You might be in the medical field if....

Nurses Humor

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Caution: The following is for entertainment purposes only. Don't take this too seriously.1. Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.2. Your idea of a good time is a full code at shift change.3. You find humor in other people's stupidity.4. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.5. Your idea of comforting a child is to place them in a papoose restraint.6. You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a diagnosis7. You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.8. You believe that chocolate is a food group.9. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it sure is quiet around here."10. When you're out in public and you compliment a complete stranger on their great veins.11. You have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Center."12. You hate working nights with a full moon.13. You don't think a referral to Dr. Kevorkian is inappropriate for this patient.14. You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "SUICIDE....Getting it Right the First Time!"15. You think caffeine should be available in IV form.16. You had to leae a patient's room before you began laughing uncontrollably.17. You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.18. The most commonly uttered phrase after midnight is "What changed tonight a 0200 hours that makes it an emergency after 6 months?"19. You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis.20. You have ever referred to the ER as a sh*t magnet".21. You believe that the waiting room should be supplied with a Valium salt lick.22. You have ever wanted a terrorist to deliver a Ryder truck to the lab.23. When ordering labs, the doctor wants to order a "dumb sh*t profile".24. When you mention vegetables, you're not referring to the food group.25. You are totally astounded when someone from the lab speaks English.26. You have been exposed to so many x-rays that you say, "No, I don't worry about birth control...I've been irradiated.27. Your patient states, "I have no idea how that got stuck up there".28. You can identify the "positive teeth vs. tattoo" ratio.29. You have your weekends off, marked and planned for a year.30. You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign out AMA just so you don't have to deal with them anymore.31. You use your status to get out of speeding tickets.32. You use the word GOMER in a sentence more than once a night.33. You have ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level.34. You threaten to use "the hose" if your patient won't give you a urine specimen.35. After someone tells you how many drinks they've had, your question is "....and how big were those drinks?"

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LOL!! I'm only a student and have nothing to add, but these are great.

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Specializes in PeriOp, ICU, PICU, NICU.

Good ones :p

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1. Eating popcorn ot of a emesis basin or clean bedpan is perfectly normal 2. You baste your Thanksgiving Turkey with a Toomey syringe 3. You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they will drop near you and you'll have to perform CPR on your day off 4. To be right is only half the battle, to convince the physician is more difficult 5. You have the same bladder capacity as a Winnebago gas tank 6. You get excited when you get old antique medical device's as gifts :chuckle

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Specializes in PICU, NICU, Adult care as RT.

You find yourself trimming the flower bed with surgical scissors. You can't find any gardening clippers, but you do happen to have 48 pairs of surgical scissors.

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These is so funny and so right!!!:rotfl:

I just have a few not mentioned:

When you drink your beverage of choice out of a unine cylinder!!

Using an emesis basin at the unit party for ice.

Clean lots and lots and lots of poo and then go to lunch!!:)

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(got this one in an e-mail)

When you have seen more moons than the Hubble telescope.:chuckle

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1. You tell your family members not to do anything stupid on your days off.

2. You yell at "ER" the same way your husband yells at football.

3. Your kids know more about bodily fluids than they do about X-box games.

4. You never leave the house without a map, stethoscope, and coffee.

5. You have more uniforms, scrubs, etc. than you do street clothes.

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1. Your child must throw up their liver before they can stay home from school.

2. Your child refers to their "funny bone" as the humerus.(at age 5)

3. You come home from work, (4 hours late) and you are told to go see the neighbor about some abdominal pain.

4. Your child knows not to cry when they hear "No blood, no bone, no problem"

5. You speed up when you see an accident, because all you really want is to get home, and no one to see you're wearing scrubs.:coollook:

6. You tell your child to let the squad start their IV, because you know those women on 3rd in that ER.

7. When you show up to ER, and try to pretend that you are NOT a nurse (yet they figure it out anyway).

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Specializes in critical care.
More to add....

1. Your child must throw up their liver before they can stay home from school.

OMG rotflmao OMG

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ROFL, I have

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my clinical instructor gave us a print out similar to the first poster's list. gawd, were we lpn to bsn students in tears laughing about these things.

seasoned nurses see the humour. :chuckle

suebird :p

ps what about aerosol spraying of prozac in the er waiting room?

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