I am a very new nurse; two months into a job. I graduated in december 2011, had to take care of some family stuff, then took nclex in may and passed. I started this job around june. I really feel like there are stuff that I forgot in school, and I am learning so many new things everyday. Everybody has been patient and helpful with me, and I am soo soo grateful to them. I am a night shift nurse, and most of the day shift people I have met are also very nice, but the ones that are core staff in the unit where I am, i have a feeling they make fun of me.
Today in the nurse's station, a morning nurse came up to me in front of everybody and asked me about whether the patient has a DVT. I heard from report that she had a DVT history; and I was not able to say the "history" part in report (we tape our reports). Anyways, I was unable to answer him when he told me he couldn't find any DVT on this patient.
I did do a full assessment on the patient and made sure she was fine, but i forgot about how you shouldn't do a homan's sign on a patient with a DVT. I did anyways bec. my mentor advised me to; so I told the morning nurse about this and he said that you are not supposed to do homan's sign anyways on DVT people, and it dawned on me that he is right, and I apologized for that, but he kind of brushed it off, and I saw a nursing assistant kind of smirk when he was asking me this in front of everybody.
I am pretty good at telling how people feel about me, and I do have an idea that they make fun of me when they listen to my report. I shouldn't let this bother me because there are more important things to focus on, like becoming a better nurse and not doing any harm to patients, but i felt really embarrassed this morning. The night supervisor and my coworkers tell me that I am doing great and I appreciate them -- but i also do know that I have so much to brush up on, and I do feel really stupid sometimes and frustrated that I have forgotten stuff.
I really beat myself up on it bec. i feel like to those who haven't worked with me, especially the morning shift crew, i am seeming so dumb, but i was not like this in school; i did study hard, i just forgot things at this point; and i beat myself up for not ever finding enough time to study during whatever day off i have. but i have always tried to be safe and do the best I can. I guess it was just frustrating because some nurses and nursing assistants in the morning make me feel like I am stupid.
I am sorry for whining; I am not like this to anybody, I am just venting out to you guys coz you don't know me and it feels good to let it out. I sooooo want to be a good nurse, but i really don't know if i will ever reach that point. I really like my patients though and like interacting with them, but i know that that is not enough. i shouldn't let this at all bother me, but i feel stupid and embarrassed, and this morning i wondered whether i will ever be a good enough nurse.
Aug 31, '12
Thank you very very much for your kind words.. it really made me feel much better.. I guess i was just trying to hold it in thinking how much of being a baby i am, but i think it's about time i vent it out because i think i am starting to feel discouraged due to the fact that last night i felt that i really checked in on all my patients' needs and finally am getting into a good time management, and come morning i had that incident and felt stupid all over again.. i just felt that my patients deserve a nurse who is not feeling discouraged and i thank both of you for the encouragement before i go back to work tonight
Last edit by newnewnurse on Aug 31, '12