Funny things your patients have said - page 2

by LaterAlligator 7,647 Views | 31 Comments

Okay, I'm sure we've all heard some really funny stuff from our patients/residents/clients during our shifts, so let's share! I was working overnight in home health and kept hearing the wife (with severe dementia) waking up... Read More


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    i was job shadowing yesterday and this lady with alzheimer's goes, "hi! I didn't recognize you with clothes on!!" I've never met her before..hahaha
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    I also have one resident who is constantly accusing me of being in love with, and sleeping with, her (deceased) husband. The funniest part is that after she says that she adds "that's Ok, I don't mind, I don't love him anyway."

    Also, just the other day, this same resident looked me straight in the face and said, "You've been drinking again, haven't you."
    LOL, so I answered her, "yep, water, juice, tea, soda...."
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    At my facility, many of the more independent residents have some type of built in "radar" that knows exactly when EMS has been called for another resident (although the running and shouting of the staff may also be a good indicator). They peek their heads out of the rooms, and some gather in the halls to gawk at the paramedics and nursing staff and whoever is coding. It's like some sick form of entertainment for them (but I KNOW I will be doing the exact same thing when I get that old).

    Recently, one of my residents coded and two ladies were sitting in their wheelchairs at a distance watching the paramedics roll her out on a stretcher and they were gossiping about the whole thing. One of them, a retired nurse, leaned over to the other and said, "...and another of them bites the dust."
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    (Call light rings)
    Me: Hey Ms. ----, what's wrong?
    Patient: Honey I'm hurtin..
    Me: Where you hurtin Ms. ----?
    Patient: All up in my birth hole!

    I also once had a dementia patient who apparently thought we were still in slavery times or something. (Please bear in mind that I am black). I'm in her room she grabs my hand and says " Don't let them work you too hard. You go in the kitchen and get you somethin' to eat! Tell them I said you can go in the refrigerator! You don't let them call you the "N" word either (but this lady really said it)!!!" She later said that she was raised to never say that word and to be colorblind. But it was so funny because she said the word like four times! But of course she meant no harm she just wanted to explain to me that she didn't have a racist bone in her body.
    CrazierThanYou and CoffeemateCNA like this.
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    I was trying to make small talk with a new resident. He had Alzheimers, was very weird, and was going along with the conversation telling me about his hobbies.

    Him: I may need your help with something.
    Me: Ok, what do you need help with?
    Him: When I was admitted here, my laptop was supposed to be put in my closet but it isn't there now. I need help finding it because I'm in the middle of writing a book.
    Me: Oh! What kind of books do you write?
    Him: Murder mystery, some historical, but mostly SELF-HELP.

    If only you had met this man...
    Serendipity, PCT likes this.
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    Those are so awesome! I love the one about "not recognizing you with your clothes on"; I get some of that from my residents if they ever see me in my street clothes instead of my uniform; they look baffled, then go "What are you doing here?".
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    Quote from DreamyEyes
    Oh, I have sooooo many. But here is one I'll never forget:

    We had a resident w/ severe dementia who would barely say two words to anyone. He would sing the same song over & over again, but would rarely talk. Well one day he was sitting in the hall, and one of the residents walked by. He looked at her while she was walking by, and said "Now that's a big ass!" lol.

    HAHAHAHAH!!!!
    pca_85 likes this.
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    one of my patients asked me "are you going out on a date tonight?" and I told her no, I already have a boyfriend, and we just stay at home. she said "good! because when you go out on dates, you get raped, and you get diseases!"
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    One of my favorite residents is in his 90's and very underweight so I had been encouraging him to eat at dinner. After ward I had taken him to do evening care and I was putting moisterizer on his back when he asked me, "what are we doing now?" So I said, "first we fatten you up, now I'll grease you up and cook you," and he replied "all you'll get is gristel."
    He is the cutest guy ever.
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    One of my residents, 95 years young, I call her glamor girl, she always has her sun glasses on the top of her hair and dresses all fancy; she asks me every morning as I am giving her her water for breakfast, "is there vodka in that?" I always say YES, and she says "OH good!!"
    KimberlyRN89 and pca_85 like this.


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