Workplace Cowardice

[Mr. Murse]

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people have an issue with what someone else does and before addressing it with that person, they take it directly to management or a "higher up" while the offender may have no idea they even did anything. For example, so and so will hear so and so say something that they felt should not be said at the nurse's station, and instead of taking the issue to them directly they go to the floor manager (didn't happen to me, but I saw it happen).

To me it's cowardly and unprofessional. If you have an issue with someone or something they did, take it to them first and let them know exactly why it's an issue. The majority of the time most issue could be solved interpersonally without having to involve anyone else. If they continue to do whatever they're doing and it's some kind of policy or rule violation, then is the time to take it to the next level and report it to someone above their head.

There are rare exceptions when the first and best option is to go straight to management, but those are few and far between.

Anyway, this is my long winded way of saying don't be a snitch. If you have a problem with a coworker, be a professional and an adult and try to settle it with them personally and leave anyone else out of it if at all possible. If you try and it doesn't resolve the issue, then take it to the next level. You will be a more respectable coworker and management will probably respect you more too.

[EwaAnn]

To clarify the quote, another way I have seen it said is "snitches get stitches". In other words, if you are a "snitch" then you're going to end up getting your ass beat (i.e. getting stitches). The person that brought up that quote first accused me of being a snitch, then made the snitches/stitches comment, implying I was going to pay for being a snitch on snitches. ha. The hang up on this word is getting a little ridiculous. I just used a childish word to describe childish behavior.

I agree different people have been raised with different conflict resolution skills. That's a fair point. I would still maintain that we all have to learn new interpersonal and conflict resolutions skills as we move through different social environments, and turning your battles over to someone else every time it's uncomfortable to deal with it yourself is a weakness, in my opinion.

Pretty much the Op is saying is go to work and don't complain about the offender unless it's jeopardizing a patients life. If it's trivial then just let it go and continue with your work.

[EwaAnn]

I feel like a lot of people are missing the point I was trying to make.

I'm not saying every time someone rustles your feathers to puff out your chest and confront them or call them out. I'm also well aware that there are people out there that no matter how diplomatically you approach them, they are unable for whatever reason to be level headed people. These are the exceptions I was referring to.

BUT I do believe some people far to often use management as a security blanket, and no I do not believe it is their job to spend a significant amount of time sorting out interpersonal nonsense amongst their staff.

Another aspect of this is simply to not let so many things get under your skin. Aside from breaking rules and policies or hindering patient care, so much of workplace drama could be avoided by simply not making a big deal of little things.

Maybe using examples would make things a little more clear as to what I'm referring to.

Example 1 (of poorly handled situation): night shift, a few nurses at a quiet point in the night having a casual conversation at the desk at a reasonably low volume. No patients or family within earshot. I forgot the topic of conversation, but one of the nurses PARTICIPATING in the conversation went to the manager the next morning and complained about the other nurses who had brought up the conversation.

Example 2 (of properly handled situation): nurse 1 had been handling a a very sick and difficult patient all night and called the doctor multiple times and been actively handling the situation. Nurse 2 comes in halfway through the shift, oblivious to what was going on and proceeds to seemingly try to take over the situation, butting nurse 1 out of the way and even starting to page a doctor over something that had already been addressed. Nurse 1 was obviously frustrated and annoyed, but waited until an appropriate time, pulled nurse 2 aside and explained what had been happening with the patient and that she felt nurse 2 was trying to take over the situation when she already had it under control. Nurse 2 had no idea that she had come across this way, and was genuinely just trying to help. Both came to a better understanding of the situation, nurse 1 appreciated nurse 2 more for trying to help after she realized that's what nurse 2 was actually doing, and nurse 2 appreciated nurse 1 for being clear about how she was coming across. Both learned from the situation.

On the other hand, had nurse 1 kept it inside and been frustrated all night and then instead gone to the manager the next morning and complained that nurse 2 was all up in her business, then nurse 2 probably would have gotten a slap on the hand for what, in her mind, was just her trying to help out a coworker.

Example 3 (of poorly handled situation): a patient needs a central line. Anesthesiology is called in because a PICC line couldn't be done. Doctor shows up and the nurse gets his stuff together and asks him if he needs anything else (knowing that each doctor prefers different levels of help from the nurse for this kind of thing). Doctor says no and finishes the central line then asks the same nurse where the charge nurse is, then proceeds to complain to the charge nurse that his nurse didn't help him out and stand with him in the room. The nurse wasn't being lazy, and would have had no problem helping him, and had even ASKED HIM if he needed help. Instead, the doctor stews in the room and gets frustrated then unnecessarily takes it to the charge nurse when it could have very simply been resolved at the very beginning, or after the fact even he could have simply told the nurse that in the future he likes to be assisted from beginning to end.

Those are the kinds of things I'm talking about, not getting up in people's face and starting drama.

Well done!!

[EwaAnn]

Yeah, I noticed this today at work. My other PCA coworkers did not want to help me do turns for the hospice patients because they had "charting to do". I should have told them that I don't respect them not helping me. Instead, I ******* to the nurses. The pregnant nurse helped me turn all the hospice patients. How is that fair to them?

Should have told them that you too have charting to do. Besides nurses can do the CNAs work but they can't do your and that is how they try to get away with it You get stuck with all the work and they just do what they have to do

[EwaAnn]

Me too.

Most likely.

[AngryAngel]

Nurses are so insecure! It is part of why most of us become nurses, probably myself included. A term we used years ago was, "Nurses eat their young." It is all based on insecurity. Most of us are never truly sure of what we are doing at any one time. We have so many "supervisors" other nurses, doctors, even "suits." each has their own agenda and their own view of what we should be doing in their regard. Initially we were the "physician's handmaid." This has set the tone. British nurses, as per Florence Nightingale, "OWN" the patient. The doctor asks her if he can have the patient to preform his professional duties with them. We in America would drop dead if a doctor asked us that.

Because of this insecurity in ourselves, and our job, we often "tattle" on our colleagues. often with the passive-aggressive approach that if they are watching her more closely they will watch me less so. Do you think a physician would do that? Those guys go their graves knowing a host of "mistakes" their colleagues make. The nature of the subservience we serve in has made us who we are. It is actually a beautiful exposition of our nature, but it is froth with betrayal and tattle tales, as one other nurse responding here mentioned.

I was shocked to read the title of another post which implies that older nurses are unwilling to teach and foster younger nurses. This is a sad part of this noble profession, but an intricate part of who we are as people. As we see with some new nurses coming into the profession, not to serve, but rather to only earn a decent salary. These newer people are not buying into the "handmaid" role. Most nurses are here to serve. Just remember to take care of the caretakers. If we are truly a profession, lets act like professionals. The profession needs to be protected, and nurtured. Policing ourselves is critical. If a nurse is truly unethical, they need to be admonished, if not castigated from the profession. But within our own ranks, as another nurse here has already pointed out, we need to foster an open forum within our ranks, where things can be discussed and worked out within the confines of the profession.

[Mr. Murse]

Dear Nurse Murse,

Stop being a "Cry Baby" and getting all up in somebody else's business.

mrgeezer RN

yeah, Mr. Murse. You big baby. Only babies handle their own petty problems instead of dumping them on other people to take care of. Grow up already. Shut the hell up and take it to your manager instead.

[Jewelsforme]

I agree. One should always attempt to resolve any problems quickly, without getting emotional if possible, and move on. However, if the offending coworker continues to be unwilling to cooperate, work as a team member, displays aggression towards colleagues or worse, towards patients, these and other types of issues cannot be ignored. Usually, this kind of problem has been ongoing with this employee and the administration does little to correct or discipline that kind of worker's unacceptable behavior. So "cowardice" can be seen in both employees AND with administration. We all know this. Unfortunately, not every work place has or enforces employee handbook policies and procedures. This leaves student nurses or others continuously on the receiving end of the wrath of the caustic employee. By all means, work one on one with each other. But if a serious problem continues, the team must work with administration to creative a functioning and supportive work place environment.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

]Nurses are so insecure![/b] It is part of why most of us become nurses probably myself included.[/b'] A term we used years ago was, "Nurses eat their young." It is all based on insecurity. Most of us are never truly sure of what we are doing at any one time.

Because of this insecurity in ourselves, and our job, we often "tattle" on our colleagues. often with the passive-aggressive approach that if they are watching her more closely they will watch me less so. here mentioned.

I was shocked to read the title of another post which implies that older nurses are unwilling to teach and foster younger nurses. This is a sad part of this noble profession, but an intricate part of who we are as people. As we see with some new nurses coming into the profession, not to serve, but rather to only earn a decent salary. These newer people are not buying into the "handmaid" role. Most nurses are here to serve. Just remember to take care of the caretakers. If we are truly a profession, lets act like professionals. The profession needs to be protected, and nurtured. Policing ourselves is critical. If a nurse is truly unethical, they need to be admonished, if not castigated from the profession. But within our own ranks, as another nurse here has already pointed out, we need to foster an open forum within our ranks, where things can be discussed and worked out within the confines of the profession.

I cannot remember when I've enountered such a load of bovine feces!

While I grant that you may have indeed figured out yourself and your own motivations very accurately, I do not think that nurses in general are either insecure or have entered the profession precisely because we're insecure. (And that NETY nonsense you're spouting as if it were a new revelation is getting pretty old and tired as well.)

Tattling and passive aggression is not professional behavior, and here we have a whole thread decrying it and hoping to move above it. Yet you sit here and pontificate that it's a normal consequence of insecure people entering the profession. Why not try to rise above it?

And about the myth that older nurses are unwilling to teach -- most of us see it as a part of our job, although students definitely rank below patients and our own orientees when our time is divvied up. The fact that clinical instructors aren't doing their job doesn't make it our job -- so let the actual teachers step up and take responsibility for their students so the older nurses can concentrate on teaching our orientees.

[ausrnurse]

I can't believe how much this thread has been derailed by the use of the word "snitch". Are you kidding me? Dobbing, tattling, whatever you want to call it, it's childish and it is my number one pet peeve. Nobody here is talking about situations that clearly need to be brought to the managements attention (patient safety, very hostile, unprofessional behaviour). This is about situations that should have been resolved at the time they occurred. I work in a unit where it is totally acceptable and encouraged to run to the managers about totally ridiculous things like rooms not being restocked with exactly 5x 10ml syringes and 10x vials of normal saline, being 30 seconds late returning from a break, daring to be friendly enough to speak to your colleagues about anything non-work related, and these people get a pat on the back for acting like 6 year olds! How hard is it to say to somebody nicely "would you mind remembering to restock your room before handover?" or "I prefer not to talk about my home life at work, thanks for asking though."

[cdsga]

It is tough to confront someone during work when you are dealing with patients and so much to do. These types of issues take focus off and makes life miserable and too stressful-really unnecessary.

If management feeds into this, keeps a record of it and then surprises with these comments at a peer evaluation without a forewarning or allowing one to correct behaviors then that is a problem of management for sure.

People should know if their behavior is distressing to others and allow them to correct or make amends. You never know what's going on with a person on a given day.

Get to the bottom of it, and get involved in order to mediate and allow the parties to air their differences. Managers who take innuendo and gossip as truth should not be managers. "What you permit you promote"-so the wise people say.

[explorereb96, ADN, BSN]

Very true. I am not easily intimidated and I am unusual in my directness. I never tried to intimidate anyone. But one time, I had another nurse that just rubbed me the wrong way. It was not what she said but how she said it. I just couldn't (for the life of me) confront her. Other nurses just said that she is always like that. And looking back now, I really don't think she knew she was being condescending (she was older and had 6 children...so hence she was treating every young nurse as a child that had to be told everything). I did go to my supervisor, but i even admitted that I just couldn't talk to her and that was my problem, not hers. I just felt that maybe the supervisor could just talk to her and make her aware and they the other nurses felt so uncomfortable that they could not be direct with her. She did truly work on herself afterwords and was happy to admit that she now had more than her share of workplace friends. People that she now hung out with and became close to. She wouldn't have had that had she continued working the way she worked.

[Mr. Murse]

Very true. I am not easily intimidated and I am unusual in my directness. I never tried to intimidate anyone. But one time, I had another nurse that just rubbed me the wrong way. It was not what she said but how she said it. I just couldn't (for the life of me) confront her. Other nurses just said that she is always like that. And looking back now, I really don't think she knew she was being condescending (she was older and had 6 children...so hence she was treating every young nurse as a child that had to be told everything). I did go to my supervisor, but i even admitted that I just couldn't talk to her and that was my problem, not hers. I just felt that maybe the supervisor could just talk to her and make her aware and they the other nurses felt so uncomfortable that they could not be direct with her. She did truly work on herself afterwords and was happy to admit that she now had more than her share of workplace friends. People that she now hung out with and became close to. She wouldn't have had that had she continued working the way she worked.

I think this might be one of those exceptional cases too. I mean if you're a brand new, young nurse who's still learning the ropes and an older, seasoned nurse comes across to you as threatening for whatever reason, I don't think it would be bad form to go to your manager. The difference is I think you'd be going to her more for advice than to report the other nurse.

Of course another option would be to go another older or more experienced coworker who you felt comfortable talking to and ask their opinion.

Either way, I wouldn't consider that quite in the same category of behavior that I was originally referring to.