Hello there! I'm not looking for validation or approval, just wanted to get this off my chest and perhaps reach out there to fellow peers who might relate. I'm 35, have a BA degree in English, and made a career change to nursing 5 yrs ago b/c I love working with people & wanted to have a stable job. I've been a lpn for 5 years now and going through school and had this gnawing feeling that nursing wasn't right for me & expressed it to people around me, but was always told (by people who are not nurses), "Nursing is such a rewarding career, you'll make great $$ once you get your rn & you'll always have a job! Don't quit, you can make it through." I didn't quit, made it through lpn school, and have been very dissatisfied with my career choice.
My 1st job I worked in a 48 bed hell hole, lost sleep became depressed, suffered through chronic panic attacks, and cried before, during, and after every shift. I cared about these patients, but there was just too many of them to really make a difference and help them, let alone give care safely - I was a med robot. I quit, landed a job in a Dr's office which was much better, but the pay was horrible. It's also a dead end job, so I got through my prereqs and quit that job to enter a lvn-rn adn bridge program.
I get good grades, my instructors say I'm doing great in clinicals. I care about patient safety. I decided to leave nursing school in my 3rd semester adn program. I feel so relieved and at the same time sad. Relieved b/c I feel that I can no longer ignore that gut feeling I have telling me to run the other way from this field. Sad because I've invested years working and taking classes to get me to this point only to find that I really don't want anything to do with becoming a rn and I refuse to waste anymore time trying to convince myself that when I start working it'll get better, or to adjust my attitude. I've been bottling up my anxiety, crying before and after clinicals and class, tired of the sleepless nights full of dread of returning to the hospital, pretending to keep it together at clinicals isn't working for me anymore.
The hard work, blood, guts, poop doesn't bother me. It's the stress levels, the belittling from nursing instructors, the fact that rns will take the fall for any mistakes, the rns from the hospitals at clinicals telling me that I'm crazy, to want to become a rn, the hostile environment nurses must work in, the lack of jobs for new nurses who can't even get their 1st job! There is a reason nurses get paid well - it has to do with the amount of abuse and BS they must put up with.
At this time I'm looking for a career change. Into what, I'm not sure yet. I'll probably do lpn homecare until I can transition into something else if I don't find a job right away. Perhaps a lab assistant, pharmaceutical sales, or even working in the fashion industry, which I regret ever leaving in the first place. I'm ready to find work that makes me happy, or less miserable at the least.
