What not to say to patients

[Emergent]

After my recent (and current) status of being a patient, I've come to realize some things well meaning people say to the suffering. My problem was a serious, but not life threatening accident and surgical repair, but I'll bet this applies to other problems.

1) Do not say "It could have been so much worse!"

Yes, I realize that, duh. All I've done that past 3 months is relive that accident in its gory detail (PTSD anyone?) It's no comfort to me to have you point that out, in fact it feels dismissive of the very real suffering I'm experiencing.

2) Don't start telling me about your terrible sprained ankle if I'm in a full body cast!

I don't want to hear about your bronchitis that won't go away if I'm in the hospital for pneumonia. In my case, I AM interested in people's past experiences with rehabing from serious injuries, those are encouraging and inspiring. But spare me the details of your painful hangnail.

3) Don't discourage me from taking my prescribed pain meds.

Not helpful, don't make me feel guilty, I'm not a drug seeker, ok?

4) Do not tease me about my accident and resulting disability.

I know we have friendly teasing sometimes, but this is off limits.

5) If you offer to help, follow through.

So, you said "If there's anything I can do to help, let me know!" then the first time I ask you ignore my text? That is annoying.

[Libby1987]

It's amazing how emotionally immature some people are deep into their adult years. Or maybe it's a form of narcissism? I've had to kick out my own mother a few times as she was the opposite of therapeutic.

[Alisonisayoshi, LVN]

Things that I hate to hear living with a chronic illness:

1) My granpa, aunt, uncle, cat, had/has that, they are fine (or worse, they died of that).

2) You should really take better care of yourself, I heard/know/learned... (insert unsolicited medical advice or ridiculous Internet article here).

3) You are so brave. (No I'm not, I do what I have to do, it's not brave it's survival).

4) Why are you always tired?

5) This is a biggie that I have experienced with medical staff, and it comes in the guise of patient teaching... telling me how to manage my condition. Why is this so bad if pt teaching is our job? Well because I live with this, you just brought me six preprinted sheets from uptodate that I don't need. Assess my NEEDS, not what you give every pt. I'm not the same as the guy down the hall, I'm an individual.

6) Said to me upon waking up from a diagnostic procedure and being told I had yet another health issue to deal with: "Why are you crying, XYZ isn't really that bad, it's managable." Seriously, as if I wanted another bs thing to manage. I just want to be normal.

It really sucks to not be normal. I just want to be treated normally. That's what I want from people in my life, as well as healthcare providers, a sense of normalcy. I want my friends to not act like I might break if we do to much.

[NanikRN]

Are You Sick, And Sick Of Hearing 'Everything Happens For A Reason'? : Shots - Health News : NPR

This is a link for a NPR story on empathy(not sympathy) cards produced by a cancer surviver. They are receiving mixed reviews. As an oncology nurse, I totally get it.