What about when it's your loved one who's sick?

[calljs15, ADN]

How do you deal with a loved one who is either ill, or have found out they have a terminal disease?

I mean, as a nurse, you see people who may be dying everyday but what about when it's your grandpa or father?

The thing I really hate is that my dad smokes and even though I tell him what I see in people who've smoked for 30+ years, he doesn't stop - rather he CAN'T, is more fair to say. All I can think about when I see a pt with COPD is my dad! If he dies b/c of his habit, I will always feel guilt knowing how bad it is, and not being able to stop it.

I just feel that as a nursing student/future nurse, I should be able to help prevent illness and disease in my own family and I always feel a sense of guilt when someone is diagnosed with ____ whatever. I just feel like there is something that maybe I could have done to prevent or detect family members' illnesses.

What about you? Do you ever feel like you could have done something more?

[red2003xlt, LPN]

Tough question my dad had polio as a very child. Now in his 60's the after effects are really affecting him.

I hurt watching him hurt.

[Penelope_Pitstop, BSN, RN]

I do not do well with it to say the least. I worry and freak out and cry and I'm mean to people. Not good.

[Hospice Nurse LPN, BSN, RN]

How do you deal with a loved one who is either ill, or have found out they have a terminal disease?

I mean, as a nurse, you see people who may be dying everyday but what about when it's your grandpa or father?

The thing I really hate is that my dad smokes and even though I tell him what I see in people who've smoked for 30+ years, he doesn't stop - rather he CAN'T, is more fair to say. All I can think about when I see a pt with COPD is my dad! If he dies b/c of his habit, I will always feel guilt knowing how bad it is, and not being able to stop it.

I just feel that as a nursing student/future nurse, I should be able to help prevent illness and disease in my own family and I always feel a sense of guilt when someone is diagnosed with ____ whatever. I just feel like there is something that maybe I could have done to prevent or detect family members' illnesses.

What about you? Do you ever feel like you could have done something more?

First of all, you have to realize you're not God. You can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do. Nagging your dad about his smoking isn't going to make him quit. Why do feel guilty when someone is diagnosed with ____whatever? While some diseases are preventable, others aren't. If you spend all your time worrying about family members and their health, you'll burn out soon.

How do I deal with a loved ones terminal diagnosis? I pray and carry on. My DH was diagnosed with stage IV prostate ca w/ bone mets 4 yrs ago. He has good days and not so good days. His chemo has been changed more times than I can remember. At this moment, I'm more concerned with pain mgmt and blood counts than how it could have been prevented. He got yearly checkups and one time his PSA was over 100. Now it's over 28K! His dad died from this disease several yrs ago. I deal by loving him and taking care of my needs as well. If I don't take care of me, I won't be able to care for him or the pts at work.

[merlee]

You cannot control others' habits, regardless of their relationship to you. There is no doubt that everyone over the age of six knows that tobacco is bad for you.

There is only ONE thing in this entire universe that you can control - your attitude. Nothing else, no way, no how.

We may be able to influence some things, but not control them.

Take care, and best wishes!

[RNperdiem, RN]

In nursing it is called "non-compliance" and it is a very common and frustrating issue.

Let go of the guilt.

People know that smoking, binge drinking, poor diet and lack of exercise are not good for them. You can educate a person all you want, but people change when they want to change. Most do not.

[PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN]

In all honesty, you do not want me as a family member of a sick patient.

Unless you've got as much experience as me and can catch as well as myself--yes, this is a little bit brash--you're gonna be very, very nervous.

But if you're doing your work and you're on top of everything, you will never, ever know I am a nurse. Never. Once I catch you FB'ing or Tweeting away, be prepared for me.