Walking the line

[warriormulan]

I did it. 75 questions in a little over 2 hours. I am so happy that I didn't have to answer all 265! Now I just wait for the results. I felt fantastic when that computer shut down after I clicked submit on 75. The machine said to raise my hand when I was finished so that the proctor could walk me out. I raised both! I wanted to shout from the rooftop, "I did it! I #$*#$% did it!" I didn't think the others, still stressing over an unknown number of questions, would appreciate that.

It wasn't easy. I had some complicated questions that required critical thinking. I had a lot of those multiple response questions. A lot. I'd tell you more, but I'd have to kill you. They threaten to take your license away if you divulge anything regarding the test. Plus, it will be different for each of us. They have some magic way of analyzing your answers to see which ones will challenge you. It wasn't anything I couldn't handle. Sure, there were some that I wasn't 100% on, but the good news is that you don't have to be 100%. You just have to be safe. I was prepared. Capable. Smart. Competent. Strong like Mulan. I kept having to tell myself those things anyway.

I think there are a couple of key pieces of advice I will offer for my fellow NCLEX takers:

When you feel like you are hitting the wall, you are done studying. Trust that you have done enough and stop doing the Saunders CD-Rom when it starts to make you cry or feel overwhelmed. The Pharmacology stuff on the CD-Rom threw me over the edge. I think I had my first real panic attack the night before last. I kept thinking will they really ask me what the dosage is on a med I've never given? Wouldn't a prudent nurse look that Sh!% up?? I hope not to ever doubt myself that much again. I knew that I couldn't take anymore in. My brain lit up the "No Vacancy" sign. If it happens to you, reach out to other RN's or those special friends you've made in the program. If one of your friends is scheduled to take it on a certain day, call them a few days before and encourage them and reassure them and tell them that they are capable. Smart. Prepared. Competent. I cannot tell you what those calls and ema ils and texts meant to me. As dramatic as it may sound, they were a lifeline to me. My loving, supportive husband did his best to calm me and help me, but I needed something different. I needed people who know me as a nurse and a student to remind me of those things that got me through the last 2.5 years.

I may be counting my chickens before they hatch, but I am confident. So many nurses on the floor told me I 'd feel like I got hit by a truck afterwards. I didn't. Not even close. I felt like I was strong like Mulan! Like I was walking on sunshine! Like I was ready to sh-sh-sh-shake it!

I realized that they are testing us not so much on content, but more on whether or not we will be safe in our practice. For those multiple response questions, I decided that it's safe for me to over-assess, possibly check something out that's not really necessary if I was unsure, as long as I don't miss the really important, possibly life-threatening things. Does that make any sense? Those test taking tips from Saunders and Kaplan were useful for times when I was unsure of an answer. Use them.

I didn't sleep well for a few nights before the test. I tried in good faith, but my anxiety got the best of some precious sleep time. After I hit the wall 48 hours ago, I decided to chill. I made a very conscious effort to relax and reign my emotions in. I had break-through moments of tears & fear, but with a little help from my friends I managed to walk the line. I arranged for a friend to take care of my 3 year old for me yesterday. Not so I could study, but so I could get through the day and not worry about being #1 mommy. I focused on me. I went to the gym and got some excercise, which was probably the best decision I made. I felt SO MUCH BETTER after that. I ate good, healthy food all day. I had a spinach salad with imitation crab (it's made from fish and the white trash girl in me loves it)for lunch. I insisted on sushi for dinner because someone mentioned to me that fish was good brain food. ..omega 3's and all. I bought some of that blueberry pomegranate juice by Minute Maid that says "Nourish your brain." I nourished my brain. I had a gift card for a massage at Massage Envy (only $39 for first-timers!) so I scheduled a pre-NCLEX massage for the night before. That was another good decision. I walked out of there totally relaxed with the intention of getting a really good night's sleep. I was in bed by 10pm and read a few more questions in my "NCLEX-RN 250 New-Format questions, second edition" by Lippincott. This is the book I would use again. I woke up around 2am, then 3am, then 4am, finally getting out of bed at 4:30am. Anxiety again. I'm actually glad I got up earlier than I had planned. I had a quiet house to myself and I prepared calmly. I cooked myself a kickass breakfast of scrambled eggs with garlic, red bell peppers, ham, and cheddar cheese (this is what I had in the fridge!). I made some toast, coffee (only one cup! I didn't want the caffiene jitters), some "Nourish your brain juice" and I read over some of the things ATI told me to review (from the comprehensive test we took) while I ate. By the time I was ready to leave the house for the testing center, it was 7am. Just in time for my babies to wake up and give me kisses for good luck. I wore my Nursing pin, still on the blue ribbon, under my shirt, also for good luck. I'm a little bit superstitious. I envisioned the day that my best friend, placed it around my neck in acknowledgement of my dedication and perserverance. I told myself I was worthy of the praise I've been given. Capable. Smart. Competent. Strong like Mulan.

I had made myself a CD the day before with some of my girl power songs. Songs that make me feel good. I played them all the way to to the center. I'm a car singer, too. When I pulled into the parking lot it was about 7:25am. I was walking the line between calm and panic, so I waited. I prayed. I asked for guidance and strength, and I reminded the powers that be that it was my turn. I've paid my dues and I am no martyr. I want what I deserve. Some of my nursie friends received a text from me around that time. It wasn't sent for them. It was sent for me. I was hoping that by saying that I was strong like Mulan, it would be true. Still, I walked the line. I turned my car back on because I needed to hear one more song to put me in the right frame of mind. At that moment it was "I'm still Jenny from the block, used to have a little now I have a lot, no matter where I go I know where I came from..." Yes, I am a ghetto girl.

I felt better and ready. I walked into the bulding at 7:40ish. I peed and signed in. I'm glad I wore some make-up because they took my picture. Then it was on. I took a break about 1 hour into it, I think I was on question 40. I peed and was ready to concentrate again. Though it was challenging, I was capable. Our teachers did their job.

I think I became an RN today.

I hope that my experience will give you strength and the confidence of knowing that you are capable. If I can get through it, so can you. I'll let you know as soon as I can whether or not it's official. For now, I will sign

Warriormulan, RN IP

[Melony, RN]

You GO GIRL!!! That is awesome that you were in that mindset. Mucho props!!! I hope I am like that this Fri as I enter the testing center.

[warriormulan]

It's official! I PASSED! Woo Hoo!

[Silverdragon102, BSN]

congrats

[december2905]

congrats!!! i'm really happy for you! i knew you'll pass the first time i read your post.. thanks for the tips, i really appreciate it!!! i always believe in positive thinking..after reading all those horrible stories about nclex, i sometimes feel overwhelmed but it's so nice to have someone saying positive about their experience..

since i read your post, i kept telling myself the same things that you repeated so many times.."i am capable. smart. prepared. competent"..i know that will make a big difference when i take my exam..

[warriormulan]

Good luck, december! You can do it if you trust your instincts...isn't it crazy that we have nursie instincts now? It took a couple of years to develop them, but that's what they are. Just be a safe, prudent nurse!

And be strong like Mulan!