phone calls no outsider would believe - page 8

Got a call the other night, demanding to know if a man could still have an erection when he was dead, if it happened automatically. I told him that was not something I was going to answer, he... Read More

  1. by   33-weeker
    this is not about a phone call exactly, but i did have a friend's husband ask me, "you're a nurse... tell me, is there really such a thing as 'blue balls'?"

    why is it that people think they can ask a nurse anything?!
  2. by   santhony44
    Quote from 33-weeker
    this is not about a phone call exactly, but i did have a friend's husband ask me, "you're a nurse... tell me, is there really such a thing as 'blue balls'?"

    why is it that people think they can ask a nurse anything?!
    my husband's nephew (who was already grown at the time) turned to me in the middle of a big thanksgiving dinner and asked me what are the symptoms of a tapeworm? :d

    he could not understand why i about fell out of my chair laughing. :roll

    it seems somebody told him, jokingly, that he must have a tapeworm because he ate a lot and didn't gain weight.
  3. by   gwenith
    Quote from redding-er-rn
    I had one last night! Woman calls and has apparently treated herself for head lice . She is hysterically crying on the phone as she was unable to comb her hair. She said that nobody would help her and because she couldn't use any conditioner she need someone to comb her hair. Our Doc was sitting right next to me and got on the phone. He told the woman that she should try to contact a beauty shop as we don't provide those type of services. He hung up and told me he almost told her to just go ahead and shave her head! Yikes
    Conditioner is the BEST thing - it "stuns" the lice and makes them easier to comb out. We had a recent pt in ICU and a mass freak-out among staff as we noted the lice crawling along the ETT tapes - used the only head lice treatment available at our hospital and the beggers were still!!

    So we went and bought some conditioner and combed THAT through her hair with a nit comb - result - got most of the crawlies and nits out!!

    (Okay so who is scratching now??)
    Last edit by gwenith on Oct 24, '06
  4. by   BabyRN2Be
    Quote from Almabella

    1. I had sex last night and the condom broke. Can I come in and get cleaned out?


    Why do I have visions of a high pressure water cleaning device involved with this case?

    Sorry, I guess I'm a little punchy today and some of these are really hitting me as being more hilarious than what they probably are...
    Last edit by BabyRN2Be on Oct 25, '06
  5. by   BabyRN2Be
    Quote from Pat_Pat
    We actually DO hand those out to our patients that we send to the waiting room.
    That's a great idea. It would eliminate any concerns about violating HIPAA in calling out a person's name from the waiting area.
  6. by   Emery
    [QUOTE=2008RN2B] I've often thought maybe we should hand out those little things from restaurants (that buzz and light up when your table is ready) to our patients - then they could go grab a drink at our Starbucks, or browse the gift shop while they're waiting to be seen.
    QUOTE]


    Have a hospital in my area that does that!! I laughed out loud when they handed it to me!
  7. by   Nursetobejmm
    These are really great funnies!!!!! I am a student nurse and although I know sometimes it will be rough at work because of the workload, it's nice to know I will still have times when I can laugh about my job as well!!!!!!!
  8. by   Fuzzy
    Quote from 1219ERRN
    Female caller asks- "Is dog semen harmful if swallowed?"

    Yep I've gotten this one several times. It's even been passed on to me by the receptionist because she had nooooo idea how to answer it. I put my straight face on as I answer, "No, but your semen is toxic to the dog, cat, horse, sheep (insert animal here), etc. How is your pet acting? Is he running in circles? Chasing his rear? If so we need to see him right away!!!" The caller usually just hangs up the phone. If they are stupid enough to stay on the phone, I continue with the fact that gastric lavage and maybe surgery will be necessary. The vet that I work for just dies laughing.

    It's true a sense of humor is needed to work in vet med. I also get my share of weird calls including people who want to have their cell phone service upgraded. Our number is one digit off from T-Mobile which makes things interesting in the middle of the night. Especially when people can't figure out that pushing redial will not connect them to T-Mobile. So it's true, I changed phone service for some people who have noooooooooo clue.

    Fuzzy
  9. by   BSNtobe2009
    Quote from BabyRN2Be


    Why do I have visions of a high pressure water cleaning device involved with this case?

    Sorry, I guess I'm a little punchy today and some of these are really hitting me as being more hilarious than what they probably are...
    Hey, you never know how nasty her date was...maybe there was good reason for her question <wink>
  10. by   Anna23
    Thank you guys, you made my night. :chuckle
    I've visited the site quite a few times and I've realy enjoyed this one.
    I will share some of your memories with my co-workers once I'm back from leave.
  11. by   justjenny
    Quote from 33-weeker
    this is not about a phone call exactly, but i did have a friend's husband ask me, "you're a nurse... tell me, is there really such a thing as 'blue balls'?"

    why is it that people think they can ask a nurse anything?!
    my neighbor asked me about the medical condition of another neighbor ("what would cause such-and-such to happen??") of course, i 'm not going to discuss this with him, so i said "i don't know" and he acted shocked and said "what do you mean you don't know - you are a nurse aren't you?!?!"
    while i'm glad he feels nurses are very knowledgeable, he forgot that we are also ethical

    love this thread! keep 'em coming!
    jenny
  12. by   twotrees2
    Quote from JBudd
    Got a call the other night, demanding to know if a man could still have an erection when he was dead, if it happened automatically.

    I told him that was not something I was going to answer, he demanded to know why I didn't know, wasn't I a nurse??!! Go get another nurse!!

    Told him again, this is not something I was going to discuss with him, so he told me he would be reporting me to both our local newspapers!


    What's yours?
    some of our docs offices have gone to automated reminder systems to call and remind you of your appointment and ask if you will be there. thats ok until they started calling work ( nursing home) - ummm yeah and i am to know which of the 90 residents we have is due to go to the doc ( they dont say docs name just the clinic name) and which doc they are to see - i just hang up.

    or when the cable co calls and ask for such and such - who happens to be a resident - and they get mad when you tell them call in morning when office is open as they atke care of the residents bill.

    or phone co calling to switch plans - ummm yeah like i know what lomg distance my work wants.
  13. by   preemieRNkate
    Quote from babes690
    i have recently qualified, i was working on the gynaecology ward (therefore it only had female patients!!!!) at our hospital as a student (it was my last one of four nights) and at 3am a young lady rung up and said: can i ask you how my mum is?

    i had been at work for 6 hours and wanted to go to bed when this happened i managed to ask the woman who her mum was with out getting mad. it annoyed me that she thought we should know her voice over the phone and would give her information just on that basis.
    Caller: "I'm calling to see how my baby is?"
    Me: "Ok, and who is your baby?"
    Caller: "John (or whatever said baby's first name is)."
    Me: "Ok, well we have 40 babies on the unit, I'm just not quite sure who John is. Can I have a last name?"
    Caller: "Oh."

    When we have 40 kids and 15-20 nurses, how am I supposed to know who baby John is? I'm lucky if I know the first names of the kids I'm taking care of!

    Funny thread! :spin:

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