What is My Family Thinking?

[flashpoint]

This is merely a vent about my family. It just makes me wonder if people even think!

My cousin wants to host a family reunion camping trip over the July 4^th weekend. She wants everyone in the family to be there so she announced it yesterday so that everyone can request time off work. OK...not a bad idea, even though only a few of us have ever been camping and a lot of the family is elderly, but that is not the issue.

I work in a nursing home. My cousin, who is about ten years older than me lives in the same nursing home. She was in a car crash and has a spinal injury. She has a supra-pubic catheter, an insulin pump, transfers with a mechanical lift, needs digital stimulation to have a bowel movement, needs daily extensive PROM, and is just a lot of work! She is also less than pleasant (and she has a right to be to an extent). The CNAs actually bribe each other to answer her call lights..."I'll do the next three BMs and start your car if you get her light."

Well...this cousin wants to go to the campsite every day and spend the night at least one night. Several relative thinks that I should be the one to care for her while she is there. Ummm...no...I am not going to do it. She is too much work for one person. There is no way in the world that I could do her transfers, dig stim, catheter irrigation, etc. My family thinks I am being selfish and I am no longer invited to the reunion...not that I really wanted to go in the first place.

No one has ever asked the accountant in the family to do their taxes for free. No one asks the cousin who owns the lawn service to mow their lawn. No one asks my aunt who works at a jewelry store for a discount on diamonds. Why would they think I am willing to spend the entire reunion caring for someone that requires such extensive care?

[tokmom, BSN, RN]

Tell them if they want her there so much, then they should set up camp in the SNF parking lot.

Yeah, I would be dis-invited quickly, lol.

Good for you for sticking to your guns. Sometimes reality sucks, but they need to get over it.

[Cobweb]

Speaking as a disabled person (and I'm not even a spinal cord patient), I wonder if they have considered how hideously uncomfortable it could be for your relative. If it is like the campground here, there's no hot water to bathe her with. She may have her chair to sit in, but where's she going to lie down? Have they considered that she'll have to be moved AT LEAST every 2 hours (every half hour for me). What about if the weather turns? What if it is too hot and sunny? What if it rains? What if it gets too cold? (And people who don't get outside very often have very little temperature change tolerance). What will they do if their equipment breaks down? (My brand-new wheelchair lift and my brand-new powerchair have died 2 times apiece just this year) Can they fix food that she can eat? I guarantee that after nursing home food, barbecue ribs or greasy hamburgers can run through her like grass through a goose, not to mention salt...I would not take her until I had a trial run, like a day trip to somebody's back yard first.

[SmilingBluEyes]

Another nod to the self-sacrificing, Mother Theresa, Martyr Mary "civilian" view of nursing. You just say "no" and enjoy the day your way.

MAYBE just MAYBE they can plan a picnic at the nursing facility on a separate day, to accomodate your relative's disabilities and special needs and make her the center of it all? It would make her feel special AND they can say they did do something for her that was enjoyable for ALL (including, especially, YOU).

We had families do that for our residents and it was always so appreciated and joyful. Just a suggestion....................

[lifelearningrn, BSN, RN]

So they are asking you to take your vacation days and use them working for free? What gull!

[trishmsn]

LOL "spinal tenacity"

I am totally stealing that.

Enjoy....I am sure I, umm, 'borrowed' it from a bigger brain and more prolific writer than myself!

[Sixtyseven]

Your family has no idea about the care this patient would require, but they should take your word for it when you tell them that it is just too much. And they should thank you for being honest, because honesty is in the patient's best interest. If they proceed with their plans, the responsibility is theirs, for better or for worse.