When does it end? I mean really end?

Nurses Recovery

Published

Specializes in OR.

So I’ve been done with the monitoring hell for let’s see, a bit over 6 months now. Prior to the end of that hell, I miraculously landed a decent job, albeit 5 hours from home and family. My impression is that the facility thinks very little of the crap the program pulls on people and prefers to make thier own judgement rather than rely on a bunch of money grubbing tools...but I digress....

Anyway, I’ve settled in nicely, done pretty decently, got a respectable annual raise and so forth. The opportunity came along to interview for a charge position that would be a promotion from the staff job I am at now. I’ve been filling in at it here and there so I’m familiar with the duties. I was informed that I was not selected and the reasons were quite understandable. Not there long enough and not much recent charge experience. Okay. I get it. The other candidates had that on me. Nobody lied to me or blew smoke up my butt (and this is a big one because after 5+ years of IPN, it’s hard to trust anything anyone says).
So why am I upset? I honestly think because it’s just another reminder that I am late 40-something years old and this stupid crap robbed me of my savings and 6 years of my life and I am starting over.
Yeah, starting alllllll over......because I asked for help and got steered to a bunch of corrupt money sucking vultures, and that’s an insult to vultures.

I will get over myself. I survived those clowns and I will survive this. There will be other opportunities in due time. I just need to have a little sulk.

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Yeah Cats I agree. I’m nearing the end of this but it’s never gonna really end. I think I might have written about this before but long and short of it is this program has changed me and not for the better. I wish u luck and I’m gonna try like hell to forget this nonsense but I don’t think I ever will

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I’m so sorry. This is really hard, you have very valid feelings, and you most certainly deserve to vent about it.

I’ve not even entered into monitoring yet, but I am in sobriety court (BSN but not licensed RN) and pretty sure a monitoring program is my own possible opportunity to get my license.

I feel like the amount of money people chuck at these programs, and sobriety court too for that matter (I can’t begin to describe the hell), is just disgusting. That anybody could financially exploit nurses with a real illness asking for help is just beyond me.

One thing I’ve learned, and continue to learn, is that the only way to maintain my sanity is through recognizing that money and professional successes don’t mean fulfillment. There are rich people who are miserable and people at the top of the corporate ladder who had to do awful things to get there. It’s not fair that you’ve had to forgo those things due to the corruptions of a monitoring program, but you now know the sweet taste of victory after a hard fought battle and that freedom is worth everything. You owe nobody a thing and you are the master of your own life now.

It’s okay to be sad and angry though. You went through a lot & the echoes of the experience are still reverberating even to this day.

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I definitely understand it cats! I started over too . At the time I went to rehab for alcohol and opiate addiction I was doing home health and about to land a case manager position - was making $31 an hr which is awesome here in Mississippi. I’m in my late 40’s also and been a nurse for 25 years. I’m starting over as an infection control nurse making $27.50 an hr. I’m blessed to have a job since I’m on probation for 2 years, I know this. I just feel sometimes like a big failure. I try to focus on the good things and not let the BS of the program get me down. I’m blessed to still have my husband of 27 years and 2 awesome children . And I’m not in the hell of addiction any more. Hang in there! Hugs!

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Specializes in OR.

Huh. Apparently the person to whom the position was offered, declined it. Probably because the schedule involved could not exactly be described as attractive. It appeals to me because I’ve always been able to kinda sleep anywhere, anytime and with enough coffee, function fine. Anyhow, walked in this morning to ‘congrats’...ummm, for what? ........

Maybe it is finally ending...

So now to just not screw it up.........

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I’m so happy for you! That’s really good news!

I’m sure you won’t screw it up but I’m going to pray for you that it all comes together and you can finally find some peace and joy.

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So great! Congratulations!

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Specializes in Addiction Medicine, ER, and Psychiatry.

Hey, Cats,

I could not agree with you more. I have had this conversation over and over and over again (mostly with myself). I have been a nurse for 9 years and probably have a total of three years of solid experience. I have been out of work more often in those 9 years for doing the right thing (staying sober) than I ever was when I when I was drinking and using. I fear that when I do go back into the working world people are going to overlook me because I'm nearly 50 and have a shotty work history. This is not how I wanted my nursing career go, but this is what I have to work with. I am walking with you, Cats. You are not alone.

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Specializes in ER, ICU/CCU, Open Heart OR Recovery, Etc.

You won't screw it up. Congratulations!

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Specializes in Emergency.

Yes… Same feeling here… Mine “Ended” mid January. Non-work related, savings decimated… And now as soon as that is completed I am dealing with C 19… The cushion would’ve been nice to take some time off to care for my elderly parents who are now in grave danger due to this pandemic…As an aside: the anti-climactic ending consisted of an emailed letter from a person I have never once met or interacted with ever during the entire four years… No follow up from the case manager or the director or anybody that had my “best interest at heart”

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