What is the funniest thing a doctor has said to you?

[jodispamodi]

I'm feeling a bit down today so thought I'd look for some humor. So what is the funniest thing a doctor has said to you?

I had a patient with bradycardia and low BP, and I paged the team, intern called back and I said the patient's hr was 48 and irregular when I listened apically. She said "I don't know what that means but I'll come over to assess." When she came to the floor she hunted me down and said "I looked it up and I can't find it. What does apically mean?" I told her it meant I listened to his heart with my stethoscope" She was like, "oh you mean apical"

(apically is a word isnt it?,lol)

[Laylaz]

I worked in a busy ICU at a Level 1 trauma center. One typically busy day, I had a patient assigned to an attending who was a man of few words, no nonsense, with a very dry sense of humour - when he used it. After assessing the patient, he came to the nurses' desk and said "I'm going to order an enema for your patient." After asking him if he was sure about that, he looked at me and said: "happy bowels, happy patient."

[Orca, ADN, ASN, RN]

Perhaps not funny, but strange. I went to my doctor's office with an acute gout attack, the first time that I had ever had one. I told the doctor what I believed to be going on, and I described the symptoms. She pulled a textbook off the shelf, read through a couple of references and said "I believe that you are having a gout attack." Yes, I just told you that.

[hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I]

I work adolescent psych and I once told a MD that he had to get on the phone and talk to the patients mother. He refused saying "That's the nurses job to interface between the doctor and the parent!" I just looked at him dialed the parents number and put the phone in his hand. He spoke to the parent hung up and said "Who died and made you God?"

Hppy

[getoverit, BSN, RN, EMT-P]

Before an exam a patient asked the doctor where they should put their clothes, the doctor said "Just leave them on the floor next to mine."

I was introducing a patient to a different doctor (who wasn't paying any attention), I said "This is Mr. Smith." The doctor looked at the patient list, then said "How do you pronounce your name?" The patient said, "Um...Smith. Like he just said."

[Nursewifemom]

I knew I had a UTI once and went to the Dr. When he came in with my ua results he said, You're in trouble little girl .I said hug? He said ur-in. Urine. You've got urine trouble, got a uti. It was so stupid it was funny.

[LibertarianNurse]

One of our intensivists is a stickler for absolutely correct medical terminology. I was reporting some lab values to her in rounds and I said, "The BUN and creatinine are x and y..." at which point she interrupted and said tersely, "A bun is something you wear on your head," because I had said it like that, instead of blood urea nitrogen or B-U-N spelled out, which was her preference. We have rapport though, so I just rolled my eyes and said, "I think we both know what I mean." The other nurses at the station started giggling and snickering at that point. We all had a good laugh.

[sevensonnets]

I did something once that I won't go into here and could not escape. I had to confess it to the pulmonologist. He stood there for a long time just looking at me and finally he said, "Hold out your hand." I did and he gave me a tiny little slap on the back of my hand and said, "So don't do it again, okay?"

[offlabel]

Funniest or stupidest? Either way, it was "I'll have your job for that!"

He doesn't work at my hospital anymore and I still do, so....

[sevensonnets]

We have an ortho who is, putting it as nicely as I can, a nut. I was on the elevator with him one day and he kept looking me all up and down. He finally goes, "You have on new shoes."

[HannahMarine30]

"I have no idea, just tell me what you need from me, i'll put whatever orders in you want. Should I DC the normal saline or do you want to keep that?"

I blinked at him, then laughed and explained that the patient was in fluid overload so I probably didn't need the normal saline but I appreciated the sentiment

He finally said, "Um, ya, I just defer to you guys, you know more than I do."

The context of course was that it was a resident intern on our cardiac icu floor who'd newly sprouted wings but hadn't quite learned how to fly. It was pretty funny. We all just laughed him out of the room so he didn't accidentally hurt someone by trying to help. :)