Best ER Nurse quotes

[JennyAS]

To the loudly snoring ETOHer found in an Auto Repair Shop: "Maybe she needs her air filter changed."

To the drug seeker throwing out his best pseudo-seizure: "Sir, that's not a seizure. Stop shaking." Response by pt: Immediately sits straight up and says, "I'm fine... sometimes that happens."

From security guard to combative ETOHer being introduced to his very first Foley: "Just relax and enjoy it!"

Triage nurse note: "Pt presents with L wrist pain, fell while off-road unicycling."

Charge nurse to triage nurse: "I think that 'member suture removal' needs to be upgraded to a level 1."

I think this could turn into a good thread. :wink2:

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

my best er lines - hum i will have to dig out my old journals. i tend to remember people for one of two reasons 1: really really really dumb names and 2 even dumber reasons for coming to the er.

example of #1 shithead j****. work on it,:thnkg:

example of #2 new construction worker wondered if nail gun would actually nail his fingers together. yep it did.

ouch!

not that i doubted any of my buddies on allnurses.com, but some of those er stories are pretty unbelievable. some of those patients are unbelievably stupid. but now, after just one day of jury duty, i can say that i definitely believe!

[bluebirdlx]

Years ago my sister had a severe allergic reaction that caused her ENTIRE face to swell up beyond recognition. In the ER, right in front of all of us the nurse -being dead serious- asked my mother "does her face always look like this?"

[squeakykitty]

ouch!

not that i doubted any of my buddies on allnurses.com, but some of those er stories are pretty unbelievable. some of those patients are unbelievably stupid. but now, after just one day of jury duty, i can say that i definitely believe!

o.k. i just have to ask----what kind of case do you have jury duty on, if you can say?

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

o.k. i just have to ask----what kind of case do you have jury duty on, if you can say?

i'll tell that story when jury duty is over.

[squeakykitty]

i'll tell that story when jury duty is over.

i can't wait. i'll bet it's going to be good.

[mmutk, BSN, RN, EMT-I]

I have a tendency to tell patients to "throw another quarter in the wishing well cause that ain't happening today"

Used frequently for refill requests, cab rides home, go out to smoke requests, ect

[talaxandra]

My ER director will say "well, we aint tried nothing and were all out of ideas"

I love that, and it's so adaptable to a whole range of stupid

[KristinEDRN]

• If you could fix stupid we would all be out of a job.
  

• What brought you in here? "My daughter's throat has been hurting since this morning".... i have no idea how one day of a sore throat is an emergency.
  

• To a patient waking after ETOH who slept thro his catheter and IV... "I'm not drunk.. I knew exactly where I was last night and I was not found on a sidewalk"
  

• "Don't mix my pain medication with the saline.. I don't feel it when they do that"
  

• I am allergic to all pain medication, except the one that starts with a D.
  

[Annisme]

If you call your niece, who "after all, IS an MA" to come "help" me put in this IV, I WILL have her escorted out by security AND report her. You will also be reported for endangering your mother...

[Orca, ADN, ASN, RN]

Charge nurse assigning patients: "Do you want the smurf, or too drunk to live?"

[MikeyBSN]

Charge nurse while triaging an indigent pt requesting a bed.

CN: "Sit over there and we'll get you a food tray."

IP: "I just want to die."

CN: "Don't you want to have a food tray before you die?"

[nurseladyk]

Whan I was triaging a patient for some minor complaint and was filling out the medication list, he listed off about 15 meds and I asked if there was anything else. To which he replied, "Oh yeah, I take something for my memory, but I can't remember the name of it". Classic.