I don't know why but that statement makes my jaw clench up everytime I hear it.
I had a patient the other day ask me how I was going to insert a foley since "the head is down there, wont that hurt the baby?" For the love god, people .... come on .. 2 HOLES! SERIOUSLY!
and my favorite of all time ...
"Does that machine beep everytime I dilate?" .. this one left me speechless
Please share your "omg, no she didn't say/ask that" quotes
I get irked when the patient doesn't want me to place a fetal scalp electrode despite persistent decelerations and difficulty keeping the kid on the external fetal monitor.....but plans a circumcision tomorrow.
Don't ya love it when the parents say "it killed me when they took blood from our daughter" and transition straight into "and when will he get circ'd?" :uhoh21:
Wait wait wait... you're telling me that it upset you to hear your day old baby girl cry when they used a lancet to do a heel stick, and yet you plan to let the OB cut on the member of your (also day old) son?!?!?! That just confuses me to no end
Don't ya love it when the parents say "it killed me when they took blood from our daughter" and transition straight into "and when will he get circ'd?" :uhoh21:
Wait wait wait... you're telling me that it upset you to hear your day old baby girl cry when they used a lancet to do a heel stick, and yet you plan to let the OB cut on the member of your (also day old) son?!?!?! That just confuses me to no end
After thinking about this for a few minutes, I have the answer. They do not see their baby boy being circumcised, while they did see the heel stick. I suspect that requiring parents to watch the circumcision, along with having to pay for it out-of-pocket would diminish their enthusiasm for the procedure.
I just have to add my two cents. I love this post.
The one that drives me nuts is the smoker mom who asks why her baby is so fussy at the 24 hour mark. "I've tried feeding her and she just won't stop crying, why is she so fussy?"
I have been known to tell a mom or two that "You'd be fussy too if you hadn't had a cigarette in 24 hours" It's the first time that it dawns on a mother that the doctors and nurses really know what they're talking about when they tell you to quit smoking.
The other one that cracks me up is " I think I lost my mucus plug, should I come in to be induced?"
ME: No, you can lose your mucus plug several hours to several days before you go into labor
PT: "well isn't that what keeps infection out? or Doesn't that mean the baby is coming?"
My all time favorite is this:
We had a mom that had been pushing for a couple of hours and it was clear we were not going to get this baby out lady partslly. The MD went in and was talking to the mom about the c/s and that baby was showing signs of distress etc. The pt. mother asked if we could use a "hip spreader" to make the pt. hips wider so the babe could come through. The MD informed the pt and her mother that there was no such contraption and he had never heard anything about such a contraption. The pt. mother then proceded to ask if we could just wait a few more hours to see if the moms hips would spread on their own. UMMM NO!
So we did the c/s and we had a 10lb baby with a very sore head. Good thing we didn't use the hip spreader!
The one that drives me nuts is the smoker mom who asks why her baby is so fussy at the 24 hour mark. "I've tried feeding her and she just won't stop crying, why is she so fussy?"
I have been known to tell a mom or two that "You'd be fussy too if you hadn't had a cigarette in 24 hours" It's the first time that it dawns on a mother that the doctors and nurses really know what they're talking about when they tell you to quit smoking.
Don't you love the mom with track marks and + UDS who freaks out about nubain or the epidural meds? "Is that going to hurt the baby?" Takes everything in me not to say "it's nothing worse than the (insert drug of choice here) you've been doing"
So far, I'd have to say the abdominal pains who claim they've been vomiting profusely for hours on end and are in excruciating pain....but then ask "can I get some dinner, I'm hungry."
Okay, and one more. The family members who come in with the patient having chest pain, and want to run my ear off talking about themselves. "Oh, sure, mom's having chest pain. I have chest pain too, I've just been dealing with it, and I'm diabetic and haven't eaten today, and oh, are you going to stick a needle in her, I'm going to faint...":trout: thunk, DFO!
I have developed an instinctive cringe whenever I hear a young prime say "I'm going to trrrryyyyyy to breast feed. Translation: My (fill in the blank: mom, boyfriend, teacher, sister) insist I nurse this kid. I have no intention of doing it, don't want to breastfeed, think it's disgusting and am going to be a pain in your butt (and back) while you nurses kill yourselves to get me to do something I will not do when I leave.
I still have SOs ask for the honeymoon stitch.:icon_roll
Why won't they just let me have the baby (contracting at 32, 33, 35 weeks and refusing terb).
Why can't my friends bring their kids in to visit me? (with green crusty snot on their noses and coughing and sneezing):smackingf
"My contractions started 15 minutes ago" as I am admitting a prime that has not called to let me know she was coming while I have 800 other patients that really do need me.
I've had this greenish smelly discharge for three days now (35 weeks)
And my absolute favorite "Hi, this is Dr. ***. I'm sending down a pre-eclamptic pt that we are going to induce immediately (no empty rooms, labor or otherwise). Of course, her BP was lower than mine with no other symptoms - and we induced her:o
I have developed an instinctive cringe whenever I hear a young prime say "I'm going to trrrryyyyyy to breast feed. Translation: My (fill in the blank: mom, boyfriend, teacher, sister) insist I nurse this kid. I have no intention of doing it, don't want to breastfeed, think it's disgusting and am going to be a pain in your butt (and back) while you nurses kill yourselves to get me to do something I will not do when I leave.
I still have SOs ask for the honeymoon stitch.:icon_roll
Why won't they just let me have the baby (contracting at 32, 33, 35 weeks and refusing terb).
Why can't my friends bring their kids in to visit me? (with green crusty snot on their noses and coughing and sneezing):smackingf
"My contractions started 15 minutes ago" as I am admitting a prime that has not called to let me know she was coming while I have 800 other patients that really do need me.
I've had this greenish smelly discharge for three days now (35 weeks)
And my absolute favorite "Hi, this is Dr. ***. I'm sending down a pre-eclamptic pt that we are going to induce immediately (no empty rooms, labor or otherwise). Of course, her BP was lower than mine with no other symptoms - and we induced her:o
:yeahthat:
Plus,
It never fails, everytime I have a fresh post-op c/s pt the phone rings "can so and so have a visitor?" Um no she can't have a visitor, she is fresh post-op from major abdominal surgery. You can see her in 1 hour when she goes to her room. There are no visitors in PACU, so why should it be any different because she had a baby??? Or am I just a mean nurse?????:angryfire
I still have SOs ask for the honeymoon stitch.:icon_roll
Why won't they just let me have the baby (contracting at 32, 33, 35 weeks and refusing terb).
Why can't my friends bring their kids in to visit me? (with green crusty snot on their noses and coughing and sneezing):smackingf
"My contractions started 15 minutes ago" as I am admitting a prime that has not called to let me know she was coming while I have 800 other patients that really do need me.
I had an OB doc who whenever a dad asked for the honeymoon stitch, would say "I'm not doing this to please you buddy, and if you're so worried about it maybe we could stitch your foreskin back on, they say it's more fun for mom that way" The first time I heard her say that my jaw dropped and I had to leave the room to fall on the floor laughing!:roll
I had an outpatient tonight that said she'd been having contractions every 8 minutes for the past 10 minutes. She was calling from the public restroom in the hall to let me know she was coming in. Of course I got a 20 minute strip and sent her packing with her 20 friends and family.
The first place everyone takes their new baby is Wal-Mart virus breeding ground. People seriously. New clean baby in a dirty cart.
The first place everyone takes their new baby is Wal-Mart virus breeding ground. People seriously. New clean baby in a dirty cart.
You know, I felt it was so gross when I had to go there too, and I didn't take my new baby to "breath other people's tb." I had barriers to the cart, it just grossed me out that 50 kids had probably put their fingers in their nose and mouth and wiped it on there as they were throwing a fit.
I too am annoyed by the calm reports of a 10 rating on the pain scale. Usually at this time I re-explain the pain scale and say something like- "a 10 would be similar to someone ripping your arm loose from your body." Or something else which will make them cringe. Then I ask them to re-rate. 90% of the time I then get a 6-7 or something that appears more normal, but there are Those Kind of People who calmly look at me and say, "9." If you are going to tell me you are a 10, you better be 1, Screaming out in horrendous pain, or 2. So pale and weak you can barely talk.
*Smiling ear to ear* "Hi I'm in labor". -Wow you must have incredible pain tolerance. This wouldn't happen to be your first baby would it?
I was sitting and chatting with my family and nurse and smiling at 6 cm with my 3rd. I wasn't ever in "real pain"- even with pitocin and no pain meds- until my water was broken. So it can happen.
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nursejohio, ASN, RN
284 Posts
Don't ya love it when the parents say "it killed me when they took blood from our daughter" and transition straight into "and when will he get circ'd?" :uhoh21:
Wait wait wait... you're telling me that it upset you to hear your day old baby girl cry when they used a lancet to do a heel stick, and yet you plan to let the OB cut on the member of your (also day old) son?!?!?! That just confuses me to no end