever day off i have. but i have always tried to be safe and do the best I can. I guess it was just frustrating because some nurses and nursing assistants in the morning make me feel like I am stupid.
I am sorry for whining; I am not like this to anybody, I am just venting out to you guys coz you don't know me and it feels good to let it out. I sooooo want to be a good nurse, but i really don't know if i will ever reach that point. I really like my patients though and like interacting with them, but i know that that is not enough. i shouldn't let this at all bother me, but i feel stupid and embarrassed, and this morning i wondered whether i will ever be a good enough nurse.Last edit by Esme12 on Sep 1, '12 : Reason: formating
5Aug 31, '12 by SaoirseRNIt's hard not to let it get to you, so I'm not going to say that. But remember, that nurse was the one being inappropriate, singling you out in front of everyone. Also think about the fact that while he may have been quick to point out your possible errors (and this seems minor in the grand scheme of things) you can be assured that he has made his own share of errors. We all do, we are human. Learn from it and remember for next time. There will always be people who do this kind of thing, and personally, I find them to be the type I would rather not work with. I love helping new nurses get into the swing of things, and it sounds like your night shift coworkers are supportive. Focus on that. Let day shift say what they want. They don't really know you.
6Aug 31, '12 by westieluvAnyone who uses picking on a new nurse in front of other staff members as a way to boost his/her ego is an insecure jerk, and it sounds like that's what he was doing. Really, why would anyone go out of their way to make someone feel stupid or inadequate unless they had a much deeper problem with feeling inadequate themself?
Try to put this incident behind you and remind yourself as often as you need to that you are a competent nurse and every nurse in the world had the exact same learning curve when they were new. The NCLEX is HARD, don't kid yourself. If you were stupid you would not be a nurse at all right now. Believe in yourself and your ability to make the world a better place with your skills and talents and try as hard as you can to disregard jerks like this who want to make other people feel as badly about themselves as they do. As far as the nursing assistant smirking, he/she is probably just jealous because you are a nurse and he/she isn't. Jealousy can make people act really stupid sometimes.
I have been an RN for 22 years, and I still feel stupid taping report! I was so glad when our facility went to bedside reporting and I could stop using that stupid, intimidating tape recorder, but since you have to for the time being, try to look at it like this: when you listen to report, whether it's from a new nurse or an old nurse who's been around since the Reagan administration, you're really just listening to the information that they're giving, not the way that they're giving it, right? The day shift is probably not making fun of your report at all, just gathering the info like you do. Try not to let them intimidate you, because every one of them was once a new nurse who felt the exact same way that you do.
Hang in there, it will get better and don't beat yourself up! You sound like a caring person who only wants to do a good job, and you will be fine, I know it.
0Thank you very very much for your kind words.. it really made me feel much better.. I guess i was just trying to hold it in thinking how much of being a baby i am, but i think it's about time i vent it out because i think i am starting to feel discouraged due to the fact that last night i felt that i really checked in on all my patients' needs and finally am getting into a good time management, and come morning i had that incident and felt stupid all over again.. i just felt that my patients deserve a nurse who is not feeling discouraged and i thank both of you for the encouragement before i go back to work tonightLast edit by newnewnurse on Aug 31, '12
0thank you very very much for taking the time to reply to my post; it is very helpful and i will remember your advise when i work back tonight. I have been told about how I will meet different personalities in nursing, and I was preparing myself for it. It feels good to meet the good personalities like you who love helping new nurses, because they really do make up for the ones that sometimes discourage me. Thank you again for your time
2Aug 31, '12 by wanderlust99There will always be the occasional nurse who is rude during report. I always run into one on occasion, I try not to let it get to me but sometimes it does and other times I can just brush it off. Sorry and don't let it discourage you!
0Sep 1, '12 by anotheroneI don't always think asking you a question in front of everyone is inappropriate. He did ask you an important question. It is important. Maybe they do make fun of you or maybe not. Let the aide smirk all he/she wants. i had this feeling as a new grad too and I know the nurses who had been there longer made fun of me and other new grads for stuff like this. The way around it was to treat them the same way or to become better at your job. I hate when I have questions about someone's report and he/she gets defensive about it. Look all i want is better information or accurate information at least, I am not questioning you but I need to know if it is a active dvt or hx ( which why I always try to get there early enough to read the chart) some people become extremily DEFENSIVE about any criticism or interpret any question as badgering etc. We have a couple of new grads on our unit and one in particular seems to get very upset if you tell her anything. She seems to interpret it as critiquing or us assuming she is an idiot. Well , if I see you doing something incorrectly when you are new and I don't know if you are just cutting corners or whether you have no idea what you are doing, i am going to point it out and sometimes that CAN NOT be done in private.
0Sep 1, '12 by nurseelmoI too, am new (6mths) only do nightshift & have to constantly adjust from day to night and remember all that I learnt when studying. When your brain is crying out from lack of sleep, you have a patient who is trying to die on you in one bed and another in the bed across from some other disease you can feel very overwhelmed with so little backup.
I find in most of the hospitals I work in (I am an agency nurse) morning staff are mostly pleasant but you can have the odd staff member who will make you feel like an ant because your defenses are so worn out after a busy night. Whoever said patients sleep at night obviously haven't done too many nights..
I've learnt not to take the comments to heart, learn and understand what they point out and be accepting of the comments but remembering you are supported by the people that you work with. However, I find that the tone of the person who points the issue out may irritate me far more then what I couldn't do or remember.
It takes time but you will be surprised in the way you learn different things about your patients compared to what the day/afternoon staff know. I do like to learn new things and often ask depending on what ward I am in nights can be amazing time to learn new skills. The longer you nurse the better you get but none of us know or remember everything all of the time.
Hope you are getting some decent sleep!
0Sep 1, '12 by Esme12, BSN, RN Senior ModeratorWelcome to AN! The largest online nursing community!
This nurse was just being mean. There are ways you say things and ways you don't. There are times that you may ask someone to stop what they are doing and pull them aside, but you don't have to humiliate them.
The Homan's sign has definitely fell out of favor as an assessment tool. In my day we were reprimanded if we didn't document that the patient had a negative homans. There have been some anecdotal reports of P.E. developing from possible dislodging of the DVT but has never been studied and proven to be true. It fell out of favor because of the unreliability and false negative for predicting the presence of a DVT.
Your first year (at least) actually practicing is the hardest and the day crew is hardest on the night crew. This nurse was just strutting their stuff for the new girl. Nursing is a learning curve. You'll be fine.
Good Luck!!!! Welcome to nursing.....
0Sep 1, '12 by KaeliFI'm a new grad that started working in july so I am right there with you! Trust me, if this is the worst thing that has happened to you thus far you are doing fine. There was one morning in particular a couple weeks ago I got so upset because it felt like each pt I reported on, the oncoming nurse would ask a ton of questions that I could not answer, I felt so stupid. But the thing was, I gave them everything I had gotten in report at the beginning of my shift, so really I had received poor reports as well. Now I just make sure I do really thorough chart checks because I've found that even the most experienced of nurses leave stuff out. However, I have found this puts me behind at the beginning of the night so I still have to find some kind of balance there.
I've just kind of accepted the idea that the more experienced nurses probably make fun of me. They at least have the courtesy to do it behind my back (well most of them anyway, there was one guy last night that doesn't usually work on our floor who was very condescending) But I'm sure when I've been a nurse 20+ years I'll find new grads kind of funny too. Just remember it's not that you're not incapable, just inexperienced. I keep on hearing that it takes about a year to really start getting comfortable, so only 10 months to go!