What's driving new nurses away? Other nurses?

[ICURN_NC]

I'm too tired/upset/confused to go into all the details, but-

I love being a nurse. I love helping people either get better or pass on, I love learning new things, I love being challenged.

Like everyone else, there are things about the environment I hate- low staff, high acuity, decisions made by people who've never been at the bedside.

But, until now, I kinda felt like we were all on the same boat. It may be the Titanic, but we are all here together! I'm a good nurse. I'm new (7 months), I use the skills I know confidently, and I ask for help when I need it. I worked in this unit for a couple of years as support staff, did an excellent job, and I feel I'm still doing good work. I help other nurses as much as possible.

I get an assignment that's over my head. I ask the charge for help with the situation. Didn't demand a change, didn't ***** about it, just asked for help. And that, my friends, turned out to be the worst mistake ever.

This was over a week ago. Finally, the nurse who precepted me, came to me to tell me what these (albeit few) nurses were saying about me. People who have presented themselves as my friends- for years. Very petty- nothing about my care of pts, but the fact that I called my boyfriend for a ride home, used the computer for the "internet" (actually was entering orders),etc. No one approached me, no one offered advice on how I could do it "better", they just complained about me. My preceptor, whom I respect, followed up by saying that she (and several other nurses) have worked along beside me plenty of times and felt I was great.

I love what I do, and I'm a good, competent nurse, and now I can't escape working @ the bedside fast enough. And that breaks my heart. I want to close myself off from everyone @ work (in a friendly sense) because now I feel I can't trust anyone. And I know it will be like this wherever I go.

I'm already back in school for an advance degree. I'm going to do something different, and when the other nurses ask why I'm leaving (because they are still nice to my face, of course), they'll expect me to say too many pts, not enough $, hard work, etc. And I'm going to have to cry and say, "I'm leaving because of you." That breaks my heart, too. Becaue I truly cared about these people as friends.

I am so stupid.

I hope I never treat a new nurse like this.

Peace, thanks for listening.

Sharon

[clee1]

In a nutshell.... quit worrying about what others "think" of you or "say" about you behind your back.

If YOU do good work, to the best of your ability, the only people you have to look in the eye about it is your patients, yourself, and God. In this lifetime, you can truely count on nobody but yourself and sometimes your family. Coworkers and casual "friends" will stab you in the back when it best suits THEIR purposes. Other people only have the power over you that you give them. Tell yourself (mentally) "They can go take a flying freak at a rolling donut!" You are NOT doing this job for the benefit of your coworkers: you are doing it for your patients.

Good luck to you.

[medsurgnurse, RN]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It is a sad fact that hospital enviroments can be so toxic. When stuff like this happened to me, I didn't confront anyone. In the future I think I will confront the rumor starter ( in a civil way.) Don't you just want to scream grow the heck up!! Good luck.

[noc_owl]

When I was in my first year as a nurse, I had a similar situation, but it was with one nurse who was obnoxious and loud and had a problem with me because (unbeknownst to me at the time) the unit manager had made a change to her schedule to accomodate the new grads coming on the unit.

She talked in a very annoyed tone to me, and whispered under her breath when she heard me asking a question, and talked about me behind my back. I took it to heart, and I let her make me feel stupid, and then even wondered if everyone thought of me as she did, since she made rude remarks to others about me. (I overheard her one time)

I was on the verge of tears one night, and wondering why I had ever wanted to become a nurse in the first place, and the charge nurse sat down to talk with me. I told him how I felt. He said You are a good nurse. You can't let someone else have this type of control over you and your confidence level. I can tell you, that if you are going to remain in nursing, you have to develop a thick skin. People are going to be rude, mean, obnoxious, and they will push you around if you let them. You won't always be liked by everyone, and you won't always make everyone happy. So what. Who cares. Move on.

It was the best piece of advice I ever took.

[Ginger35]

WOW, what passion and caring here!!! I sincerely do mean that. I wish I was working with collegues that had the same passion about their job as nurse as you all do!!!

I can honestly say though, I have walked in similar shoes and was ready to just walk out many, many of times. BUT didn't.

Now, 12 years later and 3 back surgeries - I'm still at the bedside. Hopefully, not much longer because I am back in school enrolled in an MBA program ( well, that is if I make it)

Ginger

[bluestar]

I wouldn't quit over this. People, unfortunately, say all kinds of nasty things. Big deal. Some people are jealous and others are just plain catty. It happens everywhere in all professions. Don't lose sleep over it.

[lady_jezebel]

I have worked in med-surg for 2 yrs & almost 8 mos in an ICU, both in the same hospital. I've decided to leave the ICU for exactly the type of situation you describe. The core group of nurses is unbelievably petty and controlling, and hence I don't really trust them (for example, one nurse wrote to management that I did my am labs an hour too early -- which is not a crime on my unit, and based on nurse judgement -- the doc neeed the results early anyway, and I didn't want to charge the pt for 2 sets of labs; it was completely unnecessary to bring this to the attention of managment, of all things). Often I want to shout out, "just WHERE is the critical thinking in this place??" They are so rules bound, just b/c it's the way they've always done it. So I've realized that I feel very uncomfortable in this unit's culture, and will probably never return to critical care again. The nurses brag about themselves as being anal control freaks, as if it's a good quality & something all ICU nurses need to be. All of the newer nurses I work with relate similar experiences to mine, and there is a huge undercurrent of unhappiness.... So anyway, the main factor I've already started looking for another job (and have even considered a return to med-surg, maybe in a specialty area) is b/c of the nurses.

[ICURN_NC]

Thanks to all for your replies!

I actually agree with what you all have said, and I'm certainly not turning in my resignation tomorrow, that's just not in me.

I guess what really did me in was that I'd known these few nurses for a couple of years- although my RN role is new.

If these women just wanted to be catty, fine. I heard a rumor that 1 of them had spoken to the nurse manager- that's what scares me. (Nothing has come of this- no "come into the office" or anything.) It just scares me that I could lose my job (or @ least get a bad eval) over 3 nurses having a bad night! Personally, I feel good about the work I do. I can certainly develop a thick skin- in fact, I think this whole thing has mass produced one on me! I'm just afraid that the work I do will be misrepresented.

Sigh.

It just seems like a shame to treat anyone this way. And I don't know how to protect myself (from a management POV). As far as me personally, I will move on and do my job the best I can.

Thanks again for all your words!

[FroggysMom]

Don't sweat the small stuff...from small-minded people. You do your own job and if YOU are satisfied with you at the end of the shift, well, thats what matters.

If, however, you find that something untrue was said, you must be prepared to defend yourself so if you hear something before, or during, your eval you will have the facts in your possession. Nothing wrong with taking quiet notes about the details of whatever situation brought out their snipiness, and keeping them at home for such an eventuality.

BTW, I learned to do this in an office environment, not in nursing (so you see things are like this in any profession, not just in nursing) but it has come in handy more than once in both professions. Likely the complainers are armed with only vague complaints; you will be armed with strong facts, dates and times in your defense. Hopefully your nurse-manager or DON will see your end of the story as being more plausible.

In the meantime be professional and pleasant (even if you must grit your teeth to crumbs to do it). This doesn't mean warm and fuzzy relationships but don't lower yourself to their level.

Good luck to you and I'm sorry you had such a bad initiation into the profession. But it is a sad fact in nursing that we seem to be our own worst enemies.

[doxie3mom]

Hi, I can only add where I work is toxic also. In fact one of the worst units I've been on so far and I've been to many diff units. You can trust no one, nurses are copying notes of other nurses notes right out of the chart to show the nurse manager something they feel is wrong. They all talk about one another when that person is not there, no one is unscathed there. There is no honesty, no unity, no teamplaying. Backstabbing is the norm. Even nurses who are supposedly friends with one another don't know it but they are still being backstabbed by that person. The nurse manager is disrespected and seems to have no good control of this unit at all. Add this with a stressful job to begin with and its all just pure misery, thats how it is to me anyway. Whats the conclusion? We are all being forced to work beyond what we can safely manage and its causing us to peck at each other????? So so sad.

[justjenny]

I'm sorry that you are having such a rough time. I can say that I have worked in similar situations but NOT in the hospital or even medical setting. I have had two different office jobs (years ago) where the majority of the staff (95%) were women. There was so much gossip, backstabbing and hurt feelings - ugh! I wonder how much of this problem that you are having is the "nurse eating her young" or the fact that women can be so disrespectful to each other! (my personal experience)

If you love the job and the unit, stay. Don't let the gossiping get to you. There are clearly other nurses/staff who feel that you are a great nurse and will stick up for you.

Also, for the above post that mentions the nurse manager as being disrespectful - RUN! In my experience, if the manager is no better than the "worst" of the unit nothing will change for the better. In my unit, my manager will scrub in and say "Okay, what do you need me to do?" and she is ALWAYS available/visible on the unit - it makes for a great work environment.

[Lorie P.]

have no idea why nurse want to cause heartache to their own kind. we of all people should work as one and provide the best possible care for our pts and not make our co-workers feel like:o . nurses should stop bullying new grads and help each other out. of course this would only happen in a perfect world uh??

i still have not figured out why some nurses intemidate and feel like they are the only ones that know how to do anything. they tend to forget that they weren't born a nurse and had to learn too.

icurnnc..hang in there girl, you pts need more like you and know that you do take care of them unlike others that have tried.

numerous times when i come in on my shift at 11-7, at least one if not 2 of my pts; tell me that i am the first nurse that has smiled at them when i enter a room and introduce myself and it really nice to see a smiling face.

keep up chin up and don't let the bullys get to ya.