Evil People

debx · Jan 4, 2006

Great response RN/Writer.

It's actually liberating when you can shake them off. I have to admit that I still have times when I come back with a comment without thinking but that is a rare event. I never want to empower the evil people with words I've said that can be used against me or that I regret.

You mentioned the simple comment that "it's not personal". That's it in a nutshell. They're the one with the problem. They are the ones with the issues or the agendas.

I don't know how many times a week I have to tell my self "whatever" and keep going.

chechebaby · Jan 4, 2006

what a night girl! i think that mom should recieve a hundred of i.v. insertion, what do you think? :lol2:

MADDOG70, BSN · Jan 4, 2006

Been there done that!!! I deal with it often. One thing i do is let the Dr. know that I am about to have mom sit out in the wait room. If she refuses I get security to help me. I have the right to throw mom out because now this is a DCFS case (Dept of family services ) neglect, child abuse. You name it. And I report mom too. Again the best thing to do is warn all team members what's about to happen and make sure I have their support. After that visitors are limited. 6 is too many. 1 is good. If it's mom fine. If not then oh well!! But I don't let all those people in the room. It's more people to report false things against you and you have to deal with their comments. Any other hassels I would let them know they will all be sitting in the wait room until the patient sobers. GOOD LUCK!! What's your hospital like. Do they kiss every butt that walks in or take it on a case to case basis?

Hello.

I am sure those of you who worked new years eve last night are as exhuasted as I am...anyway my thoughts keep wandering back to satan's reincarnate, whom I met last night in the ED. She was a mother who brought in her drunk 16 year old child. It was about 3 am, I had 7 pts to myself including a GI bleed with hgb 8, a guy with a perf. esophagus, we had 3 pts waiting to be checked in, combative woman screaming...you know what I mean.

So, I finally get back to the drunk girl and satan woman (pts mother) demands that I come into the hall. She tells me I am to numb her daughters arm before the IV and that I will have to have 12 people hold her down. Jump forward 20 minutes and I am setting up the IV. Mother says in evil tone "you better be good at this because you only get ONE try" After dealing with her evilness on top everything else all night this one just put me over the edge. I have never been so angry at a pt. (family) in my life. I was so angry that I could barely move my hands to unwrap the IV, it was as though I was frozen with anger, I never experienced a reaction like this in myself. I make an excuse to leave and regain my composure. I come back and the pt. has great veins. I insert the IV, pt. is crying softly--6 family members are stroking and babying pt. I don't go right in the vein, I pull back once, palpate, go in a bit and mother screams at me "pull it out NOW, you're done" I pull the needle out and leave the room. The mother procedes to tell Dr. how rude and incompetent I was. The story goes on of course but I'll stop here. Now, I have had plenty of evil encounters but nothing has ever gotten to me as much as this woman did. It was as though she sucked what little life I had left in me right out.

So, the point of my story is, what do you guys do to get over being treated like this? I can't get her out of my thoughts and I keep running over everything I would like to say to her and how good it would feel. People like her should simply not be allowed to live in our society. I have given up so much and worked so hard to get where I am, I spend 12 hours a night trying to help people just to be treated like crap by ungreatful worthless scum sucking people. The thing that gets to me is that there is nothing I can do about it, and I am forced to tolerate something I have no tolerance for.

Maybe the answer to our nursing shortage has nothing to do with recruiting nurses, maybe it has to do with finding some way of either teaching people how to be humane to each other, or simply killing off those who can't be decent.

LuvMyGamecocks · Jan 4, 2006

So, let me ask something (and please understand that I'm asking out of ignorance). Would the OP have gotten into any trouble if she had informed authorities about it (Family Services, police) without first informing patient and parent?? 16 yo drunk brought in by Mom?

Also, how much do you HAVE to bite your tongue? I know it's not reasonable to tell pts or family how you really feel, but the idea of telling her something like "The alcohol should be enough anesthetic for an IV stick" sounds great!!! (Thanks, Angie!)

angel337, MSN, RN · Jan 4, 2006

i also had my share of drunk teenagers with very irate, embarrassed parents there to haul them home after they received iv fluids and a meal. i don't take it personal. if i had a penny for every time someone said "you only get one try...." i would be rich. it does not excuse the behavior of the mother, because people should not behave this way..but unfortunately they do and will continue to. i choose to ignore people like that because sometimes they are looking for a reason to take their anger out on anybody within 2 feet of them. you had a bad night and this just didn't make it any better.you sound like a good nurse to me. hang in there.

PedsER-RN, BSN, RN · Jan 4, 2006

Wierd-we had a drunk (14 year old) that night, too. Honestly, I really don't know how to respond to people like her mom. That same night I was sticking for another nurse and right as I'm about to stick, grandma walks in and says to the baby (like he understood her) "tell her she only gets one try!!". Gee, that helps alot. Or the mom who screams at us at the top of her lungs because she had to wait 1 1/2 hours for her child's "emergent" cough and runny nose (poor thing-if she had waited til later it would have been six hours. She should've considered herself lucking instead of b*tching about it). These people should spend one day, no, just one hour in our shoes and then maybe they'd be a little more appreciative and understand that the world doesn't revolve around them. Most of the time I just ignore them and then blow off steam later to my friend who's also an ER nurse. What else can you do? I've tried reasoning and explaining to the more 'challenging' parents, but more often than not it doesn't work.

Jen2 · Jan 5, 2006

I feel for you. I had an experience once where a patient actually made me cry, because he was so ignorant to me, and I had never felt as low as he made me feel in my life. This guy was Islamic (please I have nothing against his race/religion) and I went into his room and introduced myself and told him I was going to be his nurse. I asked him what brought him to the emergency dept. today the same as I would ask any other patient and he said to me, "How dare a female insult me by speaking without being spoken to." It was the way he looked at me with the coldest stare I had ever seen and the tone in his voice. I apologized if I insulted hiim and stated that I was there to help and I would have a male nurse do his assessment. He then proceded to tell me that he has no use for a nurse and to send the doctor in. I don't know why but I was so upset by this and I try to understand that this may be a way of culture/life for some people but he has been in this country for 10 years. Anyways, I left the room and told the female attending what had happened as well as the charge nurse and refused to go back in the room. He was seen by one of the male residents and after a few hours wanted a food tray. Our cafeteria sent up of all things a ham sandwich when the order was specifically written "No Pork". I was the one that took his ham sandwich into him. He then had another fit because of the pork sandwhich, but somehow it made me feel better. I then ordered him a turkey sandwhich. I know it's sick but it was my own little twisted way of getting revenge. I couldn't get the way he treated me out of my mind for the longest time until it finally came to me. I was prouder than ever to be an American and so very thankful for what we have and the way of life I have in this country that I often took for granted because I didn't know anything else. I guess what I am saying is that I can actually look at that situation now as a positive instead of a negative. That man taught me a lesson and made me realize everything I had to be thankful for.

I understand that not all situations can be turned into a positive learning experience, but I try to learn from each of them. As far as when patients tell me that I only get one try for an I.V. my response is, "That's all I need". Thankfully, I haven't had to eat my words yet. It seems to anger them even more when you smile and are confident about it. I think some people just like to try and rattle you and if they see that they can't, they usually stop trying.

MicheleNursStudent · Jan 5, 2006

Jen2,

Just reading how that man treated you makes my blood boil. I'm actually quite conscious of sensitivity for all religions, in fact my own church shares our facility with an Islamic mosque and a Jewish synagogue. Religious sensitivity is important to me.

Respect for religion has nothing to do with this man. If he is in this society he needs to be respectful of the cultural norm here. He treated you horrendously! His religion does not excuse that!

I was wishing as I read your story that the female attending(!) would have gone in and told the man that if he wished to be treated, he would be treated by women as the ER is staffed (except for anything with undressing) and that he would treat the staff with respect or be removed by security.

TinyNurse, RN · Jan 5, 2006

Maybe the answer to our nursing shortage has nothing to do with recruiting nurses, maybe it has to do with finding some way of either teaching people how to be humane to each other, or simply killing off those who can't be decent.

I couldn't agree more. It's amazing how many people in the ED are not appreciative of the care we give them.

Hopalong · Jan 5, 2006

Timely thead. Seems like past several weeks I've been cursed by the same questions what to do with the leader of the pack, the ONE who will devore you, eat you alive. Yes, seriously. The devil, yes the devil, is out there waiting for you.subitilly waiting. It attacks in increasing devious ways, and please remember that 3/4 of the truth is still a lie, that's the key. i have been "fired" by a family member for doing whate is right for the patient, but the pt always smiles at me when she sees me. She knows and that's enough. for me. and that's all one should expect. Don't expect more.!

Do all you can do. That's all you CAN do. Nothing more. James said-Words are not enough, actions speak louder than words.

Nursing needs us.Treat us as a calling and just do our best.

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Jan 5, 2006

My wife had to undergo a lumbar puncture a few years ago. We were at a "University Hospital" and naturally a 4th year med. student was sent in to perform the procedure. I appreciate the fact that all need to learn, but after his 4th attempt, the supervising MD asked if she could send in another student to try? I would and probably was labeled an "Evil Person" for what I said to the doc in the hallway.

I don't blame you for stopping themon the 4th attempt- or even sooner. Angie, and the OP were talking about a first attempt that wasn't even completed, which is a whole different story.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jan 5, 2006

great response rn/writer.
it's actually liberating when you can shake them off. i have to admit that i still have times when i come back with a comment without thinking but that is a rare event. i never want to empower the evil people with words i've said that can be used against me or that i regret. .

wiseass comments probably aren't a good idea, however good they feel. but you can say something like "well aren't you just a ray of sunshine?!" or "it's been so pleasant talking to you!" in a syrupy sweet voice. what are they going to do? complain that you called them a "ray of sunshine?" that will make them look pretty damned silly. i've also been known to ask a patient who is behaving this way questions like "how much alcohol do you drink?" or "when was the last time you had a drink of alcohol?" when they inevitable ask me why i'm asking those questions, i may say something like "when someone behaves in this manner, it's always a good idea to assess them for dts. of course you have to be careful with this one . . . it can backfire. but they look pretty silly complaining that "the nurse asked me how much i drink" when they're behaving that way -- it plants the idea right in that nurse manager's head. (assuming there's a brain there in which an idea can take root.)

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[color=#483d8b]probably the best result i ever had was when a nephrologist well known for throwing tantrums came into my room at 7:30 am and started throwing a tantrum. i'd worked 16 hours the day before and wasn't in the mood. i looked him straight in the eye and said in a perfectly matter-of-fact tone of voice, "i'm sure dr. smith ordered this renal consult just to ruin both our days." it took him back and he stomped right out of the room. i was sure (in that hospital which was known for catering to physicians) i'd be looking for a job by noon. instead, he came back half an hour later and apologized. and again that afternoon. and once the next morning. and he never threw another tantrum in my hearing ever again!

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