Youngest labor patient?

ERNurse752, RN · Feb 10, 2005

I remember a 12 year old girl who was pregnant. She said how proud her Mom was because her Mom was 12 when she had her. A grandparent at 24. And better yet, her grandma was 12 when she had her Mom. A great grandparent at 36!!!!

What a family tradition...

:uhoh21:

MamaTheNurse, BSN, RN · Feb 10, 2005

Deb, I did the same thing with my sons. Showed them graphic photos of STD's I got from the public health dept.
And I have done as you are doing .. . keep the conversation open and look for ways to talk about illegal drugs, alcohol and sex.
Sometimes the best talks are on long drives in the car.
steph

I have 2 sons, aged 5 and 7 and I'll you what, they will be seeing the photos pretty soon - we have already had some interesting conversations about anatomy, boys vs girls, reproduction, etc. - I've actually had people tell me that I go into too much detail (most recently some friends - he's a lawyer and she's a magistrate) but I know what my kids can handle - I worked L&D for 4 years and saw lots of crap, even in rural Northern Michigan - my boys will know what's what and if other people choose to keep their kids in the dark, well, I guess that's their problem - same goes for illegal drugs and alcohol............

MamaTheNurse, BSN, RN · Feb 10, 2005

I wouldn't say a decrease in sex ed. More like a decrease in parental involvement, lack of supervision, increased exposure to sex in the media, etc.

my husband's step-nephew was 18 when he got his 15 year old girlfriend pregnant - they were left alone ALOT at her parents' house - they thought it was ok because he was a nice boy and was mature for his age (he's not really) - that nice boy was lucky he didn't end up in jail (like he could have) - his mom, my husband's stepsister, was pleased as punch to have a grandbaby on the way - she was 16 when she got pregnant.......

Debbee · Feb 10, 2005

hmm.... I saw this post and thought over and over how I needed to respond. I was that young labor patient that many of you are talking about, and I think that the majority of you are probably very good L&D nurses, so don't take offense to what I am about to say.
I think that a lot of you are forgetting the patient. All of these "what's the world coming to" type of posts really bother me. Have you ever looked at that little girl that's laboring, and wondered how she got in that hospital bed? Sometimes---especially with the very young ones---the girl is not there because she wants to be, or because "being pregnant is romanticized." I would guess that a lot of them have been sexually assaulted. Did you know that the statistics now are 1 in 3 women will be sexually assaulted in their lives. Just think about it. What would make a 12 year old girl want to have sex!? She's not matured physically enough for sex to be pleasurable. It is probably extremely painful for her.
So, before you start to judge these teenage girls that come to your unit, just ask yourself "What has this girl been through?" And, so what if she is the stereotypical "I want to be pregnant" teenager? It's still your duty, as her nurse, to be her support while she's in labor. Because I assure you that your attitudes towards her do come across, and they DO make a difference -good or bad. I am junior nursing student in a BSN program because of the excellent RN that I had while I was in labor with my daughter. This woman is a lot of the reason that I'm not going to become another statistic. Census was down at the hospital, and I was her only patient. She sat with me the majority of the time that I was in labor, and encouraged me to make something of myself, and to not let my circumstances become what defined me.
So, to make this post a little bit shorter, I just wanted to share with ya'll. I'm not trying to step on people's toes, I just want you to understand the kind of impact that you could possibly have on one of those girls. At least be a kind face to her, because she's getting the lectures, stares, etc... everywhere that she turns.
-Maggie

Maggie, your response brought back some very painful memories for me. After many years of sexual abuse by my step-father, I became pregnant at 13 & miscarried the baby at 8 weeks. No-one can understand the pain of sexual abuse or the complicated secret life one often has to live just to survive. At 15 I again became pregnant, and gave birth to my daughter.

Too many times as nurses we start to judge before we know the person and circumstances of these children giving birth to children.

I have had a long painful road to healing of these wounds that no-one sees. I have since forgiven my father, whom I love very much. But sometimes something hits a raw nerve, and the tears flow for a moment.

Whatever age a woman gives birth, she is a human being that needs love, understanding, and support. Without hope life is not worth living.

At almost 40, I have a beautiful daughter, great son-in-law, and two amazing grand kids. The suffering I had to endure has blossomed into the most incredible beauty. No regrets.

SmilingBluEyes · Feb 10, 2005

I don't see a WHOLE lot of judging the patients in this thread, but the situations do really depress and get us down. It's hard to watch, frankly, when some idiot of a "mother" parades around all proud her 14 and 13 year old kids are simultaneously pregnant carrying on a really LONG tradition of poverty, deprivation and lack of any sort of true education or future for any of the kids involved.

The responsible ones, we are not talking about here that upset us. I know many teen moms who stepped up to the plate and seemed to be doing VERY well as moms and mature people. I am not putting down teen moms nor is anyone else here.

So, I would hope those of you berating us for speaking out here remember that we are human, too. We need to vent sometimes after being exposed to some very ugly situations about which we can do exactly nothing. It wears on the soul after a while, and sometimes all we can do is vent. The situations upset us, I am judging NOT the girls/women I care for. And I never let any "attitude" come across as other than supportive, even when the heartbreak starts. That much you can bet on.

FutureNrse · Feb 21, 2005

I had children young. After reading these posts about 11 and 12 year olds, my own 15 doesn't seem so bad anymore. I tell my kids, and others, that while I wouldn't do anything differently if I had a chance to do it over, that doesn't mean that I'd recommend it for anyone else. I was an unusual kid, because I never really was a kid. I was 21 from the time I could walk. More importantly, I made it work. I finished school, went to college, and raised my kids extremely well. I doubt that many others could pull it off as well as I did. I was stubborn, and I was fortunate.

Even knowing that it can be done, I do not want the same life for my kids. What I did was hard, and I want them to have it easy. So I've made sure that they all know how I feel. They know better than to make me a grandma before my time. And thankfully, they listen and they understand. They know that they can believe what I say, and that they don't want to struggle to succeed, and struggle to be a good parent all on thier own.

It's only been in the past couple of years that they began to understand it though. Before, they just new that I took good care of them, so they probably assumed my life was as easy as thiers. I explained to them about working, and going to school at night, so that I was there for them when they were awake. I explained about getting by on so little sleep, just so I could get them off to school every morning, and tuck them into bed at night.

They get it now, and we talk openly about what I expect from them, which is no casual sex, no sex until they are mature enough to handle all aspects of it, and no unprotected sex ever.

It infuriates me that a parent, knowing how hard it is to be a teen parent, would condone, or even encourage it for thier own children. Perpetuating a cycle that should have taught them something. If a parent is happy to have a pregnant 13 year old, maybe that child needs to be removed from the home.

MamaTheNurse, BSN, RN · Feb 21, 2005

I had children young. After reading these posts about 11 and 12 year olds, my own 15 doesn't seem so bad anymore. I tell my kids, and others, that while I wouldn't do anything differently if I had a chance to do it over, that doesn't mean that I'd recommend it for anyone else. I was an unusual kid, because I never really was a kid. I was 21 from the time I could walk. More importantly, I made it work. I finished school, went to college, and raised my kids extremely well. I doubt that many others could pull it off as well as I did. I was stubborn, and I was fortunate.
Even knowing that it can be done, I do not want the same life for my kids. What I did was hard, and I want them to have it easy. So I've made sure that they all know how I feel. They know better than to make me a grandma before my time. And thankfully, they listen and they understand. They know that they can believe what I say, and that they don't want to struggle to succeed, and struggle to be a good parent all on thier own.
It's only been in the past couple of years that they began to understand it though. Before, they just new that I took good care of them, so they probably assumed my life was as easy as thiers. I explained to them about working, and going to school at night, so that I was there for them when they were awake. I explained about getting by on so little sleep, just so I could get them off to school every morning, and tuck them into bed at night.
They get it now, and we talk openly about what I expect from them, which is no casual sex, no sex until they are mature enough to handle all aspects of it, and no unprotected sex ever.
It infuriates me that a parent, knowing how hard it is to be a teen parent, would condone, or even encourage it for thier own children. Perpetuating a cycle that should have taught them something. If a parent is happy to have a pregnant 13 year old, maybe that child needs to be removed from the home.

good for you - I've met others like you who were fortunately mature enough to do what you did - sadly, you guys are the minority, at least where I live....

salina · Feb 21, 2005

as part of my course, a bunch of us went into a girls grade 9 health class to do some health teaching on pregnancy and contraceptives. these are 14 yr olds. they had no idea how to use some contraceptives, like a diaphragm or cervical cap. heck...they didn't even know where their cervix is! we tried to dispel a lot of myths. also, they seem to view oral sex similar to "a goodnight kiss". fact is, while a lot of us know how to get pregnant, what we need to do to protect ourselves, etc. teenagers this young don't.
abstenance only education in many highschools doesn't help either.

I have taken care of many 13 year olds. Just had one last week. She went NCB. I have been doing this for 20 years and now it hits home when my son is turning 13 in two weeks. When I was working in PA I had 2 15 year old girls that were HIV positive. That scares me!!!!!!

FutureNrse · Feb 22, 2005

good for you - I've met others like you who were fortunately mature enough to do what you did - sadly, you guys are the minority, at least where I live....

I think we're the minority everywhere. I have only met one other teen parent who really had her act together. Actually, she was better at parenting than many adults I know.

From what I've seen, a lot of these girls don't even know what good parenting is. They think that as long as they don't hit the child, they're a good parent. But if you look a little deeper, you'll find that "not hitting" doesn't apply if the child was "bad". Sadly, that's not just the teen moms. I worked with so many parents who claim that they don't hit or spank, and then they snap and do it right in front of me, and then try to justify it. It's simply all they know, it's how they were raised and they'll carry on the tradition.

Debbie_LPN · Feb 22, 2005

Oh my goodness!!
12 years old??!! You know what makes me sad? (and this may not be RIGHT for me to feel this way...but..) These 10, 11, 12, 13 year old girls are having these nice big healthy babies, and here my husband and i are, both of us 23 been married for 3 years and we were "blessed" with a daughter who has Cerbral palsy along with MANY other complications and diagnoses. I do know that we were given her by God for a reason, but it still gets me angry to think about!! :angryfire
Katie

It is really sad. I got pregnant at the age of 17, and I decided to give the baby up for adoption. The reason: I personally felt I was too young to raise a baby. Now at 23 and happily married, I find out that I can't have children naturally(PCOS).

It is devastating how my sis-in-law has 2 kids and 1 on the way(she is 18), and they are all with different guys, she lives at home, and we buy her diapers and baby clothes, ect... cause she cannot afford them.

I told my husband I would like to pay for her to get her tubes tied.

Stephanie82 · Feb 23, 2005

It is VERY sad to see some of these kids having babies who haven't even begun high school yet.

I think every case is different. Some are lack of parental involvement. I had 2 friends in school get pregnant b/c moms were never home, never saw their kids, and let my friends run around all hours of the night doing whatever they wanted. No rules.

However, some parents are very good parents and kids will just find a way. My cousin is 16 and has sex with his girlfriend whenever they have a chance. His Mom knows his raging hormones, so won't let him do things with her unless they are with other people or a parent is around....but they are kids and if they want to bad enough, they usually find a way.

I think one of the BIG REASONS for all these younger and younger pregnant girls is the MEDIA. Sexual innuendos are in almost every sitcom on TV now....and even in commercials for stuff...dumb stuff like food, tires, makeup, etc.....

So with all this media junk, all kids get fed is sex sex sex if you think about it....

catkaminski · May 20, 2005

I work on a lobor and delivery floor in a big inner city hospital and I have seen so many sad cases there. Alot of 13/14 year old girls there giving birth. Some of the cases are assault and others just careless, reckless or uneducated teens. In any event it is just so sad to see these young girls just babies themselves going through all of this