Where Do I Go from here?

[Sweetpea04, BSN]

Hello all. I've been a nurse 2.5 years.

I worked in adult oncology for two years. 

I started there as a new grad. I became confident , learned so much, made friends, met my s/o, and grew as a person there. I had a great work life balance because I was on days. 

However I did have a bit of "burn out" from the unit and realized that I wanted to try something new. 

So after 2 years I made a leap in my career and I accepted a night shift position in a NICU. I was so excited for this opportunity, honestly. I thought this would be my dream career. I thought I would love it so much that I wouldn't care about the nights..

The entire 7 months I've worked in the NICU I have been nothing but anxious! The babies are so so adorable and there is a rewarding feeling working in the NICU. However, 

I stressed everyday about whether coming to the NICU was a good decision. I found it hard to make friends, I realized the management was toxic and involved a lot of favoritism.
I also had a tough orientation that made me question myself and my abilities as a nurse.

But more than anything I felt like an idiot for going for a night shift position that has a waitlist of YEARS to get to Dayshift. (I am a morning person and my partner is Dayshift)

As a result I began to regret accepting the job. 

After 7 months of stress and overreacting, I managed to get through the right person in HR and also my old oncology manager (whom I am on good terms) and was allowed to transfer EARLY, back to my unit in oncology. I was supposed to wait 1 year but was allowed at 7 months because nurses are needed in oncology more than in the NICU. 

I start back in a couple days. I am looking forward to the familiarity of the unit and my old co workers. 

I feel a bit lost, confused, and like I am failure. I don't know where to go from here. I don't even know if I made the correct decision in going back, and for that I feel like an idiot. I feel like I am going back instead of forward and wonder if I overreacted about the whole night shift thing. 

I always had dreams of going for an advanced degree and studying for something new. I considered CRNA, or nurse practitioner school. But now I feel like I am back to the drawing board and don't know what to do. I don't even know what I like as a nurse other than working Dayshift and having a good work life balance. 
 

Oncology is very interesting but is also very depressing. I don't hate it but it's not easy.  I will be here for another year before I can transfer again, LOL. 

can anyone offer advice? Should I change my mindset?

 

 

[subee, MSN, CRNA]

Oncology is rough but if you can learn how to take care of yourself emotionally and physically, you can make peace.with your choice.  You have to work at it and it's a long learning curve , but skills you learn will serve you for every aspect of your life.  Work hard, play hard healthily.

[JKL33]

Oncology is an excellent place to learn so much nursing in my opinion. [Disclaimer for what I'm about to say: Yes, these elements can be found in other specialties.] Okay, with that said, oncology patients don't just have cancer...they have cancer plus whatever co-existing medical conditions they already had before their cancer diagnosis. Plus the serious psychological aspects of having cancer. Plus the numerous secondary effects of cancer itself. Plus the side effects of the treatments for their cancer. And the occasional oncologic emergency. And the affected family dynamics. And it goes on and on.

I can't say enough about having started my career and spent a respectable length of time there before switching gears to the ED. I formed my foundation for my entire career (with the help of two absolutely excellent preceptors and a generally well-run, supportive unit), in Oncology.

It is hard. It will, in some respects, change you as a person (but I think that can be said about nursing in general). You will forever remember some faces and stories for really happy reasons and some for terribly gut-wrenching reasons. 

There is seemingly no end to what can be learned and honed in Oncology, in my opinion. When you get down the basic nursing task-y stuff, one can work on thoroughly understanding the pathophysiology of the diagnoses and all the downstream effects. Then the numerous laboratory derangements. And the pharmacology of the treatments given. Etc., etc.

I wouldn't consider this a "backward" move for any nurse.  But then again, I tend to not think of nursing in those terms anyway. I'm probably sounding older than my age with this, but..."nowadays" there are relatively few expert-level bedside nurses and a lot of people people with relatively little experience trying to "advance" to what they imagine are more superior specialties. I say what is actually superior is becoming an expert at what you do, no matter where you're doing it.

I think you should give Onc a whole-hearted second chance. It has a lot to offer.

Best wishes on your return there! 👍🏽

[Nurse Beth, MSN]

JKL33 said:

Oncology is an excellent place to learn so much nursing in my opinion. [Disclaimer for what I'm about to say: Yes, these elements can be found in other specialties.] Okay, with that said, oncology patients don't just have cancer...they have cancer plus whatever co-existing medical conditions they already had before their cancer diagnosis. Plus the serious psychological aspects of having cancer. Plus the numerous secondary effects of cancer itself. Plus the side effects of the treatments for their cancer. And the occasional oncologic emergency. And the affected family dynamics. And it goes on and on.

I can't say enough about having started my career and spent a respectable length of time there before switching gears to the ED. I formed my foundation for my entire career (with the help of two absolutely excellent preceptors and a generally well-run, supportive unit), in Oncology.

It is hard. It will, in some respects, change you as a person (but I think that can be said about nursing in general). You will forever remember some faces and stories for really happy reasons and some for terribly gut-wrenching reasons. 

There is seemingly no end to what can be learned and honed in Oncology, in my opinion. When you get down the basic nursing task-y stuff, one can work on thoroughly understanding the pathophysiology of the diagnoses and all the downstream effects. Then the numerous laboratory derangements. And the pharmacology of the treatments given. Etc., etc.

I wouldn't consider this a "backward" move for any nurse.  But then again, I tend to not think of nursing in those terms anyway. I'm probably sounding older than my age with this, but..."nowadays" there are relatively few expert-level bedside nurses and a lot of people people with relatively little experience trying to "advance" to what they imagine are more superior specialties. I say what is actually superior is becoming an expert at what you do, no matter where you're doing it.

I think you should give Onc a whole-hearted second chance. It has a lot to offer.

Best wishes on your return there! 👍🏽

Wow. So beautifully put. 

[JKL33]

Thank you, Beth.

[MissMollieMiss]

have you ever thought about changing careers completely, I ended up feeling the burn out of working for the NHS so I ended up going and doing a Botox training course so I could work my own hours and the income stream was even better, this might be something you could consider? there's nothing worse than feeling burnt out and not loving your job

[Cricket183, BSN, RN]

JKL33 said:

Oncology is an excellent place to learn so much nursing in my opinion. [Disclaimer for what I'm about to say: Yes, these elements can be found in other specialties.] Okay, with that said, oncology patients don't just have cancer...they have cancer plus whatever co-existing medical conditions they already had before their cancer diagnosis. Plus the serious psychological aspects of having cancer. Plus the numerous secondary effects of cancer itself. Plus the side effects of the treatments for their cancer. And the occasional oncologic emergency. And the affected family dynamics. And it goes on and on.

I can't say enough about having started my career and spent a respectable length of time there before switching gears to the ED. I formed my foundation for my entire career (with the help of two absolutely excellent preceptors and a generally well-run, supportive unit), in Oncology.

It is hard. It will, in some respects, change you as a person (but I think that can be said about nursing in general). You will forever remember some faces and stories for really happy reasons and some for terribly gut-wrenching reasons. 

There is seemingly no end to what can be learned and honed in Oncology, in my opinion. When you get down the basic nursing task-y stuff, one can work on thoroughly understanding the pathophysiology of the diagnoses and all the downstream effects. Then the numerous laboratory derangements. And the pharmacology of the treatments given. Etc., etc.

I wouldn't consider this a "backward" move for any nurse.  But then again, I tend to not think of nursing in those terms anyway. I'm probably sounding older than my age with this, but..."nowadays" there are relatively few expert-level bedside nurses and a lot of people people with relatively little experience trying to "advance" to what they imagine are more superior specialties. I say what is actually superior is becoming an expert at what you do, no matter where you're doing it.

I think you should give Onc a whole-hearted second chance. It has a lot to offer.

Best wishes on your return there! 👍🏽

Beautifully said.  I spent most of my career in oncology and loved it for all the reasons you mentioned.  We ended up moving to a small, rural area and I went to work at a small community hospital bc I did not want to commute 1 1/2 hrs one way into the city.  I primarily worked med-surg where we also did outpatient care on weekends & holidays (ie, wound care, transfusions, IV antibiotics, etc) and acted as overflow for post partum when L&D became over-full.  I also spent time in the ED, special care unit (cardiac & insulin drips, ect).  My years in oncology taught me how to handle all of that!  

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

You are still a baby nurse, growing and learning what is right for you.  You tried NICU and found it wasn't right for you.  Besides the night shift which is a non-negotiable for your health and your relationship, it left you too stressed out.  You are not a failure!  Instead, you explored another specialty and learned it wasn't the right fit.  

Going back to your comfort zone with a day shift position and a decent manager is a smart move to make for you right now.  From there you can recover from all the stress and when the time is right decide if you want to make another career change, maybe to an outpatient clinic.   Nurses working outpatient are usually happier and have a better quality of life.  Something to think about you don't have to work as a bedside nurse forever.  For now, just rest and refresh and reframe your experience from failure to learning NICU wasn't right for you.  It's totally normal and common to explore different jobs and switch if it isn't working out.  It was also smart that you left your first job on good terms so that you could always go back.  It is actually a compliment that your manager wanted you back so look at it that way!  

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

One other thought, the OP mentioned being burnt out from oncology I'm assuming regarding the potential of death.  I'd like to suggest checking out https://www.YouTube.com/@NurseHadley

She is a hospice nurse and has even written a book about her experiences,

The In-Between: Unforgettable Encounters During Life's Final Moments by Hadley Vlahos R.N.

Her YouTube video's of her experiences caring for dying patients are hope filled.  Maybe they will even change your view and lessen the stress of working in oncology.