What was the MOST ridiculous thing a patient came to the ER for? - page 46

and do you have to treat them? I am just curious. Your stories always seem to either crack me up or shake my head in amazement. Thanks for sharing :)... Read More

  1. by   LMPhilbric
    Quote from babs_rn
    Here's another one...

    20 y/o "Buffy" type sorority girl at an area university, comes in with the c/o "A bump down there and its tender", hx present x 2 mos.

    External exam by the doc reveals nothing unusual or abnormal, as he palpates around she suddenly says "that's IT!"

    He palpates again. "this?" he asked, with a slight flitter with his finger to make sure he was correct (never mind the WAY that happened)..

    "yes, that" was the answer

    He sat back, removed his gloves, took a deep breath, and said with every amount of composure he could muster...

    "that's your CLITORIS. That's SUPPOSED to be there."

    All I could think was...God bless her, some poor guy finally found it.

    You know you are an ER nurse if you've ever had to leave the room because you were about to laugh in the patient's face. I KNOW I would have to run out of the room for this one! I'm laughing so hard with tears running down my face that I can hardly type!:chuckle
  2. by   LMPhilbric
    Quote from BRANDY LPN
    Roy, peanut butter works well too, better in my opinion. You just glob it in the hair and the oil from the PB makes the gum slide right out then you just have to wash the PB out.

    But I would not recommend trying this on a dog, apparently dog hair is different the gum will still be stuck and the poor dog will be trying to eat the PB and will bite his own ear and THEN you have to clean up the blood too. (LONG story....ended up having to call my friend who is a groomer LOL)
    I really don't think I can take much more of this. I need some poise pads and waterproof mascara and large boxes of Kleenex. You people are killing me!:chuckle
  3. by   LMPhilbric
    The guy who presented to the ER with a bungee cord tied REALLY tight around the top of Mr. Happy's 2 friends. He WANTED them to fall off because he didn't need them anymore. He couldn't get a doc to look at his hydrocele, so he checked the internet (gotta love the internet!) and that was the medical advice he came up with. The problem was that the scrotum didn't get numb like it was supposed to (I hate it when body parts refuse to follow directions). Well, he had something that resembled a very large purple pineapple hanging between his legs. When we finally freed the boys (who audibly sighed with relief, I'm here to tell you), we told him that was a really bad idea and he shouldn't do that again. He told us that that was what they did with lamb's tails. My wonderful friend bluntly informed him that he wasn't a lamb and "that's not a tail."

    An inmate came in after having 3 grand mall seizures in 5 mins - awake, alert, oriented, sitting up and taking. We told EMS that he was faking because no one had 3 grand mal seizures in 5 mins without being at least a LITTLE bit post-itcal. The guy knew we had his number, so he didn't try anything in front of the nurses, but when the doc came in, he started "seizing" (picture a fish flopping all over the place and rolling around on the floor). My friend and I walked in and I said to her "That is, without a doubt, the worst fake seizure I have ever seen." The guy rolls on his back, sits up and says "What do you mean, fake seizure?" Thank you, guilty as charged. Case dismissed. But for your trouble, you get a gram of just barely diluted Dilantin for your trouble. Enjoy the burn.

    No, I did not arrive on the planet yesterday nor did I fall off the turnip truck.
  4. by   bethin
    Quote from angel337
    a hang nail with no c/o pain. he could have at least said it hurt
    Your story reminded me of the first season of ER. An elderly pt. came in during a middle of a snowstorm (I think) and only Dr. Greene could remove the hangnail. The pt. asked Dr. Greene when the last time she saw him and he responded "last week".:chuckle
  5. by   NYCRN16
    I was in triage last night and a lady came in asking if we could give her a urine tox screen..See she had taken one for her job and it showed up positive for marijuana and she wanted to prove them wrong!! :chuckle

    Yeah, ok lady :angryfire
  6. by   TN_ER_Nurse
    Probably the most recurrent, ridiculous thing that I have seen people often bring themselves and their children in for is ......a single bug bite or bump, obviously not infected. I'm not exactly sure what they want us to do for that???
  7. by   TN_ER_Nurse
    One of the most interesting and shocking things.....I delivered a baby a few weeks ago. I was triaging her and she didn't even have a frown on her face. She gave me no warning and had the baby right there in the hallway before I could get her to a room.:imbar
  8. by   luvmy2angels
    I hate it when people come to the ER to get their prescriptions filled! It bothers me even more that we actually have to waste our TIME and ROOM for them when there are people who actually have an emergency!!:angryfire
  9. by   BabyRN2Be
    Quote from cursenurse
    i honestly did not know that there was a urinary meatus and then the vag opening. i found that out when i took a&p for my lpn school. i was about 19 at the time, not sexually active, and it just never occured to me that there were 2 holes there!:imbar
    But, you did learn. I recently spoke with a 30yo who didn't know that there were two openings in women.
  10. by   veegeern
    Then I had the guy who was bitten by a water mocassin. He didn't want to kill the snake so he picked it up with a rake to try to move it to the woods. The snake is now totally p*ssed off and scared so the guy drops the snake. Now the snake is even more mad, so the guy tries to pick the snake up and whammo...he gets envenomated. I told him "If your name is not Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, and you are not getting paid millions of dollars to pick up the snake, leave it alone!"

    Water mocassins will attack, and I find your reply to be perfect!
  11. by   veegeern
    Quote from longforseaair
    It's really true that some have the chest pain thing figured out. They get admitted and an overnight stay with morphine. And the first thing they ask for on the floor after morphine is food. Some of them truly have cardiac disease, often from drug abuse, and get lots of morphine and turn a gorgeous shade of red-violent as they throw things and make demands to go and smoke or special requests from the kitchen overnight. And some do their best to drive you to making a mistake or "mistreat" them so they might have a lawsuit. It tears you apart wanting to ignore them in the ER and then walk over them as you care for truly deserving people who have a CVA or MI and badly need your time that is being stolen by the very selfish ones who have ruined themselves and God help them.
    Where I work, the first thing they ask for on the floor is food...pain?? hmmm...
  12. by   Victoriakem
    I hate birthing babies in the hallway, don't you?!!
  13. by   LoriAlabamaRN
    Quote from veegeern
    Then I had the guy who was bitten by a water mocassin. He didn't want to kill the snake so he picked it up with a rake to try to move it to the woods. The snake is now totally p*ssed off and scared so the guy drops the snake. Now the snake is even more mad, so the guy tries to pick the snake up and whammo...he gets envenomated. I told him "If your name is not Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, and you are not getting paid millions of dollars to pick up the snake, leave it alone!"

    Water mocassins will attack, and I find your reply to be perfect!
    This may make me sound insane, but when I was a junior in high school I found a baby water moccasin (I have always loved working with snakes) and raised it by hand, holding it every day. As it grew it became so tame that it would wrap around my wrist and hang out there while I did my homework. I named him Pookie Partocomus (I was a Perfect Strangers fan at that time too ). Anyhoo, Pookie was over a year old when I had to release him after my graduation. I found him a nice area with a stream and all, and released him. He had been a great pet to have though!

    Lori

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