What can I do about bullying?

[Lorie Brown RN, MN, JD]

What should you do if you get bullied constantly at your job and are even feeling abused? I was hired in a small hospital, and since the first week, the manager and director of care started bullying me and even abusing me by changing my assignment to make things so difficult for me that can I never go to any breaks. This continued for 5 months, so I resigned from that job.

Dear bullied and abused:

I am sorry you had to experience this. Bullying is such a big problem in nursing. Let me recommend Renee Thompson at RTConnections.com Renee is the foremost bullying expert in nursing and has developed a system on how to deal with it.

You did the right thing by resigning. I say you can always find another job but you cant get another license. As far as the no breaks, you might want to contact the Department of Labor in your state. In Texas, for example, the nurses there filed a class action lawsuit asking for pay for lunch they never took and were not paid. I hope you do not experience this in your next position.

I hope you are able to find a better work environment.

Lorie

[RK694]

Bullying IS abuse.

[Guest1030824]

I was bullied and lied on at my last nursing job. I'm frustrated with my self that I did not speak up and tell the manager that I was being bullied. I felt like they did not believe me when I told them the accusations were not true.  I was afraid the bullying would get worse if I gave any names. I resigned from this job. What can a nurse legally do when bullying occurs on the job? It is difficult to prove that bullying is going on especially when the bully has their friends helping them lie? It obviously looks bad when various people are accusing me of wrong doing when the reality is that abuser is behind it. These type of behaviors need to stop because it is destroying the nursing profession. Hospitals are losing nurses because of this. Right now I'm unemployed and terrified of going back to nursing. 

[TriciaJ, RN]

On 2/10/2021 at 10:45 AM, CinLeo42 said:

I was bullied and lied on at my last nursing job. I'm frustrated with my self that I did not speak up and tell the manager that I was being bullied. I felt like they did not believe me when I told them the accusations were not true.  I was afraid the bullying would get worse if I gave any names. I resigned from this job. What can a nurse legally do when bullying occurs on the job? It is difficult to prove that bullying is going on especially when the bully has their friends helping them lie? It obviously looks bad when various people are accusing me of wrong doing when the reality is that abuser is behind it. These type of behaviors need to stop because it is destroying the nursing profession. Hospitals are losing nurses because of this. Right now I'm unemployed and terrified of going back to nursing. 

Hopefully you've found another position by now and found out that not all work places are that toxic.  The problem with "bullying" is that we often don't know what someone means when they use that term.  I think there is a standard definition now, but people often complain about bullying when people aren't as friendly as they could be, when someone isn't particularly diplomatic, or when receiving negative feedback.

What you described is being falsely accused of all sorts.  If there is a pattern to it, then yes, it probably is bullying.  When you're a bit more experienced and assertive, you can approach management and calmly discuss the pattern of false accusations.  Management should be able to identify that behaviour and put a stop to it.  If you're in a place with weak management, then resigning is probably the better option.

Please find another job as soon as you can.  Putting it off just makes it harder.  Good luck.

[Orca, ADN, ASN, RN]

On 4/28/2021 at 11:54 AM, TriciaJ said:

The problem with "bullying" is that we often don't know what someone means when they use that term.  I think there is a standard definition now, but people often complain about bullying when people aren't as friendly as they could be, when someone isn't particularly diplomatic, or when receiving negative feedback.

Thanks for making this point. I see the term thrown around all the time by people who obviously have no concept of what it really means. I was once accused of bullying by a subordinate because I called her out on her poor timekeeping and sick leave abuse. Correction isn't bullying.

[Guest1030824]

Yes, I completely understand what you mean by bullying. I am so happy to get feedback and corrections. I am the nurse that arrives early to take notes and looks for ways to help others. The charge nurse is the nurse that was bullying me. She acted nice to my face and did not give me any feedback but talked about me behind my back saying that I did not care about patients. Another nurse told me this. She had other nurses/techs saying that I wasn't helping out which was not true. I always asked the techs and nurses if they needed help. I would go into the room and help them with patients. I had a tech that would ignore me when I asked her questions.  The list of lies went on and on. I knew they clearly did not want me there, and I don't know why they picked on me. I went over and over in my head trying to figure it out. I wish they would have talked to me and had given me feedback. I am very receptive. They were very cold to me. Anyway, I have not found another job yet. I was off Med Surg floor for two years, and then I only lasted four months on PCU due to the bullying.  Now, no one wants to hire me because of my employment gap. 

[athey1999]

On 6/17/2021 at 8:04 AM, CinLeo42 said:

Yes, I completely understand what you mean by bullying. I am so happy to get feedback and corrections. I am the nurse that arrives early to take notes and looks for ways to help others. The charge nurse is the nurse that was bullying me. She acted nice to my face and did not give me any feedback but talked about me behind my back saying that I did not care about patients. Another nurse told me this. She had other nurses/techs saying that I wasn't helping out which was not true. I always asked the techs and nurses if they needed help. I would go into the room and help them with patients. I had a tech that would ignore me when I asked her questions.  The list of lies went on and on. I knew they clearly did not want me there, and I don't know why they picked on me. I went over and over in my head trying to figure it out. I wish they would have talked to me and had given me feedback. I am very receptive. They were very cold to me. Anyway, I have not found another job yet. I was off Med Surg floor for two years, and then I only lasted four months on PCU due to the bullying.  Now, no one wants to hire me because of my employment gap. 

Unfortunately bullying has been present in the landscape of nursing for a long time and unfortunately will never be eradicated. The reason has to do with the perpetrators and not with their victims. Some people are just plain unhappy and miserable with their lives and what they have become that they take it out on others. Is that okay? No, but unfortunately it has become their coping mechanism. And if you are a good worker, you may find yourself more of a target because the better you are at your job, the more people target you. Charge nurses can be the worst in some ways. Some are wonderful leaders, but there are those that use their positions to reward their favorites and to make people they don't like or are perhaps jealous of their target. This kind of thing exists everywhere you go. You will never outrun it. Despite the distress that this causes, you cannot run away every time this happens because in the end that flightiness will not be viewed favorably by prospective employers. It would be good to escalate this up the chain of command and tell your supervisor and/or manager. This sometimes brings results and sometimes doesn't, but it is important to try it first. Also, try to focus on your work and distance yourself from negative people. Only speak to them if you have to. If you find that these things do not work and things become so unbearable then you can try to look for another place to work. But the latter should be your last resort as it can look bad to prospective employers if you are changing jobs frequently. In addition to ignoring the negativity, really practice developing a thicker skin. It helps to tell yourself that these individuals are miserable with themselves and they are to be pitied. You are doing your best work and living your best career. Focus on that you will find that the negative nellies will fade into the background. Good luck!

[Guest1030824]

Hi, Thank you for your feedback. I sincerely appreciate it and you are right, I need to learn how to take these issues and problems up the chain. It is difficult when the bully has everyone else working with them because complaints will look more believable to the manager. I had no choice but to leave because they were lying on me. I did not want to lose my license or be fired because of false accusations. I felt like the manager was taking there side instead of really looking into it. I’m praying to God that I do not have this problem as bad when I start working again. I’m hoping I can find a nursing job after being away for two years. Also, I don’t want to say anything bad about previous job but I don’t know what else to say. I stepped away for longer than I thought I would. Bullying really took a toll on my self esteem & confidence as a nurse especially during a time when I was going through a traumatic experience of losing my sister. Now I feel stronger than ever & have to figure out how I can work around my past.

[GraysAnaTummy]

I had a similar experience. First few weeks on the job and one individual in particular would not stop with the incessant snide remarks. One day I looked her in the eyes and said "I may be the new girl here, but I have (x number) of years experience on this planet. You don't have to like me, but you are going to respect me. I've had it with your criticism and enough is enough." After bringing it to my supervisor's attention, she and I actually began to hit it off.  I am a firm believer that people will treat me however it is I allow them.