Hello there! I'm not looking for validation or approval, just wanted to get this off my chest and perhaps reach out there to fellow peers who might relate. I'm 35, have a BA degree in English, and made a career change to nursing 5 yrs ago b/c I love working with people & wanted to have a stable job. I've been a lpn for 5 years now and going through school and had this gnawing feeling that nursing wasn't right for me & expressed it to people around me, but was always told (by people who are not nurses), "Nursing is such a rewarding career, you'll make great $$ once you get your rn & you'll always have a job! Don't quit, you can make it through." I didn't quit, made it through lpn school, and have been very dissatisfied with my career choice.
My 1st job I worked in a 48 bed hell hole, lost sleep became depressed, suffered through chronic panic attacks, and cried before, during, and after every shift. I cared about these patients, but there was just too many of them to really make a difference and help them, let alone give care safely - I was a med robot. I quit, landed a job in a Dr's office which was much better, but the pay was horrible. It's also a dead end job, so I got through my prereqs and quit that job to enter a lvn-rn adn bridge program.
I get good grades, my instructors say I'm doing great in clinicals. I care about patient safety. I decided to leave nursing school in my 3rd semester adn program. I feel so relieved and at the same time sad. Relieved b/c I feel that I can no longer ignore that gut feeling I have telling me to run the other way from this field. Sad because I've invested years working and taking classes to get me to this point only to find that I really don't want anything to do with becoming a rn and I refuse to waste anymore time trying to convince myself that when I start working it'll get better, or to adjust my attitude. I've been bottling up my anxiety, crying before and after clinicals and class, tired of the sleepless nights full of dread of returning to the hospital, pretending to keep it together at clinicals isn't working for me anymore.
The hard work, blood, guts, poop doesn't bother me. It's the stress levels, the belittling from nursing instructors, the fact that rns will take the fall for any mistakes, the rns from the hospitals at clinicals telling me that I'm crazy, to want to become a rn, the hostile environment nurses must work in, the lack of jobs for new nurses who can't even get their 1st job! There is a reason nurses get paid well - it has to do with the amount of abuse and BS they must put up with.
At this time I'm looking for a career change. Into what, I'm not sure yet. I'll probably do lpn homecare until I can transition into something else if I don't find a job right away. Perhaps a lab assistant, pharmaceutical sales, or even working in the fashion industry, which I regret ever leaving in the first place. I'm ready to find work that makes me happy, or less miserable at the least.
It sounds like the stresses & situations are combining to keep you down emotionally. Perhaps speaking with a counselor would help you to develop ways to deal with stress that are more effective for you & will be lifelong tools you can rely on in lots of different scenarios. If you are leaving, just don't burn any bridges. Finish or take a leave of absence & leave the door as open as you can with as much goodwill as you can muster. And it's really okay for you to decide to move on. To thine own self be true, of course.
Thanks for your input, and you're right I most likely have the grass is greener syndrome. I've worked in a few different fields and I have to say that nursing beats out all of them. In the other jobs I had, I can't say that I've been pooped on, hit, groped, overworked to physical and mental exhaustion, been sick to my stomach and sleepless because of pure dread of having to return the next day to do it all over. I beat out 40 other applicants for a job like this...yikes. Onto greener pastures I go!
You're much more likely to get a job in the pharmaceutical/medical device sales if you are an RN. Might be worth finishing school just for that.
As for the rest ... unsolicited advice: See a pro about your depression and anxiety. It's clearly getting in your way, and getting that cleared up will make the rest of your life, wherever and whatever it is, happier and more satisfying.
Thanks for your reply! I have a few family members that work in the medical device and pharmaceutical field that are not rns, just a bachelors degree and job experience in sales. For the depression and anxiety, I've been cured of it since I withdrew from school and have chosen to move on. In other areas of my life, I have it really darn spectacular. I'm in good health, have the most supportive husband, parents, and friends, I have hobbies that I enjoy. I have friends that really love their jobs on most days and thus are successful in their careers. I'm not seeking perfection in a job, just finding that thing that I'm passionate about...and getting paid to do it
I am so glad I found this post. In my eyes, the people who agreed with this post are the most honest, decent people out there. It is not easy to admit that you hate nursing. I recently vocalized this to my friends and husband a few weeks ago and since then, I have felt much better. I did not like nursing from the start but it is so admired and glamorized by those that do not know. It is very hard to tell your friends and family that you are quitting nursing school after everyone has told you how proud they are and how well off you will be.
Nursing has made me physically and mentally sick, tired, stressed and I can feel my body aging.... and I have only been a nurse for 3 years. I have done some heavy soul searching to come to the realization that money, status and power are meaningless and nursing is worthless if it does not make you happy. I know that it is impossible for everyone to love their job but to despise it, and to blame it for making you sick, calls for a change.
I am not ashamed to say that I hate nursing and I do not want to be a nurse. I am too responsible to drop it immediately because I have bills to pay, etc.
I plan to do some travel nursing to increase my income to pay off my debts and maybe enjoy this great country in the meantime.
I do not believe the grass is greener with another specialty, hospital, state, etc.
Money is not everything. You only live this life once. Why not make the best of it ??
You're a strong person for being responsible and trying to make the most of your nursing career. I know a couple of nurses that enjoyed travel nursing and got to live in some really cool cities. I hope it works out well for you!
Yes, I started reading this Forum when I was doing my prereqs. I almost didn't go forward and become a nurse. I would say that if there was a forum for other professions it wouldn't be all happy jello there either. When I was in nursing school I realized that nursing going to demand all the good I had to give and that it was going to challenge every domain of being --- physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual. It's not for everybody. A person is fortunate to be able to find a profession that demands that AND that they love!! It is a huge gift. It doesn't happen for everybody in their life whatever profession they are in, and it doesn't need to in order to be happy with life and chosen profession. There are so many different types of nursing too! Some require a lot more of you than others. But how satisfied one is with the way they make their living is immensely important.
I'm a second-career nurse who's been around the circle of the seasons enough times to be dragging my feet to slow the circles down (with a nod to Joni Mitchell).
I'm essentially a mercenary... I went into nursing primarily to find a well-paying job with a modicum of stability and that is what I've found. I'm often displeased with how the system runs but, because my heart isn't in it, I've little problem shrugging my shoulders and saying, "it is what it is," collecting my pay and leaving it at the door on my way out.
I didn't create it and I can't change it but I can profit from it while remaining detached from it.
There are some things each day that I appreciate... generally an interaction with a colleague nurse or physician, and occasionally a patient or family.
There are many things each day that I detest... but I can engage in activities that I detest without taking them into me or owning them.
Some will say that I must be a lousy nurse or on the road to burn-out... neither is the case. I get a lot of positive feedback from patients and colleagues and, 4 years in to job and 50 times around the circle, I have enough experience and wisdom and self-awareness to know what I can and cannot handle.
This is my job... not my life, not my calling, not my hobby... just my job. I do it as best I can and really don't stress about all of the system-induced deficiencies... they are what they are; they preceded me and will remain long after I'm gone.
I really think that one risk factor for burnout is caring too much and bringing one's heart to the game. The company gets my mind and my body for a set period of time but they don't get my heart and soul at all... those are for me and for my family.
OP, best of luck to you. I hope you find your pasture... I've learnt that none of them are that green and even the greenest are dotted with cow pies.
Consider it the free experience of another person who has advice to offer from a different perspective. You're fortunate--you don't have to experience what the OP is experiencing, but you get to hear about it and learn from it anyway!
The OP isn't going to become a nurse and they have listed off why. If you can look at the reasons and decide that you're going to persevere no matter what, you're that much more confident in what you want to do.
It also offers a very wise perspective when it comes to how nurses are treated and viewed by the public, by physicians and by patients. There are many aspects of nursing that aren't like what you'll see in the recruitment posters. Despite public perception and its lovey-dovey reputation, not all of nursing is warm smiles, reassuring hand-laying and sending the patient skipping home with balloons into the sunset. In fact, I'd hazard to say that most of it isn't. Nursing is tough, gritty, and very human. It is flesh and blood and sweat and poop, usually all at once.
What are you going to do when you get burned out? What are you going to do when you feel your empathy ebbing? How are you going to react when that __fill in the blank__ chews you out for something you didn't do? How are you going to handle it when you have a day where you just don't think you'll be able to go back tomorrow?
You will encounter issues like the ones you see posted here sooner or later. Take to heart what is said on these boards and see how people deal with the issues they face, especially the older and wiser of us who lurk in the shadows of AN. And most of all, don't be afraid! Not all of life is going to be pleasant, no matter what profession you join. So learn techniques to handle stress, to handle difficult coworkers, to deal with difficult patients and family members, and go ye therefore and NURSE!
Consider it the free experience of another person who has advice to offer from a different perspective. You're fortunate--you don't have to experience what the OP is experiencing, but you get to hear about it and learn from it anyway!
The OP isn't going to become a nurse and they have listed off why. If you can look at the reasons and decide that you're going to persevere no matter what, you're that much more confident in what you want to do.
It also offers a very wise perspective when it comes to how nurses are treated and viewed by the public, by physicians and by patients. There are many aspects of nursing that aren't like what you'll see in the recruitment posters. Despite public perception and its lovey-dovey reputation, not all of nursing is warm smiles, reassuring hand-laying and sending the patient skipping home with balloons into the sunset. In fact, I'd hazard to say that most of it isn't. Nursing is tough, gritty, and very human. It is flesh and blood and sweat and poop, usually all at once.
What are you going to do when you get burned out? What are you going to do when you feel your empathy ebbing? How are you going to react when that __fill in the blank__ chews you out for something you didn't do? How are you going to handle it when you have a day where you just don't think you'll be able to go back tomorrow?
You will encounter issues like the ones you see posted here sooner or later. Take to heart what is said on these boards and see how people deal with the issues they face, especially the older and wiser of us who lurk in the shadows of AN. And most of all, don't be afraid! Not all of life is going to be pleasant, no matter what profession you join. So learn techniques to handle stress, to handle difficult coworkers, to deal with difficult patients and family members, and go ye therefore and NURSE!
^THIS.
I applaud the OP and anyone who is honest enough to leave nursing, for the sake of finding their own niche in life. Life is for everybody; nursing is not for everybody, and that's OK.
For the students that are reading, YOU must find your own niche in life.
I have learned that nursing is not easy; bringing change and policy can happen (it has in my career), yet evolutionary-sometimes longer than paint drying on the Wall of China; and learn-LEARN to MAXIMIZE people and situations in reality; sometimes it is what it is. I have worked with the most debilitated and vulnerable pts; sometimes where the places I worked did not advocate for them properly, where their operating licensed got revoked by the state and got SHUT DOWN- yet, the nursing staff I worked with MAXIMIZED our patients through our nursing care; sometimes with little or no supplies sometimes; but above all the WORST, the care for the pts and their response was amazing. I was able to walk away each shift I worked at that place not sad, not angry; the proper channels were utilized, but we still did our practice at our best. That experience alone, along with various "adventures" personally and professionally have made me a better PERSON, not just a better nurse. Everyone handles life experiences very differently; most for the betterment of the SELF.
That's what has kept me from burnout from healthcare for 13 years-having boundaries and being reality based; and having the desire to balance my life-by traveling, and enjoying MY LIFE and the things that matter on my own time. I enjoy my work, and most certainly enjoy my life off the clock. I have other avenues that keep me happy and content.
So student nurses nurse ON...observe, learn, and don't forget to LIVE.
coming up on 30 years and although potential employers cant ask my age they do ask when did you graduate high school and then nursing school...and then they do the math,,,
my last 3 jobs
>home health within a retirement community for 8 years, the boss resigned and before I could apply for the position they hired a nutbag that made my life hell. she actually said to me one time (I swear on my child) "I was trying to think of things to say to get under your skin and get you worked up" I eventually left and went to the next job
>nurse case manager workman comp for a large well known insurance company...stuck it out for 2 years while being constantly criticized by claims adjusters because I didn't have a crystal ball to tell them when a claimant would be healed and rady to go back to work
>wellness nurse at a retirement community part time, pressured to take on the "nurse manager" position for the home health department they were starting. I agreed. The bosses secretary was to be the "business manager" 8 CNAs were hired and placed into resident homes. I never met or interviewed any of them. All of this on my license. Was not a part of the start up what so ever. When I was finally given the policy and procedures written by the secretary they were all wrong. It was decided that I was to report to the secretary. Apparently the director had "promised" her the position of director of the home health. So after 30 years of nursing and the title of nurse manager I was reporting to a secretary. Could not do it. Handed in my resignation.
You could see about teaching a Medical Assistant, CNA or even an LPN course in a technical school that also offers fashion design, merchandising, whatever it is in fashion that draws you in. Some of the perks are the ability to take classes at the school at a greatly reduced (or sometimes free) cost. That way, you can put your foot in and see what you think. With your BA in English, maybe a fashion article/series in the local newspaper--get paid to write about what you love. If it is the artisitic side of things, see about adult ed courses in drawing, figure drawing.....how creative and wonderful!!
Best of luck to you in your endevours. Nursing is not for everyone.
I can remember reading through some of these posts back in the day and thinking... WTH?? Why are they complaining? They are making money and GOOD money and should shut the heck up and leave if it makes them so unhappy so some of us nursing students could take their jobs and be thankful. Now that I am an employed nurse, I still feel that way. I just will never understand people who are unhappy. I mean life is a choice. If you hate it, leave. Just like the OP. Simply bow out and rock and roll to what makes you happy, or figure a way to not let it get to you. I feed my family, I pay my mortgage and I write those checks knowing I can cash them thanks to the patients that some would consider a hassle.... to me, they are my lively hood and I am theirs as well. You make a choice every single day to be happy or to complain and hate your life. I chose the first.
I think where you work and the people you work with make the difference. Ive worked at a big name hospital and I hated it; the nurses treated us (pct's) like crap and no one seemed happy to be there. I work at another hospital now, in another dept. The nurses are awesome (well, most of them) and they let me do a lot of their higher level patient care.
Even so, there are days that I ask myself "are you sure you want to continue with nursing school?". I am driven by the job security and financial/job stability. I am turned off by the lack of respect among employees, and sometimes patients. Just the other day I watched a Doctor yell and belittle another employee right in front of everyone. It was all due to a simple lack of communication between depts and the Doctor. But someone has to take the blame right? Stuff like that makes me rethink my profession.
Good luck to you. I hope you find something that truly makes you happy!
sweetcaroline101
8 Posts
Thanks for your input, and you're right I most likely have the grass is greener syndrome. I've worked in a few different fields and I have to say that nursing beats out all of them. In the other jobs I had, I can't say that I've been pooped on, hit, groped, overworked to physical and mental exhaustion, been sick to my stomach and sleepless because of pure dread of having to return the next day to do it all over. I beat out 40 other applicants for a job like this...yikes. Onto greener pastures I go!