Vent about cheating/gossip/drama...advice?!

[amjowens]

Another student was doing poorly in class this summer, and asked for help (about 5 days before the final). There were rumors about her re cheating, but I'd never seen it with my own eyes nor was there clear evidence. So, I'm thinking, give her a chance, as I've learned the value of keeping an open mind (long story there).

To make a long story short, I ended up making myself available for studying together for this girl. Our final was online, and so with an honor code about cheating. I didn't completely trust the situation, so I told this girl I knew about the rumor, and was very clear about absolutely not being a part of/respecting anyone who would cheat. She got very upset, and was in total agreement with me. So, I'm thinking, she knows where I stand, so I'm free and clear...let's study, as I did want to help her. I sent an e-mail to my instructor that I was studying with this girl, thinking it might help protect me if things went wrong.

Things did go wrong. This girl didn't make an effort to study with me the days prior to the exam. I studied like I always do, and felt kind of disappointed about the situation with her. Then, late Sat (we had until Sun night to take the exam), this girl bombards me with phone calls, extending into Sun. I was out of town, but took her calls. She was trying to manipulate me into feeling sorry for her, telling me this is a one time thing, she'd be forever grateful, etc. I couldn't believe the nerve of her. She was crying, bringing up spiritual issues, and all kinds of stuff. I tried, over the phone, to give her tips on how I studied, etc. She blatantly wanted answers. She had no desire to study. I feel so stupid about wasting my time trying to help her.

I'm so tired of trying to do or say the right thing, yet ending up looking bad. Before starting NS, I was so excited about the opportunity to "make a difference" by becoming a nurse, yet it seems like those who do nothing and just keep a low profile are the ones rewarded and liked. I think the classmate who told me about the rumor probably told my instructor I might give answers. The girl who gossips seems like an okay person, but like a real drama-trouble-maker type. I don't think my instructor likes me very much (a first semester clinical situation before I learned my lesson of not sharing my piece), so I'm kind of afraid of what might have been said between the gossip girl and my instructor during the couple of weeks off we've had.

I kind of dread going back to class next week. There's so much drama. I just want to be a nurse. That's about it, but the troubles I've had have been I guess related to communication. It really scares me for when I actually am a nurse. I think I want to hide in the OR eventually or something.

[Daytonite, BSN, RN]

I'm trying to figure out what kind of advice you are looking for and why you are dreading going back to class. Are you worried about facing the instructors or this girl? If the girl approaches you I would just politely tell her that after the way she behaved over the weekend you would appreciate that she leave you alone and just keep repeating that if she tries to sway your thinking. Unless the instructors accuse you of cheating they won't interfere, I'm sure. If she is able to pass the state board she will have to deal with future employers and no one will cover for her then.

I had a fellow student try something like this with me and kept calling and trying to pump me for the questions that were on the test. I just kept telling her that I hadn't taken the online test yet. I got so tired of her doing this that I eventually told the instructor what she was doing when I found out she was calling other students as well. You know, the instructor didn't even care. I was so mad.

[accessqueen]

The only way you could be connected with cheating with this person is if both of your right and wrong answers matched. Since you say you didn't give her any answers, and she called you late in the game one would assume you did well and she did poorly. Everyone's got caller ID. Don't take her calls. And don't think the whole barrel is spoiled because of one bad apple. THere are bad people everywhere, but many more are good, hardworking and decent. Surround yourself with good people so your attitude stays good.

[amjowens]

I usually respond to other people having problems or issues here on all.nurses, and don't usually start threads. This issue has been on my mind since my summer break, thus the word "vent" in my title. I do appreciate the sharing of experience and your advice.

I've met some amazing people and have excellent instructors, so there's a lot of positive going on with my experience at NS. I feel like I'm on track toward achieving my goals, but I do tend to invite a lot of drama. After so much of it, I begin to think it's possibly something about me!

I am bothered by the fact that a potential nurse can be so dishonest-I want to do something about that. If she did pass, I need to let my instructor know what happened. Yet if the gossip girl has the need for drama, that could be a problem for me. So, that's why I'm a little anxious about going back to class.

[Daytonite, BSN, RN]

Well, I told you my story. It happened in my HIM classes because I've been an RN for over 30 years and have been studying coding an HIM. The lady I was telling you about was taking so many classes she didn't have enough time to study for any of them. She was cheating her way through. Karma gets these people in the end. Someone very deliberately fed her a whole bunch of wrong answers for the take home final exam and she nearly failed. She questioned so many people that I don't think she even knew who did it to her.

People who cheat and don't put the effort in to learn end up in trouble eventually. If they squeak through school they will fail in jobs. The problem with some employers is that they would rather just terminate or fire someone rather than report them to the board of nursing and be responsible for taking away their way of making a living. I think that's a bunch of rubbish because these people can potentially kill a patient. I was involved in reporting an RN who was falsifying glucometer readings of diabetics and not giving medications but falsifying the MARS and charting that she was. The DON allowed the woman to quit when she was confronted with the evidence and would not report her to the board of nursing.

I fully support you telling your instructors about this student, but leave it at that. Don't be surprised that nothing more is done about her. Maybe some anonymous person in your class will mete out some justice. If not, the workplace will take care of her in time if she makes it through nursing school.

You're a good person who's good nature was just taken advantage of. You did nothing wrong.

[donsterRN, ASN, BSN]

Like Daytonite said, Karma has a way of catching up with people. Cheaters eventually get caught. In this game, even if they're able to graduate, they'll have to face NCLEX, which is cheat proof.

As a fellow student, I know how frustrating it is to have people skate by in class or on tests with little to no effort. But the only thing you can control is your reaction to it. Just don't be a part of it. surround yourself with people who feel as you do and concentrate on your mastery of the material. School will be over with before we know it (or so I'm told...!), and you'll never have to deal with that particular drama queen/cheater again!

I wish you all the best in everything.

[amjowens]

You all have made me feel so much better, and thank you for wishing me well-the same to you!

I think I started nursing school with a very idealistic attitude about nursing. I do have a great deal of respect for nurses, and I elevate them (subconsciously), assuming nurses to be with higher values/morals, etc. It's an honor to me to even be studying nursing. So, I do think I'm more sensitive to the disappointments, and being more trusting when I do reach out, I am more likely to get upset if I do get "burned".

Between your responses and my thoughts, I'm going to add a goal of keeping my idealistic attitude, no matter what. I want to add to nursing, and not get jaded by the negatives. I will focus on what I can do, and let other people do their own thing. You guys are right, as I should know better-we each earn our own path/reputation. Thanks again. You guys are great.

[donsterRN, ASN, BSN]

You all have made me feel so much better, and thank you for wishing me well-the same to you!

I think I started nursing school with a very idealistic attitude about nursing. I do have a great deal of respect for nurses, and I elevate them (subconsciously), assuming nurses to be with higher values/morals, etc. It's an honor to me to even be studying nursing. So, I do think I'm more sensitive to the disappointments, and being more trusting when I do reach out, I am more likely to get upset if I do get "burned".

Between your responses and my thoughts, I'm going to add a goal of keeping my idealistic attitude, no matter what. I want to add to nursing, and not get jaded by the negatives. I will focus on what I can do, and let other people do their own thing. You guys are right, as I should know better-we each earn our own path/reputation. Thanks again. You guys are great.

This is an incredibly thoughtful, insightful post. Thank you for making it. Continued success!

[Daytonite, BSN, RN]

You are going to find all kinds of people with all kinds of behavior working as nurses. It's part of the interest of the profession. You will see nurses who cut corners and throw the nursing rules out the window. Sometimes you may feel very discouraged especially when some of these people try to talk you into coming over to play on their side of the fence. It doesn't mean you have to. It's like finding a bag of money on the street. Do you keep it or do the right thing and give it back to the person it belongs to? Ethics are an interesting thing. For all of my career I followed the rules and principles I was taught in school. I slept better at night. The only time you can enforce rules is when you are in a position of some power like supervision or management. Even then, there are still rules that have to be followed when using the power and authority. What I found as a manager was that not every employee is as interested or sincere about following the rules as I was (which is why I got promoted). As I started out saying. . .you will find all kinds of people with all kinds of behavior working as nurses. You can only be true to yourself.

[Melinurse]

You are going to find all kinds of people with all kinds of behavior working as nurses. It's part of the interest of the profession. You will see nurses who cut corners and throw the nursing rules out the window. Sometimes you may feel very discouraged especially when some of these people try to talk you into coming over to play on their side of the fence. It doesn't mean you have to. It's like finding a bag of money on the street. Do you keep it or do the right thing and give it back to the person it belongs to? Ethics are an interesting thing. For all of my career I followed the rules and principles I was taught in school. I slept better at night. The only time you can enforce rules is when you are in a position of some power like supervision or management. Even then, there are still rules that have to be followed when using the power and authority. What I found as a manager was that not every employee is as interested or sincere about following the rules as I was (which is why I got promoted). As I started out saying. . .you will find all kinds of people with all kinds of behavior working as nurses. You can only be true to yourself.

:DVery very very well said. I agree with what Donster & Daytonite wrote prior as well. When these types of people get out into the real world it will all catch up to them. And the NCLEX, it is cheat proof.:wink2: Just worry about yourself and focus on your education, in the end, that is all that matters.

[amjowens]

I'm going to print and keep this thread as a reminder for myself. You have all been very insightful, and I appreciate your experience and wisdom. I have a long haul ahead (final semester of LPN program this fall, then starting regular RN program in Jan.). Your replies on this thread I'm sure will only become more valuable to me in the years ahead.

Fortunately, the nursing programs (both LPN and RN) are really good and part of a large college (Owens CC), so there are strict policies for dealing with cheating, etc. So, if need be, I do have resources for dealing with big problems, but thank you guys for taking seriously and helping me with more individual coping strategies.

[pagandeva2000, LPN]

You will meet people like this throughout your nursing career; (meaning that there will be the slackers that somehow receive more recognition and rewards more than those that really earn their way) may it be in school or in the workplace. You did nothing wrong, you tried to help this person and she took advantage. But, next time, you'll know better. As mentioned earlier, you have caller ID, and bottom line is that you have to think for yourself first. This is your opportunity to obtain your nursing license.

Keep in mind, though, that if you walk in confidence, there will be people who will notice your work ethic and reward you. Leave this loser alone.