phone calls no outsider would believe

Specialties Emergency

Published

Got a call the other night, demanding to know if a man could still have an erection when he was dead, if it happened automatically.

I told him that was not something I was going to answer, he demanded to know why I didn't know, wasn't I a nurse??!! Go get another nurse!!

Told him again, this is not something I was going to discuss with him, so he told me he would be reporting me to both our local newspapers!

What's yours?

regarding the name match between mom and dad....not all married people have the same last name, nor is it a requirement after marriage. i dealt with it both as a nicu clerk in college, and as a mom. of course, the attitude of the father explains the whole situation.......and then the funny starts!!

occasionally we see married folks with different last names, but usually it means they aren't married - at least in my neck of the woods.

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occasionally we see married folks with different last names, but usually it means they aren't married - at least in my neck of the woods.

well, folks, my husband and i (yes, we are legally married) have different last names and have agreed that our baby will have my last name. this is because i am the last person with my unique and imo beautiful last name, and my husband--who is a very wonderful person--has a brother and several male cousins. just for your future reference...

dont work in the ed, but a community clinic and would like to add a few of my own here:

1. i had sex last night and the condom broke. can i come in and get cleaned out?

2. i take hctz and i think my girlfriend is allergic to a component of it. when i ejaculate on her, she breaks out in a rash. can she come in for allergy testing?

and my favorite:

3. i need a prescription for percocet. i weigh over 300 lbs and stand on my feet all day at work and they really hurt at the end of the day.

these are just a few and definitely keep the job interesting.

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Specializes in Looking for a career in NICU.

OMG, it blows my mind that with DNA and all kinds of testing all over the news, internet, and everything else, that there are women out there that will still try to pull that crap.

I used to date a divorced father a few years ago, and the story behind his divorce was sad. He got married at only 19 to a woman he knew for just a few months, and she announced she was pregnant. He wanted to do the right thing.

She had that baby, and two more, and when the last baby was born, he found out (long story) that not only was the FIRST baby not his, but the middle child wasn't his either. Only the newborn was his.

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Specializes in ER/Trauma, research, OR.

I work in an inner city ER and one night I had a phone call from pharmacy. Seems my Soma overdose had gotten one arm out of her restraints and called the operator to be connected to pharmacy and then requested more soma's be brought to her room. The ER doc almost fell off his stool laughing the ordered 4pt leathers.

I always get the calls: My_____ is in your lobby and they are dying why haven't you had your doctor see them? Your just a nurse I'm sure the doctor will think their spider bite is more important.

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Specializes in CCU,ICU,ER retired.

When I worked nights we had an outside caller that was a complete pervert. Our secretary would answer and put them on hold and turn around to me and tell me I had a call. as soon as I answered he would start. I would ask him if he could please hold. then I would transfer him to ICU. They would put him on hold and transfer him back to ER. We would put him on hold and transfer him to the supervisor of the night(which usually would be in ER). ,so on and so on. for at least a half hour until he would get tired of it. And to tell the truth we loved it when he called. It made work fun. The hospital was a small one and everybody knew what to do.

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Specializes in ER, CCU/ICU, Trauma, Hospice.

I had one last night! Woman calls and has apparently treated herself for head lice:uhoh3: . She is hysterically crying on the phone as she was unable to comb her hair. She said that nobody would help her and because she couldn't use any conditioner she need someone to comb her hair. Our Doc was sitting right next to me and got on the phone. He told the woman that she should try to contact a beauty shop as we don't provide those type of services. He hung up and told me he almost told her to just go ahead and shave her head! Yikes

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Specializes in ER, Med/Surg.
I've often thought maybe we should hand out those little things from restaurants (that buzz and light up when your table is ready) to our patients

We actually DO hand those out to our patients that we send to the waiting room.

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this is not about a phone call exactly, but i did have a friend's husband ask me, "you're a nurse... tell me, is there really such a thing as 'blue balls'?"

why is it that people think they can ask a nurse anything?! :lol2: :uhoh3:

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Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.
this is not about a phone call exactly, but i did have a friend's husband ask me, "you're a nurse... tell me, is there really such a thing as 'blue balls'?"

why is it that people think they can ask a nurse anything?! :lol2: :uhoh3:

my husband's nephew (who was already grown at the time) turned to me in the middle of a big thanksgiving dinner and asked me what are the symptoms of a tapeworm? :D

he could not understand why i about fell out of my chair laughing. :rotfl: :roll :rotfl:

it seems somebody told him, jokingly, that he must have a tapeworm because he ate a lot and didn't gain weight. :lol2:

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Specializes in ICU.
I had one last night! Woman calls and has apparently treated herself for head lice:uhoh3: . She is hysterically crying on the phone as she was unable to comb her hair. She said that nobody would help her and because she couldn't use any conditioner she need someone to comb her hair. Our Doc was sitting right next to me and got on the phone. He told the woman that she should try to contact a beauty shop as we don't provide those type of services. He hung up and told me he almost told her to just go ahead and shave her head! Yikes

Conditioner is the BEST thing - it "stuns" the lice and makes them easier to comb out. We had a recent pt in ICU and a mass freak-out among staff as we noted the lice crawling along the ETT tapes - used the only head lice treatment available at our hospital and the beggers were still!!

So we went and bought some conditioner and combed THAT through her hair with a nit comb - result - got most of the crawlies and nits out!!

(Okay so who is scratching now??:p)

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1. I had sex last night and the condom broke. Can I come in and get cleaned out?

:rotfl:

Why do I have visions of a high pressure water cleaning device involved with this case?

Sorry, I guess I'm a little punchy today and some of these are really hitting me as being more hilarious than what they probably are...

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We actually DO hand those out to our patients that we send to the waiting room.

That's a great idea. It would eliminate any concerns about violating HIPAA in calling out a person's name from the waiting area.

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