When a patient makes you the bad guy

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Disclaimer: This is a rant

I work in a medium-volume labor and delivery unit. I came on shift to a patient who had delivered about 90 minutes before I got there. Mom hadn't been out of bed yet, and was still breastfeeding, holding baby skin-to-skin, and marveling with her husband about how awesome their new little dude was.

I checked in on them, and headed down the hall to grab mom an extra pillow. This brought me past the family waiting room. As I was walking past, a lady stuck her head out and said "Excuse me, do you know who has X patient in room 427?" I responded that I did. She then said she wanted to speak to the charge nurse. I said "I'm the charge nurse. What can I help you with?"

Then. She. Flipped. Out.

Demanded to know what the hold up was, demanded to know when they would be able to see her grandson, yelled about how everyone had driven 6 hours and we had "just stuck them in a back room like extra parts", wanted to know if the baby had even been born yet, said she would be talking to my boss, and demanded to know when she would be allowed in the room. Everyone else was just standing there glaring at me.

I managed to keep my wits about me enough to say "I haven't finished my assessment, I actually just left the room to get a pillow. Let me finish what I'm doing, and I'll get back to you with a time-frame"

Back in the mom's room I asked about the family in the waiting room, and when they wanted visitors. Mom said "Well, it was so important to us to have the first 2 hours alone with the baby to hold skin-to-skin and establish breastfeeding. My mom wouldn't have even known I was here if my water hadn't broken on the phone. I told them it was hospital policy to only have the dad in the room for labor and the first few hours after birth. Sorry to make you the bad guy."

Lady, I don't mind being the bad guy! I'll gladly kick out grandparents that think they should be the first to hold the new baby. What I DO mind is not being given a heads up. Tell me what my lines are so I don't have to improv!

She let the family back about 45 minutes later, and thankfully the excitement of the new baby made the grandma forget that she was going to complain to my boss.

End Rant

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Specializes in MCH,NICU,NNsy,Educ,Village Nursing.

Grandmothers......nothing comes between them and their newborn grand babies......... :no:

In all seriousness---it is frustrating to be blindsided like that. It sounds to me that you got caught in a mother/daughter drama as well, and that is never fun!

I remember my eldest not wanting anyone at the hospital except her husband when their first was born. Not just for L&D, but period. And, she wanted her first few days at home with the newborn to just be the 3 of them. While I was disappointed, I honored that. The other grandmother, however, bought plane tickets, told them she was coming whether they liked it or not. So, on the day they went home from the hospital, the new dad had to literally drop off the new mom and baby at home and then go to the airport. I felt so bad for them.

Back to your story though---it sounds like you make a great advocate for the patient, and I applaud you for that. Family members sometimes were my almost undoing......

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Specializes in Trauma, Teaching.

New dad should have told mom to get a taxi and a hotel room!

OP: at least mom apologized for putting you on the spot......

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Specializes in Pediatric Critical Care.

Oh yes...the grandmothers that call the NICU more often than even the parents to ask for updates. Call mom and dad and ask them, not me!

(And then parents are upset that grandma knows info. Well how do you suppose that she got the phone number and passcode to receive info, hmm?)

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