phone calls no outsider would believe - page 16

Got a call the other night, demanding to know if a man could still have an erection when he was dead, if it happened automatically. I told him that was not something I was going to answer, he... Read More

  1. by   ernurse4ill
    Quote from 1219ERRN
    Female caller asks- "Is dog semen harmful if swallowed?"


    OMG!!!!
  2. by   Altra
    Quote from f360
    A lady called in to say that her parrot ate one of her valium tablets and she asked what she should do...

    My colleague told her to 'lower the perch'.
    This is why I love the ER ... :spin:

    You couldn't make this stuff up.
  3. by   Gromit
    Hmm. Well, I've never had a phone call to compare with these -some of 'em are really kind of far out there (amazing what people will call for).
    However, I do have a 'call' incident I'd like to share.
    It was back in the early '90s when I was a paramedic on a rig, and we were 'running red' for a witnessed arrest (cpr in progress -turned out to be nothing of the kind. A pastor (protestant) was visiting one of his flock, and wasn't feeling good -so the kind lady who was the host offered him one of her husbands' nitro tabs -because "this is what he takes when he doesn't feel good" -pastor took the tab (sublingual) and dropped out. He was sitting with a whale of a headache when we arrived -I gave him my standard lecture about taking someone elses medication etc etc) anyway, its a new subdivision, and we are slowing down, hunting for the next turn, and a pair of joggers are up ahead, waving us down frantically (not uncommong for the 'helpful neighbor' to flag you down -and can often be very helpful) so we goose it a bit and pull up next to them.

    They were flagging us down because they wanted to ask us what we were doing!:angryfire
  4. by   Gromit
    Quote from MS._Jen_RN
    Yup- My husband works switch-board. Said he got about 6 Peanut Butter calls tonight. About the same. He feels bad 'cause he has to transfer to the "ask a nurse" line. He knows that the person is going to ask the nurse a silly question.
    ~Jen
    My wife asked me what to do since we had one of the jars of peanut butter from the affected lot. Now, >I< am the only one in the house who even eats the stuff, and the jar was basically empty (there is probably enough left for a few sandwiches -certainly not more than that -and yes I have a 'new' one (not the same lot number) in the cupboard. I just told her to put it back and not worry about it -if I were going to be affected, it would have happened some time ago.
  5. by   krazykev
    I would like to here more stories from people.
  6. by   SDS_RN
    I had one last wk
    Caller: I'm 25 yrs old & I've been feeling SOB and have been fading in and out. I'll come to and I don't know where I am or what I'm doing for a few minutes.
    Me: Who's your doc?
    Caller: I don't have one I'm new in town
    Me: If you think it's severe then you need to call 911 or come to the ER
    Caller: Well the old lady gets off at 3 I'll have her bring me in
    Just love it when they refer to their SO as the old lady

    Never did see the guy -I'm thinking the "old lady" didn't want him to get busted for drugs.
  7. by   ERbunny
    Very young voice at 0200: Can my girlfriend get pregnant through her underwear?"
  8. by   mc3
    Hands down, you ER folks have the BEST stories!!!:chuckle:chuckle:chuckle:chuckle
    mc3
  9. by   LMPhilbric
    Quote from Cheez-It!
    Yeah, kinda like when the administrator thought it was real funny when i let one of the residents sing on the intercom one afternoon too. She was singing the eygyptian themed song about the people in france don't wear any underpants ...
    I didn't know he was still upstairs *shrug* some crap about it being degrading or some crap. The resident started it! hehe hehe I don't care, the residents are happy and stay amused LOL
    Many years ago, when I worked in general surgery in a hospital in Canada, we had a homeless guy who burned himself at the soup kitchen. He was a very happy wanderer, so we pinned a note to his robe "Hi, my name is... Please return me to 3N." Well, the DON saw it and just about had a stroke. She said we were robbing him of his dignity, etc. Now there were 3 of us for 26 pts (no aides, no LPNs, no nothing) and we were running our butts off. We told her that he didn't even know about the note, but she insisted that we remove it. We told her fine and said that when he got lost for real, it wasn't our fault. The very next evening, he escaped off the floor and made his way to administration. He got into the administrator's office and peed on the big cheese's chair. We got permission to put the note back the next morning.
  10. by   Gromit
    Man that is TOO FUNNY! Somehow "I told ya so" doesn't quite do it.

    The unit I used to work on (nightshift, of course) had a really good crew -we all worked quite well together -and as with most areas, we were always short-handed. No LPNs, no techs, and rarely a unit coordinator/secretary (whatever you call 'em where you work) -so we really had to work well together or fall behind. Around 3, an number of us who considdered ourselves to be frustrated comedians would be telling jokes in passing, and so on. I do a pretty passable 'Apu' (simpsons) and had been talking in that voice most of the night -when the phone rang while I was charting, so I picked it up and (without thinking -as I'd never intentionally do it) answered in 'Apus' voice "Hello, this is 4F, how is it I can help you?" and wouldn't you know it, it was a doctor (of india persuasion) calling to check up on one of (my) patients -who had been teetering on the edge of the Lords Waiting Room for the last several evenings. I told him to please hold and I would retrieve the nurse. I put the phone on hold, counted to 6 and picked it up, introduced myself and answered his question. This did not go unnoticed by one of my cohorts -who quickly picked up on what had happened, and was red-faced trying not to bust out laughing until I finished the call. The rest of the night was much calmer -and I was thankful the doctor didn't ask who the unit coordinator was (assuming that was who would have answered the phone). Sigh. More than my job, I love the folks I work with.
  11. by   rph3664
    Quote from VeryPlainJane
    I was interning with a nurse in the ED. The phone was ringing off the hook and my nurse was doing med count so I thought I would help the unit secretary out and answer a few lines for her. The very first call I got was from this man that sounded very frantic. He asked if we picked up his friend and how was he doing, he had been shot. Knowing there were no gun shots victims at the time I asked him if he knew what hospital he was at b/c we had no one here at that fit that description. He said he knew it was our hospital b/c he dropped his friend at the entrance...which was closed at the time. It took me a moment to figure out what he was saying... The poor guy almost bled out on a bench. I never knew I could run so fast! They just dropped him off and left...didn't even wait to see if he was going to make it or not.
    I hear stories like that and wonder why people do that - go to all the trouble of bringing the person in, and then don't enter the building. Did they shoot them, or are they afraid of being billed themselves, or what?
  12. by   rph3664
    Quote from PANurseRN1
    ?????

    I absolutely do not understand this post. You don't work on people but you work in an ED? I don't get it.
    Fuzzy probably works at an animal hospital. There are several vet techs who post on this board, and their stories are at least as outrageous as any told by nurses.
  13. by   RN Randy
    Quote from rph3664
    I hear stories like that and wonder why people do that - go to all the trouble of bringing the person in, and then don't enter the building. Did they shoot them, or are they afraid of being billed themselves, or what?
    That's too funny. Back when I was a paramedic, I almost always had trouble when people did *not* want service.

    We would roll up on an MVC, find out it was just some ol' boy that worked a mine 2 hours from home and fell asleep, running into a ditch, or just pulled over to sleep.

    I'd ask them to sign the run form 'refusal of service' to cover my departure sans patient, and even after explaining the whole idea of a "county owned public service" sometimes even telling them they already paid with levy and taxes, they all still had the same answer....

    "Oh no, I ain't signin that... I didn't call you people and you ain't gonna trick me into paying that bill!"

    Then we had to hope there was still a LEO on scene to countersign as a witness to "refusal to sign a refusal' ... LOL.

    rb

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